Passing seems to come as much from within as from external validation. {e.g. not getting “hairy eyeball” inspections from others}

I also suspect that it creates a “tangible” that you can focus on and to some extent distract yourself from trying to guess how random people are perceiving you.

“Wow, you had us all fooled, i would have never guessed! How shocking. How… titillating.” Because, really, that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? How much of an exotic turn-on we are to cisgendered people.

Well, I admit there’s an element of enjoyment, too, and in light of piny’s comment I have to agree that we don’t have the same incentives or disincentives to deal with. The reason I focus on the passing element is due in large part to some of my own insecurity. What I see in the mirror means as much to me as how the people around me react on a lot of days. And while I’ve no real doubt that I am trans, I do worry about being taken seriously.

I think that a sign that we have truly liberated ourselves from the binary will be that how one dresses is no longer a political statement or controversy.

Like I started out saying, I would love to be able to just proclaim my identity and have that be that. I’m not entirely sure if I’m ready to toss the binary, but that’s also because I have trouble seeing what things would look like beyond binary. Another comfort zone to overcome.

back to the point, if an observer was to look at the average dude when he wakes up, especially if said dude does not sleep in male-coded clothing (or anything), and then compare to dude’s out-the-door state, they’re nothing alike. The contours, the focal points, the damn near everything of masculine presentation changes. Try the experiment with a consenting partner sometime. Especially if you like, or are a dude.

The point about “more threatening” is another manifestation of this hierarchy: the underclass bears the burden of suspicion; they are the scapegoats for anxiety about the failure of all of us to perfectly perform our roles. This is part of the conflict with, “Yes, these are survival mechanisms,” one which goes beyond the willingness to admit that one is a collaborator. Rejecting femininity can mean agreeing not merely with feminists but with the dominant culture that femininity in all its details is a frivolous, artificial, superficial thing and that feminine women are frivolous, artificial, and shallow.

I *heart* Piny.

Will you write a book? Seriously? Because I think you are brilliant.

I have a dream–that one day perfumes won’t be gendered and clothing will only be gendered inasmuch as those lace pants have narrow hips and more room in the front inseam, these lace pants have wider hips and a relatively flat front, and that other pair have even wider hips, and a fourth pair have not-that-narrow hips but more room in the front inseam. That it will finally be possible for me to buy a well-fitting wool suit without spending more than $200, and a French-cuffed shirt that fits me both in the shoulders and hips (I have a hard time with women’ fitted shirts). And that time spent on grooming will have zero correlation to gender or gender presentation.