A little hedonism to take our minds off Stripe & co.:
I’ve got a question for anyone who’d like to share. For those of you in open relationships or polyamorous relationships, or who are generally polyamorous: how do you negotiate boundaries between and amongst your partners? How do you define terms like “primary” and “secondary,” for instance? How do you find people who share your beliefs about communication? How do you handle jealousy, or lack of jealousy? For those of you who are monogamous, either by inclination, philosophy, or accident: how do you feel about polyamory and open relationships? Are you curious or cynical? For all of you: have your feelings about polyamory changed over time or as a result of particular experiences?
(For myself: I think I’m neither organized nor gregarious enough to sustain polyamory. I have dated non-monogamously, but only on very casual levels. I have experienced conflict between those relationships. Funnily enough, the problem had nothing to do with competition over my time or affection, and everything to do with my partners’ fastidious dislike of each other. It made me feel…elided, I guess you could say. I have a lower opinion of both of them than I did beforehand. It might have been like getting caught between an unstable couple: my presence made it impossible for them to arrange their relationship the way they preferred.)
I know that this is an enormous topic, and I have no idea where this discussion will go or if it will happen at all. I’d like to keep it free of judgments about other personal lives and their inherent worth, if possible. I think that arrangements that are destructive or self-destructive for some people work very well for others.
- Two Birds by piny August 5, 2007