I don’t drink Starbucks. We have too many little coffee shops in town that I love to support to submit myself to Starbucks coffee. Nonetheless, as per my usual order of a grande soy latte with Irish Creme, the Starbucks Oracle labels me:
Personality type: Hippie
In addition to being a hippie, you are a hypochondriac health nut. You secretly think that your insistence on only consuming all-natural products is because you’re so intelligent and well-informed; it’s actually because you’re a sucker. You’ve dabbled in Wicca or other pseudo-religions that attract morons and have changed your sexual orientation a few times this year. You probably live in California. Everyone who drinks Grande Soy Latte with Irish Creme should be forced to eat a McDonald’s bacon cheeseburger.
Also drinks: Beverages with lots of marketing that says they’re herbal and organic
Can also be found at: Whole Foods, indoor rock climbing facilities
The funny thing is that none of this is true. I’m definitely not a hippie, a hypochondriac, or a health nut. I don’t insist on ingesting organic foods, I’ve never dabbled in Wicca, and have always been of one boring sexual orientation.
I drink soy because cow milk makes me fart. Too bad the oracle didn’t forsee that one.