Comments on: I’m Never Getting Married

By: Dr. Confused

Dr. Confused — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 21:23:37 +0000

I wrote a response to this, entitled Why I Chose Marriage and Am Glad I Did.

By: darms

darms — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 18:17:57 +0000

No strip club, no “bachelor party”, I skipped all that nonsense. My wife is my partner, the first real partner I have ever had in my life. Neither of us did all that well as single people, we are much stronger together. In fact I am home today, helping out as she is exhausted from a week of “on call”… Oh yes, no children either.

By: MARRIAGE: IT’S NOT FOR EVERYONE » Keep Up With Me

MARRIAGE: IT’S NOT FOR EVERYONE » Keep Up With Me — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 13:19:47 +0000

[...] thought we should hear from some people who don’t plan on having a ceremony—ever. Jill: As far as I can tell, most people end up getting married—yet [...]

By: …is there something i’m missing? « Sara Speaking

…is there something i’m missing? « Sara Speaking — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 05:52:37 +0000

[...] ing out loud , blogging I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes … marriage is all around us, and so the fee [...]

By: Tricia(freya)

Tricia(freya) — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 00:42:32 +0000

That’s a little more clear — I was getting a yucky Professor Higgins vibe from your previous phrasing.
Being supportive of a partner’s (of whatever gender) self-growth is entirely different than using a relationship to “grow the partner you want.” Or having a partner shape your own growth to suit them. But I agree with Brooklynite, that support can happen in many other relationships: friendships, unmarried partnerships, etc. It’s certainly not endemic to marriage. Hell, a bad marriage can inhibit that growth faster than anything else.

By: Hugo

Hugo — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 19:51:34 +0000

Folks, if you read my post at my place, it’s pretty darned clear I’m not holding women responsible for making men better.

Being in a committed relationship is challenging — and if the two people in that relationship are each committed to each other’s growth (while remaining, as Rilke so beautifully puts it, “guardians of each other’s solitude) they can challenge each other to grow more than they might have grown alone.

By: libber

libber — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 03:53:56 +0000

Hugo, I don’t think I can be understanding you correctly, because what you’re describing just sounds creepy. I like to be in relationships with people who are already capable of self-reflection and growth, because I am.

I’m equally confused, Hugo. The last thing I’d ever want is someone helping me grow.

By: Marksman2000

Marksman2000 — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 03:51:26 +0000

Hmmmm…what could I add that won’t get deleted in moderation and get me thrown off the site forever?

Nevermind.

By: Brooklynite

Brooklynite — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 01:16:11 +0000

My wife and I are both better people because of our partnership, and after spending nearly half our lives together, we continue to encourage and support each other in becoming better people. If that’s what Hugo’s talking about, I can get behind it.

But I don’t see that partnership and support as being something that’s exclusive to my marriage as opposed to my other friendships, and I don’t see it as something that inheres in marriage as opposed to other forms of life partnership.

By: tigtog

tigtog — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 00:57:25 +0000

I’m a bit confused too, Hugo. As Tricia says, wanting to be and be with a person capable of self-reflection and growth is great, but why should marriage above any other aspect of life be the vehicle that drives self-reflection and growth?

What I do think is very important is to have a partner who won’t be freaked out by the way self-reflection and growth changes people over time, but that’s way different from the partnership being the actual vehicle for growth.