And The Lord Smited Rudy

Did you hear? God struck down lightning on Rudy Giuliani, just as Rudy was about to discuss his stance on abortion. It’s amazing. God has again demonstrated his hatred of abortion rights, just as He did in the Bible, when he never mentioned abortion at all.

You want to know what else God hates?

The home at 831 Cascade Drive, in the Beechwood subdivision near Denbigh
Little girls who sell school coupon books.
Strawberry festivals.
English mid-fielders.
iPods (or perhaps just Metallica).
People who pray.

Repent now, sinners.

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17 comments for “And The Lord Smited Rudy

  1. Anonymous for obvious reasons
    June 7, 2007 at 12:53 am

    Missed me by two whole miles!

  2. June 7, 2007 at 1:25 am

    God does hate Metallica. However, he doesn’t hate them for being Satanic, contrary to popular opinion; rather, he hates them because they suck.

  3. June 7, 2007 at 1:29 am

    Wouldn’t that be “smote”? /pendant

  4. Andrew
    June 7, 2007 at 6:42 am

    Wouldn’t that be “pedant”? /pedantry

    It was an amusing coincidence, at least.

  5. Ledasmom
    June 7, 2007 at 7:35 am

    A weak-form past tense of “smite” is dated to at least 1388, so for this particular verb, as you will.
    A few pages on from same in the OED you will find the marvellous word of insult “snivelard”, which has about the same meaning as “sniveller” but sounds much better. I suggest using it frequently.

  6. June 7, 2007 at 7:45 am

    Don’t forget that lightning struck the actor playing Jesus in The Passion of the Christ and the assistant director was struck twice.

  7. dee
    June 7, 2007 at 8:27 am

    God hated my 1961 Chevy Impala as I drove up the hill on north I-35 heading into Duluth during a driving rainstorm. Or maybe he hated the music I was listening to at the time because the radio died on the spot.

  8. Perkyshai
    June 7, 2007 at 8:42 am

    Most entertaining among things god hates…
    The Passion of the Christ. Jim Caviezel was hit by lightning while they filmed the sermon on the Mount.

    God (aka Zeus) dislikes Austin, Tx a lot too. Which is sad considering….Gorgeous summer lightning storms. I thought lightning was some sort of heavenly disco when I was a child.

  9. June 7, 2007 at 9:31 am

    “Oh, spiteful one! Show me who to smite, and they shall be smoten!”

  10. Simon
    June 7, 2007 at 9:53 am

    I wonder if the kid with the ipod was listening to any tracks from “Ride the Lightning”. . .

  11. Djinna
    June 7, 2007 at 11:00 am

    God also hates the Tibetan Freedom supporters.

  12. June 7, 2007 at 12:05 pm

    Wow, God also hates me. At least, he hated me when I was 18.

  13. June 7, 2007 at 6:27 pm

    heavenly disco

    Is a great name for a band, album, or song.

  14. louise
    June 7, 2007 at 7:05 pm

    The one red lightning bolt I saw while living in Austin briefly scared the HELL out of me; we have nothing like that in the Northeast!! Instead, we have “thundersnow”.

  15. June 7, 2007 at 9:24 pm

    That was, in fact, pretty fucking awesome.
    Now only if the lightning had actually HIT one of the candidates . . . sigh.

  16. June 8, 2007 at 4:05 pm

    So what am I to take from the fact that, growing up in the good, Christian, prudish rural midwest, I saw regular thunderstorms and lightning strikes, but since moving to Los Angeles and then Portland, both dens of free love, pot smoke, and liberal abortion laws, I never hear the Lord’s Rumbling anymore?

    God must love him some coastal blue states.

  17. Ted
    June 11, 2007 at 11:57 pm

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