Comments on: “Those” children

By: Bitter Scribe

Bitter Scribe — Mon, 28 May 2007 02:09:08 +0000

Whenever I get annoyed by a misbehaving kid in public, I just think to myself, Hey, in 15 years or so he’s going to be paying into my Social Security.

By: Julie

Julie — Mon, 28 May 2007 01:57:28 +0000

I don’t know, I’ve seen ABA implemented in many different situations/places, and I have never seen anything that is ethically concerning. My sister started an ABA program when she was 3, and at 12 she has progressed from being completely non-verbal and having agressive self-injurious behavior to being able to sit through a school day, do academics, carry on a conversation and has greatly decreased both the frequency and intensity of her self-injurious behavior. I don’t claim it’s a miracle cure, or that it works for every child, but the warm, caring teachers that work at my sister’s school are amazing and they have helped her acheive so much more than we ever expected.
Oh, and she’s a child with autism, she is NOT mentally retarded. It’s amazing to me that people in this day and age are still so uninformed about autism… approx. 1 in every 150 children falls somwhere on the spectrum, so it’s not something we can afford to be ignorant about.

By: Bob

Bob — Sun, 27 May 2007 04:57:26 +0000

There are ethical concerns regarding ABA, I suggest googling Michelle Dawson for further information or

http://www.sentex.net/~nexus23/naa_aba.html

specifically point 13

By: Kat

Kat — Sat, 26 May 2007 03:49:23 +0000

Louise, you beat me to it. That’s exactly what I wanted to say.

Bill Gates has Aspergers, a form of autism. I doubt he’s “retarded”. Damn.

This type of complete ignorance is exactly what our kids are faced with on a regular basis.

Every child, disabled or not, has strengths as well as weaknesses. That is why we usually refer to it as “differently abled”. My son’s kindergarten teacher told me that my son was almost the opposite of a child with Down syndrome in his class. My son had good cognitive ability and poor social skills, while his classmate had low cognitive ability and good social skills. That struck a chord with me.

Another piece of wisdom I got somewhere along the way was that every parent of a typical child is one accident away from having a disabled child. The fact that a child is born “normal” doesn’t mean there is any guarantee they will stay that way. A kid in my high school class was a star football player until a car wreck made him a quadraplegic, I doubt his parents ever saw that one coming. You take what you get and do the best you can. Other children experience challenges along the way and overcome them in amazing ways. There are just no guarantees in parenting.

By: Louise

Louise — Sat, 26 May 2007 00:33:10 +0000

PLEASE tell me that last was simply laziness…autism is not retardation.

“Sorry”, my ass.

By: Nymphalidae

Nymphalidae — Fri, 25 May 2007 21:01:07 +0000

I take offense at the “travel to foreign countries to find their perfect little bundles” comment in the article.

Seriously. My parents adopted my brother from another country and he had health problems initially. You’d have to be totally ignorant to think that a child from a 3rd world orphanage is going to be problem-free, even if you stipulate you don’t want a kid with disabilities. Which my parents did, not because they’re giant assholes, but because they’re realistic and know their limits.

What you are in essence saying is: “Wow. That person who you love very much, who is a part of you, whose pain hurts more than your own pain, whose triumph matters more than your own success — I would HATE to have to deal with that person.

Well, that’s pretty much sums up how I feel about it. I honestly never want to care for a retarded person. Sorry.

By: Julie

Julie — Fri, 25 May 2007 03:02:58 +0000

I freaked out Louise… I tend not to say anything when people upset me, but it was fairly expletive laced as I went off on her about autism, sensory overload, not understanding social norms and what an asshole I thought she was. I was literally shaking I was so angry.

By: prefer not to say

prefer not to say — Thu, 24 May 2007 21:25:48 +0000

Here’s the problem with the “You two must be saints for raising such a disabled child” line.

What you are in essence saying is: “Wow. That person who you love very much, who is a part of you, whose pain hurts more than your own pain, whose triumph matters more than your own success — I would HATE to have to deal with that person. Instead, I think that dealing with people with autism falls into the range of what saints do, not what ordinary citizens should be obligated to do. Certainly, I am not interested in having to act in a way that would insure an autistic person’s comfort or happiness.”

You aren’t complimenting the parents — you’re just insulting the child, and also reminding the parents of the huge negative social stigma their child will have to face for the rest of his or her natural life.

By: Louise

Louise — Thu, 24 May 2007 11:36:16 +0000

Kat, you did a marvelous job throughout this thread in educating others w/o autism in their immediate family as to what we go through daily- very well written and articulated- even in the face of some rather, um, emotionally charged comments. WELL DONE. Far better than I ever could have done. My child is also highly functioning, yet was in pull-ups until age 8- still wants to wear them at night “just to be sure”. She tries so hard to do all things correctly and is so upset when her body fails her…

Fancy restaurants, loud sensory-overloading movies? Not a chance in hell. What a load of bullshit. Chet, TRY for a second to think it through, huh? Maybe you’re grouping all kids and all parents into the same tidy bundle in your mind. Our kids are NOT the ones you should be pissed about… sheesh!

THAT’S the job we parents of autistic children have to face every day- not only trying to help our children on more levels than anyone can imagine, but then try to keep our cool when dealing with the rest of the world. It wears on you.

A spoiled brat is a spoiled brat, and I can’t stand them either. They range from baby to ADULT. Some of these spoiled brats are the PARENTS and the kids are just acting out what they see every day… It’s hard NOT to sit in judgement of the ones who act out of apparent immaturity with their choices in behavior themselves, let alone their kids. There are parents out there who seriously deserve a good swift kick in the ass.

But the next time you think you see a kid acting out of control in public, WATCH THE PARENT- is he or she trying to calmly help the child, ignoring the behavior, or acting equally childidsh? The parent’s reactions will give you a better read of what’s really going on.

Julie- that bitch would have had me hauling off on her if she had touched my kid- I can’t imagine how you felt! My older daughter is also protective of her sister and would have been outraged as well.

By: Julie

Julie — Thu, 24 May 2007 01:52:23 +0000

Kat, my sister has autism as well and she too has issues with sensory overload, I know my mom struggles with the same thing. I’ll never forget the day I took my two children and my two youngest sisters to a local hair cutting place while my mom was at the doctor because she had a kidney infection so bad she couldn’t walk, but my daughter and one of my sisters had hair appointments. Kelly (my sister with autism) sat down and I went to check on my daughter then ran back up to keep an eye on Kelly. I saw her start to reach into the burger king bag of the woman next to her and I got as far as “Kelly, we don’t….” when the woman reached over and slapped her. I have never been so angry in my life.
And Chet- as a parent, no I don’t feel like my kids belong in “Le Fancy Bistro” and I don’t take them there, but I get so fucking sick and tired of every thread about parenting turning into some rant about how horrible and entitled parents are for having the goddamned audacity to show up with our kids in public places. You know, it’s not a pleasant experience for parents when their children are screaming and we tend to try to avoid it. Assholes telling you what a horrid parent you are doesn’t make it less stressful and doesn’t help you get out of the situation any faster. Sorry for the thread derail zuzu- I don’t care if someone doesn’t like kids or wants to spend time with them, but this sanctimonius shit in every single thread gets really old.