Comments on: The Mommy Diaries http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/ In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set. Fri, 10 Feb 2012 09:13:48 +0000 hourly 1 By: bmc90 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55695 bmc90 Fri, 21 Jul 2006 15:17:56 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55695 It's stories like Marian's and Kat's that make Hershman say that in the current environment, you may want to consider only having one child. How many recurrences of this crap could a man's career take before he was pushng a broom in the back room? Not many. It's not fair, and it's not good, but it is just reality that motherhood and earning a good income don't mix that well because of non-support often in both the home and the workplace (husband won't help with night feeding, boss won't allow reasonable leave). Problem is, women have to eat, often after divorce, death or their husband's downsizing, all of which is not in their control. When you give up the means to make the best living you can by opting out, you really put the eating part in potential jeopardy. To rip a line from Passages, it's ok to be dependent on someone else, but be aware that someone else's self interest must always lie in taking care of you. It’s stories like Marian’s and Kat’s that make Hershman say that in the current environment, you may want to consider only having one child. How many recurrences of this crap could a man’s career take before he was pushng a broom in the back room? Not many. It’s not fair, and it’s not good, but it is just reality that motherhood and earning a good income don’t mix that well because of non-support often in both the home and the workplace (husband won’t help with night feeding, boss won’t allow reasonable leave). Problem is, women have to eat, often after divorce, death or their husband’s downsizing, all of which is not in their control. When you give up the means to make the best living you can by opting out, you really put the eating part in potential jeopardy. To rip a line from Passages, it’s ok to be dependent on someone else, but be aware that someone else’s self interest must always lie in taking care of you.

]]> By: Marian http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55669 Marian Fri, 21 Jul 2006 13:13:18 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55669 Wanna know something funnier? My ex-treasurer-of-Young-Americans-for-Freedom hubby agrees with all this too!! :) Wanna know something funnier? My ex-treasurer-of-Young-Americans-for-Freedom hubby agrees with all this too!! :)

]]> By: Jill http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55649 Jill Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:01:40 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55649 <blockquote>And the few screwdrivers I’ve had tonight are making me say…dammit Jill, you ARE converting me!! (re: your facebook comment) :-) </blockquote> Hahaha... I knew I'd get to you someday...

And the few screwdrivers I’ve had tonight are making me say…dammit Jill, you ARE converting me!! (re: your facebook comment) :-)

Hahaha… I knew I’d get to you someday…

]]> By: Marian http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55638 Marian Fri, 21 Jul 2006 03:29:57 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55638 And the few screwdrivers I've had tonight are making me say...dammit Jill, you ARE converting me!! (re: your facebook comment) :-) And the few screwdrivers I’ve had tonight are making me say…dammit Jill, you ARE converting me!! (re: your facebook comment) :-)

]]> By: Marian http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55637 Marian Fri, 21 Jul 2006 03:28:20 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55637 <blockquote>For the first 6 weeks of “maternity leave” (which is really medical disability), I got 2/3 pay in disability income. After that, you switch to unpaid leave IF your company and you meet criteria for FMLA. If that’s not the case you are out of luck and they don’t have to hold your job.</blockquote> Yep. That's why we put our TTC (trying to conceive) plans on hold for a couple more months since I just started a new job. I want to have the option of qualifying for FMLA, because the company actually grants 16 weeks if you qualify!! I don't want to wait too long to try, but on the off chance we're lucky on the first month, I'll at least get the 6 weeks disability before switching to FMLA. I think my company (or NY State) is pretty generous though, because most people don't have this option. Sad though how in the US, it feels like our bosses, not us, get to decide when we begin our families.

For the first 6 weeks of “maternity leave” (which is really medical disability), I got 2/3 pay in disability income. After that, you switch to unpaid leave IF your company and you meet criteria for FMLA. If that’s not the case you are out of luck and they don’t have to hold your job.

Yep. That’s why we put our TTC (trying to conceive) plans on hold for a couple more months since I just started a new job. I want to have the option of qualifying for FMLA, because the company actually grants 16 weeks if you qualify!! I don’t want to wait too long to try, but on the off chance we’re lucky on the first month, I’ll at least get the 6 weeks disability before switching to FMLA.

I think my company (or NY State) is pretty generous though, because most people don’t have this option.

Sad though how in the US, it feels like our bosses, not us, get to decide when we begin our families.

]]> By: Kat http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55634 Kat Fri, 21 Jul 2006 02:47:59 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55634 <blockquote>it’s HARD going back to work after just 6 weeks</blockquote> Amen! I went back to work when both my boys were infants and at 6 weeks you just don't have it together yet. You are tired, you are breastfeeding every hour, you don't feel great. But if you don't go back, you lose your income. For the first 6 weeks of "maternity leave" (which is really medical disability), I got 2/3 pay in disability income. After that, you switch to unpaid leave IF your company and you meet criteria for FMLA. If that's not the case you are out of luck and they don't have to hold your job. I worked for a Tyco subsidiary that did federal environmental contracting at the time of my first son's birth (1997) and because our subsidary had less than 75 people in a certain radius they did not have to adhere to FMLA standards. (I was in Hawaii, at some point the population in a certain radius drops off because you hit OCEAN.) Or at least that's what I was told by human resources. On my due date. They called me at home to fill me in on that tidbit. I was too busy with other things to ever really look it up but I got my ass back to work. The BEST comment I got during my pregnancy was from my female boss (who was a mother). Again, I was working for a federal contractor, not Tyco. A few months before my due date, I sat down with her to discuss when my maternity leave could start, and she told me "I'm not sure we can schedule that in during that time... ". I'm not kidding. Talk about stress that she was gonna give away my job while I was out!

it’s HARD going back to work after just 6 weeks

Amen! I went back to work when both my boys were infants and at 6 weeks you just don’t have it together yet. You are tired, you are breastfeeding every hour, you don’t feel great. But if you don’t go back, you lose your income. For the first 6 weeks of “maternity leave” (which is really medical disability), I got 2/3 pay in disability income. After that, you switch to unpaid leave IF your company and you meet criteria for FMLA. If that’s not the case you are out of luck and they don’t have to hold your job.

I worked for a Tyco subsidiary that did federal environmental contracting at the time of my first son’s birth (1997) and because our subsidary had less than 75 people in a certain radius they did not have to adhere to FMLA standards. (I was in Hawaii, at some point the population in a certain radius drops off because you hit OCEAN.) Or at least that’s what I was told by human resources. On my due date. They called me at home to fill me in on that tidbit. I was too busy with other things to ever really look it up but I got my ass back to work.

The BEST comment I got during my pregnancy was from my female boss (who was a mother). Again, I was working for a federal contractor, not Tyco. A few months before my due date, I sat down with her to discuss when my maternity leave could start, and she told me “I’m not sure we can schedule that in during that time… “. I’m not kidding. Talk about stress that she was gonna give away my job while I was out!

]]> By: Julie http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55630 Julie Fri, 21 Jul 2006 02:18:19 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55630 I agree 100% bmc. I have a college degree even though I always wanted to stay home (even though that obviously didn't happen when my daughter was born) until my kids were in school for that very reason. My dad treats my mom like absolute shit and she's too afraid to keave him because she has no way to support herself or my sisters. I swore I would never put myself in that position. In addition to which, in case of my husband's death or unexpected unemployment, I wanted options. I really enjoyed college though, I love learning and taking classes. I actually think I need to read the book as well, because I definately see 10 years of "opting out" as a lot different than staying home for awhile due to physical issues or even a couple years because you want to be the one to take care of your very young children (I'll admit to paranoia about leaving my young children with people other than family). I agree 100% bmc. I have a college degree even though I always wanted to stay home (even though that obviously didn’t happen when my daughter was born) until my kids were in school for that very reason. My dad treats my mom like absolute shit and she’s too afraid to keave him because she has no way to support herself or my sisters. I swore I would never put myself in that position. In addition to which, in case of my husband’s death or unexpected unemployment, I wanted options. I really enjoyed college though, I love learning and taking classes.
I actually think I need to read the book as well, because I definately see 10 years of “opting out” as a lot different than staying home for awhile due to physical issues or even a couple years because you want to be the one to take care of your very young children (I’ll admit to paranoia about leaving my young children with people other than family).

]]> By: bmc90 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55591 bmc90 Thu, 20 Jul 2006 19:32:20 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55591 When I was in 3rd grade, my mother made a creditable threat to leave my dad if he did not quit being so impatient with us over, well, everything. He was hell on wheels to live with. If she had not been employed in a good paying job, it would not have been a creditable threat. Forty years later, they are still together because my dad got better; he knew he had to. Make sure your husband knows he has to, and tell cousin in law. This is the real reason the fundies hate women working and divorce. It makes people who don't want to treat their wives better. When I was in 3rd grade, my mother made a creditable threat to leave my dad if he did not quit being so impatient with us over, well, everything. He was hell on wheels to live with. If she had not been employed in a good paying job, it would not have been a creditable threat. Forty years later, they are still together because my dad got better; he knew he had to. Make sure your husband knows he has to, and tell cousin in law. This is the real reason the fundies hate women working and divorce. It makes people who don’t want to treat their wives better.

]]> By: Marian http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55568 Marian Thu, 20 Jul 2006 17:52:41 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55568 BMC you make excellent points. The cousin actually should know much better anyway. Having been raised in India, she had grandmothers and great-aunts who were married off at her age and promptly widowed/abandoned while still in their 20's. Maybe that's how the relatives were able to smack some sense into her and encourage her to get a degree she can use! :) BMC you make excellent points. The cousin actually should know much better anyway. Having been raised in India, she had grandmothers and great-aunts who were married off at her age and promptly widowed/abandoned while still in their 20′s. Maybe that’s how the relatives were able to smack some sense into her and encourage her to get a degree she can use! :)

]]> By: bmc90 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55560 bmc90 Thu, 20 Jul 2006 17:10:22 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/07/19/the-mommy-diaries/#comment-55560 FB, maybe they had kids because our society perpetuates this cult of parenthood where only the good and rarely the bad are ever overtly discussed, expect now on these websites where know one knows who you are. You can't divorce your kids, so people who are not happy about parenthood don't have many options once it is a reality. You notice what happened to the cult of marriage once divorce became easier (though 80% of divorced people remarry, so most people appear to still think it is ok). FB, maybe they had kids because our society perpetuates this cult of parenthood where only the good and rarely the bad are ever overtly discussed, expect now on these websites where know one knows who you are. You can’t divorce your kids, so people who are not happy about parenthood don’t have many options once it is a reality. You notice what happened to the cult of marriage once divorce became easier (though 80% of divorced people remarry, so most people appear to still think it is ok).

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