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Jill has been blogging for Feministe since 2005.
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34 Responses

  1. W. Kiernan
    W. Kiernan August 30, 2007 at 12:16 pm |

    All these categories. Nothing but a feast for lawyers. Do this the simple way: just ban all clothes.

  2. Michelle
    Michelle August 30, 2007 at 12:21 pm |

    Ties should be banned because they point to a fella’s whatsit, and that might make us go all woozy.

  3. John
    John August 30, 2007 at 1:07 pm |

    The real point of these laws is to give legal justification for police to go on fishing expeditions. It’s similar to the “I pulled you over because your license plate light is burned out” excuse.

  4. Hestia
    Hestia August 30, 2007 at 1:27 pm |

    Do this the simple way: just ban all clothes.

    No, no, no — nudity is dirty. Instead, require people to purchase carefully-designed uniforms from the government. Bonus: It’ll provide us with the money to go after anyone who attempts to buck the system.

  5. William
    William August 30, 2007 at 1:32 pm |

    *…and I’ve officially been in Europe for too long. We should also ban the American version: The handgun-fanny-pack.

    That isn’t a fashion statement, its a radical form of civil disobedience. ;)

  6. Hector B.
    Hector B. August 30, 2007 at 1:35 pm |

    Instead of wearing a fanny pack, there are many attractive concealed carry handbags; for example, here.

  7. orlando
    orlando August 30, 2007 at 1:43 pm |

    Can we ban the term fanny-pack? We call them bum-bags. Because when fanny means what it means to Australians/British, the implication is that the item may well be obscene as outerwear. And a surprising thing for a man to be wearing. Unless he’s compensating for an anatomical deficiency? Now I think I may be onto something…

  8. Linnaeus
    Linnaeus August 30, 2007 at 1:43 pm |

    “It’s a carry-all! It’s European!”

  9. Elayne Riggs
    Elayne Riggs August 30, 2007 at 2:09 pm |

    Stupid clothing has offended me for as long as I can remember. My response is to mock it, a response I certainly consider valid.

  10. MIA
    MIA August 30, 2007 at 2:31 pm |

    Men should not be allowed to wear shorts in public. Hairy legs are really gross! ewwww

    Oh and sunglasses. It is offensive when I can’t tell if a guy is learing at me or not. How will I know to respond graciously to his leering if I can’t see his eyes?

  11. trailer park
    trailer park August 30, 2007 at 2:58 pm |

    Whose with me? And what else should we add to the list?

    All men shall be required to wear a shirt in public at all times. Body hair, man-boobs and beer guts are offensive.

  12. Sara
    Sara August 30, 2007 at 3:28 pm |

    And why is all the saggy-pants talk directed at the menfolk? If I heard there was such a law, I’d have thought it was about the ultra-low-rise jeans with the g-string visible at the back and the top of the mons visible at the front. Gee, if you’re gonna enact a pants law, get *everyone* with it, okay?

  13. FashionablyEvil
    FashionablyEvil August 30, 2007 at 3:37 pm |

    wearing the fanny pack while they’re wearing a shirt, a speedo and no pants

    No kidding. I’m always torn between watching and being revolted. Fashion rubber-necking I guess.

  14. Hector B.
    Hector B. August 30, 2007 at 3:41 pm |

    fanny-pack? We call them bum-bags

    In Singapore, they’re called “waist pouches.” I think waist is a more neutral term than either fanny or bum.

  15. orlando
    orlando August 30, 2007 at 3:55 pm |

    In Singapore, they’re called “waist pouches.”

    That sounds sooo demure. But like it probably means a sporran.

  16. Christina
    Christina August 30, 2007 at 4:11 pm |

    Leggings. jeans with dresses. The 1980s revival. puffy paint. Mandals.
    Capris (for God’s sake, make up your mind. Shorts or pants, it’s not that hard, people.)
    Professors with backpacks. Get a briefcase. Be an adult.

    Ban Goth wear for all 15 yr old girls who live in a suburb of Dallas and whose name begins with “N”. Child has no right to that much angst.

  17. Beth
    Beth August 30, 2007 at 5:37 pm |

    Professors with backpacks. Get a briefcase. Be an adult.

    Um, an adult with serious back problems from carrying all that weight on one side? Or is it childish that I walk the 1.25 miles to the university when I suppose I could drive and have my car carry my stuff? I’ll keep my enivronmentally-friendly ergonomically-healthy backpack, thank you.

    What would I like to outlaw? Shoes with heels so high that women have to take little mincing steps in them, getting in my way! (striding along happily with my low shoes and backpack).

  18. Neko-Onna
    Neko-Onna August 30, 2007 at 7:28 pm |

    Cummerbunds. Need I say more?

  19. Torri
    Torri August 30, 2007 at 9:35 pm |

    oohhh is this when we decide on the uniform for earth? Like in Star Trek all the aliens on one planet dressed the same? We should so do that, ‘you don’t look good in blue? Too bad it’s the earth uniform now!’

  20. Henry
    Henry August 30, 2007 at 10:06 pm |

    …and I’ve officially been in Europe for too long. We should also ban the American version: The handgun-fanny-pack.

    I used to know a guy who wore one of those while running. He said it was the most practical option. I had to tell him that it looked goofy regardless.

  21. evil fizz
    evil fizz August 30, 2007 at 10:14 pm | *

    And why is all the saggy-pants talk directed at the menfolk? If I heard there was such a law, I’d have thought it was about the ultra-low-rise jeans with the g-string visible at the back and the top of the mons visible at the front.

    Atlanta’s pending proposal will also ban exposed thongs!

  22. jayinchicago
    jayinchicago August 30, 2007 at 10:24 pm |

    I’m sensing the stirrings of an early 90s revival (too soon!) and thus would like to pre-emptively ban:

    tight rolled z cavaricci pants/jeans
    those jeans with zippers and bows on the back of each leg
    big floppy Blossom hats
    babydoll dresses for the Nth time
    different colored slouch socks *layered* on top on each other
    jeans tucked into socks
    hairclips with balloons on them
    hypercolor tshirts.

  23. jayinchicago
    jayinchicago August 30, 2007 at 10:24 pm |

    I’m sensing the stirrings of an early 90s revival (too soon!) and thus would like to preemptively ban:

    tight rolled z cavaricci pants/jeans
    those jeans with zippers and bows on the back of each leg
    big floppy Blossom hats
    babydoll dresses for the Nth time
    different colored slouch socks *layered* on top on each other
    jeans tucked into socks
    hairclips with balloons on them
    hypercolor tshirts.

  24. jayinchicago
    jayinchicago August 30, 2007 at 10:25 pm |

    i’d only want to ban it once though. that’d be plenty.

  25. Caja
    Caja August 30, 2007 at 11:26 pm |

    I am all about banning low-rise and low-low-rise pants. GodDAMN but those are uncomfortable to wear. Plus, with these narrow hips, I’m afraid they’ll fall down. I want the fashion industry to start producing clothes that are comfortable, so that in a couple years, when today’s fashions are in the thrift stores, I won’t have to buy my clothes in the boys’ section. Is that too much to ask?

  26. Azundris
    Azundris August 30, 2007 at 11:33 pm |

    Hector,

    attractive concealed carry handbags; for example, here.

    a) How do you know they’re attractive, there seem to be no pictures?

    b) If somebody grabs the bag and runs, aren’t you smegged in six different ways?

    c) In fact, that’s one thing that’s always annoyed me about tight-fitting clothes — that they make it difficult to carry (guns, not knives :).

  27. Henry
    Henry August 30, 2007 at 11:55 pm |

    Personally, while playing civilian at home I prefer either an inside the waist pancake holster, or if wearing something that doesn’t cover the waist then I wear a belly-band. Works pretty well. Having a small frame pistol doesn’t hurt either.

  28. Hector B.
    Hector B. August 31, 2007 at 12:00 am |

    a) How do you know they’re attractive, there seem to be no pictures?

    b) If somebody grabs the bag and runs, aren’t you smegged in six different ways?

    a) The page looks fine in IE 6
    b) I was basically being silly. If you’re interested, I googled up several interesting discussions of how women carry concealed, including when they are pregnant, and when they’re going to the obgyn.

  29. norbizness
    norbizness August 31, 2007 at 1:04 am |

    One day, all humanity will be clad in differently-sized slinky bracelets.

  30. Ragnell
    Ragnell August 31, 2007 at 4:11 am |

    oohhh is this when we decide on the uniform for earth? Like in Star Trek all the aliens on one planet dressed the same? We should so do that, ‘you don’t look good in blue? Too bad it’s the earth uniform now!’

    I vote for shiny unitards, color-coded by profession so long as aircraft maintenance gets Hunter Green.

  31. INotI
    INotI August 31, 2007 at 9:15 am |

    We should all just wear Mao suits.

  32. Azundris
    Azundris August 31, 2007 at 2:39 pm |

    Hector,
    I use one of those “funny” browsers, so it’s probably a broken site. :-/

    If you’re interested, I googled up several interesting discussions of how women carry concealed

    I am interested. The last time I googled, there were few women talking, and those who were didn’t care about tight-fitting or fashionable clothes. I just re-googled and just carry concealed women gives a lot of hits now that I’m checking out “as we speak”, but if you found any particularly good sites or outstandingly magical search terms, I’d appreciate “hearing” them. Thank you.

  33. RachelPhilPa
    RachelPhilPa September 1, 2007 at 8:13 pm |

    I am all about banning low-rise and low-low-rise pants. GodDAMN but those are uncomfortable to wear

    You don’t like ‘em? Don’t wear ‘em. I wear only low-rise pants, cuz I find standard-rise pants / jeans very uncomfortable (and I also have narrow hips). But I would not suggest banning standard-rise bottoms.

    (Don’t worry…I’m not so gauche as to wear belly shirts and expose my midriff…most of the time…;-)

    BTW, I think the thread is intended to MOCK the anti-sagging laws (and point out the racism of those that propose them)…your proposal seems serious…

  34. Helen
    Helen September 1, 2007 at 11:43 pm |

    Ok, no to asscrack / whale tail, but god those Mom Jeans are hideous. Do we have to go back to pleated (!!?!) harry-high-pants that look like they belong in some dreadful 1980s Olivia Newton-John video? Gah. Moderation, moderation!

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