So I hunted high and low for a pair of shoes that were work-appropriate, not unduly expensive, yet comfortable and supportive for my problem feet.

And I found them, finally.

Unfortunately, they fart when I walk.

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23 Responses to Dammit.

  1. Roy says:

    That sucks, big time.

    I had the hardest time finding a pair of good winter shoes one year. I finally found the perfect pair (or so I thought), tried them on, and they were great. They looked good, they were comfortable, they were in my price-range.

    I wore them for a month, and they pretty much just fell completely apart.

    Is there some way to… uh… de-fart the shoes? Is it the material the soles are made of, or is it somehow intrinsic to the design of the shoe?

  2. beebles says:

    Try putting some insoles into them. It’ll help reduce the air that gets trapped in there, and might eliminate the fart tunnel. It’s worked for me. And it’ll make them super comfy.

  3. CLD says:

    I put insoles in mine to assist with the flatulence. However, they still poot for a while each morning after I initially put them on. I guess they just need to warm up and expand to close that hidden gas pocket.

  4. Unfortunately, they fart when I walk.

    LOL! This has so happened to me before. If it’s the sole, insoles can help. If it’s the heels, not to much.

    I have this great pair of heeled sandals I adore, but it’s the heels that fart, blast them.

  5. Errr…that should have been, “If it’s the heels, not so much.”

  6. hmk says:

    I have shoes with same problem and it was suggested to me putting some baby powder between soles and shoe may eliminate flatulence. Haven’t tried it though.

  7. Chet says:

    Get a leather awl and poke some little holes near where they fart, it’ll let the air pass out silently.

  8. DAS says:

    I had shoes like this — except the farting was not from the sole of the shoe, but because these were shoes with those fancy air-bladder thingies, which developed fistulae and as the air moved in ways it wasn’t supposed to, it made noise.

    At the time in the lab where I was working, we played a lot of basketball. My shoes, in a parody of Air Jordans, ended up getting called “Air Davids”. I still get called “Air David” or just “Air” as a nickname.

    So yes — deal with those shoes now, before you get a nickname you may or may not want ;)

  9. Frumious B says:

    what do you consider unduly expensive? I’ve had great experiences with aerosoles, but they do run around $60. they last, though. next time you are looking, keep them in mind.

  10. j0lt says:

    How funny, I had shoe sound effects just yesterday, which prompted this post: The Squeaky Shoe Theory of feminism

  11. MiriRose says:

    If it’s the insoles, try taking out the ones the shoes came with and replacing them with some from the drugstore. I’ve had this happen with a couple pairs of shoes, and it’s always either gone away with time (try wearing the shoes around the house for a while) or has been fixable by replacing the insoles.

  12. K says:

    Oh god, I hate that… which is why I currently own about 5 styles of Birkenstocks but almost never wear them. And yes, I know it’s also because I don’t wear socks with sandals. It’s a thing.

  13. Damn I hate when that happens! Perfect shoes should not fart!

  14. Mnemosyne says:

    My narrow feet love Naturalizers (or, as a friend of mine calls them, “Grandmalizers”). Cute styles, mostly comfy and — yes — they come in narrow sizes! No more nasty blisters from every goddamn pair of shoes I buy!

  15. Kat says:

    hee hee, you said “fart”

    but did you mean “fred?”

  16. oudemia says:

    Mnem. — A narrow-footed sister! New Balance sneakers come in narrow. So do Stuart Weitzman shoes (but these tend to be pricey, except on the sale rack at Neiman Marcus, or Bluefly). Having properly narrow shoes makes all the difference in the world to me when wearing open-toed sandals — it’s the only way they don’t end up wrapped around my ankle.

  17. Mnemosyne says:

    So do Stuart Weitzman shoes (but these tend to be pricey, except on the sale rack at Neiman Marcus, or Bluefly).

    Ahem. If I may brag on a shopping coup: I found a pair of Stuart Weitzman strappy sandals, refurbished, at Nordstrom Rack for $48.

    Sure, they were pre-worn and had been re-soled and were half a size too big (7-1/2 instead of 7), but they were Stuart Weitzmans! For $48!

    I wore them to my wedding, and to my post-wedding reception, and to a work event, and will probably end up wearing them to another work event this weekend. Sandals that my feet aren’t swimming in — amazing!

  18. Lauren says:

    A-hahaha. Somebody said “poot.”

  19. jackson says:

    Danskos. They’re big and rectangular, like my feet, you can stand up in them all day long, they last forever and they come in many colors. what more can you want!

  20. Isabel says:

    A haiku for zuzu (a zuzuku?):
    Dearest Ms. Zuzu:
    I love your vanity posts.
    Lots of love from: me.

  21. Ledasmom says:

    It seems to me that, if you eat a lot of beans and cabbage, nobody will notice the shoes.

    They fart when I walk

    Your phrasing here is making me think of the poem “Richard Corey”, and what a deeply inappropriate parody that would be, to be sure.

  22. Angiportus says:

    Have a geek friend come up with little voice chips that say “Excuse me” with each step? Sorry, my brain just imploded trying to to imagine the RIchard Corey tie-in [or parody].

  23. Ledasmom says:

    Have a geek friend come up with little voice chips that say “Excuse me” with each step?

    The 1812 Overture would be so much more amusing, though.
    I apologize for having no useful suggestions. I don’t have the kind of brain that comes up with useful suggestions. Mainly it’s sitting up there in my cranium, going, “Farting shoes. Hee”.

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