Sometimes, I wish being trans was easier.

It is for this very reason many attack… they feel that someone must step in to punish the person who is “non-conforming” and they feel justified in doing so.

My husband and I were talking about the case and he brought up several others recently where the violent bully saw him/herself as the enforcer of society’s standards. When other people ridicule the bully for adhering to those standards (as in this case), the bully is usually totally incredulous that other people aren’t supporting him/her. After all, s/he is following society’s rules — why is everyone else breaking them!?!!

Better to believe the jury was hoodwinked by some pseudo-scientific nonsense about junk food than to acknowledge the fact that our legal system sometimes absolves defendants of responsibility for the most heinous of crimes.

People who are Othered by our society get shafted by our legal system all the time, because most jurors share general social prejudices and are willing to give people accused of harming one of Them the benefits of doubts that they would not extend if the victim were one of Us. It’s part of the same trap where many non-feminist women fall into victim-blaming women who are raped: they are Other, they are not Us, and They did something to provoke rape, which We would never do. Ingroup reassurance is the basis of all myths and legends, and urban legends about gays, transfolk and rape victims are no different.

People attack others for two basic reasons * they are themselves running/hiding from their own sexual or gender issues and believe attacking someone who is “out” will prove they are not like the person they attack or * the attacker feels the need to “correct” or “keep the order and control”. As if in a relationship, or as a member of society at large, someone is the decider and keeper of the rules, and if broken, someone must be punished for not conforming to a set of rules. Being the victim of a hate crime myself, when attacked, I was told that I was being raped to show me what a “real” man was like and the beatings were to show how much of a “freak” I am. As if my attackers were the keeper of conformity and there to enforce societies rules.

I see language in almost every article that is about someone who is transgender or gender queer that they are “non-conforming”. This language was also used in the most recent article where a teenage child in my own state was shot and killed at school only days ago. My heart goes out to the friends and family.

It is for this very reason many attack… they feel that someone must step in to punish the person who is “non-conforming” and they feel justified in doing so. I started several months ago asking the local LGBT organizations and media to stop using this language as part of there description of individuals with-in the LGBT community as who are we to be “conforming” to. As a member of the LGBT community we conform to our “own” identity and life as we see it, and that the use of the term “gender non-conforming” only ads to the belief that we are some how in default, wrong or defective. As someone who is an advocate of our human rights, our own Gay and Lesbian community can understand what it is like to be viewed or described as being “sexually non-conforming”. It has negative connotations.

I understand the many ways society has been conditioned both past and present to conform to what is considered “natural” behavior. This is of course one of the greatest fallacies known to our society. As we are each individuals and live and love in a manor unique to our own understanding and good will. It is however a total break down of our rights and privileges when even our own LGBT Community, as well as the media that reports on our community, uses language such as “gender non-conforming”. I believe it sends the wrong message to society and ask anyone who reads this to see the wisdom in ending this type of description or language regarding our community and instead start dialogue on how each person “conforms” to their “own” understanding of self and are unique as snowflakes and has the right to do so.