And The Lord Smited Rudy

Did you hear? God struck down lightning on Rudy Giuliani, just as Rudy was about to discuss his stance on abortion. It’s amazing. God has again demonstrated his hatred of abortion rights, just as He did in the Bible, when he never mentioned abortion at all.

You want to know what else God hates?

The home at 831 Cascade Drive, in the Beechwood subdivision near Denbigh
Little girls who sell school coupon books.
Strawberry festivals.
English mid-fielders.
iPods (or perhaps just Metallica).
People who pray.

Repent now, sinners.

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About Jill

Jill began blogging for Feministe in 2005. She has since written as a weekly columnist for the Guardian newspaper and in April 2014 she was appointed as senior political writer for Cosmopolitan magazine.
This entry was posted in Elections, Politics, Religion, Reproductive Rights and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to And The Lord Smited Rudy

  1. Anonymous for obvious reasons says:

    Missed me by two whole miles!

  2. Joshua says:

    God does hate Metallica. However, he doesn’t hate them for being Satanic, contrary to popular opinion; rather, he hates them because they suck.

  3. Tapetum says:

    Wouldn’t that be “smote”? /pendant

  4. Andrew says:

    Wouldn’t that be “pedant”? /pedantry

    It was an amusing coincidence, at least.

  5. Ledasmom says:

    A weak-form past tense of “smite” is dated to at least 1388, so for this particular verb, as you will.
    A few pages on from same in the OED you will find the marvellous word of insult “snivelard”, which has about the same meaning as “sniveller” but sounds much better. I suggest using it frequently.

  6. Zettaichan says:

    Don’t forget that lightning struck the actor playing Jesus in The Passion of the Christ and the assistant director was struck twice.

  7. dee says:

    God hated my 1961 Chevy Impala as I drove up the hill on north I-35 heading into Duluth during a driving rainstorm. Or maybe he hated the music I was listening to at the time because the radio died on the spot.

  8. Perkyshai says:

    Most entertaining among things god hates…
    The Passion of the Christ. Jim Caviezel was hit by lightning while they filmed the sermon on the Mount.

    God (aka Zeus) dislikes Austin, Tx a lot too. Which is sad considering….Gorgeous summer lightning storms. I thought lightning was some sort of heavenly disco when I was a child.

  9. norbizness says:

    “Oh, spiteful one! Show me who to smite, and they shall be smoten!”

  10. Simon says:

    I wonder if the kid with the ipod was listening to any tracks from “Ride the Lightning”. . .

  11. Djinna says:

    God also hates the Tibetan Freedom supporters.

  12. tigi says:

    Wow, God also hates me. At least, he hated me when I was 18.

  13. Miranda says:

    heavenly disco

    Is a great name for a band, album, or song.

  14. louise says:

    The one red lightning bolt I saw while living in Austin briefly scared the HELL out of me; we have nothing like that in the Northeast!! Instead, we have “thundersnow”.

  15. Cara says:

    That was, in fact, pretty fucking awesome.
    Now only if the lightning had actually HIT one of the candidates . . . sigh.

  16. ryan says:

    So what am I to take from the fact that, growing up in the good, Christian, prudish rural midwest, I saw regular thunderstorms and lightning strikes, but since moving to Los Angeles and then Portland, both dens of free love, pot smoke, and liberal abortion laws, I never hear the Lord’s Rumbling anymore?

    God must love him some coastal blue states.

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