Poor William Sindewald. He’s a college journalism student* who attended a Chris Dodd rally under the assumption that he’d meet lots of hot chicks, and instead, all of Dodd’s supporters were old. And no one touched his peen.
I heard several presidential candidates were coming to the Iowa City and Cedar Rapids area to campaign for the caucus. I went to one of my roommates, Paul Guernsey, a political science major. He’s very political savvy and I asked him if he had ever gone to a political rally during caucus time.
“Yeah!” Guernsey said. “There’s a bunch of people all around, everyone is hooting and hollering. The atmosphere is incredible!”
So it’s pretty much like a baseball game, I thought. If a person shows up, shows a little bit of knowledge then they’re good to go.
“Are there usually a lot of hot girls to hit on?”
“Yeah,” he replied laughing histarically. I knows me to well.
Someone needs to make a lolcat out of that last “sentence.”
Long story short, he goes to the Dodd rally, but only spies three potential “targets”: a girl who is “especially gifted in the chest region,” a woman with a child, and a hot reporter babe.
I stayed for about ten more minutes and left with a very bad feeling. I knew that I just went to this boring speech with nothing in return for it. I didn’t get to talk to any girls.
I blame Chris Dodd for this.
Of course, as I read this my Dim-Witted Prick Meter is going off the charts, so perhaps the problem is that William so reeks of douchery** that the ladies can smell it from a mile away and they flee en masse. And who suspects that if he did get so far as to talk to a girl, he’d be writing about how chicks are so mean to Nice Guys like him, and did you know that girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money? (And politics?).
As I’m walking out I see Atul Nakhasi, the president of the University of Iowa Democrats. I approached him and told him my plan of using the speech as a positive social atmosphere to hit on girls.
“Well political conversations work better when you’re under the influence usually, so they might not work as well at a presidential candidate talk, but there’s a decent amount of students at most rallies. This, however, was a generally the older crowd,” Nakhasi said.
He added that picking up chicks is a lot easier when you hit up such rallies for Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton. “There are a lot hotter women at those rallies if that’s how you want to find them,” he said. Had I only talked to him earlier I would have not wasted my time.
I came away from this finding out that voting and using politics to hit on girls both have one thing in common. Doing your homework pays off.
That’s, like, so fucking deep, man.
And good to know that college dudes — from the ones who “hate politics” yet write on political blogs to the ones who run university political groups — want younger women to attend political rallies in order to decorate the place. I won’t really know what he was doing at a Democratic rally in the first place — didn’t he get the memo that we’re all corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie chick pie wagons?
Thanks to Matt for the link.
*I’m beginning to think that we need a category just for fuckwit college newspaper columnists.
**And probably bad cologne too
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