Maybe if you hadn’t read those books, you’d have grown one.

Consider:
1. I read every pregnancy book going while the CLP was on the way.
2. I have no dick.
QED.

(I apologise for the flippancy, but I cannot come up with a serious comment in the face of such assholishness.)

I have no idea if her abortion was spontaneous or induced. But either way, it sounds like from the standpoint of her physical and emotional health, it’s for the best. If she miscarried, I would not be surprised if it was the body’s way of saying, “you’re not in a good place to take care of a child right now, so we’re shutting down this operation.” If she aborted, then she herself knew that she wasn’t in a good place to take care of a child, so she did what was in the best interest of both her and the fetus.

And either way, this guy is a complete asshat and his wife needs to DTMFA.

;)

Understood.

P.S.

That anyone could seriously cite this as a general argument is really, really weird.

I thought that quoting Homer Simpson would be an obvious sign I am NOT being serious.

For Instance, if I danced around saying “I am so smart. I am so smart. S, M, R, T, I mean S, M, A, R, T” I would hope people would know I was NOT actually praising my own intelligence. But, this is the internet, nd maybe I’m underestimating the ability to Snark to get lost in the text.

Its Uter-US, not uter-YOU.

…did this really just happen?

Sorry, but I have a stupid joke fixation. I also considered “There is no I in uterus” but I decided to go with the other one.

Well, first of all, a miscarriage is not necessarily a major medical complication. There’s a reason why, traditionally, OBs didn’t want to make a low risk woman’s first appointment until 10-12 weeks of pregnancy. Because so many pregnancies end in uncomplicated miscarriages prior to that point–and because these pregnancies generally can’t be and shouldn’t be saved. (I’m excluding the maternal factors such as clotting factor disorders that have been recently discovered from this statement, because generally they aren’t even looked for until after multiple miscarriages, and often the mother needs to start treatment for them immediately after conception or before to ensure a successful pregnancy.)

When I thought I was ten weeks pregnant (now, known to be six weeks), I started bleeding. It was about a week after I’d had a positive home pregnancy test; about three weeks before my first already-scheduled OB appointment. When I called, the nurse at the OB’s office asked if there was any pain or cramping, and told me to keep my scheduled appointment. If it got significantly painful or heavy, I should call them again, or go to the hospital ER to be checked out. Otherwise, they’d confirm the pregnancy, or not, at my scheduled appointment.

It wasn’t a miscarriage*, and the bleeding stopped after two days. Kid’s due in about 20-ish days. Nobody knows why I bled then, and the only real concern that they had at the first scheduled appointment about the bleed was getting my blood type determined, which became a non-concern once I let them know that the husband/father was Rh- (since the father is Rh-, there’s not going to be Rh problems: either I was – and thus the kid would have to be -, or I was + and there’s no problem with me carrying a – or + kid).

*Or, given the stats that have been recently emerging about twins due to observation of early pregnancies: 1-in-8 pregnancies start as fraternal twins, while only 1-in-25 end as twins due to pre-12-week rejection of one, it could have been a miscarriage. We are never to know. Nor do I really care at this point.

What I read in the wording of the letter wasn’t that he was even accusing his wife of having a surgical abortion, but that he was convinced that she’d had an abortion induced via some method like RU-### (whatever those numbers are; not searching google with that term from work). I’m sure he’s gone out on the Internet and found all these sites claiming to have “natural” methods of early-term abortion: various herbal teas, medicine combinations, etc. I think he’s got a very fantastic view of the avaliability of RU-### and other “chemical” methods, and of where she would have/could have accessed those methods.

I just don’t understand what he thinks he’s going to find in her medical records. If she hadn’t even set up her first OB appointment and she was pre-10ish weeks, it’s quite possible she didn’t even GO to a doctor after a miscarriage. Then there would be nothing in her records. Many GPs and OBs won’t prescribe RU-###; if they’re nice and non-judgemental they’ll tell you about the clinic that dares. Is a medical record barren of any evidence of a miscarriage or surgical/chemical abortion going to satisfy him? I suspect not. Because she ‘could have’ gone to PP, or she ‘could have’ successfully used one of those ‘natural methods’ of abortion. Or, she ‘could have’ wished herself into an abortion, you know. *rolls eyes*

He’s determined to make the connection between her not reacting the way he wanted and the ultimate outcome, when that connection may not exist. That’s the bigger problem.

Let’s see: First, he doesn’t seem particularly concerned that his wife is depressed. Major depression (if that’s what she has) has a fatality rate of 20% when untreated or inadequately treated and it doesn’t sound like she’s getting a good response to treatment. Yet he never once expresses concern about her health or how a pregnancy might affect her chances of living and recovering.

Second, when she became pregnant accidently and expressed a desire to have an abortion, his only agenda was to force her to continue the pregnancy. No interest in why she felt this way (especially if she’d said she wanted kids previously), no concern about what it might do to her health, just “I want the kid and I’m the male so I must get my way.” That right there should tell you that this guy’s a waste of oxygen.

Third, with all the interest he claims in having a baby, he doesn’t know anything about pregnancy. Ok, he’s a man, but does that mean that he’s too stupid to read a book about pregnancy? Will his dick fall off if he buys “What to expect when you’re expecting” or some other simple lay book about pregnancy? Or is he too squeamish to read such things? If he’s too scared to even hear about hyperemesis gravidum, preclampisa, gestational diabetes, etc, how can he try to force someone else to risk going through any of the above.

Fourth, no one has the right to see anyone else’s medical records without their permission.

Fifth, when he became suspicious that she might have induced abortion, his only interest is proving himself right. No concern about what it might mean to the relationship if his partner felt she had to lie to him that way. No concern about what it might have meant to her to go through an abortion alone, without the support she should have had every reason to expect.

In short, if this guy had ANY love for his wife, he’d be trying to help her escape him. He’s a total loser and not ready for a relationship with a goldfish. If I were advising him I’d tell him to seek counseling geared towards treating his narcisism and tendency towards mental abuse. And to suggest a trial separation so that his wife could have a little room to breath without him trying to control her every move. If I were advising her I’d suggest she RUN AWAY and leave no clues behind.