Oh, it’s true. Put away your angry typing fingers – it’s true and we all know it. Why fight it anymore?
Out here in the vast wasteland of suburbia, the lives of little girls are one long, sticky, pink blur. But it’s very important, because they have to look pretty to catch husbands, and they need baby dolls so they can practice being mommies.
Why, just last week at Culver’s Restaurant (Home of the Butter Burger), Steve and the boys and I were eating our ice cream and watching a little girl walk around with her baby doll, a sweet little bundle tightly wrapped in a hospital regulation baby blanket. She kissed and cuddled it, and held it like a real baby, occasionally laying it over one shoulder and patting its tiny back. This baby doll was obviously a well-loved member of the family, and the girl was so accustomed to toting it around that she strolled around the restaurant with it cradled in the crook of her arm, eating her ice cream cone with the other hand, and staring dreamily off into space. The doll was such a natural part of her she walked around completely oblivious to the other patrons around her, who, oddly, were looking at the little future mommy with patronizing smiles, peering into the blanket to look at her dolly, and recoiling in horror, their faces jerking back at the girl and their lips curled back off their teeth.
Every single patron who sneaked a peek into the blanket leaped back, revolted, so of course Steve and I had to maneuver ourselves in a position to see for ourselves. Here’s what was in the blanket:
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
This made us so very, very happy. We flew home and Googled “Devil baby dolls” and found it here. There are no prices listed, which I take to mean “if you have to ask…” But I did see some for sale on Ebay ranging from $17 to $300.
That little girl was so awesome! She clearly saw nothing unusual in toting Rosemary’s Baby around the Home of the Butter Burger, and didn’t even notice the reaction she and Captain Howdy were getting. I wanted to go over and kiss her mother, who seemed to have no visible horns or pitchfork, and just looked like any other overworked, tired suburban mom.
I’m sure that kid will make an excellent mommy someday. To something.
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P.S. – This is my last post at Feministe. I have to give the car keys back to Jill now, who’ll be coming back tomorrow. I’ve had a wonderful time here – thanks to everybody who read my posts and commented. And thanks also to Jill, Piny, and Zuzu for letting me spend a week stomping around in here. Take care, comrades!
Culver’s, not Culvert’s.
And oh yeah, totally awesome. I would probably poop if I saw someone with one of those.
Fixed.
Was the kid named Rosemary?
Just askin’.
I eat Culver’s salads for lunch like twice a week. In case you were eondering their salads do not include butter.
Haha. Sweet.
Man do I miss Culvers! I live in southern indiana now, and there is NO frozen custard within a 50 mile radius (trust me, I looked). When I asked some friends from the area where I could find some, one actually looked confused and said “Welll….. you could go to Marsh and buy some Jello pudding and put it in the freezer…”.
D’oh!
“I’m sure that kid will make an excellent mommy someday. To something.”
Muahahaha! Loved this post.
i hate to say this, but if the little girl was able to tenderly care for a doll that looks like it’s got some troubles she might end up in the health professions. not the easiest way to make a living, but better than saying day is night because the boss wants it that way.
So I take it Culver’s comes recommended? I just moved to the area and am tempted to try the fish fry.
Of course, if they each come with their own Satanic baby doll-carrier, I’ll go just for the spectacle.
Sarah S – St Louis is probably a bit of a haul, but they’ve got Ted Drewes’ Frozen Custard (featured in Alton Brown’s road trip show last summer!)
Not only that, we have at least two Culver’s! Come on down!
Whoa. I didn’t see that coming.
Oh gosh that’s a scary baby! I’ve always thought it was weird seeing toddlers and young girls carrying around baby dolls. It just doesn’t make sense. They shouldn’t be thinking about motherhood! My gosh they’re still in their own diapers.
I carried around plastic ponies!
My younger guy diapered his toy lion and wrapped it in a blanket to carry around on Sunday. I should’ve gotten him a devil doll.
My boys both had baby dolls. My younger son, as a 3yo, carried his to preschool with him regularly. His teachers didn’t say one word about it, just acted the same as if it were a girl carrying a baby doll.
I swear, if I’d known about those dolls, they would have had them.
BWAH!
and: mmm, butter burger. want now.
mmmm… cheese curds….
and
We have Culvers just south of Indy.
Wait…butter burger?
There is also a Culver’s in Louisville, KY, just across the border from Southern Indiana (New Albany area). Oh, and there are some other frozen custardy places around too. So, Sarah, we’ve got you covered to the west, south and north . . . perhaps the Cincinnati area will cover the eastern part of southern Indiana!
Alas there is no Culver’s anywhere close to the North Side of Chicago. South Suburban heck is probabl the closest. In another year we’ll be moving to Iowa where I’ll be able to get Culver’s any time I want. This should just barely make up for the fact that we have a Pollo Campero overbyhere that has the best freaking fried chicken evah!
I am so getting one these dolls, I just need to decide which kid. There is already a boy toddler in the house and another baby will be here in 4 weeks or less, which mayby (hopefully) is a gorl. The boy one with the horns kind of looked like the toddler.
Awww, that’s so cute! Which reminds me: Has anyone else gotten weird looks after stating, “Most of my friends have spawned by now, but that’s just not for me.” ? No? Nevermind.
Mustelid…I use ‘reproduced’ and speak about babies with regards to clinical developmental concerns withtheir parents, and to them in full sentences with lots of polysyllabic words. I get wierd looks too, but only from people who don’t know me.
Oooo, have you guys seen the Teddy Scares? Awesome. And (to personal blog a bit) my buddy has a son who, for his first halloween, had a baby Cthulhu onesie. -grin-
Kid’s name is Gabriel. Extra funny, somehow.
Baby Cthulhu! *squeeeee!* :) I’ve seen the stuffed ones — they’re adorable. but a ONESIE! How cute it that! And — rather sadly, actually — I have at least two friends who have recently spawned who would find it very amusing (I like the term “sprogged” too, but it’s far too Brit for most of my family to understand). One of the girl toddlers has been taught to answer “What does the zombie say?” with “brains” already. (Kind of like the “what does the kitty say, what does the doggie say, what does the cow say” game. My friends are twisted. :)
Culver’s makes a DAMN fine burger, and the frozen custard is awfully nice, too. Not to mention the daily flavor specials they have. It’s probably a really good thing there aren’t any *real* close to home!
A. Dorable. That’s fantastic. When I reproduce, I’m gonna have to get one of those for my kid.
When I was little, I was never so much for baby dolls. I know my mom went to hell and back to get me a Cabbage Patch Kid when they were all the rage, and was rather disappointed when I left it face-down under the Christmas tree. My older brother, though, saw it, felt just awful for the poor thing, picked it up, and took care of it.
To this day, he’s the one who has the dog that’s as good as his own daughter, and he’s the one hoping to write screenplays and be a stay-at-home dad, and I’m the one who recently discovered that I can tolerate children for short periods of time. But I can’t wait until he has kids and I get to be the Crazy Aunt.