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Jill has been blogging for Feministe since 2005.
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21 Responses

  1. Incertus (Brian)
    Incertus (Brian) August 22, 2007 at 2:39 pm |

    Tell me–am I alone in imagining that a sex toy attached to a vacuum cleaner is a bad idea of historically comic proportions?

  2. lindsaypw
    lindsaypw August 22, 2007 at 3:43 pm |

    I find it best to orgasm while comfortably lying down. Walking around and orgasming just sounds dangerous. You’d probably end up busting your head open.

    And putting your lady parts next to dirty things that your cleaning doesn’t sound hygienic.

  3. Janis
    Janis August 22, 2007 at 3:47 pm |

    Ah, the golden fleece of modern society. A piece of technology that’ll do all that tedious, annoying, stupid, pointless grnt work of actually getting women off.

    Men don’t like sex. Most times, they seem to actively hate it. Why else would they pursue technological substitutes for getting women off and relegate the manual achievement of same to “foreplay,” which is of course meant to be avoided and bitched about as much as possible?

    More Secrets of Life time. Contrary to common myth,

    1) Men do not like sex.
    2) Men hate beautiful women.
    3) Men hate their dicks.

    ObDisclaimer: Oh, Im’ SO SURE I don’t mean YOU, Mr. PErfect Does The Dishes Every Other Night Feminist. I’m so sorry I’m not coping with being a subhuman fuckhole in the culture of my birth with enough larky good humor for you.

  4. N1Nj4G1rl
    N1Nj4G1rl August 22, 2007 at 4:22 pm |

    I find it best to orgasm while comfortably lying down. Walking around and orgasming just sounds dangerous. You’d probably end up busting your head open.

    And putting your lady parts next to dirty things that your cleaning doesn’t sound hygienic.

    I completely second you on all of this! I have NEVER been able (nor really wanted to for that matter) achieved an orgasm other than lying down. Besides who wants to clean and masturbate? I thought masturbation was a personal thing done for your enjoyment, not something to be thrown in there while cleaning up the house. And that lovely vacuum cleaner noise in the background is sure to set the mood, I know just hearing it makes me want to run into the bedroom and grab my vibe.

  5. Mighty Ponygirl
    Mighty Ponygirl August 22, 2007 at 4:59 pm |

    How often have I been flumoxed by the choice of vacuuming or masturbating? I have a few minutes, I could clean the house, or I could get off.

    Clean the house? Or get off… I’d get neither accomplished because I couldn’t make up my dizzy little head. So I was both unsatisfied, and living in squalor.

    Thank you, Vortex Vibrations, for making sure I never lose a vacuuming/masturbation moment again!

    …Um… but you might have to come out with some sort of mop product to accompany this.

  6. Shira
    Shira August 22, 2007 at 5:47 pm |

    And who in god’s name would want to orgasm in ten seconds? Sounds painful, but on top of that, getting there is half the fun!

  7. Housework, sexy? « Our Descent Into Madness

    [...] health (but only if you’re female and living with a man)” variety. Via Feministe, I bring you a sex toy that attaches to the end of a vaccuum. Because fulfilling one’s [...]

  8. Yuri K.
    Yuri K. August 22, 2007 at 8:07 pm |

    And who in god’s name would want to orgasm in ten seconds? Sounds painful, but on top of that, getting there is half the fun!

    The ten seconds part just sounds so infomercial…

  9. spectral_ev
    spectral_ev August 22, 2007 at 9:03 pm |

    wouldn’t these women then say, ‘to hell with the housework’ and then go out for a drink or something?

  10. NancyP
    NancyP August 22, 2007 at 9:12 pm |

    And then there was the dwarf doing an act for the Edinburgh (UK) Fringe Festival. It involved sticking his penis into an adaptor glued onto the end of a vacuum cleaner. Problem was, he stuck it in before the glue had set, so he ended up gluing himself to the vacuum cleaner.
    http://rawstory.com/news/afp/British_dwarf_s_penis_gets_stuck_to_0820200

  11. MJ
    MJ August 23, 2007 at 10:48 am |

    From the article:

    At the time Joanne, from Utah, had not had sex for 15 YEARS following her divorce. She said: “In my attempts to alleviate frustration, I began to think what I could do. I noticed how the rubber moved in the top of the vacuum.

    “So using my background in toolmaking, I began trying out different ideas with different power sources.

    “After several hours, I came up with the prototype. The first time I tried it I reached an orgasm within 10 seconds. ”

    Perhaps, just perhaps, it was 15 years of no sex (why put years in capital letters?), ‘being frustrated’, and possibly being desperate enough to turn to the vacuum cleaner to ‘alleviate frustration’ that led to reaching orgasm in 10 seconds. (Not that I’m convinced that she hadn’t masturbated- maybe she just hadn’t found the right vibrator and the vacuum thing works best for her?)

    I’m thinking its not the necessarily the device itself that leads reaching orgasm in 10 seconds. I’m just saying.

    Does anyone else giggle at the ‘background in toolmaking’ ?

  12. Matthew
    Matthew August 23, 2007 at 11:30 am |

    I’m just entertained by the thought of some woman using this enough that she associated the sound of vacuuming with orgasms, and couldn’t have one unless the vacuum was on. But it would only be funny in a sitcom; real life not so much.

  13. Mhorag
    Mhorag August 23, 2007 at 12:05 pm |

    Maybe she hadn’t heard of the spin cycle on the washing machine, which is frequently a teenage girl’s first experience with orgasm. Then you can move on to bigger and better appliances … (heheh)

    Lord knows housework is an exercise in futility – no sooner done than you have to do it again. Might as well make it fun. :)

  14. christina B
    christina B August 23, 2007 at 12:12 pm |

    I know some men who think of sex like that, and who would love it if their partner came in 10 seconds because they can’ t last much longer. Then there’ s the whole ” sex being a chore” for women. This sounds like some idiot confusing 70s era social roles and his own projections.

  15. Seraph
    Seraph August 23, 2007 at 1:13 pm |

    Men don’t like sex. Most times, they seem to actively hate it. Why else would they pursue technological substitutes for getting women off and relegate the manual achievement of same to “foreplay,” which is of course meant to be avoided and bitched about as much as possible?

    Huh. That’s a very good point. I never really thought about it that way. Of course, men rush through other things that they enjoy (the first thing that comes to mind is a good meal…but then, I haven’t had lunch yet). But then, in such a case, they rarely complain about taking time and savoring.

    And of course, a meal doesn’t care how much attention you pay to it, while a sentient partner does. Important difference.

    3) Men hate their dicks

    Okay, I get the rationale for the first two. Men hate sex because they don’t want to really participate in it in a way that satisfies their partner, they just want to get off, and they hate beautiful women because they hate women in general, and they feel an additional need to own/subjugate a beautiful woman. But this one confuses me. How do you figure this?

    ObDisclaimer: Oh, Im’ SO SURE I don’t mean YOU, Mr. PErfect Does The Dishes Every Other Night Feminist. I’m so sorry I’m not coping with being a subhuman fuckhole in the culture of my birth with enough larky good humor for you.

    You make a lot of statements like this, and I finally have to ask: do you come out swinging like this because you feel people on this blog coddle the menz too much in general, because people here have responded to other statements you’ve made with defense for the menz/themselves/demands for apologies/insults of your radicalism, or you’ve run into so much of the previous elsewhere that you feel the need to make pre-emptive strikes?

    Because I admit I haven’t been reading as faithfully as I once did lately, but I’ve never seen anyone insist on “larky humor”, not here.

  16. Cranefly
    Cranefly August 23, 2007 at 3:05 pm |

    Okay, I get the rationale for the first two. Men hate sex because they don’t want to really participate in it in a way that satisfies their partner, they just want to get off, and they hate beautiful women because they hate women in general, and they feel an additional need to own/subjugate a beautiful woman. But this one confuses me. How do you figure this?

    I wouldn’t say I know what Janis means by it, but when I’ve heard statements like her trio before, the reasoning has been that misogyny comes from men resenting that they experience sexual desire. Thus, particular hatred of beautiful women, and of men’s own genitals as the source of the problem. It’s a bit more particular than generalized hatred of women as women, although heteronormativity completes the link and adds extra kick to the “hating their own penises” part.

    I’m of two or three minds about that idea. I think it’s a useful theory towards explaining the Nice Guy™ phenomenon. It’s pretty heteronormative itself, unless you say that it applies to queer men because they still live in a heteronormative culture. There’s an implication, too, that there’s something fundamentally different about the way that men and women experience desire that would be interesting to see elaborated.

    Again, I’m not trying to say that this is what Janis was alluding to, just passing along one possible rationale.

  17. Rachel
    Rachel August 23, 2007 at 4:49 pm |

    Oh noes! They’re going to put Shower Massage out of business!

  18. Cranefly
    Cranefly August 24, 2007 at 11:51 am |

    Seraph, if you’re still around, a comment for you is waiting in moderation.

  19. houseofmayhem
    houseofmayhem August 24, 2007 at 5:15 pm |

    >>>The ten seconds part just sounds so infomercial…

    Yeah, and can’t you just see it showing up at Walgreens “just in time for your holiday gift giving!”

  20. Vacuum Vibrator | After Corbu
    Vacuum Vibrator | After Corbu September 3, 2007 at 12:49 am |

    [...] Housework is so sexy, it’ll make you come post at Feministe introduced me to the above products from Vortex Vibrations, which allow you to [...]

  21. Kelly Ripa: cleaning her way to equality « Hate On Me—An exploration of all things hateful and ignorant

    [...] the role of women. She makes it look fun. Getting stains out of shirts, it seems, is a hootenanny. Orgasmic, [...]

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