I Don’t Know How You Parents Do It

As if the baby poop weren’t bad enough, the diaper cream has to be worse.

Remember how I mentioned that I used diaper cream for my heat rash down in Louisiana? Well, it got into my clothes and stayed there; yesterday, I put on some pants that I’d worn in the camp and had since been washed, and the chemical STANK coming off them was hideous. Still. After washing.

Just one more reason why Auntie Zu Does Not *Do* Diapers.


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20 Responses to I Don’t Know How You Parents Do It

  1. Terrance says:

    Ha-ha. Sorry, but this post had me laughing out loud. As the parent of a three-year-old, I can tell you that nothing grosses me out anymore. I have been pissed on, pooped on, vomited on, drooled on, etc., to an extent that I just deal with it without even thinking.

    Not only did my son present me with a poopy diaper on my first night as a dad, but during that first week his digestive system was still figuring out up from down. I was changing his diaper and thought he was done. So, I left the diaper open while he was on the changing table, while I reached for the wipes. Big mistake. He let out a little yelp, and the next thing I know — *WHAM!* *POW!* — you-know-what came shooting out of that little body like a canon. I was wearing black at the time, so pitcture a black turtleneck splotched with brown mustard, and you get the picture.

    Fortunately, my husband heard my screams of terror and came to the rescue, finishing the diaper change while I changed clothes and tried to stop laughing. ;-)

  2. Julie says:

    I agree Terrance! It’s crazy what doesn’t even phase me these days. My daughter is two and just this week I have gotten her out of bed covered in vomit and changed a dipaer so runny it literally ran out of her diaper. Good times. I actually like the smell of some diaper rash ointments zuzu… it just depends on which one you get.

  3. zuzu says:

    I used Desitin.

    Smells awful, but I do have to say, it worked like a charm. Cleared up the rash overnight and prevented me from getting any the next day despite that day being hotter.

    And you’re all making me glad for the catbox.

  4. Dianne says:

    Helpful hint on diapering. Young babies basically have three needs: input, output, and cuddling. Everyone cuddles a baby. Input is more easily done by mothers (breastfeeding is really much easier and more fun than formula). That leaves output for the father. Mothers and aunts need not worry about issues like how diaper goo smells.

  5. Ledasmom says:

    Desitin. Awful, yucky stuff, but it does work. It’s a real bear to get off your hands, though; the best way I’ve found is with diaper wipes.

  6. Marksman2000 says:

    I’m so glad I never had children.

  7. kate says:

    I did cloth diapers with my second child, getting righteous about the effects of the plastic on her skin, the cost, etc. I went back to disposable with my third and last child.

    Zinc Oxide (which is desitin) is nasty stuff, it stinks and as it is oily as hell, is hard to remove. But yes, it works like nothing else.

    And there is no smell on this earth like the household of a diaper wearing child under one year old. I go into a lot of houses and can smell it immediately upon entering, I don’t care how clean the household is. It is a smell i’ll never forget and one I don’t want to revisit anytime soon.

  8. Kat says:

    Desitin Creamy is what I like. I think we parents like the smell because we associate it with our babies. I still get all nostaligic over Baby Magic Baby Shampoo, because that’s what they washed my first one with in the nursery.

    Once we moved down South, I discovered a new diaper rash ointment called Boudreaux’s Butt Paste. I bought it–I mean, ya gotta love people who make diaper ointment and have sense of humor, right? I don’t send a baby shower gift anymore without throwing some of this in the box, just because its so funny.

    AND… it works great!

    Oh, and Zuzu? No one expects you to change a diaper. You are to be the crazy loon Auntie they go see in the big city when they turn 21 that teaches them to drink wine and go to museums.

  9. Ledasmom says:

    Not all of us parents are nostalgic over the disgusting scents that the manufacturers of baby products, in a cruel, cruel attempt to get me to vomit my morning tea, put into their products. Note to whoever came up with “baby-fresh” diaper-wipe scent: It doesn’t blend well with crap.
    On the other hand, we deeply appreciate the Building 19 brand wipes for saying, on the top, “Wipe your kid’s cheeks cheap!”

  10. zuzu says:

    Kat, I plan on corrupting them long before they turn 21.

  11. Ron O. says:

    Boudreaux’s Butt Paste is great stuff and is available in the Midwest too.

    Leo pooped on me within the first couple of weeks. Baptism by shit. Welcome to parenthood.

    I knew I was indifferent to the messes when I could wipe his nose with any available clothing I was wearing when a wipe wasn’t handy.

    In my bachelor uncle days I only changed diapers when I was sitting them. If mom or dad were available, they got passed off.

  12. drublood says:

    Is Desitin the one with fish oil in it? Nasty, nasty stuff.

    And, I might regret admitting this, but breastfed baby poop always smelled good to me. Kind of sweet and inoffensive, but distinctive.

  13. Chicklet says:

    I remember one time being in the same room when my nephew needed a diaper change. Those were some fancy knots my fallopian tubes were tying.

    Like zuzu, I plan on being the corrupter. Along the lines of – “Would you like to watch this George Carlin special with me, Nick?” “Mackenzie, let’s have pizza for breakfast!”

  14. Kat says:

    One significant “A-HA” moment in parenting for me–a moment when I realized I could have it all, but might not be able to gracefully juggle it all–was at my induction ceremony for a national business honor society. It was big stuff for me to get this honor, because I had managed to keep my grades up and graduate shortly after a very difficult pregnancy, so I was very rightfully full of myself. It was me and 30 or so other inductees with our families at a posh luncheon. At the exact wrong moment my then 6 month old had one of those crazy poops that comes out the diaper legs that could not be dealt with “later”… and my (now-ex) husband was completely unable to collect himself to handle it. I had to take the baby myself, and missed out on walking the stage to get my honors.

    Between two babies, a dog and now a cat, it seems that the older I get and the more responsibilities I took on–the more POOP I have to deal with. What is with THAT?

  15. Kat says:

    Hey, and Zuzu? Don’t forget your niece in the corruption plan :)

  16. gothgate says:

    while in nola, you should’ve gotten some Boudreaux’s Butt Paste. sounds like the name is a joke, but it works like a dream. when my 2yo had a rash so bad she had blisters (a bad bout of diarhea(i never can spell that word!) nothing worked except boudreaux’s. my wife gets rashes under her breasts from the heat down here & sweating so badly. boudreaux’s works on that too. it has a strong smell, it smells kinda spicy, there’s something like nutmeg in it. but it smells a ton better than desitin.

  17. Ron Sullivan says:

    Ha. Buncha amateurs. If you haven’t dealt with a five-pound triplet who’s been under bilirubin lights (and is therfore naked, lying on a diaper) and who has just extruded about a pound of meconium* and danced in it so nimbly he’s covered back and front from head to foot everywhere but his eyes, and that only because he’s wearing the bilirubin-lamp eyeshade, while you were taking a report that ended with “…and the TV crew is out in the hall” — and you were armed only with paper washcloths and water and didn’t really want to scour the kid’s brand-new skin off — you haven’t lived.

    *Meconium is Baby’s Darling First Shit. Especially when it involves excreting lots of bilirubin, the stuff responsible for newborn jaundice, it’s sticky, gluey, greenish-black, and tarry. Bilirubin lights work to speed that excretion.

  18. johnieB says:

    Did you get to try Boudreaux’s Butt Cream? I saw it at Granny Gets a Vibrator, a great blog from So. Louisiana (“Deep Inferno”)

  19. johnieB says:

    I guess I shoulda read the last few comments more attentively. (Shame)

  20. zuzu says:

    To be honest, all the Walgreenses that I managed to get to were pretty bare since they were about the only stores open in the area.

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