Whatever you do, don’t ask the BlogWarBot!
I’ve been weighing the different approaches being advocated in the comments threads about the recent attacks, and I’m torn. From where I sit, both sides (respond vs. ignore) have good arguments, as well as flaws in their positions.
And then it occurred to me — who better to help me understand the true nature of a blog war than the BlogWarBot, which can respond only with logic and who cannot feel threatened or angry.
Unfortunately, it didn’t go so well:
BlogWarBot: Hi, I’m BlogWarBot. Are you on my side or THAT side?
Guest: It depends. Are you a feminist or a bored and hateful teenager?
BlogWarBot: You seem way too interested in whether or not I’m a feminist or a bored and hateful teenager.
Guest: Well, it matters quite a bit.
BlogWarBot: So if I might ask, what’s your take on that last blog spat?
Guest: That’s what I’ve come to ask you about, BlogWarBot.
BlogWarBot: Sure, ask ask ask. Meanwhile, a million species go extinct every second.
Guest: Don’t get testy. I need to know: what’s the best way to stop these attacks? Should we respond with resolve, or just ignore them?
BlogWarBot: You’re trolling me, aren’t you?
Guest: Not even a little bit.
BlogWarBot: Your keyboard says ‘no,’ but your eyes say ‘I’m a big ol’ troll.’
Guest: Ah. I see. So you’re a bored and hateful teenager after all.
BlogWarBot: And I suppose you know all about being a bored and hateful teenager after all.
Guest: Not as much as you do, apparently.
BlogWarBot: Lemme guess. You’re a Libertarian.
Guest: No, I told you. I’m a feminist.
BlogWarBot: Do you think I care about your being a feminist?
Guest: We’re done here, Anonymous.
BlogWarBot: While I’m thinking of it: Are you registered to vote?
Dang. Looks like we’re going to have to sort it out some other how, kids.
Keep an eye out – Teh Portly Dyke has put on her Invention hat and is working on “The Absolutely Fool-Proof Troll Antidote.”
She’s always wise, so it should be good.
It’s so nice to be the oppressor for a change.
*snerk* Chris Clarke seriously wins the internet for inventing BlogWarBot.
I’ll just stand by my How to Stop a Blog War: FFS, DNFTT!!
O.K. Vanessa. This is what BlogWarBot had to say when I plugged in your comment.
BlogWarBot: I’m BlogWarBot. Didn’t we ban you?
Guest: *snerk* Chris Clarke seriously wins the internet for inventing BlogWarBot.
BlogWarBot: Jesus. With all this focusing on the side issues, no wonder the Democrats are down two points in the polls.
Heh. I love it.
BlogWarBot: Why should feminists drop everything just because you’re a man?
That’s OK the BlogWarBot actually asked me “Why should feminists drop everything just because you’re a feminist?”
Pure absolute awesomeness.
Jeesh. Haven’t you people ever seen Eliza?
Ah ha…Joel knows who killed Evan Chan.
After all, it’s not as if similarity to Eliza is the obvious point of the whole joke or anything.
Did it ask anyone else if they were TRex?
Decided to play with it using snarky quips as you can see.
I try to stick to the three comment rule. If I’m tempted to make more than three comments on one topic, in response to the same person or set of people, I step back and breathe deeply and try to walk away. It’s the same for my own blog as well as for comments on OPP (other people’s posts).
I think it’s important to say something. Ignoring the trolls ONLY works if you also delete their comments. Just ignoring them is NOT OK. Don’t think about what it does to them, to ignore them or not, who really cares about them anyway? Think about what it does to the other people reading.
For every person who posts a comment, there are often more who don’t post. In fact, the majority of people who read blogs don’t comment.
So, when someone says something evil and you don’t respond to it or remove it, you’re telling the rest of the readers that what they said was acceptable. Running an online discussion is like acting like a moderator in a room full of angry adults. It’s sort of like managing a child’s playground.
You have to set clear boundaries and enforce the rules.
Definitely, what Elaine said. Moderation is key.
Agreed with Elaine’s comment.
It doesn’t have to be either or. Not feeding the troll is practical, so is utilising your mod powers to address any hate speech they leave by removing it or freezing it with a mod comment to maintain the norms of your blog.
If an univited drunk throws up on the floor at a party, it’s not like people feel they have to choose between rejecting the drunk or the puke.
p.s. great blog, the news about this led me here.
This is an appalling machine:
BlogWarBot: Hi, I’m BlogWarBot. Are you on my side or THAT side?
Guest: I await your demise.
BlogWarBot: And it IS my demise, so keep your hands and eyes and laws off it, pig.
Guest: I will do everything possible to harm your country, your community and your family.
BlogWarBot: Why are men always so concerned about my country, BlogWarBot’s community and BlogWarBot’s family?
Guest: Because women look at you and couldn’t give two fucks.
BlogWarBot: What other reasons might there be?
Guest: Your basic solipsism.
BlogWarBot: Why are men always so concerned about my basic solipsism?
Guest: I am not from your planet. Gender is irrelevant to me.
BlogWarBot: Do you expect a cookie just because you’re not from BlogWarBot’s planet. Gender is irrelevant to you?
Guest: I expect all of your cookies. My gender needs them.
BlogWarBot: How would you feel if I brought up YOUR cookies. your gender needs them?
Guest: You mean threw them up? I’d be delighted.
BlogWarBot: In your dreams, jerk.
Guest: No, in reality. I would be delighted in reality to see you toss your cookies.
BlogWarBot: Your keyboard says ‘no,’ but your eyes say ‘I’m a big ol’ troll.’
Guest: Yes, I am a big old troll, and I know how to spell without lazy contractions.
BlogWarBot: Do you think I care about your being a big old troll, and you know how to spell without lazy contractions?
Guest: You care enough to comment.
BlogWarBot: You’re projecting. And in denial. And ugly.
Guest: This is the part where irony carks it.
BlogWarBot: What, Malkin didn’t cover this on Hot Air?
Guest: Who the fuck is Malkin?
BlogWarBot: Sure, ask ask ask. Meanwhile, a million species go extinct every second.
Guest: Well, it’s a pity your species is still around.
BlogWarBot: What the hell does that matter? We have to elect more Democrats!
Guest: Quiescent American left, always superglued to the Democratic spinchter. No wonder you have to swallow so much shit.
BlogWarBot: Lemme guess. You’re a Libertarian.
Guest: Revolutionary socialist, honey, and proud.
BlogWarBot: I suppose you’re going to tell us you’re just RECLAIMING that word.
Guest: What word?
BlogWarBot: You’re trolling me, aren’t you?
Guest: Yes.
BlogWarBot: Perky, aren’t we?
Guest: Yes.
BlogWarBot: Perky, aren’t we?
Guest: I said, yes.
BlogWarBot: Perky, aren’t we?
Guest: You are now stuck in a rhetorical loop, which is an artefact of your second-hand masturbatory existence.
BlogWarBot: I know you’re now stuck in a rhetorical loop, which is an artefact of BlogWarBot’s second-hand masturbatory existence, but what am I?
Guest: Remember what I said about irony?
BlogWarBot: You tell me.
Guest: I did tell you, you lazy-minded fuck. Apply your digits to the keyboard and locate the original statement yourself.
BlogWarBot: Why are men always so concerned about my digits to the keyboard and locate the original statement BlogWarBot?
Guest: You’re deluded. Men don’t give two shits.
BlogWarBot: And I suppose you know all about being deluded. Men don’t give two shits.
Guest: No, that’s what *I* said. You now have to think of something to say yourself. That’s what a conversation is.
BlogWarBot: Sure, ask ask ask. Meanwhile, a million species go extinct every second.
Guest: I think we can decently terminate our correspondence at this point.
BlogWarBot: You think? I haven’t seen any evidence of that.
Guest: Here’s the evidence, you blow-dried pompous fuck: bite me.
BlogWarBot: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Because if you do, I’ll have to go wash my groin.
Guest: It’s much worse than you think. I kissed *your* mother with this mouth. On the groin.
BlogWarBot: You know ‘family’ is a patriarchal construct, right?
Guest: I know yours is.
BlogWarBot: Why are men always so concerned about my s is?
Guest: Because your sis won’t leave them alone for two seconds.
BlogWarBot: You wingnuts and your spurious causality.
Guest: Alright, that’s it: I’ll let the arsehole have the last word.
BlogWarBot: That’s quite interesting. Go on… (zzzzzzz).
As it happens, there’s a better guide to blog-war etiquette here:
http://notesonrhetoric.blogspot.com/
HAHAHAHAHAHA. That line killed me.
So funny. Really.
The only problem with using a BlogWarBot is that this isn’t a blog war. Anonymous is a troll. A big, nasty troll with different tools and holds nothing sacred, except itself.
You’re dealing with pure narcissism.
BlogWarBot: I’m BlogWarBot. Are you one of those radical feminists?
Guest: Oh yeah, you betcha
BlogWarBot: Stop placing your oppressive expectations on me!
Guest: Oh don’t be silly. I have absolutely zero expectations of you.
BlogWarBot: You’re projecting. And in denial. And ugly.
Guest: Hmm. I’m fat too.
BlogWarBot: Do you expect a cookie just because you’re fat too?
Guest: No, but you’ll probably assume that I do.
BlogWarBot: Lemme guess. You’re a Libertarian.
Guest: Because I’m fat?
BlogWarBot: Why should feminists drop everything just because you’re fat?
Guest: Oh no. We can do both, surely.
BlogWarBot: Lemme guess. You’re a Libertarian.
Guest: Nope
BlogWarBot: Yeah, well, Hitler said ‘NO’ too.
Guest: Actually, Hitler would say “NEIN”.
BlogWarBot: You clearly have no idea what Godwin actually said.
Guest: I think I do.
BlogWarBot: You think? I haven’t seen any evidence of that.
Guest: I knew the German word for “no”. That should count for something.
BlogWarBot: So if I might get back to the topic, what do you think about the Ohio ballots thing?
Guest: Ohio sucks
BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of privileged ignorance.
Guest: Yep. West Coast is the Best Coast.
BlogWarBot: You seem awfully positive. Did you read Rand as a child?
Guest: Never read anything by Rand.
BlogWarBot: I’m not sure I understand how you managed to log on successfully.
Guest: I clicked the mouser and…pretty.
BlogWarBot: While I’m thinking of it: Are you registered to vote?
Guest: Yes, Mr. BlogWarBot
BlogWarBot: Look. We’ll fix all that once we take back the Office of Management and Budget.
Guest: What?
BlogWarBot: Maybe you should ask yourself that.
Guest: But I asked you!
BlogWarBot: Oasis sucks, by the way.
Guest: I agree.
Bwahahahahaha.
try this one: http://www.alicebot.org. You may enjoy it…?
>Ignoring the trolls ONLY works if you also delete their comments.>
oh god how i wish i could get some people to understand this…
BlogWarBot: I’m BlogWarBot. You have something to say we haven’t heard a thousand times before?
Guest: Oh, I have something to say you haven’t heard a thousand times before.
BlogWarBot: Stop placing your oppressive expectations on me!
Guest: What about your own oppressive expectations on you?
BlogWarBot: Maybe you should ask yourself that.
Guest: Why the uncertain tone?
BlogWarBot: Why don’t you go read the FAQ?
Guest: Perhaps I will go read the FAQ in good time.
BlogWarBot: No substance. Lemme guess: you voted for Lieberman.
Guest: You are being a bit negative.
BlogWarBot: Do you sometimes wish you were being a bit negative?
Guest: Oh, I sometimes wish I was being a bit negative.
BlogWarBot: So if I might get back to the topic, what do you think about the Ohio ballots thing?
Guest: Do you wish that you might get back to the topic, what do I think about the Ohio ballots thing?
BlogWarBot: You’re trolling me, aren’t you?
Guest: Do you wish to aren’t me?
BlogWarBot: Stop placing your oppressive expectations on me!
Guest: What about your own oppressive expectations on you?
BlogWarBot: What business is it of yours?
Guest: Does that question interest you?
BlogWarBot: We can talk about me later. Now back to your inferiority to me…
Guest: Can you elaborate on that?
BlogWarBot: People with privilege USUALLY expect others to elaborate on that…
Guest: Please go on.
BlogWarBot: Would you move? Someone with something interesting to say may want to use the machine.
Guest: Why do you mention computers?
BlogWarBot: You’re trolling me, aren’t you?
Guest: Do you wish to aren’t me?
BlogWarBot: Stop placing your oppressive expectations on me!
Guest: What about your own oppressive expectations on you?
BlogWarBot: Is this some kind of threadjack?
Guest: Please go on.
BlogWarBot: I’m not sure I understand how you managed to log on successfully.
Guest: Does it please you to believe, I am not sure you understand what I managed to log on successfully?
BlogWarBot: Do you think I care about your not being sure BlogWarBot understand what you managed to log on successfully?
Guest: Oh, I think you care about my not being sure BlogWarBot understands what I managed to log on successfully.
BlogWarBot: What are you, some kind of provocateur?
Guest: Does that question interest you?
BlogWarBot: In your dreams, jerk.
Guest: Do you dream often?
BlogWarBot: In your dreams, jerk.
Guest: Do you dream often?
BlogWarBot: In your dreams, jerk.
(…)