Author: has written 5281 posts for this blog.

Jill has been blogging for Feministe since 2005.
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116 Responses

  1. Casey
    Casey October 12, 2006 at 11:28 am |

    I didn’t get the impression from your Fun Feminist post that you said all women have to do what you do, or else. This weekend, I’m going to a wedding. I will put on a dress and heels and makeup, and having my hair done. Does that mean I’m bowing to the patriarchy and thus nullifying any and all works of feminists before me? No. It means I’m gettin’ all purty for a fancy-pants occayshun. How does that harm anyone who reguarly does get dressed up? Not sure.

    But keep on keepin’ on, and don’t let anyone get you down. Especially from a blog that also praises The Little Mermaid as feminist.

  2. Heraclitus
    Heraclitus October 12, 2006 at 11:34 am |

    Jill, just a brief note–I don’t think you should feel the need to defend yourself. You do great work here, and you’re just being honest about yourself. There’s no reason to take personal attacks seriously, and to the extent that the criticism was about principles, you yourself are obviously already aware of them, and don’t owe anyone an account of how you live up to them to anyone.

  3. Roni
    Roni October 12, 2006 at 11:36 am |

    At the risk of sounding like Britney Spears, I’m gonna go ahead and throw it out there: I am not a role model.

    Excuse me, but you are a role model. Just as Brit sluffs off the title and Charles Barkley did in those NIKE ads, you have to realize that by being a public figure – by being one of the most popular feminist bloggers out there, that you are a role model. Not just for us feminists, but anti’s come here to see “what the feminists are thinking/acting/saying.”

    I’m not saying that to silence you or to say you are a bad feminist. I don’t think that at all. But we all have to realize that by putting ourselves out here, we are creating a public image. And by coming aboard Feministe after it was a hit, means that you knew what you were getting yourself into. And by that, I mean being a feminist public figure.

    The attacks on your feminism are a different issue. I haven’t read them and I won’t. I don’t like to read shit like that. But I do have an issue with public figures opting out of the role model status.

    I find myself FLOORED each time someone makes a comment about me being a feminist role model for them. At first it was flattering, but now it’s stressful. But I also know that if I didn’t want that role, I could shut up and do my feminism anonymously. But I don’t. It’s not an ego thing, I just won’t let that stress & pressure silence me.

    And I don’t want it to silence you either. You have wonderful things to add to this conversation we call blogging. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go reapply my lipstick.

  4. Jessica
    Jessica October 12, 2006 at 11:41 am |

    You rock. Others suck. I find it completely fascinating that when a man judges you on the way you look it’s patriarchal, but when a feminist does it it’s righteous. Give me a fucking break.

  5. Ron Sullivan
    Ron Sullivan October 12, 2006 at 11:44 am |

    I’m laughing (with, not at, honest) because yeah, I thought your post re: Twisty’s snark pretty much gets Twisty’s point, and now you’re getting the same kind of flack she got for it — apparently from another direction? But it looks pretty much the same.

    I’ve probably flogged Joanna Russ’ long-out-of-print short book here before, and I imagine it’s hard to lay hands on; I have only one copy myself. Magic Mommas, Trembling Sisters, Puritans and Perverts includes the essay that gives it the first half of the title, and it gets the power dynamic down pretty well.

    It’s also what Flo Kennedy called “horizontal hostility” and IIRC she used the crabs-in-a-bucket analogy too. There really is a way of getting all this discussed without shooting at each other, and part of it is being able to snark at the Stuff without going into great fits of writing everyone else’s lines for them and then arguing at great, nasty length with that.

    Yeah, that Strawfeminist.

    From what I see, you’re striking the right balance — and I’m not talking about makeup and/or gear. Don’t let ‘em get to you. (Easily said, but I’m pretty damned thinskinned myself, and I know this shit costs.) In the oh 36, 37 years since I started calling myself a feminist, nobody’s ever got ’round to giving me a membership card, so I guess it’s not a revocable membership after all.

    And hey, what could anyone write in a comments string or another blog that could possibly hurt as much as getting your pubes waxed? Ow. So.

  6. binky
    binky October 12, 2006 at 11:51 am |

    There are compromises that all social movements must face around the issue of whether to be inclusive or exclusive. Inclusive definitions sacifrice ideological purity and unity of purpose in order to reach and involve a broader group. Exclusive definitions maintain the clarity, but are prone to dogmatism/hierarchy and reduced numbers. Ideally in the long run, loose alliances between these factions can hold, but unfortunately they flare into these kinds of dustups between ideological elitists and the less doctrinaire.

    We’re not all at the same place, with the same resources, or the same “lenses” on the world, and will never be the same regardless of the amount of work we do to expand our perception. Ultimately we can only do the best that we can on any given day, or any given period of our lives. To expect otherwise is to require superpowers.

    Long story short, don’t let it make you question yourself. Your path is your path.

  7. TheYellowElephantBrigade
    TheYellowElephantBrigade October 12, 2006 at 11:56 am |

    We’re all role models, really. How we behave does effect those around us, and we can choose to inspire, or we can toss it all off.

    Anyway, I didn’t really mean to post anything constructive. Just to solicit. That’s right. I’m like that person outside the grocery store.


    http://www.drunkduck.com/Taking_Stock

  8. Afaeyre Maede
    Afaeyre Maede October 12, 2006 at 12:09 pm |

    As far as I’m concerned, your feminist credentials are not in question. Personally, I don’t care for make-up and can’t wear heels (calf muscle injury), but I also shave my legs. BFD. I really don’t think it matters all that much what we wear or how much make-up is on our faces. What matters is the mind, and yours is just fine.

    Sure, maybe some of the things we do are “submitting to the patriarchy”, but I don’t think that there is a feminist dip-stick to measure how much we are a tool of or fighter of the patriarchy.

  9. Annie
    Annie October 12, 2006 at 12:19 pm |

    Jill, you are so freaking cool. And FWIW, it’s nice to hear that my kind of feminism is someone else’s too – I don’t feel so alone.

  10. Morgan
    Morgan October 12, 2006 at 12:19 pm |

    learning your favorite feminist blogger gets a brazilian is like learning ian mackaye eats big macs.

    but he probably does.

    i think it takes serious balls to day “i do XYZ, and i feel feminist guilt about it”—because we all, at some time, have done somethng anti-feminist, and even though we are not (thank god) saying those things are “empowering” because they’re our “choice”-at least we’re admitting our own humanity.

    personally, i wax my eyebrows and shave my pits, but i think women who wax the choch are sadists. go figure. but until i got a BF who will love me and do me nowmatter what my crouch looks like, i did wax down there, knowing full well it was a sadistic act. and i still considered myself a pretty hardcore feminist because i wouldn’t shut up about feminism. you can be a feminist and do non-feminist shit.

  11. evil_fizz
    evil_fizz October 12, 2006 at 12:23 pm |

    Now I have to ask. What does it mean to have your eyebrows threaded?

  12. zuzu
    zuzu October 12, 2006 at 12:29 pm | *

    It makes me extremely angry to know that you’re being attacked for not being feminist enough.

  13. zuzu
    zuzu October 12, 2006 at 12:31 pm | *

    And from someone who watches Project Runway, no less.

  14. zuzu
    zuzu October 12, 2006 at 12:46 pm | *

    Jeez, and I thought her comments about the childfree were offensive. You have got to be kidding me.

  15. piny
    piny October 12, 2006 at 12:48 pm |

    *snort* “mistakenly calling me a dyke.” Oh, you poor, poor thing.

  16. Amber
    Amber October 12, 2006 at 12:56 pm |

    I will echo Jessica’s comment: Jill, you rock. And no matter what anyone else may say or think, you have no obligations with blogging, aside from those you choose to place on yourself.

    People need to understand that this is one of the fundamental defining factors of blogging.

  17. Jodie
    Jodie October 12, 2006 at 12:59 pm |

    I love your blog. It’s one of 3 I read every time I am online.

    For some people, whatever you do is never good enough. F*** ‘em.

    I always liked the concept of a “good enough” mother. Why not a “good enough” feminist?

  18. Fred Vincy
    Fred Vincy October 12, 2006 at 1:03 pm |

    Absolutely right, Jill. The attacks on your feminist credentials were a big part of what I was talking about here: http://tinyurl.com/yazdwm

  19. zuzu
    zuzu October 12, 2006 at 1:08 pm | *

    Fer fuck’s sake. Look at this, from one of her comments:

    Get this through your head: if you consider yourself a feminist, your concessions to the patriarchy aren’t something to be proud of.

    From a Project Runway fan and phone sex operator.

  20. zuzu
    zuzu October 12, 2006 at 1:16 pm | *

    You know, I’m about ready to go buy some goddamn 4-inch heels and a corset and get all the hair on my cooch ripped out by the roots just to annoy the hairshirt crowd.

  21. Michelle
    Michelle October 12, 2006 at 1:19 pm |

    I am trying to be the kind of feminist woman that I admire. But it’s a process.

    Word. It’s kind of hard to be born a feminist, unless you’re surrounded by them from birth, a la Paradise Island. You’re born, you grow up under the patriarchy, learn of it’s evils and go from there.

    But my phantom-reader-turned-random-commenter opinion is that you’re doing just fine.

  22. Alicia
    Alicia October 12, 2006 at 1:32 pm |

    i think it is a problem of sterotyping all feminists as various archtypes, all meant to push your average jane ‘mainstream’ woman away from them as being too different to identify with. (soccer moms get the same ovarian cancer as scary, hairy lesbians)

    i still hear way to many young women say ‘well, i’m not a feminist’ cause they arn’t ready to give up their trappings just yet (or ever).

    i’d rather have 10 women as allies in the fight for wage equality than 1 woman belittling 9 for trimming up the chocha.

    ps. i got a brazilian once. there was some really fun sensation stuff afterwards that i really enjoyed, and i’ll probably do it again in a few years, when the memory of almost gluing my buttchecks together and rolling off the table because i started laughing so hard at the extreme absurdity of my literal position has faded.

  23. raging red
    raging red October 12, 2006 at 1:32 pm |

    We’re not all at the same place, with the same resources, or the same “lenses” on the world, and will never be the same regardless of the amount of work we do to expand our perception. Ultimately we can only do the best that we can on any given day, or any given period of our lives. To expect otherwise is to require superpowers.

    I agree with this. I love how she attacks Jill for waxing and wearing makeup and then pats herself on the back for having such a non-traditional, feminist wedding, when I’m sure there are other feminists out there who could (if they wanted to stoop to her level) attack her for choosing to get married at all. She admits that getting married was her biggest non-feminist choice and explains how she mitigated the patriarchal baggage by having the kind of wedding she had, but she apparently doesn’t get that perhaps Jill mitigates the patriarchal baggage that comes along with getting Brazilian waxes and wearing high heels by being a prolific feminist blogger and working for international women’s rights organizations.

    I love reading feminist blogs, but Jesus, these holier-than-thou feminist flamewars give me such a headache.

  24. Natalia
    Natalia October 12, 2006 at 1:35 pm |

    I can’t believe you actually have to defend yourself now. It’s bad enough when men get all snarky and prejudicial about the way we look, but when fellow feminists do it, it just sucks.

    Excuse me, is there some sort of feminist uniform we should all be wearing? And then, you know, the guardians of feminism can send us home for not being dressed the right way. Sort of like administrators do in high school.

    I am so weirded out right now.

  25. Shakespeare's Sister
    Shakespeare's Sister October 12, 2006 at 1:40 pm |

    I started to write a comment, and it got so bloody long, I just posted it at Shakes. It’s here, for anyone who’s interested.

  26. Afaeyre Maede
    Afaeyre Maede October 12, 2006 at 1:50 pm |

    i think it is a problem of sterotyping all feminists as various archtypes, all meant to push your average jane ‘mainstream’ woman away from them as being too different to identify with.

    Exactly. This is all the “I’m more feminist than you are” nonsense really achieves…pushing potential feminists away because they feel like they won’t be accepted if they aren’t immediately ready to dump every feminine trapping they’ve been raised to think is right. Come on, people! Last time I checked, living was a process…we don’t just jump from being non-feminist to total feminist (whatever that is) overnight.

  27. jennie
    jennie October 12, 2006 at 1:51 pm |

    You know, I’m about ready to go buy some goddamn 4-inch heels and a corset and get all the hair on my cooch ripped out by the roots just to annoy the hairshirt crowd.

    zuzu, a word of advice? (Unsolicited, I know, but still valuable)

    Cooch, then heels, then corset, in that order. Getting into shoes when you’re already wearing a corset? Very challenging.

  28. Julie
    Julie October 12, 2006 at 1:51 pm |

    Jill, while I wouldn’t exactly call you a role model, you have definately taught me a lot about feminism and this site is the reason I call myself a feminist today, the reason I identify as pro-choice and the reason I now question my basic assumptions about femininty. I don’t think that the fact that you enjoy having your eyebrows threaded or having brazilian waxes makes you a bad feminist and it certainly doesn’t make me think any less of you. And this is from someone who very rarely shaves her legs, in part because I have very little leg hair and and in part because with two kids at home and time in the shower is a precious commodity. I don’t think that, or my usual lack of makeup or even the fact that I very rarely dress “femme” gives me more feminist credentials than women who do actual, grass roots feminist activism. Keep on doing what you’re doing and don’t let it get to you.

  29. ilyka
    ilyka October 12, 2006 at 1:53 pm |

    Jeez, and I thought her comments about the childfree were offensive. You have got to be kidding me.

    Thank you so hard. You certainly weren’t alone there.

    I just have to wonder: Is this latest frenzy of more-feminist-than-thou I’m seeing around brought on by the change of seasons? Because I remember this one time, last spring . . . it’s as though periodically everyone forgets that “feminist” is not a static label. It’s not something to be chiseled onto one’s tombstone. Feminism as a process, a very dynamic and nonlinear process, of fighting the patriarchy. There is no point anywhere in that process that I’m aware of at which you get to stop and say “Hooray, feminist perfection achieved.”

    I’m a little disgusted by the way those feminists who blog, who are willing to share their parts of the process online, are being expected to play a role, perfectly, by some of their readers. This isn’t Project Runway. This isn’t a television show. This is a young woman trying to make a difference in the messy, imperfect, real-life way that all change occurs outside TV land. For my own part I am grateful that you choose to do that, Jill.

  30. piny
    piny October 12, 2006 at 1:56 pm |

    It’s exactly like Project Runway. And Molly is Vincent.

  31. jenn
    jenn October 12, 2006 at 2:01 pm |

    Jill,

    I read your “fun feminist” post and was struck by your honesty and apparent desire to connect by publicly sorting through your thoughts and experiences. I may be wrong, but at least I felt you were trying to connect. And not connect in the “Hey, who’s with me in the shaving and heels department?!” sense, but in that there are no right answers here and that the most important thing is that we allow each other a voice and really listen to what each is saying. So often it seems that people are ready to go on the attack rather than see that, although we may disagree on some ideas, as feminists we have the bigger ones in common. These commonalities are what enable us to make change. We can put the differences aside, as long as the differences don’t infringe upon the common goals: equality and advancement. I think if those who attack you for your choices paused to remember that black/white thinking is one of the major sources of women’s oppression, we might avoid these situations.

    By the way, for 23 years old you have an impressive understanding and awareness of feminism. Feel no need to defend yourself.

  32. Hugo
    Hugo October 12, 2006 at 2:02 pm |

    Jill, amen. I do put myself out there very explicitly as a role model (Molly, whose blog I hadn’t read until this week, points me out as one). I’m also nearly forty, I’m a professor, and I’m advocating a very explicit kind of personal/public feminism. Not every pro-feminist or feminist needs to do that.

    But as you have said and others have said, part of being a role model is being “publicly in process.” You do that magnificently, and I suspect it is enormously reassuring and inspiring to a great many people both older and younger.

    I blogged about this today as well.

  33. Nomie
    Nomie October 12, 2006 at 2:03 pm |

    Jill, I love you. Thank you for this.

    And honestly, you have been – maybe not a role model, but an inspiration. Feministe was the first place I started reading and posting at, and in large part that’s because you were one of the bloggers: young, a student, not a hardcore radfem, and somebody who wouldn’t call me a bad feminist because I like wearing pink. I could see myself in you. I think you’re awesome. Some day I will have to buy you a drink or three.

  34. ilyka
    ilyka October 12, 2006 at 2:33 pm |

    It’s exactly like Project Runway. And Molly is Vincent.

    Burnination! Makes a handy tagline, too.

    “Feministe: Exactly Like Project Runway, But With Less Pubic Hair”

  35. Amber
    Amber October 12, 2006 at 2:34 pm |

    And, too: as antiprincess mentioned today, we’re not all the same, and “patriarchy” doesn’t have one definition. I get a distinct feel from people who would critique Jill for wearing make-up (for fuck’s sake) haven’t had much exposure to women of other cultures.

  36. molly
    molly October 12, 2006 at 2:42 pm |

    Well, actually, I am no longer working in the phone sex industry, largely because it clashes with my general principles and I couldn’t sustain the contradiction any more, even though it was putting food on my table.

    I didn’t want to talk about it, but stopping that actually required giving up the apartment I had a lease on and moving away from a lot of things I loved. I’d been planning to eliminate the phone sex operator thing from my blog at its redesign in approx. 1 month or so and write a post about it then. Until then, I really didn’t think anyone needed to know about the fact that stopping caused pretty dire financial circumstances, because I didn’t want to be seen as asking for a handout.

  37. Angelos
    Angelos October 12, 2006 at 2:45 pm |

    I still fail to see how getting dolled up is anti-feminist. And yes, I realize that “dolled-up” is probably not the best phrase to use around here…

    If the wife and I go out to a nice place, we get dressed up, because we both have the luxury of working fairly comfortably (no suits, dress shoes, skirts, heels, etc.) We want to look good for each other. It’s nice to look good in general. Something about wearing a suit just changes the way I carry myself. We give each other lots of compliments. We flirt over dinner. We get home and fuck like mad.

    She can’t wait for the racetrack to open every July, to bust out her best dresses, heels, and hats. She’s 38 and proud of the shape she keeps herself in.

    Does she need to turn in her credentials because she makes an effort to look good? I think not.

    Thinking back, the smartest, strongest, sexiest women I’ve ever dated were also big on appearance. As in, getting the most out of what they had (shake what’ya mamma gave ya), and taking pride in how they presented themselves. Oh, and if I thought they looked good, that’s a nice feeling too.

    So after a lot of rambling, yes, I side with Jill. This is a silly thing to argue about.

  38. jennie
    jennie October 12, 2006 at 2:52 pm |

    ilyka:

    it’s as though periodically everyone forgets that “feminist” is not a static label. It’s not something to be chiseled onto one’s tombstone. Feminism as a process, a very dynamic and nonlinear process, of fighting the patriarchy. There is no point anywhere in that process that I’m aware of at which you get to stop and say “Hooray, feminist perfection achieved.”

    You’re so very, very right. Kudos to you for articulating it clearly.

    That some suffragists were corsetted does not change the importance of the vote. That some feminists also wear lipstick or shave their nether regions doesn’t change the value of their contributions to women’s causes.

  39. mandy
    mandy October 12, 2006 at 3:00 pm |

    Jill – you’re inspiring and dedicated and you do great work.

    I find it ridiculous that women are still being judged by other women for what they wear (or don’t wear). Isn’t the whole point to work together to change society in ways that matter, like making sure we’re able to support ourselves and get equal (or better) jobs and influence politics?

    Creating divisions among women who are essentially on the same side because of differing beliefs about mascara and bikini waxes is trivial, and frankly, disappointing. Molly needs to realize that this is a personal thing for every woman, and that berating some of them for their choices helps no one – except those working against us.

  40. molly
    molly October 12, 2006 at 3:01 pm |

    I agree fully that someone’s grooming doesn’t change the value of their contributions. But I also believe that we, as feminists, should ALWAYS be striving to present ourselves as better examples, better role models.

    I have taken steps (which I detailed in my post and in my above comment) to do so. It just bothers me when people sort of say “well, I guess I’m good enough, then.” I’m not a perfect feminist. Jill isn’t a perfect feminist. No one is. And that part of her post, I could totally have gotten behind. I think more of us need to acknowledge that. What I can’t get behind is the idea that we can just say that we’re not going to try any harder.

    What would the feminist movement look like today if the initial founders of the movement to allow women to vote had said “okay, that’s about it. We can vote, so let’s disband!”? What would have happened if they’d said, “hey, we’ve done enough” after law and medical school admissions were allowed to women, or after the first woman CEO had been installed in a fortune 500 company?

    I don’t think feminism is about saying “I’m going to fight for this, but then no further.” I understand that some people choose to focus on particular battles. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be working on your own life, at the intersection of personal and political, either. Once you recognize that intersection, I think it’s critical to say “I may not be perfect, but I’m going to try,” not “I may not be perfect, but so what?”

  41. fiat lux
    fiat lux October 12, 2006 at 3:04 pm |

    You know what? This whole issue is who so many of us no longer want to identify as feminists. Who wants to have to put so much time, energy, and guilt into wondering whether every choice you make in your life is “feminist enough” to please the hairshirt crowd (great phrase, by the way)?

    In the long run, it’s my life and I’ll live it the best way I can. People who think they can do a better job of living my life for me are cordially invited to go **** themselves.

    Jill — you go, girl!

  42. ScottM
    ScottM October 12, 2006 at 3:08 pm |

    I had the same thought, ilyka– why the heck have all the knives turned inward? All at once– three, at least in the last week. Evidently this is feminist purity week… and I without it on my calendar.

  43. Natalia
    Natalia October 12, 2006 at 3:08 pm |

    Exactly, Amber.

    Who should we bash next?

    Women in saris? (Their tummies are often exposed! This means they’re obviously slaves to the patriarchy!)

    Muslim women who think that shaving their pubes is a religious obligation? (There are some who do)

    Etc.

  44. zuzu
    zuzu October 12, 2006 at 3:16 pm | *

    I agree fully that someone’s grooming doesn’t change the value of their contributions.

    And yet you dedicated an entire post to deriding Jill’s contributions for feminism because of her grooming.

  45. Karolena
    Karolena October 12, 2006 at 3:24 pm |

    Jill,

    Molly didn’t try to take away your “feminist” card, or “assert that [you're] not worth listening to.” She certainly didn’t imply that there was some zero-to-feminist measuring scale on which she was higher than you, inviting you to question *her* personal choices in response. She asked:

    “If she can’t even bring herself to give up these expensive (and sometimes painful) cosmetic beauty rituals, how in the world can she expect other women — who may be in a position where they are required to participate in beauty culture — to rise up against it?”

    I think this is a valid question.

  46. molly
    molly October 12, 2006 at 3:37 pm |

    I did rant later that people who do some things shouldn’t consider themselves feminists at all. That was wrong, and I take it back. I was in a pissy mood, as happens to most of us.

    But I don’t regret saying that young girls need role models who aren’t afraid to say “fuck the patriarchy” in little, every day ways just as much as giant, policy-making ways, especially since girls tend to focus more on those everyday things than the big issues until they’re out of their teens. I’ve been interviewing dozens of girls in the last couple of months, and over and over, they talk about how no matter what, as a woman, it doesn’t matter what you say, because if you’re not pretty, you’re a joke. These girls need an entry point into feminism, and it might be very hard to convince them from abortion rights (which they take for granted), women’s sovereignty over their own bodies (ditto) or even women’s employment (which they don’t often notice there’s a problem with). What they do notice is that pretty girls come out on top, and that they’re expected to do and spend a lot to be pretty. For them, feminists who actually say “forget these beauty rituals” are actually an entry point they can more easily use to begin to identify with feminism as a movement and cultural critique.

    Also, Jill, I’ll be 23 next March, so I do know what you mean about feeling too young for anyone to think you’re a role model. The point is taken. But I hope you also realize that even when you don’t say you are one, you can often be one (as many of us are to younger siblings, cousins, etc), for better or for worse.

  47. Ilyka Damen
    Ilyka Damen October 12, 2006 at 3:45 pm |

    This Is How I Do It

    I write this as much to remind myself as anyone that blogging is not my prime-time drama, or yours, but there is good news: It turns off almost as easily. Do that before you start putting people who write for free on pedestals just for the fun of knock…

  48. piny
    piny October 12, 2006 at 3:45 pm |

    But I don’t regret saying that young girls need role models who aren’t afraid to say “fuck the patriarchy” in little, every day ways just as much as giant, policy-making ways, especially since girls tend to focus more on those everyday things than the big issues until they’re out of their teens. I’ve been interviewing dozens of girls in the last couple of months, and over and over, they talk about how no matter what, as a woman, it doesn’t matter what you say, because if you’re not pretty, you’re a joke. These girls need an entry point into feminism, and it might be very hard to convince them from abortion rights (which they take for granted), women’s sovereignty over their own bodies (ditto) or even women’s employment (which they don’t often notice there’s a problem with). What they do notice is that pretty girls come out on top, and that they’re expected to do and spend a lot to be pretty. For them, feminists who actually say “forget these beauty rituals” are actually an entry point they can more easily use to begin to identify with feminism as a movement and cultural critique.

    As opposed to the ones who aren’t fascinated by haute-couture reality shows? I think that your criticism of Jill as inaccessible is even less supported than your criticism of Jill as insufficient. Hell, given the extent to which “hairy-legged” is apparently claimed even by radical feminists as shorthand for all that is repulsive to the mainstream, I don’t think there’s any reason to believe that her compromises sabotage her as a role model even if any given set of compromises might.

  49. molly
    molly October 12, 2006 at 3:57 pm |

    It’s amazing how many people pick up on the “project runway” thing.

    Fact: I also subscribe to the following magazines:
    Teen Vogue
    Teen People
    Seventeen
    Cosmo Girl
    Elle Girl
    Cookie

    And a couple other for brain-washing. What do all these things have in common? Answer: they’re part of my book research, along with occasional episodes of The Real World, Laguna Beach, and others. the whole thing isn’t about being “fascinated” by the shows in terms of “oh wow, such a good thing to watch,” it is that I’m talking to girls about them, and a reality show’s a pretty decent way to do that. You’d be surprised how many of the girls instantly identify with the misogynist Jeffrey over any woman in the competition, because the women are “bitchy.” I feel a little bad about paying to receive the magazines, but they aren’t carried in any of the local libraries.

    Watching these shows and asking girls to talk about them is pretty damn interesting, I will give you that. I was also, frankly, fascinated by the episode in which all the designers declared it impossible to dress a plus-size woman. It confirmed things I’d always figured were true! FYI, girls hated that show because none of those women “should be wearing anything by a designer anyway.”

    I will admit the Star Trek as a long-running thing, though, that isn’t informed by feminism at all, so if you’d like to take potshots at that, feel free.

  50. molly
    molly October 12, 2006 at 4:00 pm |

    (and by brain-washing, above, I mean my brain-cleansing ones, like Mother Jones and Harper’s. Not “brainwashing.” Poor word choice ahoy!)

  51. piny
    piny October 12, 2006 at 4:02 pm |

    It’s amazing how many people pick up on the “project runway” thing.

    No, it’s amazing that you’re so oblivious as to fail to understand how that behavior is not different at all from Jill’s, and how the petty criticisms of that behavior are not different at all from your petty criticism of Jill’s.

    And still missing the point! No one cares! No one needs your excuses! We don’t actually think you’re any less feminist for being interested for whatever reason in a stupid reality show.

  52. zuzu
    zuzu October 12, 2006 at 4:03 pm | *

    But I don’t regret saying that young girls need role models who aren’t afraid to say “fuck the patriarchy” in little, every day ways just as much as giant, policy-making ways, especially since girls tend to focus more on those everyday things than the big issues until they’re out of their teens.

    But your problem seems to be less Jill’s function as a role model for young girls than as a role model for YOU. You’re off in another thread discussing fallen heroes. Don’t try to pass off your own issues onto “young girls.”

  53. Lizzie Bee
    Lizzie Bee October 12, 2006 at 4:05 pm |

    Jeez, and I thought her comments about the childfree were offensive. You have got to be kidding me.

    You know, the interesting thing is that her most recent post on the “Mommy Bashing” childfree contingent was one long saga of “Ohhhh, those evil CHILDLESS FEMINISTS, always telling women what they should and shouldn’t do…they DisGust Me because they think they are just so great!”

    Cognitive dissonance much?

  54. ilyka
    ilyka October 12, 2006 at 4:09 pm |

    Hey, Jennie, I can’t take credit for the “process” observation when Jill stated it right here:

    I am trying to be the kind of feminist woman that I admire. But it’s a process. Perhaps I’ve been too forthcoming with my own failures and questions during that process, but I’m working on it.

    And I can’t emphasize enough, Jill, that I love that you are forthcoming with the misfires (I would not call them failures, myself) because it makes it seem like being a feminist is something achievable by actual human beings. If I wanted an Ideal Feminist, I’d get me a WWJD bracelet and tell everyone the “J” stands for “Jill.”

    Which would actually be kind of cute! We could make them in pink! And put RHINESTONES on them! Oooh!

  55. Sailorman
    Sailorman October 12, 2006 at 4:11 pm |

    I said it on the pubic-hair-shaving post and I’ll say it again: You’re right on target. The point of freedom is to REMOVE the arbitrary rules which govern people, not to instill a different (and equally arbitrary) set of “improved” rules.

    Sad that your detractors don’t/won’t/can’t see that.

  56. zuzu
    zuzu October 12, 2006 at 4:18 pm | *

    You know, Sailorman, now that you bring up that post, I’m hurt that I have mentioned my pubic grooming in not one but two posts (including where I copped to having dyed it purple), and nobody questioned my feminism.

  57. Karolena
    Karolena October 12, 2006 at 4:21 pm |

    re 56: I was wrong about the level of vitriol in Molly’s post. Mea culpa.

    I still think everyone is choosing not to address the point that women feel pressured to engage in these behaviors *because* so many women engage in them. Pretty much every one of my single female friends (in New York City) either shaves/ waxes their pubes, or frets and worries that they’re the only ones who don’t, so they’ll be seen as gross or disgusting.

    Sailorman, saying that this is a problem is not replacing “you must wax” with “you must not wax.” (First of all, that false equivalence ignores the cost and horrendous pain of doing so.) I’m never going to call Jill or any other woman disgusting, unfeminine, too feminine, or whatever. I’m just saying, let’s acknowledge that our choices do have effects on other people.

  58. molly
    molly October 12, 2006 at 4:21 pm |

    Purple? how did you find a good purple dye that stuck in and didn’t stain? Good blues/purples are never easy to find for head hair, I can imagine pubes are one level harder.

  59. zuzu
    zuzu October 12, 2006 at 4:22 pm | *

    I didn’t; it both stained and didn’t take.

  60. piny
    piny October 12, 2006 at 4:23 pm |

    You know, Sailorman, now that you bring up that post, I’m hurt that I have mentioned my pubic grooming in not one but two posts (including where I copped to having dyed it purple), and nobody questioned my feminism.

    Dude, we booted you months ago. You’re here to provide a counterexample, so that young girls know what they have to look forward to if they turn from the one true path. There’s a whole zuzu-free filtered Feministe where real feminists discuss whatever anti-feminist thing you’re doing this week. It’s so purist that Jill and I can’t read it either.

  61. raging red
    raging red October 12, 2006 at 4:57 pm |

    I appreciate Jill’s desire for this not to turn into a blog fight, so I don’t want this comment to come off as hating on Molly, but this part bugs me:

    If your formation of a feminist ideology doesn’t cause you to change things about your life, you’re not much of a feminist after all.

    Molly, what makes you think that Jill hasn’t changed things about her life because of her feminist ideology? She just hasn’t chosen to change certain things (waxing, makeup, etc.) that you think are really important. I’m sure there are certain things that you have not changed about your life that other feminists might think are really important. Everybody’s life is different and nobody is a perfect feminist. Feminism (to me) is not a code of conduct.

  62. molly
    molly October 12, 2006 at 5:08 pm |

    That’s true. She may have. I guess I sort of was hoping she’d say “fuuuuck yeah I have!” and tell me, though really, she has a right not to.

    I’m pretty open about stuff like that, so sometimes I make the mistake of assuming that if someone else had changed things, they’d have mentioned it. Of course, people may have a lot of reasons not to mention it, so I shouldn’t make the assumption. Again, I’ve apologized for the vitriol, but not the idea that we should keep making sure we’re doing the best we can instead of just saying “well, I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!”

  63. zuzu
    zuzu October 12, 2006 at 5:10 pm | *

    Molly, Jill’s not your little monkey. She doesn’t have to dance for you just because you put her on a pedestal.

  64. piny
    piny October 12, 2006 at 5:18 pm |

    Again, I’ve apologized for the vitriol, but not the idea that we should keep making sure we’re doing the best we can instead of just saying “well, I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!”

    Which is totally Jill’s role here. How about when people base their self-image on the number of other people who dislike them, without giving much consideration to the reasons? Is that less superficial?

  65. molly
    molly October 12, 2006 at 5:31 pm |

    Well, then, where am I supposed to go for my dancing monkey on a pedestal needs?

  66. Raging Moderate
    Raging Moderate October 12, 2006 at 5:43 pm |

    This whole issue is who so many of us no longer want to identify as feminists.

    I believe this is true. The extremists in any “ism” do harm to their cause by pushing the moderates away.

    I know several women who, while being committed to equality, do not identify as feminists due to the intolerance displayed by many in the movement (towards men in general, but other women as well). I think this whole fiasco is a perfect example of why they feel that way.

  67. Lauren
    Lauren October 12, 2006 at 6:19 pm |

    For what it’s worth, the person who started this blog wears skirts, heels, and lipstick, and she may have dyed her hair blonde last night. That last part is just a rumor though. I hear she threads her eyebrows on occasion.

    She is also happens to be obsessed with gel eyeliner, mostly because you can do some crazy shit with it that’s suitable for drag shows and/or Halloween. She also watches Project Runway, smokes tobacco (mentholated!), and is able to speak with and enjoy the company of people whom she knows are misogynist. She eats meat and doesn’t recycle.

    The person who started this blog is an infinitely hate-able person and a really, truly poor feminist. She is glad, however, that Jill was able to carry her torch onward.

  68. Lauren
    Lauren October 12, 2006 at 6:23 pm |

    For a previous version of this very conversation, which should also render this kind of judgement patriarchal in the first order, see: ass cream and/or hijab.

  69. julie
    julie October 12, 2006 at 7:07 pm |

    Jill,

    Great response. Thanks for speaking honestly and intelligently for those of us who consider ourselves to be “a feminist” but not “the feminist.” We believe feminism is important but do not believe we define what feminism MUST be. Nor do we define ourselves by “musts” or “shoulds.” Being a feminist and helping advance women in today’s world does not, I believe, require a total rejection of things that are sometimes associated with patriarchy. It does, however, take more than a spoonful of honest self examination and consideration of why we decide not to reject some of those “trappings.” Your very frank posts about this issue are an example of what that means.

  70. Sara
    Sara October 12, 2006 at 7:21 pm |

    I don’t understand why it’s cute when Twisty does it, but not when Molly does.

  71. Helena Handbasket
    Helena Handbasket October 12, 2006 at 8:06 pm |

    I don’t understand what’s fun about a bikini wax and bunions. Surely Jill should have called it “Confessions of an Ouch Feminist”?

    And I don’t understand what’s necessarily ‘unfun’ about flats and bush au natural?

  72. Lauren
    Lauren October 12, 2006 at 8:14 pm |

    Sometimes it’s really uncute when Twisty does it, re: Blowjob War of ’06.

  73. ilyka
    ilyka October 12, 2006 at 8:19 pm |

    I don’t understand why it’s cute when Twisty does it, but not when Molly does.

    I’ve been waiting for someone to bring that up. My own opinion, just personally, not speaking for anyone else, is that I don’t mind Twisty’s barbs at fun feminism because Twisty acknowledges repeatedly what’s to blame for that. It begins with a “p” and ends with a “y” and it’s part of her blog title.

    No mention of “role models” appears in any of those explanations, incidentally. The closest Twisty’s come to that, to my recollection, was her remark about how tottering down the street in a pencil-thin skirt and high heels marks you as a “Yay Patriarchy” billboard; but I read that as a criticism of the behavior, i.e. embracing feminine attire, and not as a criticism of the person engaging in said behavior.

  74. Argent
    Argent October 12, 2006 at 8:20 pm |

    Interesting how a lot of these discussions are almost meta-commentary for other issues. Then again, I’m looking at this discussion and thinking ‘well, you can find anything you want in anything you look at if you look hard enough’. Example: I sew. Am I a bad feminist because this is a traditionally housewifey thing to do? Am I a good feminist because I’m not buying clothes made for pittance and sold at 500% markup?

    I am sewing a skirt. Am I a bad feminist because it is a skirt? Am I a good feminist because it’s made of practical hard-wearing black denim? Am I being feminine because skirt-wearing is approved by the patriarchy? Am I being masculine because I’m engineering the design from scratch with pockets and practicalities? Where do we draw the line? Do we draw a line?

    (Hell, sometimes I feel like a bad feminist because out of all my friends, one is a woman. The rest are men. Then I think ‘screw it, I’ll be friends with whom I please’ and the feeling passes.)

  75. ilyka
    ilyka October 12, 2006 at 8:27 pm |

    Sometimes it’s really uncute when Twisty does it, re: Blowjob War of ‘06.

    I don’t want to be indelicate (it would be so unfeminine, for one) but, uh, a certain party whose privacy I should probably respect better than I do really made out like a bandit from that war and, consequently, probably wouldn’t mind if hostilities resumed with a quickness.

    It’s funny how telling people “what you enjoy is objectively disgusting” activates that old imp of the perverse.

  76. Chris Clarke
    Chris Clarke October 12, 2006 at 8:54 pm |

    The person who started this blog is an infinitely hate-able person and a really, truly poor feminist.

    THANK you.

    I dropped her from my blogroll a long time ago.

  77. evil_fizz
    evil_fizz October 12, 2006 at 9:31 pm |

    I don’t want to be indelicate (it would be so unfeminine, for one) but, uh, a certain party whose privacy I should probably respect better than I do really made out like a bandit from that war

    ilyka, you’re so cruel with the teasers.

  78. JeffL
    JeffL October 12, 2006 at 10:03 pm |

    Jill, you are a role model. And by that, I don’t mean you are supposed to conform to some vision of what the “perfect” feminist is supposed to be, just so others can emulate you. I mean that, by living your life the way that you do, and being visible in the way that you are, you are modelling a role, teaching others by example. And speaking as a pro-feminist Dad, it’s a model I’d be thrilled to see my girls follow.

  79. twf
    twf October 12, 2006 at 10:18 pm |

    Jill’s post about her grooming behaviour was good for feminism.

    I’m a non-shaving non-makeup-wearing flat-soled geeky feminist. I could easily be mistaken for a “hair-shirt” feminist. And the truth is, if I must admit it, every once in a while when I see a woman all dolled up I feel superior to her. It’s similar to the feeling I get when I pass a line of single-occupant SUVs on my bicycle in rush hour. It makes me feel morally superior. A better feminist. A person who doesn’t waste time on “frivolous” things.

    It’s also a way for me to cover for my own feelings of insecurity for not being hot, and for lacking the skill set that the femmy-women have.

    Jill’s post was honest and refreshing and human. It did two important things for me. First, it helped me see that the girly-girls can be feminists too. I think my attitudes towards women who look a certain way are changing due to her post. I am less likely now to assume that such a woman is not feminist. I am less likely to be intimidated by her, thinking she’s judging me by my looks. I am less likely to reach for my standard way of dealing with that intimidation: the feeling of feminist moral superiority. I am more likely to seek out common ground with her, and work together towards the big things that matter. Second, it allowed me to be more honest, with myself and other members of the community here, about some of the real reasons for my non-femmyness. In real life I play the “it’s not important” game, and publicly attribute my lack of femininity to utter carelessness. Only here have I admitted that it’s also anxiety due to my lack of skill. Another non-femme in The Happy Feminist comments has also put some time into analyzing her own reasons for being non-femmy, and how she gets to feel morally superior about it. This is an important discussion.

    Jill is building bridges between the girly-girls and the hairy-legged feminists. We’re having an open, respectful dialogue here, with the underlying assumption that we all matter, and that the underlying commonalities are more significant than the differing appearances. This is awesome for feminism.

  80. ilyka
    ilyka October 12, 2006 at 10:39 pm |

    If the Feministe blogging team ever seeks expansion, can I nominate twf? Wicked awesome comment, twf.

  81. Sally
    Sally October 12, 2006 at 10:51 pm |

    Here’s my concern about the role model thing, or at least one of my concerns. One way of looking at it is that prominent feminists will realize they’re role models and change their supposedly patriarchy-upholding behaviors. If that were to happen, Jill would stop getting bikini waxes. But another possibility is that women would look at their behavior, decide they weren’t feminist enough to speak as feminists, and shut the fuck up. For a lot of women, it takes real courage to assert themselves in the way that bloggers do. Women (and some men, too) are not necessarily trained to believe that our thoughts and opinions matter. I don’t think it’s a particularly good idea to put more emotional barriers in women’s paths.

    And if that was incoherent, blame the fact that this shitty, not-even-that-fun fun feminist is exhausted from my evening pilates class.

  82. zuzu
    zuzu October 12, 2006 at 10:53 pm | *

    One way of looking at it is that prominent feminists will realize they’re role models and change their supposedly patriarchy-upholding behaviors. If that were to happen, Jill would stop getting bikini waxes.

    Or she’d continue to get bikini waxes and just not talk about it, because the backlash isn’t worth it. Kinda like how I don’t talk about my cats anymore.

  83. twf
    twf October 12, 2006 at 10:55 pm |

    zuzu, what am I missing? Why don’t you talk about your cats anymore? Were you accused of being unfeminist for having cats?

  84. zuzu
    zuzu October 12, 2006 at 11:00 pm | *

    No, I was accused of being a horrible person because I tried to find a home for my cats rather than drag them thousands of miles.

    Let’s not even discuss the dog nannying I’ve gotten.

  85. twf
    twf October 12, 2006 at 11:04 pm |

    Pilot-hating purple-pubed cat-abandoner!

    My husband is leaving a cat with a friend in a month so he can come live with me. I was strangely flattered that I took priority over a cat that’s been in his life much longer than I have.

    Ok, sorry, this is off topic. I’ll shut up now.

  86. When You Join the Teapot Tempest, You Know Your Bloggy Groove Is Returning

    [...] ice between intelligence and femminess), I just wonder why so many people insist that they are not and will ne [...]

  87. raging red
    raging red October 12, 2006 at 11:07 pm |

    Anyone who has cats cannot in good faith call herself a feminist.

  88. zuzu
    zuzu October 12, 2006 at 11:09 pm | *

    I’m not actually saying I still have cats, mind.

  89. raging red
    raging red October 12, 2006 at 11:21 pm |

    Okay, you’re back in.

  90. twf
    twf October 13, 2006 at 12:28 am |

    I just went into the archives and read some of the cat kerfuffle. It was a lot more serious and hurtful to zuzu than I thought… or that I thought possible for such a topic.

    So it’s possibly my above tongue-in-cheek “insult” was actually hurtful, and I apologize.

  91. Lesley
    Lesley October 13, 2006 at 6:34 am |

    Quickly on the makeup thing. The issue here is not makeup, but how whatever women do will be considered to be inferior to what men do. For centuries, it was actually quite common for MEN to wear makeup. Really, centuries. In fact, if you added up the centuries in which men wore makeup compared to those in which they did not, men wore makeup for far longer in the annals of recorded history than they did not. It fell out of favor again in the 1800s and hasn’t yet come back into favor. For some of those centuries in the modern era, women did not wear makeup, as it was considered unseemly and immoral for women, but not for men.

    I don’t get the entire debate over whether or not makeup is empowering. It isn’t either. It’s makeup. It’s empower-neutral qua itself. It’s what we read into it that is the real issue. When it was common for men to wear makeup, makeup was a great and wonderful thing. When it is uncommon for men to wear makeup, makeup is an inferior and time-wasting beauty ritual for silly and frivolous women.

    So on the makeup thing, it’s all about how those things that men do become defined as the ideal and those things that women do are deemed inferior.

    This does not address stiletto heels and tight clothes that make it virtually impossible for women to move comfortably. I do think there are other dynamics that revolve around those. [Yes, it is true that historically men wore high heels, but not stiletto heels. I believe those are a fairly recent phenomenon, although I'm happy to be corrected if anyone knows differently.] BTW, I’m not suggesting that women who wear stilettos and tight clothes can’t be feminists (I wear stilettos on occasion myself, a fact which I do realize has a lot to do with societal expectations and pressures). I just think that there are dynamics of keeping women physically uncomfortable and, as a result, weak, that play into the current popularity of those (a la foot-binding and corsets as brought up by another commenter.] Mind you, though, if men were wearing stilettos and tight clothes, they would somehow be defined as being powerful.

  92. Lesley
    Lesley October 13, 2006 at 6:46 am |

    I will add one more thing about makeup. It’s really a class thing and does bear criticism on those grounds. It was common for wealthy men to wear makeup, but the poor never really did.

  93. Argent
    Argent October 13, 2006 at 8:49 am |

    This is somewhat off-topic, but corsets do not have to be physically uncomfortable and/or constricting. The general view of them seems to be based in ‘tightlacing’, a specific practice. Corsets are no any more restricting that a panty girdle, step-ins, or a bra. If they are, then it doesn’t fit. (Which is probably the problem; people mostly wear off the rack, so it doesn’t fit quite right, therefore uncomfortable).

  94. Frumious B
    Frumious B October 13, 2006 at 9:06 am |

    Upper class men used to wear corsets, too.

  95. zuzu
    zuzu October 13, 2006 at 9:19 am | *

    So it’s possibly my above tongue-in-cheek “insult” was actually hurtful, and I apologize.

    Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m an irresponsible dog owner, too.

  96. shannon
    shannon October 13, 2006 at 9:27 am |

    Corsets are really expensive now, so I don’t get any. I wouldn’t tight lace, as that might not be the best thing for health.

  97. Amber
    Amber October 13, 2006 at 9:40 am |

    Wait wait wait. There was a cat kerfluffle? Wha..??

  98. jennie
    jennie October 13, 2006 at 2:04 pm |

    Argent

    This is somewhat off-topic, but corsets do not have to be physically uncomfortable and/or constricting. The general view of them seems to be based in ‘tightlacing’, a specific practice. Corsets are no any more restricting that a panty girdle, step-ins, or a bra. If they are, then it doesn’t fit. (Which is probably the problem; people mostly wear off the rack, so it doesn’t fit quite right, therefore uncomfortable).

    Hmmm … sounds like you’ve worn one a time or two. My experience differs from yours, and I’ve worn both off-the-rack and made-to-measure corsets. I would agree that they’re not much less comfortable than a panty girdle or really tight support hoes.

    That said, my feelings about my corset, by the end of an evening’s dancing corsetted (and I emphaticallly do not tight-lace. I need all the air I can inhale for dancing; the corset is just to lend the correct silhouette), are identical to my feelings the time I decided to wear suckinthegut support hose under my bridesmaid’s dress: “get me the f*ck outta this f*king thing, right f*cking now!”

    In the ladies’ changing room after a ball this summer, we noted with amusement that we all had the same reaction as we uncorsetted. One of the ladies noted “Yanno, it’s funny, at the beginning of the evening, we all say ‘oh, this isn’t so bad. When the corset fits right, the support is rather nice!’ by the end of the envening, we don’t think so!”

    Shannon, I paid less for my made-to-order corset than I do for some of my bras (it cost me $110). Not because I deliberately buy expensive bras, but because I’m a slightly odd size. I’m working on making another, using a pattern from Simplicity of all things, and I think the materials and pattern cost me $50. The time invested has been considerable, though.

    And yeah, I dance corsetted. If anyone wants to take away my feminst card, and uninvite me from the party, that’s fine by me. I’ll keep dancing and patriarchy blaming and doing feminist stuff, and nobody will know what my cooch looks like anyway.

  99. Argent
    Argent October 13, 2006 at 8:15 pm |

    Hi Jennie! Nice to see someone else who has worn corsets.

    “Hmmm … sounds like you’ve worn one a time or two. My experience differs from yours, and I’ve worn both off-the-rack and made-to-measure corsets. I would agree that they’re not much less comfortable than a panty girdle or really tight support hoes.”

    Ah, well, everyone is different. I’m far more likely to take my bra (or pantyhose!) off and ditch it across the room than my corset. Then again, I make my own, and I heavily modify the design compared to what other corset-makers suggest (basically I won’t wear one I can’t breathe easily in, that takes a bit of engineering so you don’t fall out). Plus, underbust corsets are a dream to wear compared to overbust ones. So much more comfortable.

    You do Ren Faire or reenactments?

  100. philosophizer
    philosophizer October 13, 2006 at 8:31 pm |

    I’m going to make up a list of all the things that feminists aren’t allowed to do or like/must hate themselves for doing or liking, just so we can keep track. You can never have too many reasons why you’re a horrible person, I say.

  101. ilyka
    ilyka October 13, 2006 at 8:54 pm |

    really tight support hoes

    I want an all-girl band to name themselves this. Right now.

  102. shannon
    shannon October 13, 2006 at 9:05 pm |

    $110 is a lot of cash for me, and my lack of sewing acumen is legendary. I pay like $10 for my bras as I uh..well technically I don’t need a bra, but I fear social faux pases.

  103. zuzu
    zuzu October 13, 2006 at 9:35 pm | *

    Oh, my God, ilyka, you just made me pee my pants.

  104. Lauren
    Lauren October 14, 2006 at 8:53 pm |

    Vote #3 for The Support Hoes.

  105. Let Them Take Bubble Baths at  Faux Real Tho!

    [...] elf-referential. This is my performance of femininity. Let me make it clear: I’m firmly in Jill’s court, and I’m not concerned with how popular this opinio [...]

  106. Tiny Cat Pants
    Tiny Cat Pants October 15, 2006 at 9:08 pm |

    In Defense of Hedonism

    I have run my tongue lightly across something small and hard and reached up as far inside a girl as I could get.  I’ve woken up with her smell all in my hair and on my…

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