Please help me to warn your readers about an alarming trend happening in the teenage community: prom babies. I first heard about it while driving my teenage daughter to a lacrosse meet with several of her girlfriends. One girl in the car, “Carrie,” said she hoped this year she could have a prom baby. The girls were discussing two former classmates from last year’s lacrosse team who had been unable to begin college because they had both become mothers at 17.
Both had deliberately planned to get pregnant on prom night — hence the term, “prom baby.” Abby, both of the girls were studious and hard-working with bright futures ahead of them. One had been accepted to several Ivy League schools. Needless to say, their parents were devastated, and many adjustments had to be made for the new babies.
My daughter later told me that several of her other friends were considering trying to get pregnant near prom time so they, too, wouldn’t have to deal with the pressures of going to college.
I thought this sad trend might be local, too. As prom night approaches, please warn parents to talk with their children about the responsibilities of premarital sex and the dangers of a prom baby.
I didn’t want to print the entire letter again, but I couldn’t find an excerpt that wasn’t completely hilarious. I don’t know what it is about it – the breathless prose, the mix of disgust and titillation that gives it the feel of being written with one hand, if you know what I mean, and I know you do, or that awesome phrase “needless to say…” which should have tipped Abby off that the author of the letter also writes all those letters to Penthouse Magazine.
One girl in the car, “Carrie,” stretched her arms up over her head, revealing a taut, tanned belly. A tattoo on her hip said “Daddy’s Naughty Girl.”
“I hope this year I could have a prom baby,” she said, her eyes meeting mine in the rearview mirror. Needless to say…
Yeah, I’m sure there are millions of Ivy League-bound girls eager to avoid the pressures of college by embracing the pressures of teenage single motherhood. Girls don’t get pregnant to avoid the pressures of college. They get drunk. Then pregnant.
I can’t believe Abby bought this crock. Or, if she didn’t buy it, why she ran it and didn’t make her skepticism a bit more obvious.
But here we go, off to the races again to wax hysteric on a teenage trend sweeping the nation that no actual teen has heard of. Rainbow parties are so two years ago! And those jelly bracelets just got us laughed at by teenage girls who were fucking with our heads. Should we pass around that hot dog story again, or is that too dusty? I know! Prom babies! Ohmigod! It’s perfect! The girls are stupid, whorish, and are victimizing teenage boys who will be trapped into marriage/fatherhood/child support!
It’s just too good!
A couple of years ago, I did a sex toy presentation, a Fuckerware Party, if you will, for a club of retired women, and one of them asked me what I thought about the “disturbing trend” of Rainbow Parties. What I told her is applicable, I think, to every variation of the panic button that gets pressed at the thought of uncontrollable teenage girls having sex: It does more harm than good.
At its root, these rumors aren’t about concern, they’re about derision. Is it possible that group of kids, somewhere, acted this foolishly and irresponsibly? Sure. But one isn’t a trend, and every time Oprah or the local PTA or a newspaper article pops up “warning” parents about what their slutty daughters are really up to, it gives it legitimacy. And now because “everybody” is doing it, an new expectation is put on young women to degrade themselves, using the same tired old pressures used to manipulate teenagers since time began. “Why won’t you do it? You’re a prude, you’re unpopular, we always knew you weren’t really cool, since everybody is doing it there must be something wrong with you.”
And having your parents follow you around asking you how many boys you’re sucking off or if you plan to get pregnant on prom night is a great way to take your mind off the pressures of college. If it were me, I wouldn’t be able to get away fast enough.
And now there’s an extra hook to bring the parents of boys onto the bandwagon – they’ll be trapped! And so will you! By these horrible, horrible girls. It was all fun and games when our little boys were just getting blown by ten girls at a time or trading in pop tops for sex, but now the little hussies have gone too far! Man, those girls just bring everybody down.
I tried to find a photograph of a prom dress designed for a pregnant prom-goer. I didn’t find one, but I did find this photo of a python in Kampung Jabor that ate a pregnant ewe.