Comments on: [Obscenity] This. http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/06/12/obscenity-this/ In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set. Fri, 10 Feb 2012 06:12:24 +0000 hourly 1 By: Utopian http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/06/12/obscenity-this/#comment-49163 Utopian Wed, 14 Jun 2006 18:00:42 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/06/12/obscenity-this/#comment-49163 <blockquote>The “Nice Guy” is an extension of this mindset. Nice Guys believe that the default is getting some. If they aren’t horrible people, the reasoning goes, they should be getting laid all the time. What’s the matter? Don’t they know I’m a catch? Then they look over at the bad guys who are getting some, assume that this situation is stable, assume that all women want bad guys, assume that all women who have sex with bad guys at some point will be with bad guys forever, assume that feminists are equally represented among Women Who Love Too Much, and conclude that there is therefore no point in being nice to women. Well, gee, maybe women have higher standards even under patriarchy. </blockquote> I wish that people would get past moral condemnation of this, and into compassion. The "Nice Guy" who suffers from this experience is just as much a victim of patriarchy as the women he unwittingly offends, because the cultural attitudes that he has absorbed are causing him to be unable to satisfy what is, after all, a basic human need for romantic attachment. Is it wrong to believe that the default is getting some? Morally, I mean. Is it anti-feminist to believe that, unless one is doing something actively wrong, one is entitled to have a romantic life? (Whatever gender the "one" happens to be.)

The “Nice Guy” is an extension of this mindset. Nice Guys believe that the default is getting some. If they aren’t horrible people, the reasoning goes, they should be getting laid all the time. What’s the matter? Don’t they know I’m a catch? Then they look over at the bad guys who are getting some, assume that this situation is stable, assume that all women want bad guys, assume that all women who have sex with bad guys at some point will be with bad guys forever, assume that feminists are equally represented among Women Who Love Too Much, and conclude that there is therefore no point in being nice to women.

Well, gee, maybe women have higher standards even under patriarchy.

I wish that people would get past moral condemnation of this, and into compassion. The “Nice Guy” who suffers from this experience is just as much a victim of patriarchy as the women he unwittingly offends, because the cultural attitudes that he has absorbed are causing him to be unable to satisfy what is, after all, a basic human need for romantic attachment.

Is it wrong to believe that the default is getting some? Morally, I mean. Is it anti-feminist to believe that, unless one is doing something actively wrong, one is entitled to have a romantic life? (Whatever gender the “one” happens to be.)

]]> By: hexy http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/06/12/obscenity-this/#comment-49085 hexy Wed, 14 Jun 2006 10:56:11 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/06/12/obscenity-this/#comment-49085 <blockquote>“Hey, [slur]! Nice [obscenity]! I’d like to [obscenity] that [obscenity]! Where ya goin,’ [slur]? You just need a good hard [obscenity]!”</blockquote> Is there something wrong with me for wanting to get that printed on a T-shirt?

“Hey, [slur]! Nice [obscenity]! I’d like to [obscenity] that [obscenity]! Where ya goin,’ [slur]? You just need a good hard [obscenity]!”

Is there something wrong with me for wanting to get that printed on a T-shirt?

]]> By: Feministe » “Nice Guys” http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/06/12/obscenity-this/#comment-48804 Feministe » “Nice Guys” Mon, 12 Jun 2006 17:40:28 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/06/12/obscenity-this/#comment-48804 [...] .2006 “Nice Guys” Posted by zuzu @ 12:36 pm I see that piny beat me to the punch on commenting on Amanda’s post encompassing &#82 [...] [...] .2006

“Nice Guys”
Posted by zuzu @ 12:36 pm

I see that piny beat me to the punch on commenting on Amanda’s post encompassing &#82 [...]

]]> By: Tapetum http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/06/12/obscenity-this/#comment-48803 Tapetum Mon, 12 Jun 2006 17:24:08 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/06/12/obscenity-this/#comment-48803 I'm thinking of a Nice Guy(TM) who justs likes women whom I met at a college mixer. Mr. Nice Guy was trolling 'round the party, cornering any reasonably attractive woman he could find, and then having long suggestive conversations with them. I distinctly remember (being at that point just out of a long term semi-abusive relationship, and very nervous), gradually crabbing sideways across the couch, then up onto the arm, and on to the chair next to it, trying to get some physical space as he tried to hit on me, in what he thought was a subtle, clever way. There was no way he could have missed my discomfort unless he was completely blind to anything but his own desire to get laid. This is a man who is thoroughly disgusted that women don't like Nice Guys(TM). He probably thinks I married an asshole - who is blunt and doesn't go in for clever and coy, but who noticed my discomfort within two or three minutes of starting to talk to me, and completely backed off any sexual intent - and then continued to talk about other things. I’m thinking of a Nice Guy(TM) who justs likes women whom I met at a college mixer. Mr. Nice Guy was trolling ’round the party, cornering any reasonably attractive woman he could find, and then having long suggestive conversations with them. I distinctly remember (being at that point just out of a long term semi-abusive relationship, and very nervous), gradually crabbing sideways across the couch, then up onto the arm, and on to the chair next to it, trying to get some physical space as he tried to hit on me, in what he thought was a subtle, clever way. There was no way he could have missed my discomfort unless he was completely blind to anything but his own desire to get laid.

This is a man who is thoroughly disgusted that women don’t like Nice Guys(TM). He probably thinks I married an asshole – who is blunt and doesn’t go in for clever and coy, but who noticed my discomfort within two or three minutes of starting to talk to me, and completely backed off any sexual intent – and then continued to talk about other things.

]]>