As a fellow Christian, and as someone who has a number of friends in more conservative Christian denominations who have been through similar and related situations like this, I think the choice is simple but painful.

Sometimes people are left with having to chose the least uncomfortable of multiple options regarding a difficult issue. You both love one another very much, you both want an intimate relationship with one another, but you both are of a mind that more children in the family is simply no longer an option. You’re both willing to accept a vasectomy for yourself.

So…pray to ensure that you have the strength to accomplish this task, no matter what obstacles present themselves, find a doctor who will do it, and be done with it.

However, unfortunately, you should also be prepared, if your congregation finds out, to be treated unfairly for your decision by at least some people within it. You will then have a second difficult decision to make – whether you can rise above their lack of comprehension and their ability to “forgive” (I quote this because I personally don’t think you’re committing a sin by the vasectomy, but the guilt that might come with it may make you believe it’s something you need from your fellow congregants), relying on each other, your faith and potential supporters of your decision within your church, or whether you must transfer to a more accepting church.

I know that this second decision could be as painful as the first, but I cannot believe that God means for you to be apart under the circumstances in which you now live, and that he wishes for you to suffer from the lack of intimacy that has resulted from this situation.

Together, with God’s grace, you can see through this difficult time and be faithful to the core of Christianity.

Seems to me that it is to realize that the real central tenet of Christianity is that whatever else might be true, Jesus didn’t die (or at least, didn’t stay dead when his body died.)

That means that he has the option of shifting from a religious system that tries to base all its decisions on a (roughly) 2000+ year-old set of documents to one based on a relationship with Someone who is still around today and is up on all the changes in modern medicine, modern sexuality, modern gender roles, and all the rest.

why the hell can’t he at least snuggle / cuddle / touch / pleasure his wife without having the expectation that it must include SEX? arrrgghhh i hate men.

From his post:

She told me later she didn’t want to risk getting turned on and having sex. Even cuddling and caressing were severely restricted, for the same reason.

It sounds like that wasn’t his particular restriction, but more hers.

—Myca

/ sarcasm

… you know, in skimming all of the comments i didn’t see anyone mention that penis-in-vagina intercourse NOT the only way for a couple to be intimate. (sorry if it’s there and i missed it.) it really irks me that this idea is so prevalent in our society, that the patriarchy has so completely instilled this idea into every corner of our mental worlds. why the hell can’t he at least snuggle / cuddle / touch / pleasure his wife without having the expectation that it must include SEX? arrrgghhh i hate men.

and religion.

//angry

Actaully, i think this could be a good thing. He’s recognizing that strict, nonsensical religious “rules” are destroying the wife and the marriage. Sure he’s still trying to work within that framework, but at some point he’s going to have to recognize that it’s working against him and that there is simply no way to adhere to this particular belief (anti-bc) and keep his marriage together or his wife healthy. All the options discussed are not going to fit with “god’s plan”. He’ll have to make a choice according to what is more important to him – the opinion of his fellow religious believers, or the health of his wife and marriage.

Anything that frees people from suffocating, and in this case obviously harmful religious practices/beliefs, is a good thing.

This goes hand-in-hand with folks who oppose embryonic stem cell research because of religion-yet if they had a child diagnosed with a incurable and debilitating disease they would throw the “killing innocent life” theory out the window.