Next post, explore the wonderful world of adjectives other than “fucking.”
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Why fucking bother?
Yeah, who fucking cares? Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke!
Not just a New York thing, you know. Just listen to my dad…every other word out of his mouth (at least around family and friends) is “fuck” or some variant thereof.
One shouldn’t be judged on one’s ability to conjugate the verb to fuck.
I used to swear like a trucker but then decided that I would get more mileage out of expletives if I used them less often. As a result I now wait in anticipation for Spring when I will once again shock all my friends with the grand old poem-
All hail the first of May,
Outdoor fucking starts today.
They will look at me and say- you don’t swear and I will just smile.
I’m less concerned about the swearing bit than by the lack of creativity bit. I mean, surely I can find some better synonyms, or at the very least some more creative cuss words.
Zuzu, if you’re looking for a change, rplace “fuck” with “shit” for a while. Straight across. You will shitting laugh at the looks you when the first time to tell someone to “shit off” or “go shit themselves”.
Try multiple languages for swearing. In my hey day, I could swear in five- english, french/quebecois, yiddish, greek and chinese. I seem to have lost the last three through lack of usage but I’m sure your readers would be willing to help you out. Quebecois is fun because it is religious themed and pretty inventive.
Heh, it’s only when I speak to my parents and profs that I realize how much I curse the rest of the time. My brother, who’s in the military, is appalled at how much I swear. Fucking etiquette.
Friends helping friends
It’s time once again for the annual Weblog Awards, an Emmy- or Oscar-like, broad-based attempt to identify the best bloggers in a variety of categories. It’s pretty mainstream so there’s no separate category for sex, or sexuality, or sexual-politics…
If you want to use multiple languages, German is a fun one to swear in. Hell, you don’t even have to swear, German just freaking rules..
Halt die Schnauze! = Shut up!
Ach du Scheisse! = Bloody hell!
Es ist arschkalt = It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.
there’s always freaking or frigging. same concept, different sound. I used to use dick a lot – dick off, dicked up, dicking around… I had to clean up my language big time when I moved from Long Island to Texas.
I’m currently trying to work pinto allegre into my vocab, except that working at an engineering firm doesn’t leave much opportunity for swearing.
coperad, I like the literal translation of es ist arschkalt — “it’s ass-cold”
Frumious: not much opportunity for swearing? At an engineering firm?
KnifeGhost:
Hehe, yeah, the literal translations are good. There’s something satisfying about telling someone to shut their dog mouth.
Oh yeah and if you’re in southern Germany (Bavaria), if you call someone a “warmduscher” (pronounced VAHM-doosh-eh) it’s supposedly a big insult to their character (although you literally just called them a “warm showerer”).
I can’t support this fucking project…
Fuck you, you fucking fuck!
And I mean that in the best fucking possible way.
I agree with Hawise. You will never experience as much joy as you will the first time you scream, “TABERNAC!!!”
I never got into “tabarnak”. I always preferred “CALISSE!”
Or if I was really pissed, ‘STIE D’CRISSE CALISSE!!
Which, translated literally but correcting for grammar, means something like “communionwafering Jesus church.” Can I get a confirmation? (No pun intended, honestly.)
Haha, KnifeGhost. I’m actually an Anglophone Westerner, but doesn’t “calice” (with a chapeau, of course) mean chalice? So more like the wine than the wafer? Not that it matters, of course. The beauty of Quebecois swearing is that it makes very little sense in translation.
As for “tabernac,” I just like the French R-sound. For some reason, it drives my boyfriend crazy. So naturally, I do it whenever possible. He cringes every single time. Truly delightful.
In fact, I think I’ll go whisper it his ear for a while now to see if it’ll give him bad dreams.
“Stie is hostie = host (the communion wafer). Crisse is Christ. Calisse is chalice.
So it literally is “host of Christ chalice”, but means something like “Jesus fucking Christ!”.
Interestingly enough (to me anyway), “toute fucke” (all fucked up) is acceptable in front of your Grandmother, but “‘stie de crisse callise” could make a sailor blush.
I prefer “maudit tabarnac de chien sal” (cursed tabarnacle of a dirty dog). It just rolls off the tongue and actually makes a tiny bit of sense when translated.
There’s a great chapter about this in “The Anglo Guide to Survival in Quebec”.
Gordon:
perhaps I phrased that wrong. there is plenty of opportunity, it’s just that it would get me sent to HR for anger management or something. engineering is a very, very conservative culture.
zuzu –
pick up the book “Merde” and “Merde Encore”. truly creative French swearing which translates well into English (why swear if no one knows you are doing it? well, except to avoid trouble at work)
I guess I’m an Aussie through and through. You just can’t go past “buggering” as an adjective.
Zuzu, there are plenty of adjectives other than “fucking”: “motherfucking,” “ass-fucking,” “fucked-up”…
RM, I don’t quite hate the uvular R sound, but I think the way it’s used in French is annoying. The standard Hebrew R is very much like the French one, only a lot weaker (it’s uvular-approximant rather than uvular-trilled, if you know what those are); I’d always get annoyed at people who used the more formal R sounds, like the one used in Spanish or the one used in Parisian French. Oh well – I prefer the English R anyway.
I hear ya. The jews and their phlegmmy “ch” piss me off, too.
And don’t get me started on the way black people speak.
If you think the /X/ phoneme sounds bad, you just haven’t heard a Mizrahi Jew say /X\/.
But I have nothing against Jewish- or African-American accents. The only people around here who don’t merge “cot” and “caught” are black people and old, preferably Jewish white people.
What the fuck? Replacing that fucking word with some other shit-laced adjective? Like who the hell cares if some stupid dick wouldn’t say shit if he had a mouthful and you here — you say something righteous because some jackass has you by the shorthairs?
Well, for the love of christ, what the hell is this goddamned world coming to? Who’s the sonofabitch that planted that shitstorm in your brain? Its the world, not us zuzu, the world.
Tell them to bring their cotton picking ass over here and I’ll whoop them upside their stupid head and teach them a fucking lesson.