In fact in my family things were rather the other way round, I and my little sister succeeded effortlessly but my middle sister didn’t. She had to struggle a lot through highschool years, and ended up finishing a lower branch of highschool (I’m from Germany). There were some (emotionaly) brutal years because this was a catastrophe to my mother, for whom it was granted that her kids would go to university. But it suited her better and she is going through college (which is kind of lower branch university in Germany) now.
So I heartily second your observation about alternative routes that fit you better (even if coming from a different angle). I believe the important bit is to stay in the process to not stop learning and loving ideas.

Thank you for this post! It’s an inspiration.

Have you ever heard of the book “Limbo” by Alfred Lubrano? It’s about folks from working class backgrounds who entered the realm of the middle class—and how they did, or (mostly) didn’t assimilate. It’s a good read, and very familiar to me. My folks are “limbo” people—both have degrees (working their way through school on factory jobs), neither had a traditional route to the place they are, and both were the only people in their families who had degrees, until one of my aunts, a single mother of four on welfare whose husband was incarcerated, made the long journey towards becoming an RN, beginning with earning her GED. I could relate to the writer above who said that although her parents had degrees, they still had working class ideas about education—like a degree being a ticket to a better paycheck and less physically dangerous/demanding working conditions. And not knowing how to instruct their children to run the obstacle course of applying for college, or what constitutes a good college, or whatever. I was an adult before I realized that different colleges were “known” for different things—I had always assumed that if a college was known as a “top” school, that meant it was “top” in everything! Anyway, my parents never have assimilated into the middle class, either culturally or financially. Neither have I. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

I chose the path that I did (apprenticeship in the trades) for several reasons, and the prohibitive cost of college was only one of them. Job security was a major motivator for me, because although work in the trades can be spotty at times, especially during a bad economy, it’s a skill that travels well, and with a union card, you don’t have to run the gauntlet of job interviews—a plus for me, because I positively suck at selling myself and schmoozing with folks—just let me work, y’know? My visual/spatial ability exceeds my ability to turn a phrase, sooo…I thought the trades would be just the right place for me. I also wanted the more relatively level playing field of the trades—your work is visible on a daily basis, and no matter who you are, the scale is the same—my paycheck doesn’t reflect that “lack-of-penis-penalty” that it would if I were in a white-collar (mostly nonunion) field. As a woman in the trades, I have to walk a fine line between masculine/feminine traits, and yes, I do have to put forth some effort with tradesmen I haven’t worked with before—but I have never had to wear the type of mask that would be required of me in a different realm. And I like that, because I have no talent for that (mind you, I’m not making a judgement call here—it is a skill to be able to do that—code-shift—and while I can do that in speech, I can’t in manner or appearance, and that can make all the difference.)

My choice was supported by my father, but I don’t think my mother has ever come to peace with it—every time I blow off steam about my job, she always makes reference to “what I should do with my life, instead of what I’m doing—and trust me, I’m doing what I love. I don’t dig the sexist attitudes of the superindendents, but I love my work and the brothers and sisters I work with. I think it’s a status thing with her. She never assimilated, but she was still able to internalize certain middle-class mores, such as “if you don’t have an official education, you’re not really educated”. She was the one who was vehemently opposed to my taking Industrial Ed. in junior high and high school–she refused to sign the permission slip, so I couldn’t take the courses. (no, my father wouldn’t sign either, but that was more about my mother’s “line-in-the-sand” attitude). So, when she gets together with the other retirees, and they brag about what their kids have done with their lives—I guess she doesn’t get to say much. Even though in our (very-extended) family circle, she brags quite a bit. She knows that what are considered accomplishments in our world, aren’t considered anything in other worlds. She is very proud of my making it financially on my own though.

I’d be very careful about assuming what someone’s attitude toward education is based on how formally educated that person is. (not that you do this, Lauren. It’s just a common theme.) My large, extended family has (for the most part) a great attitude toward education, and loves to talk and exchange ideas. Most are very articulate, read a lot, and are superb critical thinkers. But let’s face it—a college degree doesn’t guarantee anyone a job these days, much less a good paying job with benefits. For a person without that middle-class financial safety net, attending college is more of a gamble than entering a trade, going to technical school, entering the military, or taking a union job such as say…..prison guard. There are a helluva lot of working-class autodidacts. (There must be. Somebody is keeping all those midwest Barnes & Nobles afloat!)

My own experience? A little bit different… I grew up in a family where no one was college educated, but my father was extremely bright and he and my mother both intsilled in me a love of reading, politics, etc… It was always a given that I would go to college, so at the age of 18 I headed to a four year Christian college. I was there only because it was expected, not because I wanted to be, so I rarely attended classes and ended up with a 1.9 GPA. Yikes! My second semester I found myself pregnant, and then miscarried. I wound up in a depression I couldn’t shake and left school, moved in with my boyfriend (which consequently got me disowned by my father) and took a job doing direct care with the developmentally disabled to help pay my half of the bills. After 9 months I decided to head back to school, part time at first and then full time. I was married at age 20, finished my associate degree with a 4.0 at a community college at age 21, transferred to a four year school where I took summer classes and huge course loads and graduated with a BA the summer after my 22cnd birthday. I worked probably between 30-40 hours the whole time (doing direct care, working in afterschool programs for kids with disabilities, babysitting a young boy with autism). I now work for a non-profit agency that helps people with developmental disabilities (sort of my passion, can you tell?) as the developmental disabilities specialist. I have a sister that will graduate from the University of Rochester with a degree in neurobiology next May and a sister who will be attending college next fall with a double degree in English and Communication disorders. All of us have put ourselves or will put ourselves through college because my parents don’t believe it’s a parent’s responsibility to do so. (Although I did get 5000 my first semester because the college I was attending was so expensive and they had just sold our old house).

I’m normally a lurker, but finally I can’t help myself – this is something I consider extensively – coming from a family that cherishes education and living with someone who is scorns academic achievement as over-valued.

My mother’s family is extremely well-educated, several generations back, my father’s siblings are the first to go through college. Interestingly enough, my mother was the 60s single mom and my father quit seminary and waited 20 years to start his bachelor’s degree.

My father got his PhD in his 50s – he’s our pride and joy. When we’re not trying to one-up each other in debates, we’re talking up our academic achievements. My partner’s family is so different – it’s frustrating to respect his perspective that education doesn’t make one better able to handle the world at large…I have learned to appreciate it more, but I certainly fight my familial instinct to assume that education makes right, so to speak.

I could go on and on about the differences and challenges with our different backgrounds, but I’d like to instead with you, Lauren, the best of luck with your career and a big hooray!!

What are your thoughts? It’s about expectations for black teen moms vs white teen moms, sort of.

Both of my parents graduated from college and one has two advanced degrees. That I am expected to graduate isn’t the right way to put it. It is assumed that I will graduate, it wasn’t ever said outright as far as I can remember, but I’m dropping out anyway.

I grew up very privileged.