The Scene: The Chef and I are parked in front of the computer watching the last of the Cooking Up a Story videos. We wait for this one to load.
Chef: You know, I would really like to have a dutch oven.
Lauren: I can give you one if you’re really interested.
(laughs hysterically for the next ten minutes, continues to laugh at every mention of dutch ovens, blows snot bubble)
Chef: (unamused) You’re a fucking dork.
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Related Reading: Le Pétomane
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No, fart jokes are very sophisticated. My family tells them all the time, and my mother gave me a farting killer whale as a present, which I keep in my purse. When I was at the family reunion she insisted I take it out and demonstrate it, and a good bit of the family sat on the deck for the next hour watching a whale fart in a gallon jug.
“Benjamin Franklin developed a perfect Dutch Oven”
I so want a farting killer whale.
One day, my honey and I went to William-Sonoma where I told him I really wanted this beautiful Dutch oven but it was close to $200 and I thought that was a little steep. He looked at me with that devilish grin and said, “Baby I can give you one for free!”
That was over a year ago and if we talk by W-S, he breaks into an uncontrollable fit of giggles muttering “Dutch oven!”
I should mention that the whale may not be intended as a farting whale. It’s a diving toy which you put baking powder into, which produces gas as it gets wet; the baking powder chamber is in the whale’s belly. The gas may have been intended to come out the blowhole in the top, but in practice the whale sinks – floats, as the gas builds up – rolls slowly to one side and lets a bubble float up to the surface. This is the sort of thing my family finds highly entertaining.
OK, help Grampie out, please; is there a risque meaning to dutch oven that adds to Lauren’s alleged fucking dorkiness? And, though I readily acknowlege the appeal of a farting whale, is there some connection to dutch ovens?
according to wikipedia:
“One may exclaim “Dutch oven!” after flatulating in bed and pulling the bedclothes over their bed-mate’s head.”
heehee, so juvenile
For one person I know, repeated and highly-protested dutch ovens were the platform upon which cause for divorce was eventually built.
Just sayin’.
Perhaps you haven’t heard of “crop-dusting”? That is when a server farts silently while walking around her section, hoping to get the campers to pay up and get out !!
HAR HAR HAR HAR
CROP-DUSTING!!!
Either we’ve met the same person or that has happened more than once.
Haha. What part of the country are you from, Thomas, just for fun?
Well honest to god. I thought I’d heard ‘em all. I think someone in my family’s holding out on me.
johnieb-
Thanks for asking the question b/c I’d never heard of this before either!
And why would someone do that even once let alone repeatedly to their spouse/lover?? Strange.
That’s really bad for your health.
I was going to say, “My six-year-old son knows what a dutch oven is, why don’t you?” but then I realized he lives with me. Of course he knows what a dutch oven is. For cooking!
Also, he saves his farts for my boyfriend’s neck during piggyback rides, so it sort of runs in the family.
JenM – they would do it because it is funny.
Auguste, I’m an attorney practicing in NYC.
Djur –
I don’t understand that kind of humor but then again I grew up in a household where we only could say “gas” or “stomach issues” – the f word was not allowed. Seriously – my mom can handle all sorts of curse words but far, snot, booger – she will freak out.
My boyfriend was saying he was amazed/scandalized to see grown friends hold down their older sister and fart on her – good thing we are on the same side on this issue!
Well, at least you didn’t give him one! (I had a bf once who, upon realizing that I didn’t know what a DO was, lovingly shared one with me.)
Stan: Chef, what’s a Dutch oven?
Chef: Well childrens, a Dutch oven is an oven made in Holland.
Kenny: ummpghd dhfjkejeks nfhdkfjdk
Kyle: That’s not what Chef said, Kenny.
Chef: Oh, your foul-mouthed friend is also correct, childrens.
Stan: That’s disgusting, Chef!
Chef: Holland is a disgusting place.
Chef: Oh, when a man loves a woman from Holland…
Kyle: Um, we’ll be leaving now.
Chef: But I haven’t got to the dirty part yet.
Stan: That’s okay, Chef.
Kenny: skjdhj fkdjfdkjfd sksjdks sksksk
Cartman: Eh fuck you too, Kenny. My mom has never been to Holland.
Lauren:
Well, not so much currently; I was speaking of my family of origin. Shirley you’ve heard of The Farting Sullivans?
There was a young fellow from Sparta.
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one bean
He’d fart “God Save the Queen,”
And Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.
::Lauren knows all::
now if only she would fill us in on this weeks lottery numbers. ;)
My father used to tell the joke about the man who could fart songs. We used to ask for this joke over and over, along with the one about Cisco the Bandit and the pumpkin joke.
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