Three years ago today, this little monster came into my life:
It was the day before Thanksgiving that year, and I found myself seized with the idea that I had to get a dog, right away. I’d put my previous dog down the year before, and then spent almost a year with the roommate from hell, who wasn’t real big on getting a job, paying the rent, ever leaving the apartment, all that good stuff. At one point, she owed me over $4000 — and the only reason I didn’t kick her out was that I was afraid that she’d disappear and never pay me. Which turned out to be what happened, only she’d gotten it down to about $2500 by then.
So I had my apartment back, and I had a lot of free time to fill because the roommate had trashed me to our mutual friends over the whole back-rent situation. My job was not going well; I was a temp, and for weeks, there hadn’t been much work at all for me to do. I figured the ax was going to fall any time. And I wanted a dog.
I found Junebug on Petfinder. She was at the city pound in Brooklyn, which is in either East New York or Brownsville. I think her name was Candy, which of course had to change. I was in the market for a smaller dog, though I really had something like a dachshund or Chihuahua in mind. But dachshunds and Chihuahuas don’t last very long at the pound, what with their being small. So I left work early the day before Thanksgiving (not like I had any work to do anyhow), took the subway out to the pound, and looked at the available dogs.
There she was, looking a little shocked in her cage, with a sign that warned that she had bitten someone. It was love. I took her out for a walk and bonded a bit, though she was a bit freaked and standoffish since she wasn’t used to me. I decided I had to have her.
Now, I was supposed to take the train to Virginia the next day, so when they told me that I could pick her up the following Tuesday after she was spayed, I was quite happy. Then they told me I’d have to take her that day and put down a spay/neuter deposit because she had an upper respiratory infection that precluded having surgery there. Um. Well. I wasn’t quite prepared for that. But I took her anyway, and stayed home for Thanksgiving since Amtrak wouldn’t let me take her on board and I couldn’t get a rental car anywhere.
And a week later, I lost my job, so we spent a lot of time bonding over the next two months. So much so, in fact, that my sweet little angel turned into Cujo when I got a job and had to hire a dogwalker. She didn’t want to let anyone else into the apartment, something that she still hasn’t quite gotten over. Now, she’s in love with Nadine.
But this is about two anniversaries. It wasn’t until a few months after I got Junebug that I realized just why I felt so driven to have a dog RIGHT THEN:
This is my mother’s eighth-grade photo. Today is the fourth anniversary of her death. She’d had a heart attack, though she didn’t realize that was what it was for days. By then, her heart was so badly damaged that she couldn’t survive. Once we made the decision to take her off life support, the end was mercifully swift, and she was surrounded by three of her children, her brother, and her sisters-in-law. Needless to say, Thanksgiving is a little rough for me.
Rest in peace, Mom.
My birthmother died when I was a baby, so I never knew her. Having your mother in your life was a tremendous gift, zuzu. I will say to you the thing I try to make true for myself whenever I think of my mother: she would be very proud of you.
Though I know nothing about your mother, zuzu, I believe you give her much to be proud of.
It would appear that Junebug is the added love in your life to help you with the loss of your Mom when Thanksgiving comes around.
Your Mom was a very beautiful woman. Her love is always your to keep.
It’s great Junebug turned out to be such a good doggie (ignoring couch damage). It always strikes me how often we can only see our motivations in hindsight, as you did with your two anniversaries.
Your Mom was a beautiful woman. RIP.
I loved your story about Junebug. I am so sorry about your mom. Death anniversaries are very hard.
Have you ever read “Pack of Two” by Caroline Knapp? A beautiful book, not at all sappy, about the dog Lucille she adopted from an animal shelter and their bond. Caroline Knapp also died long before her time.
My Mom died about three years ago, and I still don’t REALLY believe it. Not really. How long can the “denial” stage of grief go on?
My commiserations, Zuzu. I don’t know how old you are, but I’m guessing your mother was taken before her time.
How sad. My father was in his 80s and had been sick for a long time before he passed, and it was still traumatic. How much worse it must be when you have no time to prepare yourself. I hope you work through your grief and find peace.
Thank you, zuzu.
I think my mom was still working through her grief for her father, who’d died some years ago, when she got her/their most recent and current dog, and yes, there was a connection.
Peace.
My (now ex) partner and I split up this year after 14 years together, and when it became obvious we were going to have to split up the animals, I immediately got yet another dog, a six month old carolina dog/heeler mix.
I told myself that it was because the older dog that was coming with me was the pack alpha and wouldn’t be able to get along without at least one dog below him to boss around. And there was some truth to that.
But there was more, that I didn’t realize till later. I needed what that puppy brought. Guilelessness, joy, goofiness, irreverence, noisiness, even the trouble he caused. (Trouble that was easily repaired, unlike the bigger more complex trouble my life was full of. )
All by way of saying, I can relate. And I’m glad you got Junebug, for her sake and for yours. The loss of a parent is one of the biggest developmental milestones any human goes through. It’s a profround reorganization of the self, that may take years to get over, or through. Times like that, it’s helpful to have a pure soul at your side to help. Looks like Junebug has done a fine job of that.
Happy anniversary.
Reminds me of why I got my cats.
Your mother is beautiful. She looks quite a bit like one of my older sisters when she was young. xo