She quotes “frustrated” men and “angry” women from a WebMD article about sexless relationships. An example from one of these poor, frustrated dudes:
Ladies, please consider that this is not an article about your wants. It is just a statement of fact about what causes men to not want sex.
I’m a 27 year old guy, if it was up to me I’d be having sex 10 times a week. However, one of the things that occasionally makes me less interested in sex is that I have to do all the work to make my girl cum and to make myself cum as well. It’s all well and good for her to want it, what about wanting to get me off?
FYI, guys jerk off. Get over it. It’s not about you. Amazingly, sometimes I just want to cum. I can do it in two minutes by myself instead of the 45+ minutes with my partner (because I want to make sure she enjoys it). Of course, I’d prefer if she’d offer me a hand as long as I don’t then have to return the favour.
Some of you may benefit by taking up some of the workload and offering the occasional handjob/blowjob without expecting anything in return. When my girl does that it sparks up my sexual appetite immensely.
See, the neat thing about good sex is that you can both get off, and you can both enjoy it. Masturbation is great, and believe it or not, sometimes the ladies “just want to cum” too. And many of us can do it in two minutes, instead of waiting 45 minutes for you to get the job done. But the other great thing about sex is that it’s about more than just the orgasm. Sometimes it’s quick, and that’s fine. But other times, it’s the whole process that’s enjoyable. And it sounds like homeboy is crap in bed if he can’t grasp this simple concept.
I also love the idea that he does all the work in bed, and that she should “take up some of the workload” — by getting him off and not worrying about her pleasure at all. I don’t think I’m wrong in assuming that the “work” he does gets them both off. Which, in his eyes, in unfair, because if men and women are equal, then clearly that’s unequal. Because men, by birthright, deserve more. A commenter on the post demonstrates this beautifully:
Guys – avoid marriage at all costs if you expect to have a good probability of a normal sex life as you get older. If you do get married, marry someone younger.
Otherwise, stay single, you’ll have a better sex life. I am divorced after an 81/2 year marriage that was largely sexless after year 3. I have three f”friends with benefits” (also divorced) and occasionally have a serious relationship. My married buddies in their 40s and 50s are locked into their marriages, and most of those are largely sexless. If they leave, they know they will lose most of their assets and their children.
See, what’s funny about no-fault divorce laws is that they split the assets 50-50. Having half of the couple’s assets, though, clearly means that a man loses “most” of what’s rightfully his. Because 50-50 is not equal when it’s a dude who’s only getting his half.
Then there are those “angry” women, who have unreasonable complaints like this:
As a 28 year old woman, with the same man for 13 years and 3 kids, have a little insight on why women lose interest in sex…It gets beyond boring for us thats why. It becomes a repetitive chore, akin to washing dishes. And even though my man works, when he doesnt want to help me clean or care for the kids, why would I want to spend energy I dont have doing something that is going to feel exactly the way it did last time. Theres no passion, no excitement, nothing. Sex feels like being poked and prodded like your some cow. Is boring, repetitive, and dont you men realize, that girls still just wanna have fun?!!! Pay for us to have a makeover, then buy yourself something nice and please, brush your teeth..Then maybe we would want it too.
If you’re angry at your partner all day long because he doesn’t do his fair share of work around the house, you probably aren’t going to be feeling particularly attracted to him when it’s bedtime. The men respond:
As a 45 year old male in a 6 year sexless marriage let me tell you, a lot of the reasons given here are just Bull.
Many, not all but many, of us men, help around the house, help with the chores, take our time making love, and still we are denied sex. We are loving attentive men who help in any way possible and do all we are asked, and still, we are denied relations with the women we love, and with women who profess to love us?
Again, the whole half-is-not-equal scenario. “Helping” around the house and with chores is not the same thing as doing your fair share of the housework (for the slow among us, in a two-person co-habitating relationship, a “fair share” is 50 percent).
Dr. Helen weighs in:
So what did I learn from spending the last hour reading comments from women and men about sex? That I need to go to work earlier and stop spending so much time on the intenet? Perhaps–or maybe I learned that instead of seeking solutions to what bothers their mates, many women (and some of the men) spend their time wondering why their own needs are not being met–and that is no way to fix a broken sex life.
Update: A Men’s News Daily commenter to this post writes the following:
“Never forget: the single most revolting image, the nightmare that haunts women, is that of the happy, grinning, sexually satisfied male. They really hate that and the sooner we adjust our social expectation to that fact, the better.” Truer words were never spoken–I think that some women really do feel this way.
Yes, women do secretly hate the idea of our partners being happy. You’ve got us all figured out.
The double-standard here is amazing. From the letters Dr. Helen quotes, it’s pretty clear that many women are refusing sex because they aren’t enjoying it, or because there are other issues within the relationship that are leaking over into their sex lives. But clearly, they’re just being selfish by not allowing their husbands unrestrained sexual access, even if the sex sucks, or is painful, or is unwanted. As usual, the mens are not doing anything that needs re-evaluating.
The comments are even better:
It’s a shame that feminism was perverted to the point that women just became asshats because of it. It was originally about self-help, tending to your own education and career so as not to put the entire burden on the men.
Yes, feminism was about relieving the burden on men.
But society is filling women’s heads with all sorts of prideful nonsense and you have to tune it out. I think most men understand NOW that we have rights so it’s time for a truce.
Telling women that they are people, too, has really caused some problems for the men who enjoy subjugating them.
Also, women are emotionally unstable, and should get used to sexual servitude:
1. Men have exponentially more levels of Testosterone (T). It is produced by the woman in the conjugation of androgneous hormones from the adrenal glands, so it is present in women, but not to the levels of what a man has, and certainly, she can’t find any pleasure in doing something that she isn’t hormonally motivated to do. The question here is whether women should consider sexual servitude as a part of their domestic responsibilities.
There is a prevailing attitude among women that this consideration is tantamount to male oppression; that historically, women have been oppressed by male aggression, without any equivocation of their own. This histrionic assumption is usually extrapolated from data mines that are rigged, or ones in which the terms of the debate are highly loppsided to be in the favor of a feminist agenda.
For women who are left scratching their heads, let me just ask you to try an experiment: have your man get you within thirty seconds of a big O, and then withdraw. I tried that with my first wife, and she didn’t speak to me for a week. But to demonstrate, why don’t you try perpetually walking around, being 5-30 seconds from YOUR big O, and see how you like it.
2. Men need to realize that although women are largely a mystery, most of this riddle may be solved in documenting her behavior in accordance to the particular day of her monthly cycle. Women have fluctuating hormones, and moods. Get over it. A woman does in fact require a certain amount of inculpability and forgiveness that just simply isn’t available to a man.
For men who are scratching their heads, try to imagine a world where you go to sleep, and wake up every morning finding your job is now with a different employer. Women have fluctuating moods, and it is not their fault; get over it. Just as you have needs for sex, she has needs for many other things, stability being one of them; this is supposed to be provided by you, not the state. She shouldn’t have to work if it doesn’t please her, and you should be man enough to provide; nobody had a gun to your head forcing you to carry on with her. I say this as a man.
As historical examples of polygamy provide, women and men can settle their differences, and understand that their counterpart doesn’t tick the same way they do. Not all polygamous examples are bad, you know. Furthermore, although we are largely stigamtized to the follies of polygamy, there are many pragmatic aspects of polygamy in which all parties are actually content.
But it gets better…
Personally, I have given up on women – for reasons based on aesthetic, economic, and karmic criteria.
* Aesthetically — I no longer pursue relationships with women because by-and-large, modern American females are no longer particularly desirable. Feminism has largely extinguished femininity, replacing it with the modern, aggressive, masculinized Go-Grrrrlz careerist prototype. In pursuing masculine forms of power, women have remade themselves into poor imitations of men. As a heterosexual man, I am not erotically attracted to my own gender. So, why should I be attracted to faux-men in skirts? (And no, I do not wish to see women sequestered at home barefoot and pregnant.) But please don’t ask me to find ball-busting, affirmative-action professional diversity princesses with toxic feminist entitlement attitudes and the requisite uncritical certainty in their moral, intellectual, and emotional superiority (over lowly, subhuman men) — DESIRABLE as potential relationship partners.
Women chose to be ideological when they accepted feminism. And sorry girls, but your new dogma is just not sexy.
* Economically – I avoid personal relationships with women because, quite simply, a basic cost:benefit analysis will prove that the obvious risks far outweigh the presumed benefits. Forget about having to pay for the dates, the flowers, the jewels and all the other tokens on her toll-road to sex.
This is where one must talk about the lethal anti-male legal system that forty years of feminism has imposed. Marriage now is a system for expropriating a man’s wealth, and nothing more. It’s the only so-called “contract” where two individuals state their vows to form an inviolable partnership, unless one of them wakes up some morning and decides to bail because s/he is bored, inconvenienced, or unfulfilled. (And 70% of the time, the aggrieved party is female.) The Divorce Courts are where men are systematically harvested just like corn is de-tassled. The radically dead Bolsheviks would be embarrassed today to see how feminist gender capitalism has so exponentially exceeded naïve communism in achieving the redistribution of the oppressor’s wealth to the victim class!
Even co-habiting with a woman is dangerous now. She has 911 on the cell speed-dial and knows all about the Domestic Violence intervention squad that she can summon 24 x 7 to arrest the man on any false pretense she might wish to express. All 50 states have rape laws that provide up to 30 days after an alleged sexual act for the woman to decide (retroactively – maybe those Valentine’s Day flowers were an insufficient token of supplicancy?) that she was in fact raped. And, marriage is no sanctuary from this jeopardy, thanks to “marital rape” laws that codify the same female subjective standard of proof.
Oh, and if this wasn’t enough legalistic terrorism, the law now says that if I buy a woman a drink and she later comes to my bed, I may have coerced her and deprived her of the act of consent, so on her allegations alone I would be subject to sexual assault charges. Puts a bit of a damper on the romantic ambience that dating intends, yes?
So, economically speaking, women have become an expensive, risky luxury commodity that I have elected to decline. I also avoid loan sharks, prostitutes, and politicians for pretty much the same reasons.
* Karmically – I have discovered through objective critical reflection, dissecting my associations with women during my nearly 50 years, that the majority of the harm, injury, and suffering I have experienced in my life has involved women. (Economic loss, emotional devastation, pro-fessional betrayal, etc.) Now I am not by nature a masochist, and I do not associate being in pain with seeking pleasure. Having discovered the correlations between personal suffering and its proximity to the female gender, I determined to eliminate the apparent source of my suffering, as an experiment. Removing the offending irritants from my personal life proved to be an almost magical balm, restoring peace, tranquility, and financial solvency in short order.
I realize that my tentative conclusions do not support any kind of cause-and-effect hypothesis like making the preposterous argument that women actually CAUSE men to suffer. That would be unscientific, illogical, and hence, unmasculine. So I’ll just stick with my self-defensive superstitions about women.
In sum, I have taken to heart the feminist maxim that “the personal is political,” and have adjusted my personal politics accordingly.
Until I see women actively, vocally, and honestly seeking to dismantle the tyranny of a hate movement called Feminism Inc., actually listening to men, and returning to an ethical meaning of “equality,” I will take the prudent course and shun women. I don’t need to sleep with my enemy…
BTW, wounded former idealists always make the best cynics. Men, having been indoctrinated in Chivalry and now facing the consequences of their foolish and outmoded beliefs — might be forgiven their current cynicism regarding the once fairer sex.
I love it. Chivalry — not exactly a feminist invention — totally sucks because it means that you might actually have to be nice to a woman. Feminism totally sucks because it means that you might have to treat a woman like a human being. The courts suck because divorce laws split your assets 50-50, and because marriage doesn’t make it ok to rape your partner. Man those bitches are vicious.
This country is dead and the women share an immense portion of the blame. One man’s reform is another’s revolution but this country needs to change one way or another. And again, the change and the affects of that change will as always lie squarely upon the shoulders of men for the women have become utterly malleable to modernity without circumspection or an awareness of the dangers afoot; especially to our children. One thing you can always count on despite all the platitudes of equality and tolerance; when foreign boots hit the ground in this country or on the day that there will be a civil war, all the women will cry, wail and beat their breasts and beg every man (the very men they were so eager to dispense with) to protect and defend them while using the children as their excuse and shield. I say, that when that day comes, and it will; every man should take the children and leave these women to be raped or killed while we save the children and let them populate a new and more equal society established upon a sublime rationality that was once called—self sacrificial and self effacing love. And therein lies the warning to that once noble gender known as women.
But it’s women who hate men.
Most men who have not lived under a rock for the past 40 years have had their libido beaten to death with the entire “rape” issue. Every act of sex is both a potential for 18+ years of child support, as well as a potential rape charge. “Sex” has been subtly redefined as “what the woman wants, when she wants it, how she wants it” and everything else has become “rape.”
Seriously. In the good old days, you could just fuck a woman whenever you wanted it, however you wanted it, and there wasn’t a single thing that she could do. Now those uppity bitches are saying that they have the right to have sex when both partners want to. What did we say earlier about 50-50 being soooo unfair?
Sex is portrayed as a very very bad thing unless it is exactly what the female wants, in which case it suddenly becomes an obligation on the part of the male. Culturally, we are teaching young boys that their sexual interest is a very bad, in fact criminal, thing. Children have to learn the values of the culture they live in and fit in, and the current sexual witchhunt atmosphere is teaching them that liking females and being attracted to them is really quite horrible and that they will be punished severely for it. A culture penalizes behaviors that they want to stamp out and I expect that women over the next few decades will encounter a lot of men who had their interest in women stomped out of them when they were boys.
“Sexual interest” is not the same as “rape, harassment and assault.” But these guys don’t really seem to grasp that.
As a man I am constantly bombarded by sexual imagery, yet let me say “hello” to a woman or (god forbid) indicate that I find her attractive and most women react as though I had just handed them a shoebox full of feces and that I’m only a few seconds away from knocking them to floor and having my way with them right then and there.
Sounds like someone is seriously creepy in person. At least Dr. Helen is doing her part to keep these sociopaths at home and on the computer, instead of interacting with civil society.
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