When she’s good, she’s good

MoDo re-writes George W. Bush’s inauguration speech:

ON this day, when we celebrate the durable wisdom of our Constitution, we must remember: Constitutions don’t work for everyone. It’s not a one-size-fits-all type deal.

All who live in tyranny and hopelessness can know: the United States will ignore your oppression and excuse your oppressors. When you stand for your liberty, we will not stand with you.

The leaders of governments with long habits of control need to know: To serve your people you must learn to mistrust them. Stop your journey of progress and justice, and America will not only walk at your side, we’ll give you billions of dollars and lots of big-ticket stuff, like F-16s — no strings attached. And we’ll take you at your word that you have no intention of using them against India.

In the long run, there is justice without freedom, and there can be human rights once the human rights activists have been thrown in the pokey.

Three years ago, I believed that the most important question history would ask us was: Did our generation advance the cause of freedom?

But now I am older and wiser. I know that the most important question history will ask us is: What’s a little martial law between friends?


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5 comments for “When she’s good, she’s good

  1. FashionablyEvil
    November 8, 2007 at 12:34 pm

    Hmmm, are we sure Steven Colbert didn’t write this one too?

  2. FashionablyEvil
    November 8, 2007 at 12:38 pm

    *Stephen

  3. November 8, 2007 at 1:05 pm

    Eh. It’s NY Times funny, which isn’t saying much. And honestly, too little, too late, from MoDo, who helped get the fucker elected with her columns on Al Gore.

    Y’all should check out Katha Pollitt’s latest Nation piece in which she addresses MoDo’s gender, umm, issues.

  4. November 8, 2007 at 3:12 pm

    When she’s scatter-shot several years after the fact, she’s scatter-shot several years after the fact.

  5. Brad Jackson
    November 9, 2007 at 9:31 am

    “When she’s good, she’s good” my ass. She’s a traitor to the cause, a conservative operative hiding as a liberal. She worked tirelessly to smear Gore and to help elect Bush, and she desreves nothing but our contempt, scorn, and our own tireless efforts to get her worthless traitor ass fired.

    There’s a story, out of the annals of the Texas ledge, that’s appropriate:

    Once upon a time I saw a blind man with a guide dog. And, as they were waiting for the light to change, the dog urinated on the man’s leg. The bind guy reached into his backpack and dug out a doggie biscut, and gives it to the dog.

    A passerby, seeing this says: “Now see, that’s enlightened, you know you depend on that dog, so even though he’s screwed up you give him a biscut.”

    And the blind man says: “You idiot, I gave him the biscut so I can tell where he is, and now I’m going to kick his ass!”

    Ladies and gentlemen, Maureen Dowd has just offered us a doggie biscut, and if you’re dumb enough to take it you know what’s coming next.

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