I probably didn’t acknowledge it at the time, but the fact that I remember is a good indication that my mother (whose intelligence I respected a great deal, though I’d never have admitted it!) had a powerful impact on my thinking just by stating her own feelings on the subject. She didn’t argue or lecture, and she didn’t really need to – I doubt she could have persuaded me to admit that she was right (I never gave ground to my mother without a fight), but I knew she obviously was.

Basically, my share is this. I didn’t grow up with parents who sat down with me and showed me how not to be a bigot. I learned out on my own. One of the things that I did while in School and later professionally, was theater. I was constantly working with Gay, Transgendered, Lesbian, Bi, and straight actors. They were my friends and co-workers.

I then had children of my own. They have had Gay, Lesbian, Trans and Bi people in their lives and I have never sat down and said “hey X person is this”…I just assumed they would love the person as themselves and accept them. It came as a total shock one day to hear my son say that he would feel “stupid” if his friend was “gay”. I sat down and talked with him…he is 11. After our conversation, it became apparent that he just felt that he should be able to “know” if a friend of his was homosexual. I then asked him if he loved his aunt “G”….He said, of course!! I then informed him and we discussed how Aunt G, had actually been born a “boy” but then “changed” into a woman.

He was amazed and a bit confused about how one could do that…but it didn’t change his love nor feelings for her. He even wanted to make sure and call her and let her know that he did love her as her…because She as an adult was so scared that the children would stop loving her if they knew. It was a relief for her to realize that the children do love who they love.

In conclusion, it is my belief that education of liking and loving a person as they “are” and not as we “wish” them to be is so important that it NEEDS to be started at a young age. If you have a teenager, there is not time like the present to start talking honestly. I have also a 16 year old…we talk…every night…sometimes about nothing in particular, just keeping the communication open. Teens appreciate honesty. They also like to emulate those they hold in high esteem. If you are honest about your feelings and attitudes and approach the subject with sensitivity and as much real life knowledge that you can…you will see a teen who should become at least “excepting” even if he can never “understand. Hope this short story helps.

“OK, so think about Uncle Jack. What would you say is Uncle Jack was gay?” The question hit close to home, and I reasoned that, since I love my uncle and he’s a good guy, then it’s OK if he’s gay. And if it’s OK for him to be gay, then it’s got to be OK for everyone else, too.

As it is, I don’t have any gay family members, but it’s a life lesson that I still fervently believe. Go my mom.

“Prudence is my favorite character in the whole movie,” I said proudly. Since I’m older than them but not as old as their parents, I’m a cool, older role model who they look up to, so they stopped sneering about her after I said that. It’s easier to bring up in the context of a fictional character.

From my experience with coming out to my entire extended family, one of the bext ways to come out to kids if it level with them, be honest, and don’t make a huge deal. Also, remind them that you are still the same person you always was. I have three younger cousins, all between 13-16 and they all took with with out a problem. And I can assure you, it wasn’t from their parents (who are all very homophobic). They didn’t care because I was their cousin first, and gay second. Which is amazing. Now, I’m not saying they will never say a gay joke again, but maybe next time someone is making a dyke comment, they will think about their favorite cousin who happens to be a lesbian. And maybe they will tell their friend to shut up.

And maybe, in 20 years when they have kids… and one of those kids ends up being gay, they will accept them because they grew up being so close with someone who was.

So, exposer to friends/family that are gay is probably the greatest way to help kids learn.

Are you really equating sex between these and human homosexuality?

Well, if you’re making an argument about something being ‘natural’, then hell yeah we can compare, just as we can with heterosexuality.

Why is there an assumption that our perceptions must therefore lead to physical violence?

Er, because they do. Constructing people as less than equal contributes to a cultural atmosphere whereby it is easier to justify anti-minority violence. Seriously, it’s basic social analysis.

Why is there an assumption that our perceptions must therefore lead to physical violence?

Gnoc, I thought that referred to the fact that the teenager mentioned in the post was advocating violence.

“I’m glad your friend is pursuing this–we all need to do our part to change the perception that being gay is wrong and should be punished with physical violence.”

Why is there an assumption that our perceptions must therefore lead to physical violence?

We’d start a discussion about queerness with, simply, love–and we’d start it at a much, much younger age with a discussion about is it okay for one person to love another one? Sure, because love is great, it feels good, and then some more spiritual things about love that I don’t want to mention here (in order not to upset folks). And when two people love each other, they sometimes decide to have a family … you can see where this is going.

The problems are going to come when pre-teens and teens pick stuff up in their peer groups, most likely in school or other social groups, where they’ll have to prove their “worth” to gain/ retain access to a clique. That’s where I assume A’s behavior comes from, and the need to negotiate between what’s he’s learned at home and what will make him fit in with the crowd. I am also assuming that his “tough talk” is a symptom of this, rather than a reflected position (the description of the conversation shows that, really). So, instead of reading him the riot act, however gently, about gay rights and equality, I’d start exploring the peer pressure angle a bit more to see where the attitude comes from.