Zuzu’s post received a few unpleasant responses, to the effect that she’s wrong to give up her animals rather than attempt to take them to the Maple Leaf State. That she shouldn’t offer them up to a good home in their original stomping grounds, even. She’s not talking about making them into casserole. (I suggested it, but she said she prefers babies.)
She commented on those responses, and will apparently be taking a blog break. I hope I’m not being rude by commenting on the issue myself.
It’s not just you, Sally. The Pet Police come out whenever anyone has an issue with a pet or tries to give a pet away.
I’ve seen it before, with a woman on World Crossing who just never bonded with her dog; she was vilified for finding him another home after two years rather than sticking it out with him despite the fact that they were both miserable. And I’ve experienced it myself, when I put my last dog down after she attacked me and seriously hurt me. People in the neighborhood who only knew the sweet side of the dog didn’t bother to listen to me and look at the bites on my face — they just told me what a horrible person I was.
And I’m getting it again from the readers here. Thank you so much, Pet Police. You’ve got me crying at work, bringing up all the bad shit I experienced from that time. Even though I’m trying to be responsible and make the move as painless as possible for my cats.
I’ll be staying the fuck away from the blog for a few days, and I’ll probably delete this post in a bit.
Flea went through the same thing recently, when one of her kids fed a nickel to one of their kittens.
People in comments were outraged that she let the little miscreant near a cat, that she had not had enough ready money to pay for the de-nickeling without worrying about her mortgage, and because she had put another pet to sleep some time before. That pet was a rather long-in-the-tooth dog who was starting to snap at her infant sons, even though they hadn’t tried to get it to swallow any spare change. Flea chose her toddler’s face over her doggy’s life. According to some of the commenters, flea should have paid for behavioral therapy or obediance training or whatever it took to keep from euthanizing the dog. She should also have paid for whatever medical treatment might ameliorate her dog’s many health problems, many of which seemed to amount to getting old. And she was a bad, bad cat mommy to purchase pets while her finances were still in a state to be strained by emergency kitty surgery.
I do not understand these people. I was raised to think of a pet as a pet. My mom and dad owned many pets when they were growing up, and those pets got old or got run over or got murdered by neighborhood dogs. That was life. If you didn’t take care of your dog, it went right back to the store. If you didn’t clean up after your dog, it went straight to the pound. If you dog got really sick, it very likely died. If Scout or Sweetpea had started threatening babies, their lives would have been forfeit faster than you can say, “face transplant.” My mom’s parents definitely didn’t have the funds to pay for emergency cat surgery. Even if they had, they might not have bothered if the problem had been less straightforward than a nickel in the gut. It would have been inconceivable that one of their animals might receive insulin injections for years on end.
I realize that things have changed, as evidenced by the two people I know who do give their pets insulin injections, as well as the many stories I’ve heard of animal medical crises and miracle cures. Veterinary surgery itself has advanced, in part because of the demands of pet owners, and there are treatments available that were out of reach a few decades ago.
My family in this generation has owned pets, and has taken care of those pets. That care includes spending massive amounts of money on vet bills after a cat fight or a run-in with a barbed wire fence. But we still don’t observe “whatever it takes.” In fact, my parents are currently contemplating the expulsion and re-adoption of a family dog. He doesn’t attack children or pee all over the house (that frequently) or anything. He’s just loud and sheddy and hyper, and my parents don’t want a dog and think he might get better care in a household that does. Are we bad people?
I made some similar choices about my cat, whose death I posted about several months ago. I loved her dearly, and was sorry to see her go. She wasn’t yet in extremis. She was just really, really old, and failing. She was on a long, steady, slow decline, and had been declining for a couple of years. She was frail, and tired, and in chronic pain. There was no point at which the decision to put her down was clear. We decided that it would be better to euthanize her rather than wait for some agonizing crisis. We were not interested in exploring ways to prolong her life in the face of extreme age, or in palliative measures that might hurt her to administer. None of us wanted to feed pills to an antisocial cat so afflicted with arthritis that she wouldn’t suffer us to touch her anywhere below her neck. Are we bad people? Are we bad pet owners?
I didn’t have to read any aspersions in comments, for which I am very thankful.
Some of the commenters in flea’s comments thread, had she been their cat, would probably have explored hyperthyroid treatments or daily pills or special geriatric cat food. I respect that choice. I’m sure that they cherish their pets, and I think their pets are lucky to have them.
I just wanted to apologize if my comments made me sound like “The Pet Police.” I was trying to be helpful, not hurtful. (It didn’t help that I asked the question which should’ve proceeded my comment in the subsequent comment.) Zuzu seemed upset about having to part with them, and I was trying to provide practical advice as to how to avoid doing so. I think–I can’t find the post anymore–I ended my post by saying something to the effect of “You can have your cake and eat it too,” which I didn’t mean to sound accusatory so much as hopeful. In retrospect, I can see how that may have sounded arrogant and triumphalist, but I honestly didn’t mean it to, and am sorry if it did. (Not that my intentions matter, mind you.) But I support her decision to give them up if they travel as badly as she suggested. I mean, who would attack someone for saving their pet the real harm involved in moving if they can place them in a good home?
My own experience with the “Pet Police” is similar. I had 3 very loved kitties, then my infant son developed asthma. Everything that was an allergen went – including my cats. For me, it wasn’t even a choice – healthy breathing kid trumps non-human everytime. After three weeks of hard sell tactics to find the kitties new homes – I started calling no-kill shelters. I was called every name in the book. Some numbwit sent me an article about if I bathed my cats once a day and applied some expensive cream, the cats “allergen-ness” would be averted. WTF!?!
I was totally blown away that a population of people would care more about my “responsibility” to cats then my son. But again, there are people who believe I have more responsibilities to a fetus than my current kids – so I don’t know why I am continual shocked about the heavy anthropomorphization of pets.
Sorry ZuZu.
Awww… zuzu. I’m so sorry that people gave you such a hard time about it. I don’t think you are a bad cat mommy at all! In fact, I don’t blame you at all… I think it would be easier on them as well. In fact, if I was in NYC, I’d take them for you in a second. Another cat or two would never bother us!
Piny, I think you have an awesome point too. I think sometimes people do get so wrapped up in their pets that they forget to think about what is best for everyone. Last year, my German Shepherd slipped his collar and ran in the road, right in front of a car with my husband on his tails trying to catch him. Despite his best efforts, Rocky was hit by a car and broke his leg. Because of the way the bone broke, we couldn’t just put it in a cast or a pin, it would require a plate and it needed to be done by a specialist. So we put our poor dog in the car and drove him to the specialist for a consultation only to be told it would cost 5000 dollars, which was way out of the range of what I could afford. So, we did what I thought was the only option and his leg amputated… I couldn’t see having a two year old dog put down over a broken leg and I couldn’t afford the specialized surgery. The crap I got for it was ridiculous, but the fact of the matter was that he adjusted very quickly. I love my dog dearly, but the day he goes after my child is the day he leaves. Period. I worry enough about the fact that he doesn’t like her that much, he usually tries to avoid her. The first person to give me crap about it would get a freaking earful too.
This country is nuts when it comes to pets. First, we have pet food stores that stock fifty different kinds of dog (cat) foods and yet, every year thousands of unwanted animals are destroyed in shelters.
I’m of two minds on the subject. First, I believe that when you adopt (purchase) an animal you should do it with the intention of giving the animal a home for life. If circumstances change, then it is your responsibility to find the animal another home or euthanize it.
Yes, “euthanize.” Some dogs are batsh*t crazy. Some are too difficult for the average owner. Filling shelters, especially taxpayer supported shelters, with hard to adopt pets is immoral. More immoral than just sending the poor beast onto the happy hunting grounds.
If the animal is vicious or difficult to adopt out, dumping it at the nearest “kill” shelter shouldn’t be an option. Why should the taxpayer get stuck killing your dog? Why should they have to pay to house the animal in the meantime?
Ultimately, as long as the animal is treated humanely, and the owner’s decision doesn’t cost me money (it doesn’t end up in the local, publicly-funded shelter), it’s none of my business.
nerdchik, I think you’re onto something there. In a heavily pro-choice crowd, I’m surprised to see the way someone’s hard decision is pounced upon – would zuzu have gotten the same response if she were a poor mother giving her child up for adoption? The fact is that there are a lot of decisions where you simply can’t come out ethically unscathed. It’s harder to decide what to do when none of your choices are very good, but a person needs to be able to make their own choice. Isn’t that what pro-choice is all about?
Agreed. My mom just told me that she found a pathetic little kitten in her warehouse, took it home and it died immediately from just exposure. Everyone loves to get high on their horses about ideal pet care and forgets that there’s a ton of animals out there who would benefit from just having standard care. I love my pets and spoil them but once it awhile when you’re overcome with guilt because you have to crate them or something, it does well to remind yourself they aren’t starving to death in a warehouse.
I’ve got a story about a vicious animal for you. We had a cat we inherited from folks who moved about 5 years ago, who suddenly started randomly (not during play or meal times) attacking us, clawing our faces and biting us until he drew blood and left puncture wounds. We tried some home-grown solutions (more play, different play, etc.) that all failed. We actually did call pet behaviorial therapists, who had no suggestions for us. They said he was probably entering the early stages of dementia – he was 10. We spoke with our vet who suggested we “put on soothing music” (guess how well that worked) and then put our cat on prozac. That was their best advice. Instead of pay for medication we could ill-afford, we decided to put him up for adoption, but were told by the shelter that they, nor did any other shelter in the area (we live in a large metropolitan area with a slew of public and private shelters), adopt out animals who bit or otherwise attacked humans. Those questions are part of their in-take interview. WE, not the taxpayers, had to pay to put him to sleep. I was in hysterics as they took him away. We didn’t “dump him” in a kill shelter, and the taxpayers’ money was saved.
…Of course. (Not that you were naive to ask.) That was one of the amazing things about the comments thread over at One Good Thing: Was flea supposed to adopt out an animal that didn’t seem safe around children? What if it attacked some other mother’s baby? There aren’t many solutions available for domestic animals that simply don’t get along with humans.
I dunno, I’m from farming people and this pet sentimentality is just wierd to me. I have cats, and I love them, but they live with me for a purpose–keep my house pest-free. When I was growing up the cats kept the barn free of mice and rats, the dogs worked in the field, and all the animals (with the exception of an occasional pet) lived outside. So I have a really hard time working up this anthropomorphic attachment to animals. I’ve never agonized over euthenizing when there was no other option.
Yeah, I’m an unsentimental bitch for sure.
It’s funny (not funny “haha”), because I have long thought that the militant animal activist crowd and the militant pro-life crowd have a lot in common. Not all animal rights activists, but the kind who would bomb or burn or take other extreme measures to “save” animals, while disregarding potential harm to humans. I definitely don’t think humans should be trampling all over the earth with no regard for other animals, but some people truly seem to value animals over humans. Maybe some people choose to place higher values on the lives of animals and fetuses because they represent some pure, innocent ideal that contrasts with the flawed, wicked humans walking around.
It drives me mad when anyone lambasts someone over this sort of decision. If the person involved didn’t love animals or have a sense of responsibility towards them, they’d never be in the quandry in the first place. Yet someone is always ready to make someone feel worse. I love my three ratties to death, I couldn’t imagine facing your situation, Zuzu, having to do without them because that’s what’s best for them. All sympathies and hopes that something good will turn up. It’s a crying shame when people have more empathy for animals than one another, even when they’re on the same side.
Yup, we were talking about that back when the nickel dustup was happening. My mom’s family are farm people, which might have something to do with the attitude towards animals. And some of it might be generational, too.
Thankfully I missed kthe kerfuffle, but sorry Zuzu. I’m sure you’re just trying to do what’s best for you AND ykour pets.
I didn’t see the initial post, so I don’t have a clear idea of what the situation is. I’ve had to make hard choices–I euthanized a beloved cat, but not before I spent several years giving him insulin injections (it may have been too much for some, but it really wasn’t a big deal–he never even reacted when he got the shot). We have a cat who gets mad and pees on things, but I haven’t acted on my occasional wish to kill him (that’s a bad joke).
People may have overreacted because in my experience, there are far more people who view cats as disposable than there are who’d go to what may seem like ridiculous extremes for them. I’ve known a lot of people who get rid of their animals just because a new beau doesn’t like them, not because there’s any allergy or behavioral problem. It doesn’t sound from what I’ve read that Zuzu is being irresponsible.
And some of it might be generational, too.
There is a trend of pets in lieu of children, or so I hear, and I imagine that feeds right into this problem. The language about pets is very parental. My ex-girlfriend’s mom used to talk about her “grandpuppies”, even.
This whole idea scares the hell out of me—what Zuzu’s going through, and all related situations. Having no other choice but to give up cats (I’d need more obstacles facing me than a trip cross-continent, personally, but that’s just me) is about the worst nightmare I can conceive of. It is something I’d never want to face, and I was halfway tempted to ask if she was sure, before I realized that was pretty much the same as the “how could you KILL your BABY?!” question that some pro-lifers will ask, and what Zuzu’s doing is rather thouroughly for the cats, rather than any inconvenience to herself, so I have even less business asking it.
(At least, I think I had enough sense to keep my mouth shut; the post having disappeared, I cannot make sure.)
Zuzu, sympathy for your tough decision and best wishes for your cats. Would you please post some pictures of your cats before you leave? I’d like to see again the ones from your deleted post; they’re beautiful.
I had a feeling the Pet Police were going to invade when I saw that post. They’re everywhere on the internet.
I remember a number of years ago, an acquaintance of mine was in a situation where she had to give up her two cats. Her husband was an utter loser and asshole, and despite that they had money, refused to pay the house note. Unbeknownst to her, he spent the money on other things for several months, and finally they lost their house. She was 8 months pregnant and digging change out of the couch to get food to eat. She had to move in with her parents, and they took her in but they would not have the cats. So she gave them to a shelter to be adopted. She showed us the website posting the shelter made about her two cats, and about how their owner gave them up because she moved (making it sound like an utterly capricious decision), and the cats were “confused and upset and lonely” but waiting for good homes.
It’s like compassion for animals somehow leaves no room for compassion for people. I don’t get it, and I absolutely don’t see the point of making out like someone’s a monster – even keeping their name out of it – for giving up their pets, because shit happens.
I don’t know what is wrong with people, really.
Zuzu is doing the right thing by the kitties. Kitties do not move long distances well. Plus, I’m sure there are Vancouver kitties just waiting for a good cat-mom like her.
There is a trend of pets in lieu of children, or so I hear, and I imagine that feeds right into this problem. The language about pets is very parental. My ex-girlfriend’s mom used to talk about her “grandpuppies”, even.
And there’s the word “fur kid”, which we use, with tongue firmly in cheek.
raging red–I think you nailed it.
Also, hugs for zuzu, and best wishes for her cats in their new home(s). I am most heartily sickened by people who do neglect or dump their animals without care in seeing that their needs will continue to be met, or who repeatedly take on and discard pets like hats, but I know about the Pet Police, and some of their number enrage me almost as much. I’ve always been fiercely attached to my animals, and have sometimes gone to what may have been unadvisable lengths to hold onto them, but that itself makes me an evil selfish puppykiller in some eyes since I have the temerity to keep my animals without having a constant four- or five-figure stash laid aside for vet emergencies. Oh, dear, now I feel a major rant about classism and pets coming on. I’m outta here.
zuzu, you know your animals better than anyone. Trust yourself.
There IS a huge problem in this country with the idea that pets are “disposable” if they become invoconvenient, true,—but that problem isn’t created by responsible pet owners who are trying to do what’s truly best for their animals.
I once moved across country to NYC and took my beloved dog. Older and wiser now, I realize my initial impulse, which was to re-home her in a more suitable setting for an animal whose needs couldn’t be met by apartment life, was right. But I didn’t because I was attached to her and selfish. I’m convinced the years she spent cooped up and not getting enough exercise shortened her life.
I wish I’d done the responsible thing and put her right to a happy peaceful life ahead of my own attachment.
Again, trust yourself- you know what your animals need to be happy.
Magis – I suspect zuzu could readily locate cats in Vancouver whose human was moving away and didn’t want to subject them to the trauma of a move. Net cat happiness is conserved, and the universe remains harmonious.
Quasi-lurker here. Sorry that people are such assholes, Zuzu.
And dragonsmilk, I’ll do the ranting. Our veterinary medical advances have far outstripped the ability of most of us to pay for them, yet once an advance is made it is quickly seen as being the only responsible course of action. So we can’t afford to pay for the thing and are also excoriated if we choose not to or not to go into debt. The attitude does put pets out of reach of anyone except the rich.
I didn’t see the original post, but I certainly sympathize with anyone who has to make a difficult decision about a pet. I am definitely not the Pet Police, and would never condemn someone else’s choices when faced with the difficult decision to give up a pet. I have had to give up a cat before, and it was hard to do.
In response to the commenters who mentioned treating pets like they are actual kids, I have to admit that my husband and I fall into that category vis-a-vis our dog. I’m Mommy, my husband is Daddy, and my mother-in-law is Grandma. We fuss over our dog just like he’s a “real boy” and we put him in day care twice a week. We wrap presents and give them to him on his birthday. While I don’t think we make ourselves too ridiculous (at least not in public), we really do have a genuine connection to him as though he were a human being. After all, he has a consciousness, and thoughts, and feelings, and I have no doubt that he knows love.
“I’ve never agonized over euthenizing when there was no other option.”
To be honest, we didn’t really agonize over euthenizing George (our crazy cat) either because, like piny said, there’s not a lot you can do with an animal who’s attacking people besides put it down. I didn’t want to have to sign the check that did the deed, though. Incidentially, this was a cat who had been moved around a lot (city to city, house to house) before landing with us. I don’t know if that had anything do with his issues, but I don’t think it helped.
I think when we mistake our pets for being human-like we unintentionally set them up to fail by not respecting their animal instincts. Is it better for the dog to be thought of as a dog or as as a “child”? We’ve had a couple instances in my area in the recent past where family pets (dogs) have mauled small children in their home. But why was the dog interacting unsupervised with the kids to begin with? Probably because the dog was someone’s “baby”, and was not properly trained or restrained.
I had a black lab when my son was small who was an extremely well-tempered animal. I had worked hard on her training and eventually had her temperment tested and we would take her to the hospital as a part of a program to visit patients (this was a program that was really hard to get into, temperment had to be ideal). She was amazing to watch at the hospital, she was so gentle. Even still, she was never, ever left alone with my young son because underneath everything she was an animal and we respected that. Instead, we facilitated quality interactions between them.
As for finding a new home for animals, I agree with lavalamp. Sometimes keeping them with you is the selfish thing to do, and not the best path for the animal in question. Sometimes you have to let them go to a better home to do right by them. And, as togolosh said, work to equalize net cat happiness when you are able.
I once had two litter mate kitties, a black kittie and a calico. The calico disappeared one day, she was so pretty I was fairly certain someone gave her a “new home”.
Then one day shortly afther that, my black kitty disappeared. I was so sad, I had lost both of them within a couple months of each other. Then one morning a week or so later, I went out to the car to go to work, and my black kittie (obviously I’ve forgotten the dear cat’s name…) was under my car, talking loudly to me. His back paw was this piece of flesh hanging there. I took him to the vet, paid $550 for surgery to save his leg and was just so happy to have him back. Keep in mind I made about $5/hr back then.
Then two months later we moved. The place I moved into had possums and raccoons all over. My cat lasted two months at the new location and was gone. I made the decision after that that I would never go to extremes for a pet again.
If I needed to mourn the loss of a pet, which I did when I lost three cats during 1997, (the same year I lost my dad) and 2000 when we happened upon two littermates who needed homes, then taking time to mourn would be what I did. There are always new little kittens that will capture your heart when you are ready.
I’m from farm people who are also animal lovers. It’s a strange mix. My father is certainly not above taking an incurably sick dog or horse to a back paddock and putting a bullet in its head… but he has been known to cry like a baby after doing so. My mother treats her dogs better than she treats her kids (seriously… I’m jealous) and has spent hours sitting up in the early AM bottle feeding orphaned calves… but will quite happily slaughter and pluck a handraised goose for Christmas dinner.
I have to admit, I have a bit of a twinge inside me when I read zuzu’s post. I know far too many people who consider cats to be disposable, who get them without thinking of what a commitment a pet is, and then dump them when they can’t be bothered anymore. My ex flatmate has just done this to the second cat she’s owned in three years. And as a devoted bunny mummy, i hear a LOT about people doing this with rabbits, who are a surprisingly difficult pet to care fot… a fact that pet stores don’t tell you until it’s too late.
All of that said, I think it’s just plain wrong to make the assumption that anyone giving away their pets is doing so for overly selfish or cruel reasons, ESPECIALLY when that person details a completely unselfish reason for doing so. That twinge I felt upon reading the post was certainly not evidence enough to assume that zuzu was being lax in her care for the animals by getting them a new, loving home, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and didn’t say anything. She certainly seemed to me to be looking out for the best interests of the animals, so shame on those who took her to task for it. Having to give up a pet due to unforseen circumstances is a very difficult thing to do, and it’s just not right to make it harder on someone by lumping them with your arrogance as well as the existing stress.
Good luck finding them a home, zuzu, and i hope it’s not too hard to say goodbye.
I’m an animal lover to the extreme, and I think it’s complete bullshit that people are making zuzu feel guilty about her decision to find her cats a good home. That’s the best thing that a pet-lover can do! She obviously loves her animals and wants them to be taken care of. She’s making a responsible, loving decision that seems to be difficult for her — shame on the people who would make her feel bad about it.
Thanks for posting this, piny! Things have been busy and I haven’t been able to read fully through every thread. I’m glad you pointed this out.
I am an animal lover and a rescuer. I don’t know zuzu’s situation, so I have no right to make any judgements. I did e-mail her with some information and my POV, but I feel I wasn’t accusatory nor rude.
This is not a personal attack on Zuzu at all, i’m just making a comment.
My background:
I worked for several years at an animal shelter during college. While I did see some truly heartbreaking cases, I would say most of the cases were due to bad/lack of planning, the idea that pets are disposable, and not giving a fuck. i’ve also seen countless cases or borderline abuse, along with horrific cases of abuse.
It takes a long time to find good homes for animals. It’s not fair to give them to the first people that respond, and giving them away for free is a really bad idea (unless it’s to a person you already know and trust).
I hope Zuzu can find good homes for her cats, and she has my e-mail address if I can be of any help.
Oh, Zuzu! I’m with Jill: it’s total bullshit to make someone feel lousy when they’re making a difficult decision that they think is for the best. No one has the right to tell her that she’s wrong, and anyone who implies that she hasn’t thought things through has obviously never read any of her posts on her animals. For fuck’s sake, her handle is her cat’s name!
I volunteered and worked in shelters for years, and I had to stop at several of them because the self-righteousness of some of the other staff and volunteers got to be too much to handle. They’d refuse adoptions on slender grounds (people who worked full-time were denied adult animals, people of color were kept from adopting larger dogs “because of the risk that they’d use them for fighting), and people in a situation where they needed to surrender an animal were made to feel like the worst people on earth. There’s a lot of stress and emotional involvement in shelter work, but it doesn’t excuse willful blindness to good people making hard choices.
There are irresponsible pet owners out there, and there are always more dogs, cats, rabbits, etc. than there are homes for them. There are also people whose life circumstances change, and who do the best they can by their animals by trying to find them good homes with other people. Shelters should support these people, who don’t neglect, abuse, or abandon their animals, not make them feel as though they fall into the same category as animal abusers. Shelters exist to support these people, not to punish them or to provide one an opportunity to be all sanctimonious about one’s impeccable pet-owning credentials.
Piny, thank you. Zuzu, don’t make the break too lengthy, please?
I saw Zuzu’s post when it first went up, and I thought that her two pets were adorable looking.
I live a fair distance from NYC, though, and already have one cat (10+ years old) in residence, and have lost two to age-related issues over the last few months (one I had put down while I held her in the vets clinic and the other died at home). I’m not ready to replace either of those girls just yet.
I cannot conceive the mindset of people who would look at those pictures, and read what ZuZu had written previously about them, and think that she was trying to anything but what was best for the animals.
Luckily for my blood pressure I didn’t see the coments thread on her post.
As for what was happeningf at flea’s blogt, it seemed to me that there were a few whack-jobs from the Pet Police and someone else who was trying to grind a personal axe she has with flea – witness that she went waaaay back in flea’s blog to find the post where flea has *specifically* said it was a matter of safety for her child, and the animal had to go. If flea had *not* removed the dog from the equation, I’m sure the Pet Police would have been all supportive and paid the medical bills and legal fees after the dog attacked either of flea’s Alex or Christopher.
Or they could also have turned her case over to the CHildren Police so she could be harassed about caring more for the animals than her human children.
I’m sorry zuzu got lambasted for what sounds like a carefully considered hard decision. I’d take zuzu (the cat), but I’ll be getting an iguana, a bearded dragon and a turtle when The Beau moves in someday, so I really can’t add to the menagerie.
I love animals, I treat my kitties almost like they were my kiddos. I’ve paid for expensive surgery to help my 10+ old cat. My family brought our cats over to and back from overseas. My last three cats are from a shelter and one off the side of the road.
Yet, in all my craziness, I do not see how finding a loving home for pets you cannot keep with you for whatever reason is a bad thing.
Chin up, Zuzu. There’s always someone to make you feel like sh:t by second-guessing, but the problem is theirs, not yours.
I severed a friendship over the lambasting I got for putting down a beloved dog who had become violent toward other dogs and fearful with my children as she got older. She had no business judging my choices.
Take it easy on yourself.
Like catty, I have worked in animal welfare for many years (21 total, many of them as a shelter supervisor). I’m not a wacko and I have NO patience with pet rescuers who are judgmental or rude; I’ve slapped down a fair number of them over the last few years. But catty’s right—in a lot of cases, people give up their pets because they haven’t thought about (or aren’t aware of) other options, and when you’ve spent two decades in a business that often has to kill other people’s mistakes, your automatic response to a “cats need home” post (from someone who really seems to care about her kitties) is to try to suggest alternatives.
Zuzu, sorry if the thoughts I posted sounded like a criticism; they weren’t conceived as such. If it helps, let me tell you the first rule of shelters: The only people we encourage to try to keep their pets are the ones who seem like terrific pet owners.
Oh wow, there are so many issues up for discussion here, where ought one begin?
First: when a person has just had to make a wrenching decision over what to do with a pet, be it giving it away due to untenable behavior or putting it down due to illness, to give that person shit is WRONG. If a person’s mom died, and you thought the person was mean to put the vegetative parent in a home, you don’t stomp up to the person at the funeral and give them a piece of your mind. Not meaning to equate people with animals, but I couldn’t think a good parallel situation.
Second: I believe that it is wrong to take in a pet if you cannot get it spayed, afford its shots, or properly supervise your children in its presence. That said, there are always unforeseen illnesses that can beset your pet, and some treatments are far and away too expensive for anyone to afford. My family has been lucky, my mom breeds Shetland sheepdogs, and has a breeder’s discount at the vet, so we’ve been lucky that the costs have been a little less.
And as for watching the kids with the pet, there is only so much a human can do, you don’t have eyes in the back of your head, and toddlers can manage to do the darnedest things right under your nose.
You can be the best pet owner in the world, do the most you can, and there will still be some Nazi screaming at you for not shelling out for the $1000/day dialysis. You just can’t win with some people. Trust me on this: my parents are the most dedicated horse-people in the world, do everything for our horses, take care of horses boarded on our farm when their owners forget, and i still hear people still get snippy and gossipy at horse shows.
Finally: If you have a crazed pet that is violent/behaviorially uncontrollable, in some places there are pet rescues that will take in just such cases. This is not a reproach for those who have put down a violent pet, but info for those who might being weighing their options or may have to in the future.
It’s not really even about animals, it’s about displaced anger and hardness directed at Zuzu when she’s vulnerable, and has made a difficult, painful decision.
People need to take responsibility for their shadows. There are lots of people just waiting to jump your shit and wipe their own disavowed shadow shit on you–especially when you’re vulnerable. It’s anger, it’s sadism, it’s aggression; and all cloaked by ‘righteousness’. It’s sad-making to watch, and hurtful when you are the target.
My grandma used to take my hand and pat it, and say “Oh Honey, I’m sorry you feel bad.”
So, pat, pat, “Oh Zuzu, I’m sorry you feel bad. I’m sorry someone hurt you.” Pat, pat, pat.
I’m so sorry, Zuzu, for both the uncalled for attacks on you and for your difficult decision with your pets.
And thanks for the support, Piny. I appreciate it.
You’re very welcome. I hope the cat’s still doing well. He’s lucky to have you.
Yep, there is something about pets (and fetuses) that brings out the half-mad idealogue in people. I hope you’ll take this situation as a kind of “sanity check” on your readership, Zuzu, and not a legitimate critique.
Anyhow, I hope you’re liking Vancouver. Its not much but its home.