Comments on: There Once Was a Girl From Nantucket

By: Schrödinger’s Cat is Dead » Blog Archive » Poetry, dammit!

Schrödinger’s Cat is Dead » Blog Archive » Poetry, dammit! — Wed, 13 Apr 2005 13:59:25 +0000

[...] poet of arguable calibre, have so far been silent on this issue, except for contributing a limerick about rectum bleaching. I can’t s [...]

By: Quill

Quill — Fri, 08 Apr 2005 06:33:42 +0000

*sneaks back in* and, after some thought …

A girl quite fond of Bec Cole
Disliked the tone of her hole
The medical analysis
Re: sphincter paralysis
To rectify would cost her a roll!

Note: Beccy Cole is a very popular Aussie country singer

By: Alley Rat

Alley Rat — Fri, 08 Apr 2005 02:29:51 +0000

all of you are geniuses.

By: Quill

Quill — Fri, 08 Apr 2005 02:25:39 +0000

OK. *flexes* Not as good as Heliologue, by a long chalk, and lacking the challenge words, but still… here’s my attempt.

A young Aussie biologist
To her boyfriend became an apologist
Till she bleached her brown rectum
The pale end of the spectrum
A good thing she now dates a proctologist!

By: Foobarski

Foobarski — Wed, 06 Apr 2005 20:59:56 +0000

Alternate final couplet:

This brings a consequence I was not seeking
I must now wear Depends®. My ass is leaking.

By: Foobarski

Foobarski — Wed, 06 Apr 2005 19:48:26 +0000

Limericks are all good and well, but what about a sonnet?

It seems that I’m imperfect, oh, alas
My loving partner deigns to tell me so.
Specifically, he finds fault with my ass
I needs must bleach my exit hole below.

I take the jug of Clorox from the shelf,
The turkey baster likewise I avail.
Bend over, spread my cheeks and spray myself
‘Til sphincter is a lighter shade of pale.

And yet it stings and burns and makes me cry,
And brings me naught but pain; certain no joy.
I do this for my man. I have to try
To keep up with the coochies in Playboy.

And now I see the product of my action,
My anus doth resemble Michael Jackson.

By: Terry

Terry — Wed, 06 Apr 2005 05:56:37 +0000

A slutty young tart from Australia
While partaking in kinky bacchanalia
Was told with a frown
“Your pooper’s too brown.”
She said, “Yes, but when bleached they may fail ya.”

A regretful girl on an uncomfortable journey
Told a stranger from her hospital gurney
“Even with a fresh glow,
it’s still an asshole you know.”
He said “I know. I’m Michael Jackson’s attorney.”

By: Terry

Terry — Wed, 06 Apr 2005 05:50:34 +0000

A slutty young tart from Australia
While partaking in kinky bacchanalia
Was told with a frown
“Your pooper’s too brown.”
She said, “Yes, but when bleached they may fail ya.”

By: Phoenician in a time of Romans

Phoenician in a time of Romans — Wed, 06 Apr 2005 03:14:07 +0000

A young frat boy who bleached his own arse,
described the event as a farce.
“It wasn’t the stinging,
the skid marks or clinging –
I now carry my balls in these jars.”

By: Justine

Justine — Wed, 06 Apr 2005 02:56:07 +0000

Very nice Heliologue! (Or as we would say in .au ‘noice’).

But, in order to give it a place-based authenticity, could we change ‘asshole’ to ‘arsehole’ in the 3rd stanza? Australians pronounce and spell it the way the Brits do. It doesn’t change the scansion.