Gah. In an otherwise fairly non-objectionable article about couples who never really talked about sex or made it a real priority experiencing periods of sexlessness, CNN quotes this bit of advice from sex therapist Laura Berman:
Berman offers at least one reason to resolve unsatisfying love lives: “Often, when you’re not having sex, your empathy and ability to connect is lower, and it’s easier to have conflict,” she says. “It amplifies (marital) problems.”
At the Berman Center in Chicago, she counsels couples on repairing their sex lives. Some advice:
• Try traditional gender roles: Men may become more sexually assertive if they feel more in control, and women may feel more desire for a mate with newfound machismo. “You don’t have to get his slippers,” explains Berman. “You just have to give him some control.” She suggests a date where the man chooses everything — her clothes, the restaurant, the food — as a starting point.
Being equals is soooooo unsexy. Remember, ladies, it’s your fault the marriage is sexless, because not letting your man control you, down to choosing what you wear, makes the baby Jesus cry. Or at least makes his wee-wee soft. And if you don’t let him control what you wear, what you eat and what you do in bed, then it’s your fault that he and his wee-wee take up with some other woman who will.
Or, you know, maybe you could learn to talk about sex and learn to ask for what you want:
• Talk about it: Couples also would benefit from simply communicating with their partners about what they want in bed. “There is no secret to hot sex,” says Klein. “Sexy lingerie and dinners out are no substitute for an honest conversation about sex.”
Is it just me, or does it seem that these two pieces of advice contradict each other? I would guess that the kind of people who are heavily invested with traditional gender roles aren’t going to be comfortable talking about sex.
Thanks to Jen for passing this along.
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