Sigh. It’s so hard having a dick.

In case you were unaware, one of the things that I am good at is mocking people who seem to believe in the universal male or female experience. The purpose of such articles are usually to get laughter that sympathizes with whatever gender truths that we experience that moment. It’s so universal, either it is transgressive for daring to say it out loud or it needs to be whispered so the other team doesn’t steal the playbook.
Take this article from the Viking, “The Unfortunate (Sexual) Things About Being a Man:

Being a man is generally pretty awesome – you get to punch stuff, grow facial hair, and exhibit a general anger towards any and everything you see – but having a penis does have its low points, specifically when it comes to sex and relationships.

Wow, being a man sounds soooo awesome that I would hate to piss on his parade by alerting him to the fact that I can/have indeed punched stuff and that I too, could grow facial hair if I missed my regular moustache waxing appointments. I’m not naturally bald beneath my skirt either so please excuse the inappropriate scratching when it starts growing in. But being a man is so fucking awesome and with that comes responsibilities:

1. Men are driven by sex at all times(yes, even when we are visiting you grandma):

Women and/or guilty, politically-correct males might attempt to say that women and men have nearly-identical sexual urges (thereby chalking up womankind’s lower levels of horniness to some sort of gender-wide mental strength of character), but it is simply not true. The first American Pie movie included an 18-year-old female character who had never had an orgasm of any sort. The character (played, ironically, by Tara Reid) was viewed as slightly unusual in her sexual inexperience, but the fact remains: the character was plausible.

A female could hypothetically live to the age of 18 or thereabouts without ever having felt the intense, painful sexual urges of their male counterparts, and thereby never having had an orgasm (lord knows I dated a woman like that). For any male not under the watchful eye of a guilt-cultivating religion, such inexperience is unthinkable, almost impossible. While we are not singled-minded mongoloids who think only about sex at all times (no, we don’t think about it every seven seconds), the desire is nonetheless always present in the back of our minds, for better or worse – usually worse.

He’s got one thing right, that is a woman could make it to 18 without experiencing an orgasm but the trouble that he runs into is that orgasm=desire. Perhaps because our organs are as he calls “internal”(what about the clitoris dude?) it is easy to assume that for women, sex is all “internal”. Without the evidence of a flaccid penis it could be difficult to discern a content female, and that I can sympathize with. Just a hint, women want sex… but unlike the male orgasm for women it is often something they have to “learn” and therefore sex is very possible without the “prize”.

2. Men can only have one orgasm

It’s odd, then, that despite the fact that men seem to have immeasurably larger sexual appetites, the actual act of fornication is much less enjoyable for us than it is for women. Men are only allowed one orgasm – thrust, squirt, done – and the whole thing is finished in 3-8 seconds.

Women, on the other hand, can have multiple orgasms with no pause in between. According to some stuff I found,

“Women are capable of sustained orgasm, called status orgasmus. These start with a 2 to 4 second “spastic contraction” and last twenty to sixty seconds. Masters and Johnson (1966) published a chart of one woman who experienced a 43-second orgasm, consisting of at least 25 successive contractions.”

Actually, this depends on how you define “pause”, physiologically the orgasms that women experience are very similar to a man’s, just like there are some men who can remain “hard” after an orgasm some women will let you continue to penetrate them after one as well. Multiples are controversial in the sense that some people do not need a refractory period to achieve another orgasm, whilst some need at least 20 minutes. For younger men this time period is greatly reduced, however research has shown that with age men become more satisfied with their orgasms and have much longer refractory periods without decreasing their satiation with sexual experiences.

Now, there are obviously many men who can have orgasms within two seconds of commencing sexual intercourse (more on that later), and obviously this woman’s case is not typical, but still; women can potentially have one orgasm per minute (if not more), and their orgasms last, as a minimum, twice as long as the male orgasm. This may not come as much as a surprise, but men are physically incapable of enjoying sex on the same level women do. We don’t even get close.

Actually, it is likely that women have been more open to orgasms by other means beside penetration. While men may consider the “act” itself as “sex” and the only means of orgasm because of the biology(penile tissue) this is not necessarily true. Ejaculation, because often it occurs simultaneously as orgasm may misguide folks to assume that it is evidence of orgasm, where in fact they are two totally different physiological experiences. And if you are young man you may not be aware that it is totally possible for you to orgasm without a fully erect penis!

3. Men can “fail” at having sex:

At the risk of quoting a monologue from Clerks, female participation in sex can (but definitely shouldn’t be) reduced to simply “being there.” So long as the woman is present, has a vagina, and allows the male access to said vagina, she is having sex. The sex may be bad, or awkward, or she might not actually climax, but when a woman has a penis inserted into her vagina, she is, at least technically, having sex.

I’ve got news for you buddy, if women invented a dick-splint that would be analogous to lube. Either one would allow the incredibly narrow definition of “sex” that you have, the incredibly heteronormative view of PIV(that’s penis in vagina) as the accepted physical act of bumping uglies. Ignore oral, disregard anal, and certainly not foreign objects like fingers or adult recreational accessories. The flip side of a man who has a world view of “erection=consenting vagina” does not mean that it is accepting visitors, neither does a flaccid penis mean that it doesn’t desire to be in a warm wet space. See? It works both ways, just because you can assist the physical mechanics does not mean that the other party is exactly endorsing the experience.

I would never pretend that bringing a woman to climax is not a difficult, lengthy, and often tedious experience for the woman, and this is what makes sex so difficult for men – men have to juggle the pleasure of the woman (assuming the man in case is a real man and doesn’t engage in sex solely for his, and nobody else’s, enjoyment) along with the real possibility that they might actually fail at having sex. Women, hypothetically, only need to (A) be present, and (B) pray that their partner has at least a hint of sexual prowess.

Um, okay… wow. To be honest with you? Reaching an orgasm is never a tedious experience for me, perhaps for my partner who wants to pretend that he is a real man and cares that he is not the only one to reach the “o-face” in this encounter, but hey if he can sit still for a second and refrain from doing what worked on his ex-girlfriend over, and over I may be able to show him. Rarely does that happen, usually I have to bitch up and explain to him what doesn’t work for me, turn on the lights, then whine that I am different, all the while his erection is fading.

I am aggressive, so quite often my orgasms have more to do with me seeking them out rather than waiting on the “cum-fairy” to bring them to me. Usually when there is a great connection it is effortless, but despite the author’s assumption a hard patient penis is not what will do the job. It takes a man who realizes that I want sex and orgasms as much as he does, and even though his body may be foreign to mine I’m willing to explore more than the hard rod that he has to offer me and expect the same.

cross-posted at Sassywho


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45 Responses to Sigh. It’s so hard having a dick.

  1. preying mantis says:

    “I would never pretend that bringing a woman to climax is not a difficult, lengthy, and often tedious experience for the woman…”

    Words fail me.

  2. Trinity says:

    “He’s got one thing right, that is a woman could make it to 18 without experiencing and orgasm but the trouble that he runs into is that orgasm=desire”

    Right on. I had never actually experienced orgasm until age 20 but you’d better believe I was a horny little beastie. Whether or not the blood rushing to my genitals rushed back out in one sudden moment of climax or not has nothing to do with how often it got there in the first place…

  3. Amanda says:

    “…finding a woman without a boyfriend is usually a sign of pickiness or personal choice…finding a guy without a girlfriend is usually a sign of a lack of options.”

    Huh, my interpretation is slightly different.

    In high school, if a guy went to our formal alone, it was assumed he didn’t ask someone because he was either too shy or not interested. However, if a girl went to our formal alone, the implication was that she was undesirable because no one asked her. Going to the school prom or formal alone is a point of shame for girls. The same is not true for boys.

  4. Here’s how you know that men’s sexual appetites are not “immeasurably larger” than women’s.

    What is the single likeliest factor to help a man enjoy more social and, perhaps ultimately, sexual interaction with eligible and interested women, if mutually desired? By far, the single biggest factor is having a lot of female friends. Frankly, it boils down to dumbass mathematics, but also if you have a lot of female friends, you are likely to be smarter about what adult women think generally. You are more likely to do and say offensive, insensitive things due to “cultural gaps” if you are, well, familiar with that culture. This is not rocket science.

    Women who regard you warmly as a friend probably would want you to be happy. And if they think you are above the “more asshole than not” line, they might perhaps help you meet single friends, acquaintances, etc. Not rocket science.

    But the men who make it their business to garner a lot of female friends, presumably not to date them per se but to develop a wide circle of friends, are rare. Social or recreational activities where women outnumber men should be rare, right? After all, if men’s desire in that area is so immeasurably large, they will learn to enjoy ballroom dancing, etc. But ballroom dancing classes often skew towards women in numbers, attendees, etc. They should be attending women’s sports on campus, hell getting a job in a women’s hair salon part time sweeping the floor. Hell, take a women’s studies course – not to “get laid” (moron!) but to expand one’s horizons in an admittedly challenging environment. You want to meet women? Meet women.

    Where are the men? Watching Monday Night Football, scratching their balls, drinking shit beer, complaining about bytches. Why? Their sex drives are not nearly as great as their misogyny. A lot of their “sexual desire” is about misogyny, about power plays and looking macho in front of other dumbass men. They don’t enjoy socializing with women enough to put down the crap beer and go meet some people. Why don’t they enjoy socializing with women, especially if it might ultimately lead to the sort of intimate relationship that they seek? Misogyny is greater than eros, all to often.

    [/rant]

  5. Erratum – “less likely to do and say” – misplaced negative

  6. Miller says:

    Viking Asshat writes:
    “…despite the fact that men seem to have immeasurably larger sexual appetites, the actual act of fornication is much less enjoyable for us than it is for women.”

    Lie. Hence, the performance art that is “faking.”

    Asshat continues:
    “Men are only allowed one orgasm – thrust, squirt, done…”

    The travesty! I’m on the phone with Amnesty International as I type!

  7. Blunderbuss says:

    The male body tends to treat semen like some sort of poison – no matter what, it must be expelled. Whether by disposing of it in a Dixie cup at a sperm bank, dumping it into a condom during intercourse, or by using it to impregnate a member of the opposite sex, men are driven by a truly crippling need for sex, almost all the time.

    *HAAAAAACK*

    Good GRAVY, someone is actually ADMITTING that their entire gender is nothing more than a dog humping someone’s leg? If this is true, why the hell are we letting these people run the world? If men are so crippled by OMG SEX, I don’t know how they managed to get one to the moon.

    The character (played, ironically, by Tara Reid) was viewed as slightly unusual in her sexual inexperience, but the fact remains: the character was plausible. ………….. When a woman has an uncontrollable desire to have sex all the time at the expense of her hygiene, safety, and personal health, we call it “nymphomania.” When a man experiences the same thing, we call it “Tuesday.”

    Hmmmmm. You know, call me totally crazy, but I have the slight little suspicion that these two things MAY SOMEHOW BE LINKED. (Guess how!)

    Quite simply, we don’t – our genes do. And yet, we are blamed for it anyway.

    Because genes don’t override your free will, dumbass.

    I would never pretend that bringing a woman to climax is not a difficult, lengthy, and often tedious experience for the woman …

    … Holy crap, do I feel sorry for every woman this man has ever slept with. GodDAMN.

    If that isn’t proof-positive that heterosexual women tend to despise and generally act like jerks to men more than men despise and generally act like jerks to women, I don’t know what is.

    Gosh, yes. Women hate men FOR NO GOOD REASON. There is NOTHING that men do that might embitter or jade women from all contact from men in bars. Nope, none at all. They’re just bitches.

    Women tend to despise men because of all the aforementioned reasons, many of which are beyond our control. Despite the fact that we have shitty orgasms and that sex for us can be a stressful experience, our genes still perpetually, forcefully, unfairly push us along in pursuit of sex.

    NO THEY DON’T. The REASON those women don’t want to talk to men is because they’re practically humping their legs and then whining “But I can’t heeeeeeeelp it!” like some sniveling little twerp. What do your genes do, put a gun to your head?

    *sarcasm metre breaks*

    Okay, I’m done.

  8. DM says:

    Wait, wait, I’m lost here. On the one hand he says that men are biologically, inevitably obsessed with getting sex, then he segues into a story about a lesbian pretending to be a man getting frustrated by women blowing her off because they believed, appearing as a male, that she was biologically, inevitably obsessed with getting sex that they didn’t want to give, and using that to say the women are jerks to men for no reason?

    What.

    WHAT.

  9. EoL says:

    I had a great friend … fun guy, had a lot in common, shared sense of humor, etc. etc., and … married. He fucked around with a friend of mine, with random girls he met at rock concerts, and he thought that I would be the next in line. All the while he was trying to “woo” me, I heard nonstop EP arguments about why he, as a man, “needed” to fuck around and “spread his seed.” Anyway, as you might imagine, the story ends that we’re not friends anymore. Too bad, too, but it’s kind of how all my friendships with guys go.

    I always feel really sorry for people who have set ideas of how men and women “are,” especially sexually. When I tell people that I’m asexual, I always end up repeating “Everyone’s different!” about a million times, and it never sinks in. People buy into such myths and then their standards of “normal” get shaped into the weirdest damn contortions. Usually by porn or related media.

    Just some blahblahing from my end. I’m too melted to say anything coherent.

  10. Louise says:

    Twit.

  11. Miller says:

    Good, God. He has a “Women hate us” section:
    “Men may act like jerks to women, but they usually don’t tend to do it just because a woman wanted to talk to them.”

    My head hurts. Amazingly, he totally forgets to mention the stalking, pedophilia, domestic violence, rape, trafficking, and murder, women and girls are overwhelmingly targeted by simply due to gender. Oh, right. Our fault. Remember ladies: males are biologically incapable of exploiting physical, political, economic, or social advantage. So shut it!

    Check out these comments:
    MACGOD writes (my commentary in parenthesis):
    “This. Is. Awesome.

    Finally, someone gets it. (Yes, the males finally break free from the tyranny of…sex?)

    Finally, someone says the god DAMNED truth.” (Ah yes, opinion is fact, but only if it confirms your previous opinion that scapegoats the female gender).

    Alim writes:
    “Awesome article! It’s nice to see intelligent people out there.”

  12. CBrachyrhynchos says:

    I hate this kind of BS. Really.

  13. holly says:

    “For any male not under the watchful eye of a guilt-cultivating religion, such inexperience is unthinkable, almost impossible. ”

    Did it ever occur to this guy that women and girls are all under the always watchful eye of a guilt cultivating culture?

  14. saffron says:

    Sorry to blogtoot, but I take down male desire myths here

    http://troubledcorpuscles.blogspot.com/

    A taste: Much of our culture is structured to supposedly cater to this desire. Yet, many of the very items meant to deal with desire, like pornography, actually are ways to falsely create that desire. Think about it. Men look at pornography to make themselves want sex. Yes, they may also use said pornography to satisfy that desire through masturbation, but it is the masturbation not the pornography that satisfies the desire.

  15. Anne says:

    I would never pretend that bringing a woman to climax is not a difficult, lengthy, and often tedious experience

    Oh, that’s just sad.

  16. amanda w says:

    The one point I think a lot of men fail to understand re: sex (wait, just one?) is that desire and arousal are not synonymous. Whether it’s biological or socialized, a lot of men seem to think that if you’re aroused, you want it — or if you want it, that means you’re ready for it physically. Not so, friend. I think that a real, deep understanding of this fact would help a lot of men work with their SOs to mutual pleasure in a much easier and more enjoyable way — instead of it feeling like work (because he doesn’t understand that you can’t just lick, stick and done). And of course the reverse assumption (aroused = want it) plays into a lot of the misconceptions surrounding rape.

  17. As a man, I feel nothing but insulted by Mr. “the Viking” (if that was his name) and his wild assertions.

    True, I have a very strong sex-drive, but I also have something called “self-control”, which is actually essential in navigating the world today (imagine if the assertion were true that women hate men – if that’s true, be thankful self-control exists or there’d be an awful lot more eunuchs in the world!). Simple example – on Wednesday I had an interview for a job. The interviewer just happened to be the most sexually attractive female I’d seen for, ooh, several weeks, at least – and that includes watching television and looking at porn, too! I admit to admiring her with my male gaze as I followed her through to her office. However, thanks to this magical thing called “self-control”, I didn’t conduct myself in the interview as though I wanted to hump her right then and there (to be honest, I was a little bit nervous about getting the job, so I probably wouldn’t have been able to get it up anyway, but hey…) No, as soon as we were in her office, I switched over into “professional guy who’s just right for your company” mode. I managed to maintain that mode for a full half-hour interview with never a sexual thought crossing my mind the entire time! Mr the Viking would probably regard me as a freak for this amazing feat of endurance, except, of course, that millions and millions of men are able to function as human beings and not ravenous sex-beasts, every day of their lives…

    It seems like he’s also got an odd idea about how long it takes to achieve orgasm in men – I’ve seen average duration of intercourse as estimated between 7 and 15 minutes according to various surveys (and that’s presumably from a “standing start” as opposed to a “floppy start”) – so there’s all that lovely fun of actually, y’know, intercoursin’ with someone that comes before you come – and that feels kinda good, too, you know – the build-up bit. It’s not all about the ‘O’, Mr the Viking, really! In fact, there are times when I’ve had sex and not been interested in orgasm at all (but maybe that really does make me a freak).

    As for “failing at sex” – yes, it’s true, a man can give a bad performance, but only if he starts off assuming he knows it all already. If I’d assumed that, I’d never have found my partner’s G-spot – and that made it easy to make her very happy indeed. I can well imagine that Mr. the Viking’s girlfriends (assuming he’s has any) would consider it a long and tedious process – I imagine it would be rather like sitting in the passenger seat of a car, with a map, and watching the driver (usually a man in the analogy, too) make numerous wrong turnings rather than ask directions from the person who’s right there with him!

    If I were to pick out an unfortunate sexual thing about being a man, it’s that peeing when you have an erection involves a complex assessment of the expected ballistic trajectory of the urine in order to be sure of hitting the bowl. Also, the ever-present possibility of getting an erection at an inappropriate time and place (imagine if my penis had stood to attention in the interview, and she’d noticed!?) It’s something that just about every teenage boy not only dreads, but experiences at least once – and it is still possible that it can happen when you’re an adult, too. That’s a downside to being male.

    But, Mr the Viking, your so-called problems are cured by a) engaging something more than the primeval id, b) focussing on something other than orgasm as the be-all and end-all of sex (hey, you know, some people think it might be about enjoying the interaction with that other person who’s with you at the time, too) and c) actually interacting with that other person who’s with you at the time. You’d be amazed at the difference it makes, sweetie.

  18. CBrachyrhynchos says:

    amanda w.: I think a lot of women are ignorant about this as well.

    Over the last 15 years, my sexuality has run the gamut from “yeah!” to “huh?” I hate the hypersexuality myth. I’ve had partners just plow right over consent because, after all, if I have an erection I must be willing. I’ve had partners throw the “it’s just sex to you” line in my face during arguments. It’s stupid and I’m sick of dealing with it.

  19. Daisy says:

    Great post, Sassy. Good work in nailing that.

    Yes, Anne. Sad, sad, sad indeed.

  20. mythago says:

    When you realize that somebody is using an American Pie character as an example of All Womanhood, and thinks “some stuff I found” is a source, you can pretty much do something better with your life than wasting five minutes reading further.

  21. Irate Islander says:

    Great post Sassy. Still laughing about the cum fairy! :) And good for you for not waiting for the fairy and doing what it takes to get your orgasms.

  22. Older says:

    Sorry, I don’t see the attractive aspect of growing facial hair. Either you have to allatime be shaving it off, or you have to allatime be cleaning your last meal out of it. BFD.

    As to the psychological dominance of the penis, my daughter and I once read an article that said men are handicapped by being willing to do stupid things on account of sex, and I said to her “If I hadn’t done stupid things on account of sex, you wouldn’t be here, and my life would be (sorry hon) way better in some very predictable ways.”

    Another way you know that men’s appetites are not “immeasurably larger” than women’s is that until recently, it was believed by just about everyone (in our ancestral society) that it was women’s desires that drove the sex machine, and men had to be vigilant to keep them under control. I doubt we can have changed that much in a couple of generations.

  23. Hector B. says:

    From my experience, bringing a woman to Climax is not that hard. You just go east on I-94, and it’s maybe a hundred miles past the Indiana border.

    The one point I think a lot of men fail to understand re: sex (wait, just one?) is that desire and arousal are not synonymous.

    No, men understand this, at least as far as it comes to themselves. The attraction of porn is precisely that it helps solo males bridge the gap between desire and arousal.

  24. Interrobang says:

    I have personally found that getting to orgasm is kind of tedious and a lot of work, but I’m not physically normal, and I know that. Partnered sex, for me, is often a delicate balancing act between sexual pleasure and corporeal pain. Ask me about the time I was intimate with someone and suddenly my thighs cramped up agonizingly, causing me to simultaneously leap off him and kick him in three painful places at once… My SOs have to be made of pretty stern stuff. (Because I’m a feminist, and I care about this stuff, I warn them up front.)

    Despite his ruff-tuff handle, I think the Viking would fold in about twenty seconds flat. The whining is a really good tip-off.

  25. SassyWho says:

    Interrobang, I don’t believe there is such thing as physically normal. Being aware of your body and what feels right is more important than being “normal”.

  26. Jill says:

    I think a lot of women are ignorant about this as well.

    Over the last 15 years, my sexuality has run the gamut from “yeah!” to “huh?” I hate the hypersexuality myth. I’ve had partners just plow right over consent because, after all, if I have an erection I must be willing. I’ve had partners throw the “it’s just sex to you” line in my face during arguments. It’s stupid and I’m sick of dealing with it.

    I think this is a really good point. One ex of mine was visibly surprised when I asked “Is this ok?” before taking a step forward sexually — his reaction was along the lines of “obviously, yes!” but it was clearly the first time anyone had ever bothered to ask. In another situation, I asked for permission and it turned out the person I was with had had a bad prior sexual experience and was extremely nervous — it opened up the door for him to actually be able to say no without pressure and without feeling ashamed or un-manly, and it seemed like a tremendous relief to him. But I found it sad — and sadly unsurprising — that so many men had never been asked to consent, and didn’t even really have an idea of what meaningful consent meant.

  27. JackGoff says:

    Men can only have one orgasm

    DAMN! Just one, ever? ;-) (Psst…just because you think you’re “done” doesn’t mean it’s over. Try it sometime!)

  28. JackGoff says:

    But, Mr the Viking, your so-called problems are cured by a) engaging something more than the primeval id, b) focussing on something other than orgasm as the be-all and end-all of sex (hey, you know, some people think it might be about enjoying the interaction with that other person who’s with you at the time, too) and c) actually interacting with that other person who’s with you at the time. You’d be amazed at the difference it makes, sweetie.

    Well said. Particularly important for guys needs to be the realization that working for your orgasm isn’t what constitutes sex. It’s a process and the final “product” isn’t always the same, and it isn’t always about you. Go in it to have fun, not to accomplish some great milestone for which you get a plaque or a medal or something. That’s just boring.

  29. Racy T says:

    There’s so much wrong with this guy’s ideas.

    Women and/or guilty, politically-correct males might attempt to say that women and men have nearly-identical sexual urges

    Actually, a lot of women I know would say that women have much stronger sexual urges than men. Not all, of course, but when you are dealing with imaginary absolutes I guess individuals are irrelevant.

    It’s funny that he says:

    …and thereby never having had an orgasm (lord knows I dated a woman like that)

    Then says:

    I would never pretend that bringing a woman to climax is not a difficult, lengthy, and often tedious experience for the woman, and this is what makes sex so difficult for men

    Perhaps his total cluelessness and obvious lack of knowledge re: how to please a woman may have something to do with his having dated women who “couldn’t have an orgasm.”

    The first American Pie movie included an 18-year-old female character who had never had an orgasm of any sort. The character (played, ironically, by Tara Reid)

    Oh, that’s lovely. Not only is he one of those brilliant people who use pretend to try and justify reality, but he took the opportunity for a little slut-shaming. “Tara Reid? But she’s a big whore!”

    What a douchebag. I bet he never gets laid.

  30. Cruella says:

    Well evidently it’s hard to be a pregnant woman too… God the BBC’s attitude to pregnant women REALLY makes me angry!

  31. professor fate says:

    “I would never pretend that bringing a woman to climax is not a difficult, lengthy, and often tedious experience ”

    Jesus. what a complete f-king wanker. I think we need a new gender here. Men, women and then dickheads like this – it would help things a great deal – Men and women could have sex with who ever they wanted to when they wanted to and the dickheads could sit in bars and bitch leaving real life to the rest of us.

    I mean dear lord in heaven i never ever ever like damn ever thought my partners climax was a tedious experince -I still remember one time my partner came with the kind of intensity you normally only read about in books I mean just amazing and there didn’t seem much point at the time to keep going so we didn’t – beautiful and loving yes – tedious no f-king way.

  32. Jamie says:

    From my experience, bringing a woman to Climax is not that hard. You just go east on I-94, and it’s maybe a hundred miles past the Indiana border.

    Hector B, the crazy thing is that my high school Physics teacher was born and raised there!

    (Sorry, off-topic I know, but the fact that there is another human being who knows where Climax, MI is was too crazy to pass up!)

  33. Jim says:

    Men can only have one orgasm

    Not at all.

    You know, in Beetlejuice, how the book of the dead simply says that the living will not usually see the dead? Never says they cannot.

    The male multiple orgasm is very much like that. I maintain that most men never have an orgasm. (Most women get offended upon hearing this, but bear with me.)

    I know what I used to have, it lasted a few seconds and then I was tired. It bears little resemblance to an actual orgasm that sets my whole body tingling for minutes on end and leaves me simply laughing at how much better I feel than before (In short, it’s a lot like a psychedelic. No matter what you think of the male ejaculatory “orgasm”, you will admit that it’s not exactly a higher state of consciousness.) I’ve had both, and I wish more people would do the same, because then we wouldn’t have to listen to wingnuttery like this. But, for some reason, the very notion of sexual pleasure has become feminized, by which I mean that women are expected to talk about their orgasms, at least in private, whereas men are expected to talk about how hard they fucked someone, or how long. Their “coming” is just there, it’s expected, it’s compulsive, it’s inferior.

    It doesn’t have to be that way. It’s not even hard to learn the breathing and the Kundalini channeling exercises. I’m positive I could teach any guy the basics, although I’m not sure how to do it without an unseemly level of homoeroticism.

    But, more than that, it takes a basic belief in an inner energy that westerners consider new-age bullshit or even blasphemous. How do you get past that?

  34. Richey says:

    I think the author of the article quoted lives on a different planet. None of what he says as been my experience. To me, sex is something that both people want to do and enjoy, in the same way enjoying a good meal or a great movie, it is a shared experience, and at no time should either person party to the experience become obsessed with what the other person is thinking feeling, this would be akin to demanding if the soup is hot enough or if the movie is “good”. People like the author need to take life less seriously, not read so much into everything, and perhaps if they were less analytical, they might “get it”.

  35. SarahMC says:

    Wait. This guy thinks men are “disadvantaged” sexually because they only have one orgasm per sexual encounter? Women often don’t orgasm AT ALL! Sex is usually considered “done” when men orgasm.
    Just because a minority of women are multiply orgasmic doesn’t mean it’s universal among us. Men start masturbating (and orgasming) at a very young age. Unlike women, they aren’t taught to be ashamed of their genitalia and discouraged from enjoying their bodies. Ugh, this dude is so full of shit.

  36. Chet says:

    But, more than that, it takes a basic belief in an inner energy that westerners consider new-age bullshit or even blasphemous. How do you get past that?

    Provide some scientific, physiological evidence for its existence?

    Just a thought. You know, what’s funny about things that aren’t bullshit is that they work without having to believe in them. For instance, no matter how hard I disbelieve in the existence of television, mine still comes on when I push the button. Things that only work when you “have faith” in them, or “choose to believe” in them, are just fooling yourself. I’m not saying you haven’t learned physiological tricks that have an effect on your orgasm; just that “inner energy” has fuck-all to do with it.

    I can get kind of the same effect with a little pressure on the perineal raphe during orgasm. No woo required.

  37. mythago says:

    From my experience, bringing a woman to Climax is not that hard. You just go east on I-94, and it’s maybe a hundred miles past the Indiana border.

    Yeah, but it’s a podunk place in the middle of nowhere. Actually convincing a woman to let you bring her along for that ride is pretty difficult. You’d have much better luck bringing a woman to Kalamazoo.

  38. CBrachyrhynchos says:

    Yeah, I don’t buy the kundalini stuff and have had multiple orgasms. I don’t usually go there but it’s not that hard and doesn’t require profound faith in yoga. All in all, I’d rather engage in good old-fashioned buggery.

  39. kate says:

    I’ve met asshats like this who have had the quite erroneous assumption that I’d want them to touch after making such specious utterances as this one.

    Suffice it to say, my leaving the bar/resturant/ballfield/party or where ever else alone goes without saying — while forgetting their name and phone number forever.

  40. kate says:

    In fact, men who discuss a woman’s bodily functions, especially sexually, to me, as if they are teaching me something, should thank their stars that maiming people is considered a crime.

  41. SassyWho says:

    That’s a good point Jill. I firmly believe that for a paradigm shift to occur in regard to sexuality/equality it has to percolate through every nuance of what it means to be a sexual being. Men have spent a lot less time looking at their boundaries and are assumed by many not to have any. I don’t believe that is true, it just hasn’t been discussed.

  42. Betina says:

    I’m going to be very cheap in this, but just because women find achieving orgasm a tedious experience with you, doesn’t mean it corresponds to the universal reality. Or even, that it is rightfully so, and that there’s nothing wrong with the way society makes us women relate to sex.

  43. Natalia says:

    I love the title of this post. For obvious reasons.

  44. Hector B. says:

    You’d have much better luck bringing a woman to Kalamazoo.

    I know better than to try to bring a woman any place she doesn’t already want to go. And if she knows a better way to get there, I will certainly follow her directions.

  45. Andrea says:

    “Men are only allowed one orgasm – thrust, squirt, done – and the whole thing is finished in 3-8 seconds.”

    I think I may have figured out why this guy’s sexual experiences are so unsatisfying… using a woman as differently-shaped hand is really unsatisfying for both involved, not to mention it seems to ignore the entire build-up to orgasm as irrelevent, which is basically asking for unsatisfying sex. Why work for twenty minutes or more toward something that will only last three seconds? Hell, even theme park rides give you a longer thrill than that.

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