No, seriously.
A NASA astronaut who drove hundreds of miles to confront a romantic rival, wearing diapers on the journey so that she would not have to stop to use the restroom, appeared in court today facing charges that included attempted kidnapping, and was ordered released on $15,500 bond. . . .
The Orlando police allege that Mrs. Nowak drove 950 miles from Houston to Orlando — wearing adult diapers — and disguised herself in a dark wig, glasses and trench coat to confront Ms. Shipman in the parking lot of Orlando International Airport, according to a police affidavit. Mrs. Nowak considered her a rival for the affections of a fellow astronaut, Bill Oefelein, according to the affidavit.
The Orlando police said that Mrs. Nowak followed Ms. Shipman to a parking lot at the airport, where Ms. Shipman entered her car. Mrs. Nowak approached the car window and tried to open the door. When Ms. Shipman would not open the door, Mrs. Nowak began to cry, the police said. Ms. Shipman cracked the window, and Mrs. Nowak sprayed pepper spray into the vehicle.
And my favorite:
She later told police, “that was stupid,” according to the affidavit.
Ya think?
Check out what she packed for the trip (other than adult diapers and pepper spray):
During a check of the parking lot, an officer followed Mrs. Nowak and watched her throw away a bag containing the wig and a BB gun. They also found a steel mallet, a 4-inch folding knife, rubber tubing, rubber gloves, $600 in cash, love letters — all in bags and in her car, the police said.
Way back in the early 90s, when I worked at a newspaper in Connecticut, there was a trial going on just over the border in Massachusetts involving a murder that had come out of a love triangle in which a chimney sweep and a coconut bra figured prominently. But I think astronauts, pepper spray and adult diapers beat that for sheer weirdness.
It would appear emotional stability can be lost in space.
Judging by the difference between her NASA picture and her mug shot, I’m thinking drugs. Something about her is shouting “METH!”
Ain’t love grand?
Nohing says “I love you” like a complete neglect of bodily functions coupled with homicidal insanity. /sarcasm Yikes.
I feel sorry for this woman and for her husband and children.
I feel sorry for this woman and for her husband and children.
So sad. You’d think after Neil Armstrong pepper-sprayed Buzz Aldrin while wearing a fake mustache NASA would have some sort of program for this.
“And I think my spaceship knows which way to go…”
“No it doesn’t! Those are the auditory command hallucinations again!”
My husband is obsessed with this story, but, then, he’s obsessed with the space program. If not restrained, he will tell you (several times) that he once shook the hand of Gene Cernin, the last man to walk on the moon. And he spent an entire holiday weekend re-watching “From the Earth to the Moon” on broadcast TV (USA Network, I believe).
I’m usually the true crime person in our household, but he’s been giving me updates every day.
Soon to become a sub-plot on BSG.
Those weren’t just any adult diapers (according to the story I read, at least). They were special maximum absorbancy diapers used by astronauts during flight. Some things I wish I didn’t know.
hey mnenosyne,
my husband is a space cadet too, so it’s all astronauts, 24/7 at my house.
it’s sad to see a woman make it that far in what is just about the most demanding program on earth and then fall prey to mental illness.
she is clearly in an irrational state and needs pschiatric care.
About the adult diapers…
I asked a Navy pilot friend of mine what he does when he has to go to the bathroom during long missions. I can’t help it, I always have to think about the logistics of such things. I mean, I can’t usually get through a commercial flight without hitting the loo, what do these jet fighters do, right? Anyhow he said they use portable urinals, just unzip the flight suit and go. So I asked… but what about the female pilots? And he said they use Depends. I never knew that. Sort of takes some of the glamour out of it for me…
I guess she was mission-ready for this kidnapping…
Oh man, I bet those diapers have tons of super absorbant polymer beads (tear open a diaper-they’re the whitish, clear things that look like they would be an awesome exfoliant). Cool!
And off topic.
The dude these ladies are feuding over is one of my university’s celebrated alumni.
Crazy engineers.
The Pandagon thread reports that the headline from New Zealand TV is “Arrest Mars Stellar Career”, which I actually think is really rather clever.
Soon to become a sub-plot on BSG.
Hee! Dr. Baltar, are these… adult diapers?
This story spawned perhaps the best bar-trivia team name I’ve heard in two-plus years of playing bar trivia:
“Astronauts In Diapers Heading For Uranus”.
She blew so much for a man. Didn’t anyone tell her they make up about 50% of the population?
Nohing says “I love you” like a complete neglect of bodily functions coupled with homicidal insanity.
Well, throw in drunken phone calls to the ex at 3 in the morning, and you’ve just about described most 20 year old males after the end of their first serious relationship.
Poor NASA. This is the most press they’ve gotten in YEARS.
Yeah, I’ve wondered about that too. Men do seem to have a certain advantage here, being able to pee into a bottle from a sitting position. I’m trying to imagine doing that as a woman and can’t quite figure it out. The depends seem the way to go.
There does seems to be an equal lack of opportunity for …. uh… number 2… blech. I asked my friend what he does about that, and he sort of gave me that end-of-conversation look so I have no information on that… ;)
And just one other thing on that…
Knowing all this sort of got me over my Flight Suit = HOT thing…
Why in the world do you people think that the mental breakdown of a woman is funny? Are you in 7th grade, or something?
Shame on you.
tinfoil hattie- I think we all realize that we are one synapse away from doing something equally ludicrous but still- driving 950 miles in adult diapers to attack a woman who has just flown out of the city that you started in. That is taking ludicrous to levels that boggle the mind.
I wonder if that’s what Commander Codpiece was packing.
Anyone reminded of Upright Citizen’s Brigade? “Oh, it’s a very good neighborhood… no dirty astronauts.”
Someone makes these tube thingies for women that let them pee like a man. I don’t know what they are called, but there’s a cup-like portion which goes over the vulva and then a tube, essentially giving you a fake weiner with which to write your name (maybe not in outer space, though.) These things should be standard issue for females in bathroom-limited situations – astronauts, fighter pilots, soldiers, etc.
I am thinking of the Museum of Science exhibit on space technology; the section on bathrooms was titled, “In Space, No One Can Hear You Flush”.
Hell, Frumious B, we should just issue them to all women, since ‘it is a human right not to have to sit down like a girl.’
Also, I think what you’re looking for is called the P-Mate. Although, women need not resort to such devices to succeed at standing urination… at it really requires is a steady hand and maybe a practice run or two in the shower.