WOMEN could turn dust into lust — with a sex toy that brings pleasure to HOUSEWORK.
Instead of moaning about chores, they will happily moan as they do them.
The plastic tubular gadget fits on the end of a vacuum pipe.
Its makers say frustrated housewives can place it above their private parts — and orgasm in just TEN SECONDS.
Or they could just buy a vibrator and get off. You know, because getting off is fun.
I like multi-tasking as much as anyone, but this seems like a really shoddy way to convince women that housework is hot. And don’t forget, ladies, it’s not about you — it’s about the mens. Because women’s sexual pleasure always has to be sold as somehow benefitting dudes:
So chaps, next time you come home to a smiling missus, she’s probably been been quietly cleaning all day.
And then she’ll suck your dick.
Thanks to Thomas for the link.
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Tell me–am I alone in imagining that a sex toy attached to a vacuum cleaner is a bad idea of historically comic proportions?
I find it best to orgasm while comfortably lying down. Walking around and orgasming just sounds dangerous. You’d probably end up busting your head open.
And putting your lady parts next to dirty things that your cleaning doesn’t sound hygienic.
Ah, the golden fleece of modern society. A piece of technology that’ll do all that tedious, annoying, stupid, pointless grnt work of actually getting women off.
Men don’t like sex. Most times, they seem to actively hate it. Why else would they pursue technological substitutes for getting women off and relegate the manual achievement of same to “foreplay,” which is of course meant to be avoided and bitched about as much as possible?
More Secrets of Life time. Contrary to common myth,
1) Men do not like sex.
2) Men hate beautiful women.
3) Men hate their dicks.
ObDisclaimer: Oh, Im’ SO SURE I don’t mean YOU, Mr. PErfect Does The Dishes Every Other Night Feminist. I’m so sorry I’m not coping with being a subhuman fuckhole in the culture of my birth with enough larky good humor for you.
I completely second you on all of this! I have NEVER been able (nor really wanted to for that matter) achieved an orgasm other than lying down. Besides who wants to clean and masturbate? I thought masturbation was a personal thing done for your enjoyment, not something to be thrown in there while cleaning up the house. And that lovely vacuum cleaner noise in the background is sure to set the mood, I know just hearing it makes me want to run into the bedroom and grab my vibe.
How often have I been flumoxed by the choice of vacuuming or masturbating? I have a few minutes, I could clean the house, or I could get off.
Clean the house? Or get off… I’d get neither accomplished because I couldn’t make up my dizzy little head. So I was both unsatisfied, and living in squalor.
Thank you, Vortex Vibrations, for making sure I never lose a vacuuming/masturbation moment again!
…Um… but you might have to come out with some sort of mop product to accompany this.
And who in god’s name would want to orgasm in ten seconds? Sounds painful, but on top of that, getting there is half the fun!
[...] health (but only if you’re female and living with a man)” variety. Via Feministe, I bring you a sex toy that attaches to the end of a vaccuum. Because fulfilling one’s [...]
The ten seconds part just sounds so infomercial…
wouldn’t these women then say, ‘to hell with the housework’ and then go out for a drink or something?
And then there was the dwarf doing an act for the Edinburgh (UK) Fringe Festival. It involved sticking his penis into an adaptor glued onto the end of a vacuum cleaner. Problem was, he stuck it in before the glue had set, so he ended up gluing himself to the vacuum cleaner.
http://rawstory.com/news/afp/British_dwarf_s_penis_gets_stuck_to_0820200
From the article:
Perhaps, just perhaps, it was 15 years of no sex (why put years in capital letters?), ‘being frustrated’, and possibly being desperate enough to turn to the vacuum cleaner to ‘alleviate frustration’ that led to reaching orgasm in 10 seconds. (Not that I’m convinced that she hadn’t masturbated- maybe she just hadn’t found the right vibrator and the vacuum thing works best for her?)
I’m thinking its not the necessarily the device itself that leads reaching orgasm in 10 seconds. I’m just saying.
Does anyone else giggle at the ‘background in toolmaking’ ?
I’m just entertained by the thought of some woman using this enough that she associated the sound of vacuuming with orgasms, and couldn’t have one unless the vacuum was on. But it would only be funny in a sitcom; real life not so much.
Maybe she hadn’t heard of the spin cycle on the washing machine, which is frequently a teenage girl’s first experience with orgasm. Then you can move on to bigger and better appliances … (heheh)
Lord knows housework is an exercise in futility – no sooner done than you have to do it again. Might as well make it fun. :)
I know some men who think of sex like that, and who would love it if their partner came in 10 seconds because they can’ t last much longer. Then there’ s the whole ” sex being a chore” for women. This sounds like some idiot confusing 70s era social roles and his own projections.
Huh. That’s a very good point. I never really thought about it that way. Of course, men rush through other things that they enjoy (the first thing that comes to mind is a good meal…but then, I haven’t had lunch yet). But then, in such a case, they rarely complain about taking time and savoring.
And of course, a meal doesn’t care how much attention you pay to it, while a sentient partner does. Important difference.
Okay, I get the rationale for the first two. Men hate sex because they don’t want to really participate in it in a way that satisfies their partner, they just want to get off, and they hate beautiful women because they hate women in general, and they feel an additional need to own/subjugate a beautiful woman. But this one confuses me. How do you figure this?
You make a lot of statements like this, and I finally have to ask: do you come out swinging like this because you feel people on this blog coddle the menz too much in general, because people here have responded to other statements you’ve made with defense for the menz/themselves/demands for apologies/insults of your radicalism, or you’ve run into so much of the previous elsewhere that you feel the need to make pre-emptive strikes?
Because I admit I haven’t been reading as faithfully as I once did lately, but I’ve never seen anyone insist on “larky humor”, not here.
I wouldn’t say I know what Janis means by it, but when I’ve heard statements like her trio before, the reasoning has been that misogyny comes from men resenting that they experience sexual desire. Thus, particular hatred of beautiful women, and of men’s own genitals as the source of the problem. It’s a bit more particular than generalized hatred of women as women, although heteronormativity completes the link and adds extra kick to the “hating their own penises” part.
I’m of two or three minds about that idea. I think it’s a useful theory towards explaining the Nice Guy™ phenomenon. It’s pretty heteronormative itself, unless you say that it applies to queer men because they still live in a heteronormative culture. There’s an implication, too, that there’s something fundamentally different about the way that men and women experience desire that would be interesting to see elaborated.
Again, I’m not trying to say that this is what Janis was alluding to, just passing along one possible rationale.
Oh noes! They’re going to put Shower Massage out of business!
Seraph, if you’re still around, a comment for you is waiting in moderation.
>>>The ten seconds part just sounds so infomercial…
Yeah, and can’t you just see it showing up at Walgreens “just in time for your holiday gift giving!”
[...] Housework is so sexy, it’ll make you come post at Feministe introduced me to the above products from Vortex Vibrations, which allow you to [...]
[...] the role of women. She makes it look fun. Getting stains out of shirts, it seems, is a hootenanny. Orgasmic, [...]