Call it ego, machismo or downright delusional behaviour, but men are more likely than women to “oversexualize” conversations and incorrectly assume sexual interest, a new study says.
Researchers from the University of Connecticut and Elon University found that after a brief five-minute first meeting, men were more likely than woman to infer a sexual chemistry, regardless of whether it was there or not.
But she seduced me!
“For men, there is a step back here somewhere, where you have to think about what cues were you are actually getting. Clearly, the first judgment they are making may not necessarily be accurate,” he said. “For women, be aware this may well be a judgment he is making almost regardless of what you’re doing.”
Emphasis mine. Thanks to Miss Pen Name for the link.
“So it’s not my fault?”
I really hope people pick up on this and start talking about this.
Christ, this has been going around for a while. It’s a basis for those jokes about fucking anything wth a pulse. I wish it WOULD get more play.
About damn time I’d say….
Any way to get a copy of that article with out signing up?
I’ve been one of those guys who has inferred too much after conversations with women (thank goodness, that time was a while ago), and I suspect that there’s more to it than “ego”, “machismo”, or “delusional thinking”.
My guess is that many men internalize the cultural message that as man, you need to be fucking someone, early in your life and often. That, coupled with normal sexual desire, can lead a guy to read into a conversation something that’s not there.
That said, the other side to this is the argument I’ve heard from time to time from my women acquaintances that men are (often) too obtuse to notice when a woman is interested.
Personally I am so hawt that I know a woman wants to have sex with me when she smiles and plays with her hair.
After that is a simple matter of unbuttoning a button my shirt to further expose my hairy chest, gold necklace and let the sweet smell of my Old Spice waft across the room.
Honestly, incorrectly assuming sexual interest is about confidence run amok into arrogance. Being obtuse may be about being shy.
The plain fact is that certain people, no matter their gender, are not good at communicating their interest in another.
I think there are lots of people who just don’t interact with the opposite sex outside of a romantic or work context.
Years ago, I saw a study with a similar conclusion to this, which I’ve since never been able to find again. And I wish I could, because it had a twist I didn’t expect, and for which I’d like to have a better idea of the level of evidence than “I vaguely remember some sort of study once that said this.”
This was the twist: They first studied the perceptions of a group of men, and found that the men routinely erred in the direction of seeing more sexual interest than women were actually expressing (on average, I guess, since men do exist who err more in the opposite direction). Then they studied a group of women – and at this point I was expecting them to find the same thing with the women – wishful thinking all around, right? But in this case, the women were close enough to the mark in figuring out when men were expressing sexual interest – but off the mark in judging men’s willingness to commit. And the direction in which they were off the mark was the opposite of wishful thinking – they underestimated men’s level of attachment and willingness to commit.
Unfortunately, since it’s only one study that I’ve never been able to find again, I can’t say how likely it is to be true. For all I know, it had a weird sample or flaky methodology.
Oh, I cannot count the times I was present at a perfectly normal conversation involving a man and a woman whom had not met before, something with no sexual overtones at all, and later had the man say to me “Oh, I think she wants me/is hot for me/is interested in me,” when I could totally tell he was delusional and it was the furthest thing from her mind.
It doesn’t matter what you do.
I really really really hate the phrase “sexual chemistry” and the like that try to scientificize the ambiguous and equivocal.
IME, men assume that if a woman is standing on the same planet and breathing that she is interested.
i would guess this has to do with the fact that in our culture ‘woman’ is a signifier for sex/sexy-ness. most mass produced images of women are sexual in some way, so men are bound to read this into interactions with real women. the reverse just doesn’t exist
Some of my gay friends have assumed sexual interest from other men that simply wasn’t there. It seems like straight men aren’t the only ones suffering from wishful thinking.
If you want another perspective ( I know I’m gonna get it for this) it is also hard to look at a woman thinking that she is most likely interested in a total jerk and will blame all men for a while after so why not make an attempt. The better form of this is sending a feeler to check response, if none drop it. The creepy form is to ignore anything from the woman because woman change their mind and what they hate now and hate tommorow the may like later tonight. I know this is cruddy but it exists. And it is true enough to keep this myth alive. There is a small subset of men who care nothing of how the woman feels about him next week as long as she likes him this moment and he can be long gone when she changes her mind. Of course this means he can leave absolutely nothing of value where it can be held hostage. That is the key, are you riding in the car or is your name on the insurance. Second …Never be dependent, never ever be unable to survive on your own and move a thousand miles, this includes emotionally. This is a mans strength and he will relinquish it in small steps if at all. You could do worse than to be as independent as the average man.