Courtney hits it on the head — there is, as she says, a feeling of being “monstrously ineffective” in the face of depressing news bit after depressing news bit. I’ve been holed up in the library this week, and while it’s only Tuesday, my email box is already full of stories to blog about — stories about gang rapes, de-funded women’s shelters, “at least 40 women murdered mutilated and dumped,” “honor killings of women in Iraq,” “Sri Lankan domestic workers [facing] abuse,” “women as weapons of war,” and on and on. They all deserve their own posts (and after Thursday, I will post on them). But there are days (and today is one of them) where I just feel overwhelmed and useless, and I kind of envy the people who just don’t care at all.
The easy answer, of course, is to say “Quit thinking about yourself; it’s a privilege to feel bad as opposed to actually having it bad.” And that’s true and that’s fair, but I still relate to what Courtney is saying, and I do understand the frustration of feeling very tiny and very powerless and at the same time recognizing one’s status as a person of incredible privilege and relative power. And not knowing what to do with that.
I do get particularly depressed as a feminist blogger.
I also get particularly inspired. Because as much as the feminist blogosphere gives us ugliness, it also gives us beauty and knowledge and humor and inspiration and hope.
And so I feel particularly lucky.
Even if it is That Week, and so I’m well-familiar with this feeling too. (Really, who in their right mind thinks that taking a class called International Mergers and Acquisitions is anything approaching a good idea?)
I was writing up a “the news is incredibly depressing, but here’s why I still care” post yesterday, but couldn’t finish it because the “the news is incredibly depressing” section got me to a point where I couldn’t articulate a clear reason for caring. The contradiction you outline is a part of the fatigue, although I’d never thought to put it in those terms. It’s not just the impotence, it’s the feeling that for X, Y, Z reasons (education, money, etc.) that I should be able to do something, and somehow, I can’t.
Hang in there, Jill.
Let us know where to send the red wine. =)
*de-lurks*
*hugs*
Don’t feel so depressed. You are doing something on a very large scale, making a large audience aware of world problems we may not otherwise be aware of because mainstream media does not like to cover these stories. Hang in there!
Indeed, it is a little self-indulgent to be depressed about *reading about* the people who are actually suffering. But sometimes it’s just one of those days . . . and even when the common feeling is, well, being overwhelmed, it still helps a little to commiserate.
Incidentally, I should note that for many of the topics I mentioned in my original post, the highs often match the lows — in amplitude, at least, if not in frequency — and especially in the feminist realm. (Iraq, sadly, not so much; I should have been an expert in something else!)
p.s. The commenters here are so supportive! I love my ABlog readers, of course, but I definitely didn’t get any offers of red wine : )
So I suppose I should hold back that email full of twelve dozen of my favorite depressing stories that I demand you write about immediately?
Am delurking (I sometimes comment on, and always read, Feministing) to say I absolutely understand the feeling. Being informed can be depressing and exhausting. But it is so important to talk about these things, and shine a bright light on them. That is the only way things can change. Injustice thrives in secrecy. Eternal vigilance! Keep talking, keep agitating, and eventually things will get better. Never give up, never surrender. It’s too important. Don’t give in to apathy.
I get depressed too. That’s why I especially like the posts that have a call to action: a letter to write, a link to click, a place to donate, a march to attend. They make me feel better than the strictly news and analysis posts. That’s also why I like your travel pictures or Amanda’s music posts on Pandagon.
I am so glad I am not alone in this. I have had an awful year. An awful couple of ones, actually. My own health problems. Infertility at 26. Job I hate. Dad’s deteriorating health. Financial woes. Dad’s death.
I’ve struggled with depression for half of my life, and after a long period of “okay,” I found myself sliding into the “thoughts of suicide” a few months ago, in no small part to my personal problems, but compounded a great deal by the world around me. Murder. War. Rape. Seeming hatred of my gender by the opposite gender and even by members of my own gender. The bad things going down in my life were dark, but darker, it seemed, was the hopeless world around me.
Thank god for an EAP counselor, an awesome feminist bike enthusiast who helped me get my head back on straight and who referred me to a kickass psychiatrist, who told me that the medication my GP switched me to months before has terrible side effects and that is also contributing to my poor mental state.
I am so glad to know I’m not alone in getting depressed – *really* depressed, not casually depressed – about the world around me. *hugs*
And I do know that the fact that I have health care and a laptop and internet access from which to read/write this puts me in a better lot than so many out there, and I am thankful for a cyberfeminist community that knows.
Sorry. I think I mean “sex,” not “gender.” All this time, and I still get confused. :)
yep, I hear you. And I mean: everyone needs a break: it’s not selfish, it also helps prevent later hitting a complete wall and burnout. you recharge, do what you need to do, remind yourself what it’s all for, and then go back in.
Drink.
Ale’s what cures ya. ;)
But think, in just a few days you’ll be one of the most qualified experts on international mergers and acquisitions in the world, considering the proprortional number of people with any expertise in the area at all!
Academically, at least. All I’ll be able to tout is my much more common expertise in mere simple torts.
Finding the mental balance between activism and self-maintenance is tough. Good luck toughing it out.
I actually wrote a blog post about this a while back. It’s my opinion that simply being informed about injustice is not enough, and can even be counterproductive. When a blog entry or a news blurb does not include ways of actively helping out or fighting back, it can unintentionally induce depression and apathy.
There is one model of depression called “learned helplessness”, which is basically a state where you’ve been conditioned to think that there’s nothing you can do about your situation which will have any effect on it, so you just give up. If you constantly read stories about rape, discrimination, and various and sundry systemic and personal injustices and find no way to respond to them, you’re learning a response to those injustices – feel bad, do nothing, move on.
This is one of many reasons why I think it’s important to try to include avenues for action in any blog post, as well as to make frequent posts about successful actions that others have taken. We need to stop learning helplessness and start learning empowerment.
There’s no way IM&A is going to help you with that Bar Exam! Purge it immediately from your memory as soon as the test is over!
Finals! AUGH!!!
Though I have found there is an odd benefit to being so focused on the last couple weeks of the semester that I ignore all else: it means I give the news only a cursory skim, so that I am primarily only freaking out about finals! AUGH! and not depressed about the usual state of the world. Finals: my mental coffee break from the Real World.
Good luck!
BabyPop, I, too, have struggled with depression. For me, it’s something I’ve dealt with all my life, and probably always will battle against.
A few years ago, after a particularly horrible year in Washington, DC –a year that taught me I was helpless, the world hopeless, and humanity irredeemably despicable — I slipped into a deep and dangerous depression. It was my darkest hour. It still hurts to think about that time. My best friend saved my life, and I will never be able to adequately express how grateful I am for that.
As I picked the pieces of my life up, I slowly went back to my old “change the world for the better” self, though with greater appreciation for the ability to affect small changes slowly over time. As I moved closer to the path I wanted to be on, I became scared, though. What if I go to these places where terrible things happened, where terrible things are still happening, where there is hate and oppression and fatal poverty and I just fall to pieces? I asked myself.
But the exact opposite happened. When I went to places scarred by war, and met people who had suffered tragedies and terror I cannot begin to understand, I began to see the big picture. If they could find reason and strength to go on living, I could not excuse my flirtations with suicide.
The people who inspire me and lift me up are people I know personally who have every reason in the world to be bigoted, angry, and devoid of compassion –but are instead working hard to build a kinder, more just, and more peaceful world. They’ve shown me that we can’t box human nature in –if such a thing as “human nature” even exists. And above all, they’ve shown me that there is always hope.
:) Hang in there.
let me tell you about a story, written by the Great Theodore Sturgeon. “And Now, the News”
this guy (whose name i can’t remember – this story was written well before i was born…) was one of those people who feel they MUST watch the news every night. and he felt that the news, as horrible and depressing as it was, diminished him. that the horrible acts commited by a portion of humanity diminished him.
so, he decided to ” diminish humanity right back”. the last line of the story goes something like “He got nine of them before he was taken down”
why am i telling you about this story written by a sci-fi writer? because it was written in the late 50′s or early 60′s! Sturgeon always wrote with a message, and one of the things here is that people are evolved to take ACTION. we have trouble watching/reading world news, because we can’t DO anything, but we are supposed to react. 50 years later, and it is still a major problem. i, personally, blame the existence of mass media for the upwards continuing trend towards depression and similar – we have no choice but to feel these things… Sturgeon was a big fan of jumping in and doing something, even if it was little. he hugged random strangers (okay, not a good idea in todays world…). he gave money to random strangers. he went everywhere and tried to help everyone. he rocked. today, i’m not even sure i could get a passport to Iran, and then once i was there, what would i do? how could i, realisticly, help? i can’t help a farmer get in his crop…
so, i guess the point is, its been at least 50 years since this problem was pointed out, and NO ONE is looking for a way to fix it. i wonder why
You are 1 in 6 billion. For some reason, part of the human condition is being obsessed with having our accomplishments last longer than we do, and being bigger than we are. Accomplish what good you can, and take comfort in knowing that your example will lead those who will come after you to pick up where you left off.
I can count the rare, exceptional instances of single people changing the world for the better in a major, profound way with one hand. And Ironically, the people you will never hear about, collectively, will do more good than any single individual ever will.
We can’t cheat death or the odds, so there is no reason to expect the good we do can either. When your time is up, you will punch-out with the satisfaction of knowing that when the chips were down, you did what was right for this world and man/womankind.
My point is, fight the good fight, do not go gentle into the night!
Shauna, you wrote:
I agree. That’s why I think it’s particularly important to balance the bad news with good news and with calls to action.
I read your post and left a comment :)
A wise friend, tired of hearing about how I’d come to the conclusion that the only way out of the terrible burden I was on society and the planet was to kill myself*, once told me that it’s not a matter of ‘it’s wrong that I have good things’ – the correct perspective was ‘it’s wrong that not everyone has the chance to have what I have’.
Contrary to Miss Sarajevo’s way of thinking (nothing personal – everyone is motivated differently), I find that being able to respond to the voice in my head that says ‘you spoiled bitch! you don’t deserve to have a home when others are homeless, or to eat when others starve!’ with ‘no, *everyone* deserves what I have’ makes it easier to feel like I’m capable of helping, even though I’m not strong enough to give up my car and my cat and my internet and my apartment with its heat and indoor plumbing and plenty of food of my choosing.
Point being, if ‘counting your blessings’ just makes you feel guilty, maybe looking at it as wanting everyone to have your blessings too will help you?
*yes, I am alive because I am too selfish to off myself. it’s fun to live inside my head!
Haha, actually, my way of thinking is, for the most part, similar enough to yours, just that with BIG stuff (i.e. issues of life and death) I tend to reign myself in by telling myself that others have gone through far, far worse and if they can make it, there must be both a way and reason for me to do so as well.
I like my indoor plumbing as much as the next person –believe me. I had to pee in an open drain in the freezing cold next to a women with dysentery (and probably TB as well, considering where I was) last weekend. That’s, uh, not fun.
[...] via Jill at Feministe, Courtney writes about the emotional wear and tear of staying informed when you feel unable to do [...]
Dear Jill,
At the risk of pointing out the obvious, you posted this 7 hours after describing a 48 hour drinking binge. Of course the world seems depressing now. Take 2 aspirin, spend an hour reading about Indian women setting up successful businesses with microcredit, and sleep it off.
-LL