Something to raise your blood pressure today

This is about a month old, but still worth reading for its utter fuckwittery — the kind that only college newspaper columnists seem capable of accomplishing. This is a he said/she said on cheating, which basically means that there’s no way it could possibly go well, but this is even more of a trainwreck than I would have predicted. She says:

As I have previously argued, girls may be sluts in some instances, but they tend to want monogamy. Also, once into a relationship, girls are not usually the ones complaining that their boyfriends are too clingy or around too much or pay too much attention to them. Girls tend to divulge all their emotions into a single person and therefore the thought of cheating with another individual rarely crosses their minds.

Guys, on the other hand, tend to want some freedom from this barrage of emotions and feelings and often slip as a result. They tend to feel crowded and need to break out of their cage and just be a guy, which is understandable, but can be done without inserting inappropriate things into other inappropriate things.

The boundaries of the relationships themselves also tend to lend themselves to “wandering.” Men and women often have different opinions as to what constitutes a relationship. While a girl believes that she is in a committed, monogamous relationship, the guy may feel that it is merely a “friends with benefits” thing. The exclusivity question, when avoided, is a heartbreaker. Unless a girl expressly brings up the issue, guys feel that they are allowed to do whatever and whomever they please.

Girls, the guy to girl ratio in Geneseo is not helping our quest for monogamy. If you are gone for the weekend and your guy heads to the bars, he is outnumbered by women 4 to 1. This is not helping your situation in the least. Temptation in Geneseo is strong, and unfortunately men often succumb to it. Guys have very strong sexual desires, and if they get bored for a second they will go looking for it elsewhere. So, ladies, don’t allow him to get bored (wink, wink). Basically, that’s all you can do to keep him in check.

So men are pigs, and if your boyfriend cheats on you, it’s your fault for not keeping him properly entertained. Fuckwitted and unoriginal!

Now it’s the guy’s turn:

A survey of over 10,000 women worldwide found that in three days of ovulation, the small window of time in which females can conceive, they dressed in more revealing clothes, experienced more sexual fantasies, and felt more “in the mood,” than at any other time of the month. They also demonstrated the enormous tendency to cheat.

While men are often reduced to heat-seeking moisture missiles, evolutionary biologists suggest that women have two distinct strategies in looking for a mate. On one level, they are attracted to a man who is loyal and reliable, a provider or “nice guy” who is likely to stay around and help her raise a family. On another level, women are looking for a man who is of high personal and physical status, a lover or “bad boy” who is likely to give her genes the best chances of survival and reproduction in future generations.

As almost every blockbuster suggests, the best traits of the nice guy and the bad boy are rarely found in one man, but the two tiers of her mating strategy are still at work. Evolutionarily speaking, and surely on an unconscious level, women are programmed both to marry a man of means who will provide for her and her children long-term and to hook up with a man of robust genes during ovulation.

There is plenty of biological evidence to support the behavioral clues, and this evidence is contained just as much in men as it is in women. The normal volume of sperm nearly triples when a man has been away from his partner for a long period of time. And scientists have found that as little as one percent of all the sperm in ejaculate has the capacity to fertilize an egg. The other 99 percent serve as blockers or kamikazes, designed solely to attack sperm from other men.

In simple terms, every vagina is a battlefield, and it is in the woman’s best evolutionary interest to let as many sperm compete as possible. It is always possible to rise above our genes, and both men and women are responsible for their fidelity in a monogamous relationship. Nevertheless, women are more genetically programmed, and thus driven, to cheat.

“Every vagina is a battlefield” indeed. His reliance on “science” is fascinating, as it proves how fuckwittery can be bolstered by appealing to one single study that you found via Google, without context and without really understanding what the hell it means.

Congrats to the Lamron, really — you may have two of the worst college columnists out there.


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28 comments for “Something to raise your blood pressure today

  1. C.
    March 5, 2008 at 6:38 pm

    And of course, if a woman cheats, that’s just her being a huge slut. If a guy cheats, well its not his fault! He couldn’t help it! His girlfriend left him alone for too long!!

    Ugh.

  2. Linnaeus
    March 5, 2008 at 7:21 pm

    In my experience, whoever cheats in a relationship, whether the cheater is a man or a woman, straight or gay, tries to find some way to rationalize the cheating. I’ve yet to hear a rationalization that makes cheating a better idea than either 1) talking about the problem and working out some kind of solution or 2) ending the relationship.

  3. nonskanse
    March 5, 2008 at 7:27 pm

    Ah Geneseo…
    The girls at Geneseo weren’t nerdy looking engineers or snooty business majors, so the boys from nearby tech Uni all went over to Geneseo for parties…. because the ratio was much the reverse at nearby tech Uni. And you know, the techy guys liked to say the Geneseo girls “knew how to have fun”. Unlike, you know, engineer and scientist and business major girls. Gr.

    I feel bad -now- but didn’t -then- because I hated every one of them for removing such a large portion of guys from campus every week and said some very unfeminist unsupportive things especially when hot guys I was crushing on left for the weekend. Not cool.

    But the thing about the ratio and how some of the guys there have become jerks *because they can get away with it*… true. Its not those girls’ fault. :(

  4. Melody
    March 5, 2008 at 8:30 pm

    I love how he used the suggestions of “almost every blockbuster” as source material for his claims about the characteristics of men. Comic gold.

    Also, this?

    girls are not usually the ones complaining that their boyfriends are too clingy or around too much or pay too much attention to them.

    Um… the two long-term relationships I’ve had prove this so, so wrong. I’m tired of men suffocating me, ugh.

  5. little bird
    March 5, 2008 at 8:45 pm

    It’s so so so poorly written I almost want to laugh. Almost. That is, until I remember that these are real people. Real people that actually hold these opinions. And then I want to punch something and/or weep for humanity.

    Off topic but I think it should be mentioned, this is one of the same schools that was making headlines back around Halloween with regard to incidences of black face.

    http://video.yahoo.com/watch/1462284

    Way to go Geneseo!

  6. lee
    March 5, 2008 at 8:52 pm

    I go to RPI, a school were the guy to girl ratio is 4:1. In my experience, this hasn’t caused any of my friends to cheat on their boyfriends.

    Also, the first article read like it was written by a 9th grader.

  7. Kyra
    March 5, 2008 at 11:04 pm

    Also, once into a relationship, girls are not usually the ones complaining that their boyfriends are too clingy or around too much or pay too much attention to them.

    Except for the obsessive abusive types and the stalkers.

  8. Kyra
    March 5, 2008 at 11:05 pm

    Er, that’d be abusive boyfriends, etc, that I meant above; the sentence structure I used continued to use the subject from the first sentence, which is not what I wanted to say.

  9. Stay Brent
    March 5, 2008 at 11:26 pm

    Oh, sweet Jesus, I remember this article. It was the second of the “She Said/He Said “sex in the ‘seo”columns, and both of them have been astounding in their mindless stupidity. This column makes me deeply, deeply ashamed of my school paper. The editorial pages of the LAMRON tend to be the spitting grounds of the truly stupid.

    I love many things about SUNY Geneseo, but some things on campus are seriously f*cked.

  10. molly
    March 5, 2008 at 11:33 pm

    I’m a junior at Geneseo and it’s appalling to see what is written in the Lamron every week. Here’s a gem: http://media.www.thelamron.com/media/storage/paper1150/news/2007/11/29/Opinion/Blackface.Is.A.Progressive.Step-3122799.shtml

  11. HomesickFlicka
    March 5, 2008 at 11:57 pm

    “girls may be sluts in some instances, but they tend to want monogamy.”

    Uh huh. And all men just LOVE the loneliness and instability that can come with dating scene. I wish I had a beer for every time Mister HomesickFlicka moaned “I am sooooo sick of being a Bachelor” before we got serious.

    One of my best friends finally had to lay down the law with her BF and told him he better dare not try proposing again until they had been dating at least two years, because he had become annoyingly marraige happy and she’s sort of still enjoying her single life.

    My sister has at least two former boyfriends who still have myspace pages begging her to come back.

    “Also, once into a relationship, girls are not usually the ones complaining that their boyfriends are too clingy or around too much or pay too much attention to them.”

    Well, then every friend and woman in my family must be unique, because every one seems to complain about how clingly and overattentive their boyfriends/husbands can be on occasion, when all they want to do is have a beer with the girls or go read a good book or something by themselves. But then, my friends are all independent and uppity bitches with jobs, masters degrees, and self esteem.

    “Girls tend to divulge all their emotions into a single person and therefore the thought of cheating with another individual rarely crosses their minds.”

    well, if you count your Mom/Grandma/Sister/five best friends at happy hour as the “one person” girls divulge their feelings too, okay, I guess.

    And men “divulge” emotionally to different people? I know my Dad “divulges” the ears off my mom. and my BF usually spends hours “divulging” to me. He divulges us right to sleep some nights. Somehow, I don’t think he has these conversations with his best buddies. Unless their hiding their deepest emotions in the Family Guy/Simpsons/Howard Stern Quotes Secret Man Conversation Code that they talk in.

    “As almost every blockbuster suggests, the best traits of the nice guy and the bad boy are rarely found in one man,”

    Well lucky me! For managing to find a big, strapping, masculine, latin lover of a musician (a drummer no less) with whom I have hot passionate and raunchy sex, and who also happens to be nurturing, faithful to a flaw, and a family oriented guy who makes a good living and wants to set up a household with me and make babies.

    My mom also managed to get the manly man lover and the life partner in one person. And both my grandmas. So maybe that kind of luck just runs in the family.

    Sometimes, I think men just invent these stereotypes to comfort themselves. Because as long as they think women are desperate, over emotional and clingy, then it means that they (the men) can ignore their own desperation, emotions, and clingyness. And as long as they can keep up the nice guy/bad boy dichotomy, the more excuse they have to fall short of what a woman wants and needs in a man. These men are so insecure.

  12. exholt
    March 6, 2008 at 2:06 am

    As the post and other commenters have noted, both articles are basically attempts to justify and rationalize away cheating as the fault of the victim of the cheating…..rather than place the responsibility where it actually belongs IMO….on the shoulders of the cheater.

  13. Sarah
    March 6, 2008 at 7:43 am

    Vile but dull and predictable. And that’s not actually what ‘divulge’ means, is it?

  14. Torri
    March 6, 2008 at 8:14 am

    uh I’m so sick of these stereotypes never switching roles like they do in real life… I swear I have only seen one drama/comedy portray the guy was the family/marriage happy ones. Guess which show that was?
    honestly I haven’t been in that many relationships but I’ve had a guy who thought the idea of settling down with lots of rugrats was just wonderful… scared the crap outta me. I’m still dead set against having kids even after all these years.

  15. ElleBeMe
    March 6, 2008 at 9:50 am

    You know, the first piece sounded an awfully lot like how I “rationalized” things between men and women in college. After my devastating breakup from my first “true wuv” (gag…) I internalized a lot and came up with very similar ideals like this author did. I made extra pains not to be “clingy” – I made sure that my next BF wasn’t overwhelmed with ME and my emotions. Well the result was disastrous. Not only did the relationship fail, but by denying myself me being me (clingy at times, refusing to acknowledge my feelings and discuss them with then BF) I found that standard nearly impossible to live up to. Her formula on how to keep a man doesn’t work, and I can say that from experience. Instead of exploring the possiblity that the guys at her school are fu*kwits who may/may not be into a relationship she squares the fault of demised relationships on the women.

    A little more experience and a test run of her theories may show to her that she is full of it, but only she can discover that out for herself. Pity the reader who takes her seriously tho…

    Betraying your own self and always accepting fault for a failed relationship will bode ill towards any future relationships….leave your baggage at the door and be yourself. And if “he” doesn’t like it, eff him, he wasn’t worth it!

  16. SarahMC
    March 6, 2008 at 10:05 am

    Does this writer know any men and women in real life?

    I have so many girlfriends who’ve been involved with guys who were pushing them to get down and start having babies. I’m 25 and my friends are around the same age. My girlfriends were mostly put off by such over-eagerness, and those relationships all ended.

  17. Linnaeus
    March 6, 2008 at 10:37 am

    Regarding the child issue, given that my last two relationships (I’m a straight man, btw) ended because she wanted children and I didn’t, it’s heartening to hear that there are women out there that feel the same way I do. Which, of course, I knew in a general sense, but it’s encouraging to hear women themselves say it just to make it more concrete.

    Now, I just need to meet more of them…

  18. Marie
    March 6, 2008 at 11:29 am

    My name is Marie and I’m a Geneseo sophomore and a writer for the lamron.

    I just wanted everyone to know that since the publication of this article, my friends and I have been hard at work to have this column eliminated from the paper. We have written numerous letters to the editor, and are prepared, if the material continues to be of such poor quality, to go to the school administration with this matter.

    As a matter of fact, you can check out two op-eds on thelamron.com about our efforts (although they are not very heartening), as well as see our comments on the article, which includes very well-written essay about sexism (I’m not sure who authored it), and a see letter to the editor in regard to the article.

    Thanks!

  19. Heather
    March 6, 2008 at 11:55 am

    “Every Vagina is a Battlefield” sounds like the title to a bad song. Wow. Like ‘love is a battlefield’ but weirder.

    Anyway, I’ve been accused of being the friends with benefits person and not the other way around. It’s really irritating to be told that I want children by people who don’t even know me.

  20. March 6, 2008 at 1:18 pm

    “Every Vagina is a Battlefield” just brought this Onion article to mind…

  21. March 6, 2008 at 2:36 pm

    Change the time and place, and it sounds just like a 50s Good Housekeeping article: If you leave town on a trip, your husband, while dangerously alone in the suburbs, is surrounded by numerous attractive and lonely housewives! BEWARE!

    Marilyn French already covered this, and now, they are rerunning it for college newspapers? Aiyee!

  22. Gina
    March 6, 2008 at 5:02 pm

    tannenburg, that was awesome.
    as for the genseo article…it’s so sad to see how many people still buy this crap.

  23. lou
    March 6, 2008 at 5:19 pm

    “Also, once into a relationship, girls are not usually the ones complaining that their boyfriends are too clingy or around too much or pay too much attention to them.”

    Nope, those boyfriends are known as “nice guys” TM.

  24. Sarah
    March 7, 2008 at 11:07 am

    “Also, once into a relationship, girls are not usually the ones complaining that their boyfriends are too clingy or around too much or pay too much attention to them.”

    I’ve known several women who complained about exactly these things. I imagine this happens in relationships of any type. At least when you consider real people in the real world, not lazy gender stereotypes.

  25. Alex, FCD
    March 7, 2008 at 11:43 pm

    While men are often reduced to heat-seeking moisture missiles, evolutionary biologists suggest [sic] that women have two distinct strategies in looking for a mate.

    Speaking as a student of evolutionary biology, the bit the follows this sounds more like making shit up than my chosen field.

  26. A disgusted former friend
    March 10, 2008 at 1:05 pm

    I happen to (formerly) know the female writer; and after reading this article, I wish I had it prior to becoming extremely close friends with her because it would have avoided a lot of betrayl and hurt I faced from her and a certain guy.

    It all is very clear now:
    Since I did not sit down with the “guy” and talk to him about the exclusive status (in question) of our relationship, and since I “let him get bored (wink wink)” my former best friend found it her duty to have sex with him.

    It makes sense now, I wish I had known before though. And I wish I had known that merely telling my friend how deeply I cared for the guy did not put him off limits.

    Just a fun little annecdote about 1/2 of the authors of this article.
    Best of luck.

  27. casey
    March 16, 2008 at 10:29 am

    COLLEGE. You’re not doing it right.

  28. Avery
    July 17, 2008 at 12:26 pm

    This article is ridiculous.
    I am a Junior at Geneseo and I make a very large habit of NOT reading the Lamron because of things like this, however, after reading these comments I’m more than slightly offended.
    Just because the student run newspaper runs a few completely fucked articles every few weeks does not make the school any less valuable than it is. Geneseo has been constantly rising in ranks as the best public school in the country over the past 10 (or so) years. We have the best professor to student ratio and one of the safest campuses around.
    I happen to also be in a sorority and I can say that the girls here are not any sluttier or any more “fun” than any other college girl. It is not fair to have the stereotype that because we’re technically a liberal arts college we don’t work as hard as the bio or engineering majors that go to RPI, U or R, or RIT. In fact, most of my best friends are science majors and I, the lowly English major, still do more work than most of the people I know who go to ivy league schools. So, Nonskanse, if you want to insult the article that’s fine, but please don’t insult my school just because we happen to have some parties, maybe if you came to visit you would have enjoyed it too.

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