they don’t know what they would do unless they’ve been there

Exactly. And each time you find yourself pregnant, your circumstances are different. What you would choose to do with an unplanned pregnancy today is not necessarily the choice you will make 5 or 10 years from now, or would have made 5 or 10 years ago. Your circumstances may change, you just never know what the future holds. Some women who had abortions have gone on to have children. Some women who have had children go on to have abortions. I had an abortion in college, when I had no good options, no money, no support from boyfriend or family. But then 5 years later my life had turned around, I was financially stable, married and made a choice to have a baby and then 5 years later another. But if I was to find out today (now a 39-year-old single mother, one child with special needs) that I was pregnant I would be in a panic. I can’t say what I would do, but I certainly can say that I would consider my options.

Isn’t that something you could file a complaint about? I mean, their job is to treat your physical body, not sit in judgment.

Absolutely. And I did. And although I was not privy to what came of my complaint, I do know that my new doctor was shocked when she read my file and saw that certain tests that should have been conducted in my case (and that I had asked for) had not been conducted. The problem is, its hard to get proof that the medical decisions made were a result of his feelings about my history, its just a feeling you have. So while I’m sure he was reprimanded for not doing the correct procedures, I’m not sure anyone took to heart that I felt it was from my ob-gyn history.

For some women in this same situation, having to complain just adds to the indignity of it all, which may be why they don’t.

‘Nother words, that even if a human rights issue doesn’t affect you personally, ally work is still the right path to take. The enemies of reproductive rights are actively trying to use women’s emotional feelings about motherhood as a wedge in the campaign to make abortion illegal. They are trying to cast women who are vocal about abortion remaining legal as childless, radical, “fringe elements”. That’s why I think its a good thing that mothers who have had abortions, and mothers who haven’t had—but support the right to have—abortions be just as vocal. Treating abortion as the ethical equivalent of blowing one’s nose is the tactic our enemies would place upon us. We need to be adamant that this is a human rights issue, a bodily integrity issue, and a private medical decision. Period.

I see the dividing tactical line here as “this could happen to you.” Statistically, unplanned pregnancies do happen to a lot of women, most of whom don’t choose abortion. So, appealing to their sense of “this could be you” isn’t going to go as far as another tactical line—”these are your sisters. these are other women just like you.” See?

its the pro-choicers who will say, “well, I support your right to make a choice, but its not something I would do.” I have heard that many, many times over the years.

To that statement, I always want to add a big fat “…YET”.

I’ve been puzzling over this one for the past couple days, since reading Anne Hathaway say as much in this month’s Jane. I *don’t* know what I would do if I got pregnant tomorrow, I’m inclined to think I’d abort, but I do.not.know.

But, um, word.

For me, my silence is not because the pro-lifers shame me (I mean, its their position so its expected), its the pro-choicers who will say, “well, I support your right to make a choice, but its not something I would do.” I have heard that many, many times over the years.

To that statement, I always want to add a big fat “…YET”.

Wow do I hear you on this, Kat.

The idea that anyone, pro-choice or pro-life, knows what they’ll do with an unintended, troubled or doomed pregnancy before it happens is complete bullshit. And I wish that pro-choicers would quit using that line. It just adds to the shame, and ridiculous — they don’t know what they would do unless they’ve been there.

Isn’t that something you could file a complaint about? I mean, their job is to treat your physical body, not sit in judgment. And if they’re so blinded by their desire to sit in judgment that they *miss major medical problems*, well, that’s a big problem with their diagnostic skills. Not to mention the likelihood that a less confident woman might end up witholding information from her doctors in future because she’d been judged by this doctor.

If they don’t want to treat you, they can tell you they don’t have any openings and recommend you find a different doctor. Opting to treat you, but to give you substandard medical care and a lecture on your morals, well, that’s trying to have their cake and eat it too.

I have one friend that I discuss my choices with, because she too has “been there, done that”. Pretty much I don’t speak of my past to anyone else, although I will speak in general about the right for a woman to make her choice.

For me, my silence is not because the pro-lifers shame me (I mean, its their position so its expected), its the pro-choicers who will say, “well, I support your right to make a choice, but its not something I would do.” I have heard that many, many times over the years.

To that statement, I always want to add a big fat “…YET”.

Or this one always makes me cringe, “well, I support a woman’s right to choose, but she should make better choices before she needs to”. (Okay, yeah, I agree with the fact that using good birth control methods would prevent having to have an abortion but anyone who has had to have an abortion doesn’t need to be chided that she put herself there to begin with.)

This type of conditional support from the home team is what has always kept me from talking openly about my experiences.