The Woman Can Tell a Story

Chuck and I can refer to the Domestic Partner Black Vinyl Ripple Probe and know exactly what the other person is talking about, laughing hysterically at all the non-blogging, non-geeks in our presence. And because we can do so without feeling too geeky or guilty, I can tell you this with great confidence.

This woman can tell a story, even about manipulating your husband as per the directions of O magazine.

The major article was written by a W. Bruce Cameron. Entitled “How to Get Through to a Man,” it promises to “let us in on a few proven strategies.” Trying to preempt the strident natterings from man-haters, he trumps us them by saying, “You may call it manipulation – we call it applied psychology.”

The article was broken up into helpfully titled sections. Each title was a bit of dialogue us ladies can use for the purposes of psychological application…

Section Three we didn’t do because the kids were around and all the simpering I was doing had the odd effect of making me not want to be a pricktease for half an hour before letting him fuck me, as per W. Cameron Bruce’s instructions. However, if you choose to go this route, it is important to be totally submissive in bed. W. Cameron Bruce is concerned that Steve might think I’m easy. I don’t want Steve to think I’m easy, so I’m hoping he’s forgotten the times he saw my vagina dialated to ten centimeters. I’m so embarrassed about not wanting to keep my legs closed then. I hope he doesn’t think passing another man out my birth canal is slutty.

I was eating an apple when I read this post. It is a good thing I chew slowly — if a larger chunk of apple came through my nose I may have ended up in the hospital.