He really has a way with words.
Also, why am I supposed to find him attractive?
Thanks to NYQ for the link.
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Wow. He brags about women lined up around the block “I could have my pick!”, but isn’t married because he’s holding out for that special woman with “good morals” – by which he pretty clearly means she hasn’t behaved anything like he has.
Really? People find him attractive? I thought it was all a big joke. A self-parody.
I am so sad now.
Because he’s a gentleman.
*snorts helplessly*
*dies laughing* That is comedy gold.
Is it just me or does that story about his confrontation with George Clooney sound totally made up? From what I know of Clooney he is a pretty progressive (and nice) guy.
And no, Fabio is not an attractive man. At all.
That is something. I’ve never seen a celebrity puff piece like that. They usually try to make the person look good, no matter how boring, stupid, obnoxious or pathetic they are. Not in this one. You can tell that the writer thinks he’s a complete asshole and is either trying to show it in the article, or just can’t help showing it.
He creeps me out. Like, a lot. Maybe it’s the man cleavage exposing shirts, maybe it’s that weird stare in his eyes, maybe it’s the hair. I’m not sure, but he really wigs me out.
You (and indeed all of us) are supposed to find him attractive because of the bizarre lack of proportionality between his upper and lower body, maybe? His chiseled face (by which I mean that it looks like a 3 year old carved it out of granite with a sledge-hammer), his alarmingly hairy thighs, his manboobs, his general caveman-like charm? I mean come on…what’s not to like? The insoucient loincloth perhaps?
His manboobs scare me, as do the bulging muscles above the collarbones that make it look like he has no neck. It’s like someone waxed a gorilla. Do not want!
MM is right, though. Normally with pieces like that the writer at least tries to mask his/her contempt. This one wasn’t even making an effort.
George Clooney >>>>>>>>>>>> Fabio.
Discuss.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I love that journalist. That was terrific. You gotta thank Fabio for refusing to go on “Dancing with the Stars” – at least we see less of him.
Because you had a crush on He-Man when you were seven?
I used to think I couldn’t date a man with bigger boobs than mine, but now that I’ve actually pictured Fabio in my bra . . .
If you Google “Fabio”, do you get an entry on narcissism?
What the hell is he supposed to be holding in that picture? The one end looks like a stick, but the other really doesn’t.
I think it’s a hunk of seaweed….a hunk of sexxxxay seaweed. My bigger question is about loincloth/diaper/scarf thing he’s wearing: is it just a piece of cloth tied around his waist, leaving his balls to dangle freely in the breeze? Because that gives me the willies.
Right, but it’s Clooney who has the condescending attitude toward women.
Finally! Fabio gets taken down a peg!
He doesn’t care if he’s never on TV again???
Then why did I see him on a season of America’s Next Top Model, posing with all the girls for some hokey “romance book” cover— probably because he thought he could “have any one of them he wanted.”
What the hell was with the part where he told some girl he couldn’t even make sperm yet— AT 17!???!??!
Is he a little slow or just an UNBELIEVABLE ass?
Oh, my God. Words fail me.
Oh, wait, no they don’t: what a douchebag.
I think he was saying that she was 17, and he was much younger.
Come on folks, the guy made his entire living on his looks. Do you really expect him to be all that modest or humble?
Whenever I see Fabio, I remember what Groucho Marx reportedly said about not seeing a movie starring Victor Mature: “I don’t go to movies where the man’s tits are bigger than the woman’s.”
Ah, yes, Fabio, the Italian Anna Nicole Smith. The kind of person who’s sorta attractive until they open their mouth and all you can think is WTF?
Head: Hair. Check.
Legs. Hair. Check.
Chest: Ouch.
;)
Made his living on WHAT looks? He looks like a Clydesdale who fell into a bucket of Nair.
Okay, that was uncalled for, I know …
i don’t trust that clooney character. good for fabio for standing uip to him.
Fabio is so 1992.
Does anyone remember that story a few years ago about Fabio on the rollercoaster? He took out a goose with his face! Obviously, it wouldn’t be funny if he were seriously hurt, but the photos? Are hilarious.
jenny dreadful,
I Loooooooooooove the Fabio rollercoaster pictures. they’re hilarious.
he’s such a douche. i love it when guys think that it’s horrendous to call a woman a bitch, but it’s a-ok to talk about them like pieces of meat and boast about how much you get laid. sure. that’s respectful.
Jill, are you implying that, in contrast to Fabio, slightly doughy guys with receding hairlines are hot? I hope this opinion catches on.
He’s a maniac, going around smashing geese with his big shovel-shaped face. I bet geese in that part of the world still talk about that day…
It was the hair.
Plus, not to be crude about it, but all of those sexually-deprived Midwestern housewives who were drooling over him in the 1980s weren’t exactly paying attention to his face.
yeah, it’s amazing what wonders a strategically placed tube sock can do, huh.
Of course Fabio is a douche, but am I the only one not exactly appreciating the man boob jokes?
What the hell happened to that guy? Did they run out of wax? The contrast between above deck and below is hurting me. Note to men: Pick one or the other, not both.
Well, he may be an aging 40-something macho asshole who brags about how fast and rare his cars are, lives with a pack of macho dude dogs, and makes fun of the only women who will date him for being waitresses. However,
OH MY GOD QUADRUPLE-WORD-SCORE 6000-POINT VOCAB WIN FOR FABIO! USING THE WORD “AMORTIZE” IN A TOTALLY BIZARRE WAY TO DESCRIBE WHIPLASH FROM GETTING PUNCHED IN THE FACE!
Seriously, I hope he starts monk dimin’.
I do love me long hair on anyone (got it to mid-thigh myself, so if I didn’t it’d be a bit hypocritical), but … eew. Still.
And I really do have to wonder how many women thought this guy was all that, let’s be honest. I have to wonder if it isn’t some forced meme that the media tried to manufacture but that never really caught on. Men that women find attractive are usually around for the long haul — Harrison Ford is starting to look more than a bit leathery, but women have been batshit about him for the past thirty years of my life. Fabio felt like a manufactured “hunk” — someone who women had to be told to find attractive and never really latched onto as a result.
Women as a whole, when we find someone sexy, will do so for forty or so years. This guy? Flash in the pan. I have a strong feeling most “Midwestern housewives” were shaking their heads wondering why the TV insisted on telling them that everyone else thought this guy was the bee’s knees.
It just feels like one of those fake attempts to force a fad.
Janis,
OMG, the Clydesdale/Nair comment was brilliant. And so spot on. Must snort less at work. :)
Ismone
I always thought the same thing. He seems more like what clueless men,hopelessly mired in gender roles and stereotypes think women want and so they marketed his ass off and the people who bought the books were the people who would have bought them anyway, not because of him.
OK, I admit it. I was a sucker for romance novels when I was younger. I remember reading quite a few of the novels with Fabio-as-male-model on the cover, and I was really surprised when I saw a real photo of him (as opposed to better than life artsy-fartsy artwork). He’s just not that good looking. Okay, he’s got the hair thing, which I admit I like, but the rest? Just, ugh.
I actually have a movie he starred in. It was about a half hour movie called “Time for Romance” where an author was searching for inspiration and found his photo. She then dreamed up 3 plot bunnies starring him. It was truly horrid, and only worth watching for the groaning laughter which ensues. My best friend gave it to me years ago, when we were both reading these books.
I don’t know Italian, but I do know that a lot of its words are very close to French. In French, “to absorb” is amortir.
His off-kilter vocab would actually be charming if he wasn’t such a lout.
Yeah … when I was younger. That’s when I read that silly stuff, long ago when I was younger.
(Running off to hide the latest Lisa Kleypas sitting on my desk.)
I am, sadly, old enough to remember the Fabio craze, and he was (briefly) All That. It was the first time that a lot of women could just unabashedly drool over a man’s pure physicality without having to pretend that you really cared about him as a person, and his body was just a bonus.
Uh, nobody cared if he had the IQ of a slug. Or sounded like an asshole. He was on the cover of romance novels. It was his body.
Mnemosyne is right. That’s all Fabio was. Yesterday’s eye candy.
Listen dammit, if I’m required by society to think that Pamela Anderson, post-silicone, is far, far more physically attractive than Pamela Anderson, pre-silicone – and, evidently, I am – then you’ve got to think that Fabio is tray sex-ay. Just grit your teeth and do it.
Ok, ok, I’ll admit it. I’m still a sucker for romance novels.
Okay, queer here, therefore it’s no wonder I find smallish men with feminine faces to be attractive (I still think Elijah Wood is a confection and I’ll defend that opinion to the death if need be), but I’m still a little skeptical about the dubious attractions of Fabio’s “body.”
I’ve hugged guys like that, just in friendship. It’s like hugging a boulder. They hug you back and it leaves bruises. Eek. I’m already built like a garden rake; another human being of that general density would crush me like a semi going over a squirrel.
I’m 5’8″. A man who’s within a few inches of 5’6″ either way is ideal for me. Me likes `em little. And skinny.
Although like I said, queer. It isn’t surprising that I find more feminine faces attractive on either gender.
“Made his living on WHAT looks? He looks like a Clydesdale who fell into a bucket of Nair.”
More like a Clydesdale who got whacked in the chest with a bucket of Nair. Why on earth would his manager let him depilate his chest and arms like that and then leave the lower-body man-pelt untouched? Usually folks who make their living on their looks try to avoid making it super-obvious that said looks are artificially augmented.
That’s not to say anything against Clydesdales. They’re terribly cute, with their big noses and big fuzzy feet. :-)
Slightly doughy boys with receding hairlines can be terribly charming.
Fabio and romance novels reminds me of a funny story. My mother and I were on vacation, and had gone to the grocery store for supplies. She wanted a paperback for a beach read. We were looking at the book rack when she realized she had forgotten her glasses. She asked me to read the backs of some of those books aloud so she could make her choice. It’s one thing to read those covers to yourself, but to read them out loud to your mother was just ridiculous! They were such purple prose about subjects I had never wanted to discuss with my mom! We had a good laugh, and I told her to remember her glasses next time. :-)
Wow, that article was so embarrassing it was almost painful….only not. I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. :) This thread comes in a close second in my list of ‘funny things I have read recently’.
pure awesome.
I love that the writer pulled no punches. He probably couldn’t help himself!
That article was a hoot and I love the way the writer let Fabio hang out as his own er not so lovely self.
As for Fabio the fad, I remember it well and everytime I saw his picture I was put off, who in the hell has the stupid idea that all women like the same kind of man? Men have a myriad of attractive women to suit different “tastes” so it goes. Apparently we wimmens are so simple and our sexual drives so limited that we’ll fall hopelessly for some marketing driven, male dominated attempt to capture our sexual interest. Bah!
Oh and this quote was golden, about his energy drink soon to explode on the market:
So its ass drink? A POS drink?
Or just another piece of shit marketing attempt with no real content, just like him?
I admit, I like hairy legs on my men, so the hair thing doesn’t bother me. I’ve always been “meh” when it comes to the body-builder types. Plus, it’s Fabio. I never got what was supposed to be so great about him. Glad to see I’m not the only one.
Also, that article just screams Nice Guy (TM) to me. (“Hey, I don’t treat women badly like other men. Look at me, defending them. They line up to be with me because I’m such a gentleman!”)
Sitting on my car keys? I’m not likely to neglect to notice that, oh fair equine.
So it’s like you have no nerve endings in your butt so that your butt eats your car keys and you don’t notice…but then suddenly the nerve endings return and you realized you’ve been half-heartedly sodomizing yourself with a pair of car keys? That sounds really appealing.
I think it’s pretty hilarious on multiple levels to have anyone bragging about the time that they almost were totally gonna kick George Clooney’s ass but, y’know, they didn’t feel like it.
because he’s The Most Beautiful Man in the Cosmos/World?
man I was really young back in those days, I thought it was funny cause it was so ridicules, now I know it’s funny cause it’s true XP
“I admit, I like hairy legs on my men, so the hair thing doesn’t bother me.”
It’s not that his legs are hairy and bothersome so much as that the hair on them looks like it trends toward the dark and thick side of the spectrum, which makes it stand out in sharp contrast to his upper body, where they even depilated/photoshopped the hair off his arms. Just bleaching it would have camouflaged it enough to let the viewer forget that he had to spend god knows how long with salon personnel to achieve that look.
People find that guy attractive? He’s ugly and creeps me right the fuck out.
I say, give credit where credit is due. Compared to a whole lot of other celebrities who have been reduced to humiliating themselves for a payday, or who have decayed into sickening mummies by pickling themselves in drugs and booze, he seems to have his head on straight and he seems to be taking care of himself and his finances.
I say good for him for surviving being a model in the 80s, and for not having to degrade himself on reality television for a paycheck. What is your objection to him? Moreover, how can this blog get sanctimonious about snarky comments made about women and the overweight, and then turn around and make snarky comments about this guy’s body hair and man-boobs? How can you criticize conservatives for being small-minded and xenophobic and then make fun of this guy’s English-as-a-second-language phrasing?
Eh, Fabio made (more) money off being marketed like a piece of meat and a running joke and is chillin’ with his cars and dogs and protein shakes, doesn’t have a wife he’s ignoring or kids he’s neglecting, doesn’t plaster his face over causes he doesn’t understand. If women like him, it’s not because he’s been misrepresented as a pleasant, intelligent person, it’s because they like his looks (for whatever reason). So, you know, more power to the narcissist.
It creeped me out how casually he said how he lost his virginity. For some reason I flashed back to Carter from ER when he said that he was deflowered by some adult house maid when he was eleven and nobody seemed particularly miffed by it because “lol he probably loved it”. Not cool.
Unfortunately for Crawford, snark has yet to enter the righteous right wing dictionary.
I don’t know why people are hating on the jokes about his man boobs. I mean, he has really huge man tits that he clearly got from sculpting his muscles in a certain way intentionally through exercises. Saying it’s wrong to tease him about his huge pecs is like saying it’s wrong to tease Pamela Anderson about her scary alien boobs.
@DM: I’ve never been an ER fan, but I believe I saw the episode you’re talking about. I thought that was so sad how he revealed that bit of information and everyone just laughed their asses off about it. Is that how real life people think? Not even a sheepish look and a “Sorry, man, I didn’t know.” or anything? When an adult has sex with an 11 year old, that’s called RAPE whether the adult is a man or woman.
Who says you are supposed to find him attractive?
Definitely a better choice than Fabio. I’d rather be with an average-looking guy who was awesome to be around than some mega-hottie who’s a complete douchebag chauvinist.
Plus, being a big girl myself, ruling out someone for being doughy would be incredibly hypocritical of me :)
For the record, I don’t think Fabio’s a mega-hottie, I’m just going with what we’re supposed to think about him.
brilliantly said by Cassandrasays: “His manboobs scare me, as do the bulging muscles above the collarbones that make it look like he has no neck. It’s like someone waxed a gorilla. Do not want!”
AAAHAAHAHAHAAAA!!!!! X_X so funny! I HATE the muscles on the neck on guys! urrrghh! they look like they have turtle shells, huh?? so funny..
I am also baffled by the hairy legs, yet hairless chest idea…um…just take it ALL off then?? i like hairless guys..cuz if he’s gonna expect me to shave, then he’s gonna do it too! lol whats with the half and half? blech.
I never found Fabio attractive and i dont see why someone would…the hair is yucky. i like long hair, but when it looks like it’s from my 14-yr-old sister, thats creepy. its like..too girly and straight and blonde. and i just dont like the face. meh.
article=HILARIOUS. thank you. what a dork! oh fabio.. T_T