That advice to the girl with the stalker migth as well have been, “Just keep running, little girl, because there’s nothing you can do.” Soneone brought up above the idea that he might be a danger to other people in the neighborhood? How come it’s not enough that he’s a danger to her? How come it’s not enough that he might inconveniance a woman? It’s not that it doesn’t matter, it’s that it’s almost like that’s what’s supposed to happen. What, are women supposed to deflect male violence off of other people? Ordo we just not count as people? *stupid question, I know. And no, I’m not saying that that poster said that, it’s just this attitude that it’s not important unless it happens to a man, a dog, a virgin, or maybe a woman, if the wind is blowing right and it’s a slow news day.

I wonder if anybody is really paying attention to the sex lives of women in their 40s and 50s.

Men in their 40s and 50s tend to pay very close attention to the sex lives of women in their 40s and 50s. Nobody probably studies it because at this point we pretty much have it figured out.^^

It would seem to me that this young man is obviously unbalanced, and needs to be reported to the appropriate authorities. He sounds delusional and one step away from being truly, truly dangerous. And if he is a danger to this young woman, he is a danger to the rest of the frickin’ NEIGHBORHOOD!

First, his mother needs to be made aware of this. Note the well socialized girl/woman’s need not to “make trouble”? This young woman doesn’t even want to bring this abberant behaviour to his mother’s attention because it might cause tension. His mother may very well be *relieved* if someone else makes the move and confirms her feeling that there’s just something not right with her eldest boy. If that doesn’t help, or if the mother gets belligerent, she needs to log the incidents and then complaints need to be lodged with the appropriate authorities.

This girl moved back to her *parent’s house*, fer gods’ sake! Where she (apparently) grew up. A place that SHOULD, for most normal families, be a refuge from the craziness that the world can dish out. SHE shouldn’t be compelled to move because the looney next door has a fixation on her! Think about it: even if she moves out and has no contact with *him* on a regular basis, what happens if she visits her parents? What happens to their dogs if this kid ever gets his hands on a real gun and wants to extract revenge for her “leaving” him? What about any other young woman in the area? There is no guarantee that he isn’t doing this same thing to half a dozen other young women, as he obviously has some transportation.

No, I think Pru really fucked up on this one. There is a difference between “harmless wierdo” and “disaster waiting to happen”, and my guts say it’s the latter in this case. And doesn’t the advice go “trust your guts”?

Sadly, I have to agree with Prudence on the advice she gave to the woman being stalked. It’s fucked up, yes. I think it’s awful.

But getting a restraining order will not protect you from stalkers. It just won’t. It creates a paper trail, but it will not put guards at your door. The truly deranged stalker is likely to be enraged by the restraining order and it may be just the thing to kick him over the line into violence. And then what? The guy lives next door, and appears to be mentally disturbed – not to mention he thinks he’s in training as a sniper for the army, and probably figures he’s above the law. He’s going to see this girl every day. He’s not going to just forget about her. He’s not going to get over it.

This girl needs to get away fast. And we need to create a system that can actually restrain these motherfuckers. But by all means encourage this girl to think of her safety first.

I do agree with you, but the problem is that Prudence assumes that moving is an option, and she doesn’t give this young woman any other tools with which to deal with this man. If she simply can’t move, then she’s in a total bind, and Prudie didn’t give her anything else to work with. Many people — myself included — would not be able to just pick up and walk away if someone was stalking or harassing us.

But getting a restraining order will not protect you from stalkers. It just won’t. It creates a paper trail, but it will not put guards at your door. The truly deranged stalker is likely to be enraged by the restraining order and it may be just the thing to kick him over the line into violence. And then what? The guy lives next door, and appears to be mentally disturbed – not to mention he thinks he’s in training as a sniper for the army, and probably figures he’s above the law. He’s going to see this girl every day. He’s not going to just forget about her. He’s not going to get over it.

This girl needs to get away fast. And we need to create a system that can actually restrain these motherfuckers. But by all means encourage this girl to think of her safety first.

Good plan. Save your money for other things. The word on post-menopausal women is use it or lose it and based on my non-random sample, most of us aren’t planning on losing it.