Have the wrong kind of body, regardless of how you dress, and you’re guaranteed slutty (any large-chested early-blooming women wanna back me up on this one?).

I have a size 32 J and was harrassed horribly in high school (during which my boobs were smaller, C-E). slut was the big thing. i even had a TEACHER tell me if i didn’t want to be called “slut” by the other girls, and catcalled by the boys, then WHY ON EARTH was i wearing such a tight sweater!?! A SWEATER! absurd. all the other girls were wearing spagetti strap shirts, but i couldn’t wear a sweater?! i didn’t even have any cleavage showing. (NOTHING i wore in HS had cleavage, i tried to cover up as much as i possible could to avoid attention.)

although not as bad as highschool, i still get harrassed. i can’t go to any party or bar w/out a guy grabbing my boobs and i can’t go ANYWHERE without everyone staring at me. i feel like i have a deformity, except ppl are less polite about it. i’ve often wondered why just because my boobs are big, that makes them public property?! free for all to touch and poke?

ugh, now i’ve depressed myself thinking about this shit.

A married man calls an attractive, stylishly dressed girl a slut because he’s turned on, feels guilty about it, and is afraid that others might find out that he’s not the perfect Christian husband. Therefore, the girl is a slut and is to blame. All unbeknownst to her, of course.

A woman who, though she dresses like a dowdy old woman and is a prominent member of her parish, calls an attractive young girl a temptress and a slut because she is in denial about her own behavior. While she presents this uber-modest image and enjoys her pillar-of-the-community status, she is secretly engaging in an internet affair behind her husband’s back, including meeting up with her new ‘net buddy for an illicit rendevous or two…or three…and so on. If she can paint an innocent third party as more sluttish than she is, she doesn’t have to admit that she’s the real slut.

A man who is obsessed with young girls and who writes a blog under the guise of a teenaged girl himself in order to lure young girls into chatrooms and who knows what else, and who has not one, but two sexual harrassment suits pending against him, is unusually confrontational and loud about promoting modesty and modest dress in young girls (providing MUCH detail about what immodest little girls look like on his own blog). If he can put the blame on innocent young girls and if he can create an image in which he looks like the opposite of what he, in actuality, is, then maybe he won’t get caught.

All true stories.

That’s why people like to claim another was dressing like a slut. So that their own disgusting behavior is someone else’s fault.

And that’s what I get for posting after many drinks and some sleep medicine.

Please be careful with that. You might run into a barricade while you’re driving to Capitol Hill to cast a vote at 2:00 A.M.

Either you get married and it’s your duty to conceive immediately, or you’re not married and are a “woman with no values” if you have sex.

I should clarify on my own post: My ex’s family also felt, after marriage, that if a woman didn’t conceive within a year after marriage, she was probably contraceiving and had “NO VALUES.” They never considered male infertility or anything. Again, a woman is either a virgin or pregnant and married. Anything less is value-less.

I can give you a big old hell yeah on that one. Having the audacity to develop breasts a year earlier than my classmates got me called a slut.

I came from a fairly “underdeveloped” class (no reason, just most of the girls in my class developed late, me included. We’re talking starter bras in 7th grade). The class 2 years ahead of us was very developed (we’re talking B cups in 8th grade).

Yes, there were moms of girls in my class (Catholic school) who looked at the 8th grade girls and said, “My daughter BETTER not look like that in 8th grade. That’s Terrible.” (As in, if they developed a woman’s body, they’d be punished for it, aka labeled a slut).

As for the Egypt trip, Jill, I’ve noticed that Middle Eastern culture has a very either-or approach toward women’s sexuality. Either you get married and it’s your duty to conceive immediately, or you’re not married and are a “woman with no values” if you have sex. That’s it–NO VALUES–just because of sex–even if values include things like kindness, helping others, hard work, etc.

I say this not in an attempt to be racist, but out of experience–My ex was a Christian and an Iraqi, and his family never came to like me that much at all even though I was a churchgoing virgin at the time. They had this idea that all American women sleep around, cheat on the men they do marry or date, and just aren’t to be trusted (“NO VALUES”). So even if I was a virgin, I’d probably lose it, and to somebody else (this was a long-distance college relationship).

It was the subject of all their family-gathering talks about me, hence why I “couldn’t be invited unless we’re married or engaged.”

His family and culture taught him that if a woman has sex before marriage, not to trust her, because “If she gives it to you, she’ll give it to everyone” (doesn’t give us much credit for discernment). This coming from an uncle who admittedly had many partners before his own marriage, but his wife didn’t which was all that mattered.

He’s now married to another American woman. I wonder how they treat her. Talk about virgin-whore complex.

I’ve been called a slut, and it’s always been by other women, not men. I speak frankly and openly about sex (and even moreso aftter I’ve been drinking, natch), I have a personal blog on which I have written about my dating and sexual experiences, and I have referred to myself as a slut in what I think is a humorous manner. I am kind of a loud person and sometimes I like to really dress up when I go out – big hair, big eyes, and low cut shirts. Amen to the part about well-endowed women, because I have DD’s and certain shirts or dresses that I wear show much more cleavage than the same outfit would show on a woman with smaller breasts. I’m not trying to emphasize my cleavage, it’s just impossible not to show it in certain clothing. I’m flirtatious and forward with men, and I have had casual sex.

All of the above has resulted in my being called a slut by other women. Do I have more sex than they do? I have no idea, and neither do they. They call me a slut because they don’t like me. I have no problem wiith them not liking me. I’ve long ago happily accepted the fact that not everyone will like me, and that’s okay. But why must they insult me by calling me a slut? Why can’t they just go about their business, all the while not liking me, without using that vile word?

I’m not sure if reclaiming the word “slut” helps or not. As I said, I’ve referred to myself as a slut and it has kind of come back to bite me on the ass. (“See! She even calls herself a slut!”) To me, it’s more important to get women to stop calling other women sluts than to get men to stop doing it.

Bruce, think about what you’re saying here. I was born and raised in The U.S., and like most women here, I grew up expecting to be treated like that right here, just walking down the street, minding my own business. I was one of the early developers who started getting propositions and obnoxious comments from men in grade school. Do all U.S. men behave like that? Hell no! But plenty do—it’s hardly an uncommon occurrence. Let me put it to you this way: I live in the midwest, where sunny days are more common than rainy ones. But rain is a common enough occurrence, that just about everyone has an umbrella and raincoat. I experience hostile street harrassment about as frequently as it rains here, capisce? Now, maybe that’s a higher percentage than some women experience; I chalk it up to the fact that I live downtown and walk often. (Translation: I’m not dressing like a “slut”, unless you consider Levis and a T-shirt or blouse “slutty”—which some hard-line conservatives do).

And yes, I hope to someday go to Egypt, and I will expect more street harrassment there, just as I would expect more rain in Seattle. And just like I would carry an umbrella and raincoat in Seattle, I would do as Jill did—dress Egyptian-style to hopefully deflect some of that harrassment (I’m of Mediterranean heritage and it shows, so maybe I’d luck out and not get as much harrassment as Jill, but that’s not something I would be counting on).

See Bruce, most of us have already adjusted to the climate, so to speak. We learned at an early age that (a) this is going to happen, and (b) it is as ubiquitous as inclement weather—that we will always be dealing with it, our entire lives. Our daughters and granddaughters will be dealing with it. So, we can either lock ourselves in the house to keep the commentary from raining down, or we can do what we can to shield ourselves—physically and emotionally—from it.

Bruce, if you’re a woman—there is no avoiding this type of harrassment. None. It doesn’t matter what you wear, or how you behave. Go talk to some women. Women you would never, ever think would or could be tagged as “sluts”. Let me know if you find one that hasn’t been treated or named as one.

It’s as inevitable as the weather.

And that’s what I get for posting after many drinks and some sleep medicine.

Not just a slut, but a drunken slut.

For shame. Didn’t your parents teach you better?

Lauren writes:

Ancient pyramids and camel rides come to mind.

I was actually disappointed by the Pyramids, mostly because the Egyptians are out to prove that it’s not just the Americans who can commercialize everything far more than is worthy. If you can find a guide I’d recommend a trip to the desert near Baharia Oasis, basically in the middle of the country.

Besides, really educated Western women tend to shock the men even more: I was there with an American friend who speaks two dialects of Arabic with near-native fluency, and I think it’s safe to say that most of the men who stared at her have never been called out, by a “Westerner,” in perfect colloquial Arabic. That sight made my month.

Gee, I’d hate to see how you respond to rape victims. You seem to think Jill shouldn’t have been surprised by the attitudes she saw in Egypt, yet you seem kinda indignant that the feminists are cranky at your victim blaming. All I can say is… what did you expect?

And dammit, someone got the “A slut is someone having more sex than you” quote in already. I wanted to post that. *pout*

I have personal issues with the word “slut”, since it’s a nasty trigger for me. I fully support, however, those friends of mine who treat it as a word that should be reclaimed and embraced.

Just don’t use it to refer to me, or you’ve got one very pissed off hussy/strumpet/tramp on your hands.