A Note

Devastatingly obvious, I know, but this seems rather impractical.

Author: Lauren has written 1251 posts for this blog.

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53 Responses

  1. 1
    Leanne 11.17.2005 at 11:53 pm |

    Oh sweet lord.

  2. 2
    Hugo 11.17.2005 at 11:57 pm |

    I agree. Who in their right mind would wear it in yellow?

  3. 3
    Hugo 11.18.2005 at 12:01 am |

    Oh, and someday I’m going to entertain my wife by wearing this:

    http://www.vizeau.com/v125.htm

    Lauren, how on earth did you come to this treasure of a site?

  4. 4
    RandomGuy 11.18.2005 at 12:20 am |

    Can’t speak for the thing Hugo found, but I am totally getting one of the first item posted… at least, when I shed enough shame to spend that much on that little. What a rediculous price.

  5. 5
    Heliologue 11.18.2005 at 12:55 am |

    Well, that meets my mostly-naked males for the rest of my life.

  6. 6
    Heliologue 11.18.2005 at 12:59 am |

    I should also point out that if you have no butt (like me) or are decently well hung (well, you’ll have to take my word for it), a “sling” isn’t simply impractical, it’s implausible.

  7. 7
    KnifeGhost 11.18.2005 at 1:15 am |

    I’m not a fan of their sizing, either.

    They have no “extra-large” — which some would argue is a good thing given what they’re selling — and their cut-off for where “large: ends is low. For shirts, at least. Their “large” tops out at 43″, so barrel-chested guys are SOL.

  8. 8
    KnifeGhost 11.18.2005 at 1:17 am |

    Although this is hot:

    http://www.vizeau.com/e32.htm

    There’s NO WAY this is targeted at the straight market.

  9. 9
    ipsofacto 11.18.2005 at 1:22 am |

    does anyone have a spoon they could lend me, I can’t say it’ll be bloodless after i’m through…I may not make it to the sink with my eyes gouged out…

  10. 10
    RandomGuy 11.18.2005 at 1:31 am |

    Actually, Heliologue…(*ponders whether or not he can put this delicately*), you have to be moderately well hung in order to reasonably (and without extreme discomfort) pull this off (er, so to speak). You see, if there isn’t enough of an, erm, anchor, you can’t really control the position of the garment, or keep it from changing in a very uncomfortable way, or keep it from shifting in a very unsightly way (well, unsightly to those who don’t desire the sight) ((this is more of a problem than the former if your, erm, anchor, isn’t always consistently, erm, anchored)). There’s one exception to this, if you get a size (of garment) that’s actually too small (even for the lesser-endowed man), in which case you sacrifice baseline comfort in order to limit peak discomfort (guarantee that it will be rather uncomfortable, but won’t get any worse or any more revealing).

    Seriously. As disturbing as this dialogue may be, I’m not kidding (for a change). You need a decently built garment-anchor to where this sort of thing stylishly* and with minimum discomfort. The only problem that extremely-built anchors (or extremely excited men) will have is that it might reveal more than the manufacturer intended. But, in this case it can actually be plenty comfortable, as long as the fabric is sewn together and/or reinforced in the right places (and not the wrong ones).

    I can’t speak for this particular brand, but at least this _type_ of garment does not necessarily exclude the well-hung male looking for modern style.

    Don’t give up! Keep shopping until you find a brand (or a seamster/seamstress) that fits your needs.

    Oh, and if you don’t believe me, stop by Piedmont Park in Atlanta on a Sunday morning. You’ll see these garments worn by men of all shapes and sizes (yes, all shapes, as well as all sizes).

    *Okay, so to some degree, a person is either going to think this sort of thing stylish or not regardless of whose wearing it. But the same is true of certain types of top typically worn by females.

  11. 11
    RandomGuy 11.18.2005 at 1:34 am |

    Oops. ‘regardless of who is’, not “whose”. My apologies.

  12. 12
    karpad 11.18.2005 at 4:50 am |

    There’s NO WAY this is targeted at the straight market.

    there’s no way it’s targeted at human beings.

    christ, it’s like Peter Chung’s character design sketchbook.

  13. 13
    Josh 11.18.2005 at 6:07 am |

    OMG.

  14. 14
    Elaine 11.18.2005 at 9:38 am |

    THAT WAS NOT WORK SAFE!!!!!!

  15. 15
    The Liberal Avenger 11.18.2005 at 9:44 am |

    The music on that page alone had me flying at half mast.

  16. 16
    agog 11.18.2005 at 10:27 am |

    Dammit, now I have to dry off my desk…

  17. 17
    ALadyWhoLikesToRead 11.18.2005 at 10:33 am |

    There’s NO WAY this is targeted at the straight market.

    The music on that page alone had me flying at half mast.

    LOL! I have to agree with both of these posts. I’d like to know WHERE you found this little gem of a website. :-) The Girls will appreciate this little diversion, on a boring Friday afternoon! (yeah, it’s sexist, but presentation is everything and knowing your audience is even more critical to success.)

    Personally, i like the Style Savage, Rio-inspired cutout strapped swimmer brief (the red & green number) but HATE the name. Hmmm, what was the name of that photographer who loved mandigo type models? Maplethorpe? (perhaps he’s channeling …)

  18. 18
    Heliologue 11.18.2005 at 10:35 am |

    I can’t tell if the guy in the linked picture is in the throes of vanity-induced euphoria, or if that yellow rubber band he’s wearing is pulling him the wrong way.

  19. 19
    Lab Kat 11.18.2005 at 10:59 am |

    Double-sided tape should be included with the item.

  20. 20
    Sophist 11.18.2005 at 11:11 am |

    So, do they sell models for liberals too? Because that one is clearly for people who, uh…lean to the right.

  21. 21
    ratan 11.18.2005 at 11:36 am |

    “Now you can dress in the latest Hentai style! Coming soon: discount mass quantity sale for you tentacle needs!”

  22. 22
    other Ryan 11.18.2005 at 12:19 pm |

    There’s NO WAY this is targeted at the straight market.

    Uuuuh, and you think the gays find that sexy?!?

  23. 23
    Jill 11.18.2005 at 12:41 pm | *

    Who in their right mind would wear it in yellow?

    Gives a new meaning to the term “banana hammock,” doesn’t it?

  24. 24
    Tanooki Joe 11.18.2005 at 1:48 pm |

    Dammit, now I have to dry off my desk…

    Now, we all find the pictures arosing, but…

  25. 25
    sara 11.18.2005 at 2:34 pm |

    I never should have clicked on that at work….!!

  26. 26
    a nut 11.18.2005 at 3:18 pm |

    Umm, have any of you seen this page? It’s kinda funny.

  27. 27
    Leanne 11.18.2005 at 3:53 pm |

    So, do they sell models for liberals too? Because that one is clearly for people who, uh…lean to the right.

    This might be the funniest comment section I have ever read. I am going to go browse on this website – each link gets more and more bizarre.

  28. 28
    Leanne 11.18.2005 at 3:56 pm |

    Oh… this too.

    He is trying so hard to be hot and masculine but he really can’t get over the fact that he is wearing that thing.

  29. 29
    Laurie 11.18.2005 at 4:23 pm |

    Has anyone else noticed that the actual clothing items appear to be rather, um, computer generated? As opposed to actually being worn on the models’ bodies? Speaking as someone who has worked with lycra (and clothing in general), something seems just *wrong* with the way it looks….

    I’m pretty sure this is NOT targeted to the straight audience, but can’t think of single a gay man I’ve ever known who would wear any of it, either.

  30. 30
    Jason 11.18.2005 at 4:33 pm |

    THAT WAS NOT WORK SAFE!!!!!!

    I just showed it to my colleauges. It was a hit! Some new feministe fans.

  31. 31
    Mark 11.18.2005 at 4:40 pm |

    I can assure you that, no matter the size of your unit, that would require a great deal of … well, “adjustment” throughout the day.

    Either that or a roll of double-sided tape.

    The Mrs. will not be seeing me in one of those … and I’m sure her retinas are thankful.

    MM
    ~~:)

  32. 32
    KnifeGhost 11.18.2005 at 5:13 pm |

    Other Ryan: There’s often a big difference between what’s targeted at a gay market, and what gay men as an aggregate find sexy. Traditional porn is clearly aimed at a straight male audience, but there are lots of straight males who don’t find it sexy.

  33. 33
    Amanda 11.18.2005 at 5:40 pm |

    I think I’m in love.

  34. 34
    Julie 11.18.2005 at 6:07 pm |

    Jill, I am dying… it really does give a whole new meaning to that term. I am glad I wasn’t drinking anything, I think my computer would’ve been soaked.

  35. 35
    David Thompson 11.18.2005 at 6:08 pm |

    Wait, I thought absurdly frivolous underwear was Jill’s meme?

  36. 36
    Lauren 11.18.2005 at 6:23 pm |

    David, I’m versatile.

  37. 37
    B Moe 11.18.2005 at 6:44 pm |

    All right, I am just going to come right out and say it:
    It would take alot of balls to wear that yellow thing.

    I

  38. 38
    Lis Riba 11.18.2005 at 7:45 pm |

    *giggle*

    Thanks for a much-needed laugh after an angering day. [details on my blog]

    For some reason, I’m imagining the wearer getting or losing a hard-on and that thing slingshotting off like a rubber-band… Ow.

  39. 39
    EricP 11.18.2005 at 7:55 pm |

    If they weren’t so pricey, something like that would great a joke for my GF. Her reaction would be priceless. Unfortunately at those prices plus S&H…. I’d rather buy her some nice undies.

  40. 40
    Roxanne 11.18.2005 at 9:05 pm |

    oh, i dunno. What does the back look like?

  41. 41
    EricP 11.18.2005 at 9:13 pm |

    oh, i dunno. What does the back look like?

    Some of them have back pictures this one doesn’t. Either the it has an “underwire” or the guy has a serious wedgy.

  42. 42
    Anne 11.18.2005 at 10:00 pm |

    I know what I’m getting the partner for XMas. HOT.

  43. 43
    B Moe 11.19.2005 at 12:11 am |

    For some reason, I’m imagining the wearer getting or losing a hard-on and that thing slingshotting off like a rubber-band… Ow.

    LMFAO!

  44. 44
    Roxanne 11.19.2005 at 6:48 am |

    I showed my husband the link and he’s proclaimed said item “ridiculous.” Of course, he’s hasn’t seen the back yet.

  45. 45
    Redneck Feminist (drumgurl) 11.19.2005 at 11:13 am |

    Bring on the objectification! I, for one, love it. I know what I’m getting my fiance for his birthday.

  46. 46
    Joan of Argghh! 11.19.2005 at 4:10 pm |

    This, I think, takes the prize…

    http://www.vizeau.com/e29.htm

    However, it is obviously digitized artwork and not real apparel. I wonder why??

  47. 47
    EricP 11.19.2005 at 4:46 pm |

    However, it is obviously digitized artwork and not real apparel. I wonder why??

    I would assume the the “pouch” would show a lot more “twig and berries” (old SNL joke) which might damage some poor sensitive person. This would be a concern for some retailers. The “pouch” looks like there is a balloon in there instead of a normal dick and balls. Given the site doubt that that was the issue. They were probably trying to save money, bought stock photographs and digitally added their products. Either that or they knew some of of their items were unwearable and decided it was safer from a marketing POV to add them digitally.

  48. 48
    Lux Fiat 11.19.2005 at 10:14 pm |

    For some reason, I’m imagining the wearer getting or losing a hard-on and that thing slingshotting off like a rubber-band… Ow.

    I don’t know, I think it would be more like instant yellow garter. So there’d still be someplace to stick the dollar bills, which is key.

  49. 49
    StealthBadger 11.20.2005 at 10:20 am |

    Seems kinda like any “sexah” attire – sure, it’s meant to be worn, but the whole idea is eventually getting to the moment of removing it!

    For some reason, I’m imagining the wearer getting or losing a hard-on and that thing slingshotting off like a rubber-band… Ow.

    Erm… Or it removing itself? Kinda like the Perdue roaster timers?

    This was almost a three-snarf thread, BTW. Damn you all. :D

  50. 50
    Mister Nice Guy 11.20.2005 at 8:58 pm |

    So, this is where the Legion of Super-Heroes shop. I’d often wondered.

  51. 51
    Feisty Republican Whore 11.21.2005 at 2:41 am |

    XXX Stocking stuffer action

    For that special someone who possesses larger than average, um, X and a Y chromosomes.

  52. 52
    Lauren 11.22.2005 at 3:32 pm |

    Oof, just found a new one.

  53. 53
    Robert 11.22.2005 at 5:02 pm |

    Please, for the love of God, stop.

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