1- What is unwanted – some countries’ laws say that unwated means coerced, obtained by force. Feminists say that it means not explicitly consented to. You can use stealing as an analogy: Does it count as stealing if there was no violence involved? Even if you didn’t know that the stolen object was yours and you didn’t suffer at all from its loss?

2- What is sex. Is it penetration in bodily orifices? is it any sort of bodily contact you wouldn’t do in front of your grandmother?

To most feminists, the first question is answered easily. The second question is never easily answered.

http://www.outersect.net/KossOrosPaper

It’s not a difficult read – takes 10-15 minutes.

It’s a valid & worthwhile study, but it does not point to an epidemic of
sexual violence on college & university campuses, as so many have claimed it does.

This misunderstanding is probably encouraged by the (intentionally?) misleading title of the study:

Hidden Rape: A Survey of the Incidence of Sexual Aggression and Victimization on a University Campus

.

The survey takes place at the university …
but the acts of sexual aggression/victimization surveyed for do not necessarily.

The questions asked are not:
Have you experienced (sexual aggression/victimization) since you have been at the university.

The questions are: have you experienced (sexual aggression/victimization) ever in your life …

The statistics will include college women who have been incested by their own families,
women who have experienced victimization in grade school, middle school, & high school.

So you really can’t blame it all, or even mostly, on the college boys.
Perhaps it would be convenient if you could – they’re now adults & must be
legally responsible for their own actions, and they are not family members
of the victims… but that’s just not the way it really is.

Most of these college boys have no idea where all the anger is coming from
- and it just alienates them & turns them off. It’s not pleasant being in a
room full of angry people even when the anger is not directed at you.

The mystery over “why women don’t call it rape when they are raped …”
is solved by a little reading of the statistics in the survey.

Basically, this doesn’t happen very much – the vast majority of women who
were raped will say they were raped (which is consistent with my personal experience.)

About 1 in 4 women have experienced rape or attempted rape by the time they get to college
most of them experience attempted rape, not completed rape.

Women who have only experienced attempted rape will not call themselves rape victims.
Simple, yes?
Similarly, people who have experienced attempted murder don’t consider themselves murder victims.

Also, if you’re under the influence of alcohol it’s rape. Period. End of story consentual or not.

John–

Just to clarify…if my boyfriend and I get drunk together, and have sex, that we both want to have (consensual) are we raping each other? Have I been raped?

That’s not to say a boyfriend can’t rape you. I have been raped in a past relationship.
I’m just a little confused and want clarification. That seems like a blanket statement and can’t really be applied.

My girlfriend was raped a couple months ago, her ex boyfriend snuck into her house when her parents were gone and forced himself on her, at first she told him no, and tried to push him off. When she felt him penetrate her, she froze up, she shut down and in her mind kept repeating “I can’t believe this is happening to me.”

She didn’t report it for three months because she was friends with his girlfriend and didn’t want to lose that friendship by sending him to jail. During those three months he raped her SIX MORE TIMES. Not only that but after he was done he would tell her that if she told ANYONE he would just tell the court she’s pissed at his girlfriend because she is jealous and wants to get back at her. Not only that but he would also kill her and her family.

Also, if you’re under the influence of alcohol it’s rape. Period. End of story consentual or not.

Victims of rape need to know it’s not their fault. They’re not “Asking for it.” Rape isn’t about sex, it’s about control. Rapists get a rush knowing that they’re the dominant ones, the like the feeling of power they get from forcefully taking away someone’s personal security. It’s guys like that who make me ashamed to be male.

I know this is a long post but I was raped and I have a very strong opinion on this issue. About the whole “I don’t wanna lose a friend” BS. When my friend was still a virgin at 18, he raped his girlfriend forcefully, she told me about it and said she was teasing him and just asking for it. She was crying the whole time. I told her I was going to turn him in, MY BEST FRIEND. When she brought up the fact he was my best friend I told her if he did it once with one girl he might do it again with another girl and one friend is worth the protection of many many more women. Friend or not a criminal is a criminal.

NO MEANS NO

How do you define rape? What needs to be present, or not present, for rape to be valid charge?

I wasn’t implying your comments had anything to do with victim blaming. My apologies for the misunderstanding. Was just thinking out loud about what I felt and wondered about in general….especially when I’ve encountered people who felt victims in general were blameworthy, no matter how the situation was out of their control or random-”else why would they be victims?”