I found that guys in their 30s who are single are getting a little weird about it. Like, they want to settle down RIGHT NOW! because they fucked off in their 20s.

DUDE. Yes. Very much so. I thought it was just a San Francisco thing – my coworker (28) keeps grousing about how he needs to get married now b/c his hair is thinning and who will want him when he’s bald, and another guy I know (30) told me he spent the summer on match.com and other dating sites trying desperately to meet a long-term-relationship partner …

OH yeah very few men get feminism. It seems they have to have read at least a little feminist theory or feminist blogs. It seems like a picky thing but it affects the little things in life which aren’t little things. Like why housework is a big deal to women. Why doing the dishes and buying groceries is appealing.

After a while, it’s a pain to explain why you’re mad.

AS far as compatibility, I have a feeling the eharmony personality profile matchup thing works so I kept it from several years ago. Basically, you’re compatible with someone with your temperament.

A partner would be nice, but if I can’t find a partner that’s good for me (and I him/her), than I rather be alone, than to play pretend with the likes of Evan Marc Katz and assorted ‘Nice Guys’ and concern trolls.

- MG

If it would make you feel better, you could think a woman to whom a prospective mate’s religion is very important being told that it shouldn’t be and her standards are too high exemplifies a woman being patronized from hell to breakfast. I mean, seriously, if her religion wasn’t very important to her, she probably wouldn’t give a rat’s ass.

But it presumably is, and she does, and she wants a potential husband to have a compatible-with-her qualification or two beyond “he’s a really great person” before making a huge personal commitment. Telling her to shelve that thing that’s very important to her and give everybody who can pass the “great person” test a crack at her time, affection, and uterus is basically telling her that she’s wrong for caring about it and couldn’t get it anyway.

Oh, and I doubt her wanting a Jewish man is her way of saying “Jews are better people,” or people commenting “Then she should hold out for a Jewish man” are really saying “They are so much better than other people.” I’m sure she’s aware that there are really awesome people out there who aren’t Jews. She just does not want to spend the rest of her life living, copulating, and raising a family with them. That kind of standard is really not the sort of super-personal face-slap some folks seem to like to turn it into.

Come to think of it: would it set a precendent for Cosmo to sue John Gray for the very same reason?

And I’m a little annoyed at the thought that dating a non-Jew exemplifies a woman lowering her standards. I have known both assholes and great people of every and no faith.

Hector B.,

Though I sympathize with your annoyance, I also understand that for some people, religious and cultural commonality are so important that dating/marrying outside would be considered “lowering” his/her standards. Though it is not as strong among my generation (under 30), I still encounter plenty of individuals who would only date those from the same religious and/or cultural backgrounds.

One of the most common reasons I keep hearing for this is that this commonality of backgrounds would reduce potential conflicts arising from such differences, especially on a subject that can be explosively divisive. I’ve heard similar reasonings from both people IRL and some commentators on this blog to explain why they would only date/marry someone with the same/similar political backgrounds.

Speaking for myself, I am an agnostic so as long as someone does not attempt to evangelize, I am pretty mellow on the subject. On political issues, however, I would prefer not to date anyone who has fascist (i.e. Japanese militarists) or communist (i.e. Maoist) leanings because both political ideologies have gravely impacted older family members (i.e. Deaths, beatings, becoming refugees). I will certainly feel I am “lowering my standards” if I started dating anyone who has sympathies with such bloodstained ideologies.