This is about a month old, but still worth reading for its utter fuckwittery — the kind that only college newspaper columnists seem capable of accomplishing. This is a he said/she said on cheating, which basically means that there’s no way it could possibly go well, but this is even more of a trainwreck than I would have predicted. She says:
As I have previously argued, girls may be sluts in some instances, but they tend to want monogamy. Also, once into a relationship, girls are not usually the ones complaining that their boyfriends are too clingy or around too much or pay too much attention to them. Girls tend to divulge all their emotions into a single person and therefore the thought of cheating with another individual rarely crosses their minds.
Guys, on the other hand, tend to want some freedom from this barrage of emotions and feelings and often slip as a result. They tend to feel crowded and need to break out of their cage and just be a guy, which is understandable, but can be done without inserting inappropriate things into other inappropriate things.
The boundaries of the relationships themselves also tend to lend themselves to “wandering.” Men and women often have different opinions as to what constitutes a relationship. While a girl believes that she is in a committed, monogamous relationship, the guy may feel that it is merely a “friends with benefits” thing. The exclusivity question, when avoided, is a heartbreaker. Unless a girl expressly brings up the issue, guys feel that they are allowed to do whatever and whomever they please.
Girls, the guy to girl ratio in Geneseo is not helping our quest for monogamy. If you are gone for the weekend and your guy heads to the bars, he is outnumbered by women 4 to 1. This is not helping your situation in the least. Temptation in Geneseo is strong, and unfortunately men often succumb to it. Guys have very strong sexual desires, and if they get bored for a second they will go looking for it elsewhere. So, ladies, don’t allow him to get bored (wink, wink). Basically, that’s all you can do to keep him in check.
So men are pigs, and if your boyfriend cheats on you, it’s your fault for not keeping him properly entertained. Fuckwitted and unoriginal!
Now it’s the guy’s turn:
A survey of over 10,000 women worldwide found that in three days of ovulation, the small window of time in which females can conceive, they dressed in more revealing clothes, experienced more sexual fantasies, and felt more “in the mood,” than at any other time of the month. They also demonstrated the enormous tendency to cheat.
While men are often reduced to heat-seeking moisture missiles, evolutionary biologists suggest that women have two distinct strategies in looking for a mate. On one level, they are attracted to a man who is loyal and reliable, a provider or “nice guy” who is likely to stay around and help her raise a family. On another level, women are looking for a man who is of high personal and physical status, a lover or “bad boy” who is likely to give her genes the best chances of survival and reproduction in future generations.
As almost every blockbuster suggests, the best traits of the nice guy and the bad boy are rarely found in one man, but the two tiers of her mating strategy are still at work. Evolutionarily speaking, and surely on an unconscious level, women are programmed both to marry a man of means who will provide for her and her children long-term and to hook up with a man of robust genes during ovulation.
There is plenty of biological evidence to support the behavioral clues, and this evidence is contained just as much in men as it is in women. The normal volume of sperm nearly triples when a man has been away from his partner for a long period of time. And scientists have found that as little as one percent of all the sperm in ejaculate has the capacity to fertilize an egg. The other 99 percent serve as blockers or kamikazes, designed solely to attack sperm from other men.
In simple terms, every vagina is a battlefield, and it is in the woman’s best evolutionary interest to let as many sperm compete as possible. It is always possible to rise above our genes, and both men and women are responsible for their fidelity in a monogamous relationship. Nevertheless, women are more genetically programmed, and thus driven, to cheat.
“Every vagina is a battlefield” indeed. His reliance on “science” is fascinating, as it proves how fuckwittery can be bolstered by appealing to one single study that you found via Google, without context and without really understanding what the hell it means.
Congrats to the Lamron, really — you may have two of the worst college columnists out there.
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