In response to my “I really need to start dating Republicans” post, twice-banned troll Tony Palmyra writes:
Jeff Fecke is definitely sexier than Republicans and condoms.
Jill, you can prove this by fucking Jeff Fecke and admitting it on your blog. In addition to giving him exactly what he hangs around the Femblogs for, it would motivate every male Republican better looking than Jeff Fecke (i.e. all) to adopt Feminascism.
P.S. Methinks the point was that the *kinds of relationships* in which you are most apt to use condoms are the *kinds of relationships that he finds less-than-Romantic – i.e. “lets go fuck in the bushes.”
PPS. Jill, do we all still have to pretend that you are this like, totally self-actualized super sex kitten who bangs anyone who catches your eye? Because I’d bet my left testicle that you fuck like you have a knotted rag up your ass (not on purpose).
PPPS. You are already fucking Republicans and just can’t figure it out.
Oh Tony, have you been spying in my bedroom windows again?
That was … not coherent at all. Oh, how I love the Special Moderation Queue.
All I can say is….
huh?
I’m intrigued by “Feminascism” …the birth of feminism? Sorta gives a new meaning to the whole thing…
*chortle*
Wait, I thought according to charmers like our pal Tony; all us feminists are supposed to be ugly hairy beasts who can’t get laid ’cause we are so hideous. So why would a guy such as Jeff Fecke, bother trying to impress us with his feminist shtick?
the words..individually.. make sense in that they’re all english.. but he strings them together in a way just shy of “CRANBERRY! Dog wash vulture pancake, yes?” territory.
I do like the multiple post-scripts though. Nice touch. 0.o;
He just can’t stand that he cannot force you to fuck Jeff Fecke (and himself). You can hear the seething anger about how that bitch gets to choose who (and how) she fucks. What a waste of a carbon-based life-form you have trying to comment on your blog.
My husband and I use condoms. Does that mean we have to leave our bedroom and start fucking in the bushes?
You know, if I were half as sexually active as Tony seems to think I am, I’d be a really happy girl. A really happy girl who fucks like she has a rag up her ass (?), but definitely happy.
How *does* one fuck like she’s got a knotted rag up her ass?
Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner. That’s really what it boils down to: hostility towards women controlling their own sex lives mixed with a healthy dose of sour grapes, i.e., “I would never fuck those sluts anyway!”
Sorry, but I ain’t buyin’ it. You can see the projection onto Jeff Fecke about the reason why Jeff comes to feminist blogs (it seems to me there are places to find a sex partner more easily than a blog, but that’s just me). The conservative men that I knew in college sure as hell were not looking to play Uno on a Friday night.
Apparently Tony knows. Ask him.
Who has he been fucking that he would know such a thing exists?
I’m sure there’s a fetish site out there SOMEWHERE with some diagrams and/or instructions.
Why is it that these types of men, whom undoubtedly suffer from teh micropenis, are always the most shrill? Speaking of rags, Tony writes like he’s on it. Did someone try to take away his porn?
I would assume slowly and carefully. That sounds painful.
You can get laid by commenting on blogs? Why has no one mentioned this until now? I always assumed that spending time talking to people you almost certainly are never going to actually meet was basically the opposite of getting laid. Who knew?
Mnemosyne: When I was six, I discovered a cache of condoms in my parents’ dresser. Also, my boyfriend and I use condoms… in my bedroom… pretty exclusively. So, uh, yeah. Incoherent is the word of the day. An obvious attention grab and nothing more.
Trolls should not be fed.
Maybe he’s trying to provide an example of that civil discourse that the Left blogosphere fails to achieve?
Does ‘fucking in the bushes’ include camping? ‘Cause we’ve done that when camping in really remote places, no one else for miles, and we get the hornies.
Maybe there’s some magic formula. -1 romantic point for using a condom any time, anywhere, -1 point for the bushes, +1 point if it’s also under the stars, +10 points if there a chance of pregnancy or STD…
Wait, fucking with an accidental rag up my ass makes me a bad lay?
Wow, could he want you more?
D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E!
So he’s what, 12 years old?
Henry, you made me laugh out loud.
what an unpleasant person.
I’m a little disturbed by the idea of a knotted rag up one’s ass accidentally, and a little baffled by the thought that someone might put one there on purpose.
Plus, I mean, why Jeff? Does he have some kind of a thing for Jeff?
Who doesn’t?
Actually, I have the feeling Tony’s just reiterating what bored women have been telling him for years…”Sorry I wasn’t that into it, Tony, it’s not you, REALLY it’s not, but…well…you know how rags sometimes get knots in them? And how they sometimes accidentally get up your ass?”
Also, for some reason this keeps making me think of the following:
“I can’t hear you, I have a banana in my ear!”
Can’t think why.
Jill, I’m sure you’ve already figured this out, but this schmuck has the hots for you and is pissed because he’ll never get anywhere. So he resorts to the online version of throwing spitballs at you. His emotional development is evidently on a par with his political sophistication.
Okay now WAIT. I didn’t know that posting in comments sections could get one SEX.
Can I have two orders of sex, hold the knotty rags please (and really, if Tony’s too cheap to buy anal beads, who would have sex with him anyway?)
Maybe what he meant to say is that his girlfriend’s strap-on feels like a knotty rag in his butt?
Nevermind, I don’t want to lump strap on girls with that loser, especially since I am one.
Although I’ve only used it on heterosexual men. My girlfriends never let me…
what could *THAT* mean?
*giggles*
Now that I think about it, Tony seems a mite confused about ladyparts if he thinks that the “rag” that he hears jokes about goes into the ass. Can someone send him one of those teaching vulvas that they have at Planned Parenthood?
He probably whips himself into a froth over at Shakesville on a frequent basis.
His problem, of course, is in holding up Jeff as some kind of vomit-inducing lay. Hardly. Jeff’s pretty cute.
Perhaps I shouldn’t be revealing this. But the fact is that “Tony” is correct. She repeatedly entices and fucks innocent, unsuspecting Republicans – but why? think Emma Zunz – and then once they have had their vital essence depleted and they are weak and helpless, she deli-slices them smack into the afterlife using a pink-handled surgical scalpel which she keeps hidden in her purse.
The reason I know this about all this is because I have contracted to get rid of the dead bodies for her. It’s easy money for me because she doesn’t leave any intact parts bigger than a Jumbo Ziploc bag, so even if the ex-Republican used to be a large husky guy, if I can’t jam all the mortal remains into my car trunk, I can always make two or even three trips. And you should see how well the plants in my garden grow!
So here’s the question, tough guy: are you man enough to take on the deadly Black Widow of Blogovia? Are ya? Have you got the stuff to put an end to her horrific reign of misandrical terror, or die trying? Or are you gonna run away with your curly little tail between your legs?
Damn. No one comes on my blog and suggests Republicans for me to fuck. To be so famous . . .
Blogging is for nerds and nerds don’t get laid. We all know this. Right?
It’s so annoying how the sexist pigs and anti-feminists are always saying the same things:
1. I don’t hate women, I just measure their worth by their fuckability
2. Well, OK, I might hate women just a little. And that makes me horny.
P.S. Methinks the point was that the *kinds of relationships* in which you are most apt to use condoms are the *kinds of relationships that he finds less-than-Romantic – i.e. “lets go fuck in the bushes.”
So he’s saying he doesn’t want to go fuck someone in the bushes?
[...] gets letters: Jeff Fecke is definitely sexier than Republicans and [...]
Jesus, Lauren, you go on your honeymoon and you still haven’t consummated the marriage?
It is well known that Republicans have a lower rate of literacy so that most likely explains his lack of coherency.
The bit about the knotted rag up the ass points to deeper Freudian issues he might want to explore with a psychiatrist who can prescribe some drugs for his “problem.”
The bit about condoms was oddly disturbing. I guess he believes it is a positive thing to make unwanted babies and transmit diseases within the confines of a relationship. How touching.
a knotted rag? that’s a new one on me …and I thought I’d seen it all.
Careful, ladies. Jeff Fecke is in the room…
I’d hit it.
Isn’t Tony the one who called Jill a freakshow for being the only hot feminist?
Can’t believe he’s still hanging around these parts.
yes, yes!
tony’s the one who calimed that pregnancy complications were fiction and that feminists view “pre-born babies” as “evil totems.” when i was all, “wtf?” he was like “ever seen rosemary’s baby?” i think he thought it was a documentary.
that kid has mush for brains.
Oh, oh! Bluefish A! It was you and I, arguing with rich, successful Tony about myriad topics!
*bangs head on desk*
this post is proof that sometimes feeding trolls is an enjoyable pastime, even if (or maybe because?) it encourages them…
yes, SarahMC, those halcyon days of tony telling us that tiny, feebly-minded and weak-muscled little ladies couldn’t handle anything more taxing to our delicate constitutions than endless childbirth and constant household drudgery.
and the mother issues! oh dear.
this guy is a walking bundle of issues.
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth
So what are we going to do with it?
Ok I am NOT that Tony
Feminascism.
I love it, why do stupid republicans like Bush always like to make up words?
Fascism + Feminism, BRILLIANT!!
I think he has a crush on you, Jill.
You know how there are shrunken heads? We could have a shrunken left testicle.
I think it would go well with our reputation of being ball busters.
Y’know, “The Teaching Vulvas” would be a great name for a rock band!
The secret is to ban their pimply asses after a really unbelievable comment.
shessh, I fuck republicans all the time, but I secretly suspect Tony has his own knotted up head up his ass…
Ahem. Exactly, Zuzu.
Subtext of Tony’s message: Jill! Fuck the Republicans!
Table tennis?
Wait a minute.flea just had to deal with an advice question from a woman who wanted to know if she could sneak something in her ass during sex without her husband noticing. Mrs. Palmyra? He already knows.
add to the collection?
maybe a game of marbles?
cat toy- no wait, it may be a choking hazard.
anatomy lesson?
I know! Someone could use it on their car antenna to make it easier to find the car in the parking lot.
I am confused by Tony’s poorly-constructed sentence. Does he mean that we, personally, are already Republicans (in our deepest heart of hearts) and we just haven’t come to our senses, but will eventually see the light and recognize ourselves as worthless, brainless c*nts? Or that we’re freely boinking anyone she comes into contact with (because we are liberal, feminist sluts, instead of liberal, feminist anti-sex prudes) without checking their party affiliation, and the joke’s on us?
I think he means that I am having teh sex with dudes who vote Republican, and I don’t even know it.
Which, (a) I’m in Germany so no one is voting Republican, and (b) my current sex partner is made of vibrating silicon and can’t vote.
please advise; is fucking a verb or an adjective in this instance?
Ow.
Wait, is it not silicone? Is it plastic? Do they not make silicone vibrators? All I know is that it’s kind of soft and it’s great.
I… but… fucking in the bushes IS romantic…
when you’re out for a walk in the woods in autumn and the leaves are falling and the air smells of green and black walnut skins and the mid-afternoon sun is flitting through the branches…
Hmmm… knotted rags up the arse do sound a little… distracting… however. Think I’ll give that part a miss… Plus, just thinking about that makes me think of the sort of sensation you get when you stuff cotton balls in your mouth and… bleh…
[...] He’s no Tony, but he’ll [...]
They do indeed make silicone vibrators. Frumious B’s quip was probably in reference to your writing “silicon” instead of “silicone”. And silicon, as you know, isn’t all that soft. :)
Ha ohhh I didn’t even notice that. Damn.
[...] Tony, who has two comments in the running: Jeff Fecke is definitely sexier than Republicans and condoms. [...]