I think most women don’t “squeeze in” as well as most men because we’ve been conditioned to require a larger bubble of personal space around us. In general, we have more, um, bits that people brushing or rubbing up against is considered undesireable, from a “are they doing that on purpose or really accidentally” standpoint. Case in point: I am a rather busty woman. I do NOT want to stand excessively close to a male I do not know and be bumped against, rubbed against, or possibly even groped. I do NOT want my bustline intersecting his body in any way, nor do I want my hips or bum doing the same. “But — you were right up against me like that! I thought you wanted me to do that!”

Not necessarily going to happen every time, but the potential is still there. And it only takes one asshole to wreck your day. Feh! :P

Yes. Well, sometimes the men do this. And sometimes they don’t and the woman pulls in and… I hate it when this happens, because I have to wonder if they’re putting their elbow in my ribs and rubbing their thigh against mine and all that shit because they are somehow getting off on it or something… it’s just extremely uncomfortable, that unwanted physical contact with a strange man. Usually the men that ride my bus are polite, but a week or two ago I was seriously considering whether I should punch this one guy who, no matter how I shifted, insisted on expanding to fill the space I vacated and basically lean against me. Asshole.

When I got on the bus tonight there was an older man who got on in front of me. There were three pairs of forward facing seats (the most comfortable and desirable ones, for most people) each of which had one person already sitting there. Two were men, one was a woman. This man walked by the two men and asked the woman to move over so he could sit next to her! If it had been me, I don’t know if I would have let him, given how much other space there was on the bus, next to other men.

He also made certain, even after the woman got off the bus, to sit half in the aisle. Of course his legs were quite long and despite being short myself I do recognize that problem; however he could have sat in the sideways seats to begin with! Or scooted toward the window and sat diagonally. He was jabbering on his cellphone so I had to actually shove him to get past when I got off the bus.

I really hate riding the bus with men.

Assbags have often told me that I should speak softer and less direct as it would be more feminine. What they don’t like is an assertive tone coming from the mouth of a woman.

I just had a conversation with a friend tonight about how others find me intimidating because I’m an assertive speaker in casual conversation. Of course I don’t find myself intimidating — I’m just saying what I mean and doing so rather directly (and usually loudly with what I fondly call “expression”) — but I wonder whether this would be an issue of intimidation if I were male.

About the leg spreading crotch display…that has nothing to do with “i am entitled to this”. Its uncomfortable to sit with your legs together. Scrotum stuck to your legs… Damn you, external genitalia! Damn you to hell!

My son who, by accident and not by anything else, I happen to know is well endowed like his father, had no problem sitting for long periods with his legs crossed when he was younger up to his late teens. Now that he’s twenty, I don’t think I’ve seen him sit like that for a few years I never really thought of that factor until I read that post.

I also had to be foolish enough to look up the definition of ‘shrimping’. There truly are some things I just don’t need to know.

Also, on the thread of this about feminine/masculine traits, I learned after years of unlearning submissiveness, that an assertive and sure of yourself presence whether on the phone or in person gets things done.

Assbags have often told me that I should speak softer and less direct as it would be more feminine. What they don’t like is an assertive tone coming from the mouth of a woman.

Thank god that isn’t all men or I guess I’d have to go marry one and then hope to hell he’d speak up for my needs.

About the leg spreading crotch display…that has nothing to do with “i am entitled to this”. Its uncomfortable to sit with your legs together. Scrotum stuck to your legs… Damn you, external genitalia! Damn you to hell!

My problem is more when I sit on the damn thing than getting it stuck, but that’s a different issue. Honestly, for me the leg spreading thing has less to do with any external genitalia than it does the fact that my legs don’t bloody fit in the seats. When I’m on the bus in those side-by-side seats with the other person’s back to you, I have to put my legs in the aisle because they’re too damned long.

I am aware of taking up more space as a male (good feminist education, I guess) and will try to take up as little as possible when on the train and stuff…but sometimes it’s just not possible without causing intense pain in my knees.

Holy crap I can see my preview as I type this.

I did notice that men tended to sprawl more than women, but I had kind of an interesting view. The subways all started out empty-ish and got more crowded, so when I first sat down, there was lots of space. And basically everyone was lounging comfortably — not necessarily wide-spread knees (male or female), but clearly not trying to be small. As more people got on, many of the women did tend to pull in, whereas fewer of the men did.

What I found interesting was that it actually seemed to have less to do with space-entitlement and more to do with personal space. Women would spread out as far as they could, until they came into physical contact with someone, at which point they would recoil. Men didn’t seem to care whether they were in contact with their seat neighbor. This was particularly evident when I was observing a series of two-seat rows, some with two women, some with two men, and some mixed-gender. Men overlapped one another and seemed quite comfortable to do so — shoulder over shoulder, elbow over leg, legs crossing… they didn’t seem to care. Women would touch shoulders and arms, but not knees or hands. And mixed-gender seat partners seemed to be trying to pull into themselves as much as possible.

One other interesting point is that men seemed to be smaller standers than women. They were much better about squeezing in and taking up less space when the trains got crowded. Possibly this is related to the personal space bubble thing again.

Plus, the fact that the commenters spent the first ten comments giggling about a single use of the term “pearl necklace” officially makes this the Best Site Evar.

Now think: Brad Pitt + pearl necklace.

WTF?

(Sigh)

I missed that. Ms. Vincent is a one-woman campaign against respect for others, though, so it doesn’t surprise me.

Not to excuse her language or what she seems to be implying about autism spectrum people, but I think her point was to become a little less focused on the needs and feelings of others, particularly as implied rather than clearly stated. Don’t moderate a conversation, take it and run with it.

Become a little more autistic.

WTF?

Plus, the fact that the commenters spent the first ten comments giggling about a single use of the term “pearl necklace” officially makes this the Best Site Evar.