Try this one on for size Exholt. I’m a technical writer — with a background in software development. Talk about getting hit with the double whammy. :P

Medicine Man,

I’m sorry to hear about the “double whammy” I presume you’ve experienced.

One can only hope that more people in our society are open-minded and aware enough to see the negative stereotype of those in math/computer/engineering occupations as geeky social misfits as the essentializing BS that it is.

As both a nerd and a nerdophile, I understand the caution against dating programmers and other IT staff – the successful tend to be a wee bit obessive about whatever (or whomever) we are doing at that moment. It suits us well – but many people are scared/offput at the level of intensity we have a periods of focus, and pissed off when they are set aside for a while to focus on something else – aka videogame or a work project. [/end stereotype]

My impression is that this stereotype of programming being a haven of excessively obsessed social misfits is mainly a North American and to a lesser extent, Western European socially conditioned phenomenon.

For instance, such a stereotype does not seem to exist in China when I was there in the late ’90s nor does it exist among hundreds of Chinese international students I’ve chatted with from undergrad/grad school. If anything, programmers like others who majored/worked in math/natural science/engineering fields are often admired by university classmates and the larger public for their intelligence, hard work, and drive. From what I’ve seen in China and what those students continue to tell me, programmers and other math/science/engineering “nerds” never seemed to lack for dating prospects in university.

There’s different flavors of “nerds” too. I’m an historian, and we certainly are in our own particular way.

Good point. Judging by my education and work history, it seems I fit both the “Historian” and IT “classifications” of nerdiness.

Of course, that depends on the social context one is placed in. By the standards of my “computer nerd” friends in high school, I am only an “honorary nerd”. This was because I didn’t major in a mathematically intensive science/technical field, only took a few introductory level CS programming courses, and the fact I am not a hardcore programmer. Nevertheless, I do get some “Computer nerd” cred for having built/configured computer hardware since the MS-Dos days and for having passing knowledge of unix/linux command-line interface.

As for being a nerd in the “historian sense”, I can claim that….though I have yet to meet anyone who would classify historians and aspiring historians as “nerds” per se. If anything, nearly everyone I’ve met seemed to have the notion that historians are well-educated socially adept people who could talk about a wide variety of “interesting” topics.

It is one reason why so many acquaintances are taken aback when they find I have quite a few hardcore computer/engineering “nerd” friends. They cannot fathom how someone with a humanities educational background could have anything in common, or even stand being in the presence of “computer/engineering nerds”. They are even more shocked to find I’ve maintained long-term relationships and *shudder*, even dated a few of these “nerds”.

” ‘I needed someone equally intelligent who can enjoy an opinionated, competitive nature. That requirement and a couple others ultimately ruled out 99.9 percent of the men out there’

You’re more intelligent than 99.9% of men “out there?” Wow. Can I have your autograph?”

You’re misreading Phoebe Fay. She’s talking about someone just as intelligent as her who can also “enjoy an opinionated, competitive nature.” Let me tell you, they are rare. I know very few men (or women) who aren’t put off by debate. And I have to find the rare ones who aren’t, and who don’t secretly think I’m smarter than them just because I stick to my guns. Or hell, those who just don’t like conflict. I’m with one now, and let me tell you, he is one in a thousand. Or more. (Should stop writing on the innernets and go home to him.)

Funnily enough, all the professional writers I knew from college and/or grad school never had any problems finding dates/marriage prospects.

On the other hand, I’ve known plenty of programmers who’ve hit dating droughts in college and right after graduation because of the seeming widespread perception that their profession is a haven for “geeky” social misfits.

Try this one on for size Exholt. I’m a technical writer — with a background in software development. Talk about getting hit with the double whammy. :P

I don’t think society considers lawyers unintellectual.

Lawyers do have an intellectual cachet. However, I think its relatively high social prestige has more to do with the popular perception of it being a highly lucrative respectable profession with some association with genteel upper-class respectability. Moreover, from working as a paralegal in a few biglaw firms, “intellectual” would be the last adjective I’d use to describe most of them. My experience was confirmed by an uncle who has been a practicing attorney for 20+ years when he warned me about the “rampant philistine attitudes” of many in his line of work.

Computer programming, being a relatively recent phenomenon, may have arguably have the high pay, but none of the popular associations with intellectualism or genteel respectability among those in the greater American public.

This actually reminded me of an ongoing conversation I’ve been having with a classmate about how one’s use of language is often used by others as a marker of socio-economic status…and how its use determined how one is perceived and treated by others in many areas of one’s life, whether it is finding a date or a job in a particular industry.

I’m assuming you’ve heard of “U- and non-U English”, but just in case ….