Comments on: A Different Anti-Choice Strategy

By: elisabeth

elisabeth — Sun, 22 Jan 2006 02:54:53 +0000

Reading this article in the NYT really, really enraged me. A few scattered thoughts, poorly verbalized:

I had an abortion a little over two years ago. I was in graduate school, not ready or willing to have a child, and as soon as I knew I was pregnant I knew what I was going to do.

But that doesn’t mean the choice I made was easy- and that’s what pro-lifers would want to believe about women who have had abortions. It was really fucking hard on me, and it still is. I don’t regret it, but I don’t feel good about it.

One thing about my experience: I got incredibly depressed after my abortion. For days afterwards, I cried more than I have ever cried before or since. I was utterly heartbroken, completely devastated- it was very surreal, considering how sure I was that I didn’t want to have a baby.

In other words, there IS a hormonal crash after abortion, and the pro-life movement KNOWS that and capitalizes on that, and it disgusts me. And maybe we need to acknowledge that- acknowledge that abortion is hard and heartbreaking.

ANY unplanned pregnancy is an extremely difficult ordeal, regardless of the circumstances or outcome. No woman would ever choose to get pregnant so that she could abort the pregnancy. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a pro-life person say that. Why do you think that is?

By: Teri

Teri — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 13:43:42 +0000

Just wondering how everyone can see the “lies” of the crisis pregnancy centers and not those of the abortion clinic. A clump of tissue? Not a baby?

I had an abortion and I saw my baby..it was a boy. No one told me the development or what was going to happen during the abortion. Women deserve the truth from both sides.That is
the only way they can make a true choice.

I also cannot believe the denial of the impact aboriton has on som ewomen..they blame on their faith, their relationships, everything but the fact that they have terminated a pregnancy.

If you want to talk about choice look at both sides….

By: Alas, a blog » Blog Archive » Link Farm and Open Thread #6

Alas, a blog » Blog Archive » Link Farm and Open Thread #6 — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 11:16:27 +0000

[...] w. I’ve been debating the question with some folks in the comments of Cathy Young’s blog. Lies, Coercion, and Disrespect: Crisis Pregnancy Centers At Work [...]

By: another lynne

another lynne — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 15:02:39 +0000

philosophizer – I hear you. So many of us feel this way. But I honestly believe that we need to break out of this culture of fear.

I believe that by staying silent, by staying afraid, we do the work of the anti-choicers for them. We reinforce the message that women who have had an abortion should feel shame.

While I’m not suggesting that we put our names and addresses out there in the world, maybe we should be putting our stories out there. Not as justifications, but as a counter to the anti-choice rhetoric. Let’s start talking about how we felt at the time, and how we feel now. And I don’t mean just those stories where abortion is the outcome, but also the stories where abortion was considered and, for whatever reason, not chosen.

If we (those who have been through this) don’t speak up for ourselves, how can we expect others to do it for us? How can we expect young girls to know and believe that it is their right to control their own sexuality, sexual expression and reproduction if we don’t tell them our stories?

By: Julie

Julie — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 00:30:34 +0000

Stuff like this so extremely frustrating to me!! When I was a freshman in college I found myself thinking I could be pregnant (I was in fact, but didn’t know it at the time). I was also very anti-abortion, and so took myself to the nearest crisis pregnancy center to have a pregnancy test, because I was thoroughly convinced that planned parenthood wouldn’t let me leave until I’d had an abortion or some other nonsense. The woman was awful, patronizing, etc… I got this huge ass lecture about how I shouldn’t have had sex (ok, fine, but how does that help me now???) and shown a video about fetal development, despite my assurances that she was preaching to the choir and I was well aware, and was then escorted to the bathroom where I was given a pregnancy test that I had to do myself and watch the results. When it came back negative, she proceeded to tell the friend who came with me the results (Hello? Can we say privacy?) and acted like I was an idiot for even thinking I was pregnant (which was confirmed the next week by an actual doctor. I was so incredibly unimpressed, it’s hard to even describe.
Now that being said, I think there is an important place for organizations that can do this honestly and without judgement. First, it’s good to have specialization. Planned parenthood can’t do everything and since their focus is on the family planning/prevention and termination services as well as prenatal care, it’s good to have organizations that will focus on adoption end as well as helping with the material things such as maternity clothes, baby clothes, formula, diapers, etc… It would be great if some of them could provide prenatal care too, so that there were more choices for women who needed low cost care. Plus, while it’s ideal for a place to offer all services, there are a lot of anti-abortiion women and even some pro-choice ones who feel uncomfortable receiving prenatal care from an abortion provider and would rather go someplace that specialized in bringing pregnancies to term.
Bkwrym, I’m very sorry that you had to go through that. About 6 months ago, we found out that the child I was carrying wouldn’t survive long after birth, we were given an estimate of 10-15 minutes at the most. The doctor suggested a D&E, but I was fairly far along at the time and I was pretty uncomfotable with the idea, so I instead elected for an early induction. He had renal agensis (no kidneys) in addition to a host of other multiple problems, but because he had no kidneys he wasn’t producing amniotic fluid so everytime he moved he would bang against my uterus and become brusied. I couldn’t see allowing him to suffer and the pregnancy was considered very high risk to me as well. The accusations that were hurled against people in my situation were horrifying. In fact, I met another woman who had made a similar choice a couple months prior to me and the things said to her were cruel beyond belief. I carried him for 5 weeks knowing he would die after he was born and it’s nothing I would ever force another woman to do. Ever. I don’t regret the choice to deliver my son early and a lot of people act like I should, but in the end, I did what was right for me AND the child I was carrying and I am comfortable with that. I know what a painful time/decision it can be though, so if you ever need someone to talk to I am here. I am so very sorry you had to go through that, no one should ever be faced with those decisions.

By: Jill

Jill — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 23:41:10 +0000

Bkwyrm, I third everything Rana and Lauren said. If you're looking for someone to talk to, I would really recommend Exhale. They do great work, and it's pro-choice in nature and completely non-judgmental. Their number is 1-866-4Exhale.

By: Lauren

Lauren — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 23:00:22 +0000

Bkwyrm, I second Rana. I’m sorry they were unable to set aside any agenda to help you come to terms with your decision, especially considering that’s their purported goal. I feel the same way about the late-term debate, knowing that I have the pregnancy issues that I do I may someday have to do the same thing. The biggest digital hug I can muster from me to you.

By: Rana

Rana — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 22:43:05 +0000

Bkwyrm, that must have been a difficult experience to go through, with neither “choice” a happy one. I’m sorry that those “support” forums weren’t able to see past their own agendas to provide the space and support you needed. Consider this a belated expression of my sympathy for your experience.

By: philosophizer

philosophizer — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 22:34:31 +0000

I had an abortion, 6 weeks in, at age 20. I don’t regret it, and I was so relieved that God put me in a time/place situation where I didn’t have to carry a child. I’d love to go out and speak to people about it – the fact that many of us aren’t traumatized – but peronally, I’m afraid of being attacked and killed in the process.

By: betsy

betsy — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 19:06:44 +0000

we have let them take the emotional hook. it's particularly unfortuante because, in my experience, woman-positive clinics that provide abortions also offer services to give clients a clear view of their options before as well as support during and after. naral has rather extensive research on CPCs. there are instances where legal action has been taken. (report) for example, atty. general spitzer (ny) reached agreements with the clinics that require them to be more clear about who they are and what they do/don't offer.