It doesn’t take a genius to figure out the racial motivations behind these anti-sagging ordinances — it’s a style that’s associated with so-called “hip-hop culture,” and that in itself is offensive to white people. Of course, sagging pants doesn’t actually harm anyone, but that’s beside the point. It’s offensive.
I agree, and I think we should go a step further and really ban all offensive clothing. Saggy pants are a good start, and other legislators have banned or attempted to ban visible thong underwear. Good for them — black people and women are always good groups to begin with. Next, we should focus on anything sex-related, and absolutely ban men from wearing fanny packs in the front, especially if they’re wearing the fanny pack while they’re wearing a shirt, a speedo and no pants.* The fanny-pack-in-front not only goes against the entire purpose of the fanny pack, but the obvious resemblance to a giant man-package leads to some seriously impure thoughts. I understand that men need something to carry their stuff in, so I’ll suggest investing in a man-purse. The frontal fanny-pack is just obscene.
Next: The Mom Jean. The public presence of Mom Jeans only highlights how liberal feminism has destroyed our society. What are these women doing in public? Why aren’t they at home with their children? The Mom Jean — worn sans-children — is a walking billboard of sexual depravity and child neglect. Ban it.
Also: Revealing or otherwise sexualized clothing. Bikinis and any other sort of fitted bathing suit. Thong underwear. Miniskirts. Short-shorts. Push-up bras. Belly shirts. Tight jeans. Low-cut tops. Muscle shirts. Definitely those men’s tank-tops with the really long armpit holes. This one should be obvious.
Finally: Burquas, veils, niqabs, or any other Islamofascist clothing. Clearly, women covering themselves is anti-American, at least when it’s done for Allah instead of for Jerry Falwell (God bless him). We must free these oppressed ladies from the evils of the hijab, and introduce them to the beauty of the denim and floral-print cotton dress.
Who’s with me? And what else should we add to the list?
*…and I’ve officially been in Europe for too long. We should also ban the American version: The handgun-fanny-pack.