Thanks for the opportunity!

Right – like I said, I got it. I made a big deal out of something that just wasn’t.

No, you’re right to call me out for slights. After all, I’m right to call other people out for slights. But I don’t think it’s helpful to speculate that my comment means that I’m so afraid of aging that I’ll kill myself at the first wrinkle.

I’d like to resume the topic of the thread.

Right. And the topic is my blog!

I didn’t weigh ageism the same as racism, obviously.

Actually, you did. Because all the analogies you used were to racism.

I was taking issue with the way you “acknowledged the swipe” of calling him a fossil – which was to say, gee, I shouldn’t have said that, BUT have you seen him lately, he’s really “dessicated”.

He is. And part of it is age, but plenty of young people look like cadavers as well. Plenty of 70-year-olds don’t look dessicated. He does. Was it fair to bring that up? Probably not, and I’ve apologized for doing so.

And I as an aging woman feminist am invisible to YOU, who are not yet “fossilized”. Yes, invisibility is not the same as racism. But, again, you’re comparing, not me. I think you’re vain because you’re expressing contempt for someone who is visible aged. As I am.

Again, you’re the one who likened it to “nigger jokes.” I didn’t pull that out of my ass:

It’s as if I called some woman a nappy-headed ho and then said, oh, sorry, I know that’s racist, but did you see the hair on that ho? . . .

It’s like the safe place you go to get away with the crap you’ve dealt with for 50 years, and suddenly they start making nigger jokes.

I’m really not sure what you want from me, since you seem utterly convinced that I don’t see older feminist women. Women who are only a dozen years older than I am. So if you have no further point than to continue to berate me over something I’ve already apologized for, I’d like to resume the topic of the thread.

I didn’t weigh ageism the same as racism, obviously. I was taking issue with the way you “acknowledged the swipe” of calling him a fossil – which was to say, gee, I shouldn’t have said that, BUT have you seen him lately, he’s really “dessicated”.

And I as an aging woman feminist am invisible to YOU, who are not yet “fossilized”. Yes, invisibility is not the same as racism. But, again, you’re comparing, not me. I think you’re vain because you’re expressing contempt for someone who is visible aged. As I am.

Just expected more from you, that’s all.

I’m sorry you’re so bothered. I acknowledged that the swipe at Imus’s cadaver-like appearance was ageist in the post (and could even be called weightist, given his extreme thinness). I probably shouldn’t have said it, and I apologize for that. That said, I’d like to point out a few things.

First, characterizing Imus as dessicated is not the same thing as making nigger jokes or calling someone a “nappy-headed ho” among other racial slurs from one’s perch on national radio.

Moreover, the invisibility that comes along with age is not the same as suffering from racism. Ageism is a distinct concept that encompasses far more than mere invisibility and lack of interestingness (I for one would be far more concerned about loss of autonomy in old age), and it does not reflect well on you that you are making those comparisons.

Then there’s this:

At what age will you stop aging, have you decided yet? Going to kill yourself rather than get old? Going to stop thinking and go play bridge? Going to spend thousands every year to look as young as you can as long as you can?

I’m not sure why you think I’m so vain, or why my vanity would lead me to suicide or plastic surgery. I’m going to be 40 in a bit more than a year, thanks, and have no plans at all to start getting facelifts or, alternatively, just laying down and dying.

The one concession I make to the aging process, other than moisturizer (which I’d use anyway, having dry skin) is coloring my hair, which started going gray when I was 19. And if it would just come in honest-to-god silver already, I’d stop doing that, too. In the meantime, I enjoy being a redhead, a blonde or a brunette as the spirit moves me.

Also, your idea that older women “stop thinking and go play bridge” is really, truly ageist. Is that what you think of older women? That they don’t think?

Ok, this has bugged me for days, so I have to say something. I’m a 51-year-old single mom, my hair started going silver early, and the last two years have been horribly stressful, and it totally shows on my face. I really hate that you think it’s ok to use the word fossil and make the dessicated comment to show that it’s ok. It’s as if I called some woman a nappy-headed ho and then said, oh, sorry, I know that’s racist, but did you see the hair on that ho? I’m sick of the fucking assumptions about me because of my age, I’m sick of being invisible because of my age, I’m sick of being considered dessicated and the assumption that therefore my brain is ossified, too. It’s even worse when it’s summer and the sleeves come off and the tattoos are out there, then suddenly I’m interesting, but as an old woman, I’m not – I have wrinkles, and age spots on my hands, and I’m turning into a dessicated old cadaver and therefore inherently worthless. At what age will you stop aging, have you decided yet? Going to kill yourself rather than get old? Going to stop thinking and go play bridge? Going to spend thousands every year to look as young as you can as long as you can?

I’m kind of shocked at how disappointed I am. It’s like the safe place you go to get away with the crap you’ve dealt with for 50 years, and suddenly they start making nigger jokes.