The 10 Types of Republicans

You see, Mr. Contrarian is wrong. He would never be employed at the South Park production studio. And Stan would never say “u stoopid libtard tree hugging ass clown;” that would be Cartman’s line…duh.

Agreed, meggy. The older I’ve gotten (that is, the more I’ve learned and experienced), the more liberal I’ve become. And I really can’t imagine that trend reversing itself.

Yes, we do need more moderates, and even genuinely progressive Republicans. And they do exist, in little enclaves here and there… there’s one living in my house typing on my laptop right now.

Why choose one? It’s the whole lot of them teamed up is what really makes America embarrassing!

Hattie: surely the Republican women are all dutifully slaving over the hot stoves back home (or possibly in the hospital recovering from that door that they keep bumping into)?

Bush got many of the Mr. Numbnuts Republicans to vote against their economic interests. There are few of them with the economy tanking. If McCain wins we have four more years of the Mr. Warheads.

The Minutemen are driving Hispanic voters towards the Democratic Party. Polling data I have seen showed that Hispanics helped tilt the 2006 midterm elections for Democrats. The Hispanic voting bloc is growing faster than any group. It’s political suicide for Republicans to continue to court the Minutemen vote.

I think they have the religious right guy and Mr. Numbnuts slightly wrong.

The religious right guy (what was the name again?) actually wouldn’t say the stuff in the NT about the poor is a typo. He’d say something to the effect of

Of course, treating the poor, et al., well is a paramount importance — for how we treat the poor is how we treat Jesus himself. But reasonable Christians disagree as to whether government programs like the Democrats propose or private charity as the Republicans seek to encourage is the best approach. Reasonable Christians also disagree about the death penalty, the war in Iraq, etc. However, what we all agree is that Jesus was against teh gay, abortionist agenda. So while the Democrats and Republicans can lay equal claim to my vote as a Christian and I may even agree with the Democrats more on economic issues than I do with the Republicans on those issues, I can, in good faith, vote for Republicans as their views are not inconsistent with Christian notions of charity to the poor — they just have a different point of view as to how best to deal with the poor, that’s all. OTOH, I cannot in good faith vote for a bunch of gay marriage and abortion loving Democrats.

Anyway and more fundamentally, as a Christian, I accept St. Paul’s critique of legalism. And the Democrats are all about trying to have government and laws solve all our problems while the GOP realizes that what we need to do is make sure everyone is “moral” and virtuous and then people will do the right things so we don’t need laws and a good tree always produces good fruit. Governments have all sorts of stupid rules (like making me fill out my tax return when they know darn well how much money they owe me … and like having stupid speed traps so the cops can pull me over, humiliate me and then take my money) and the Dems. are all about even more stupid government while the GOP is anti-government and only wants to legislate God’s laws, so they really should get my vote as a Christian

The distinction here is subtle but important. On the one hand, we will never win the votes of these people as unless we 100% abandon social liberalism (which will be seen as “the Democrats abandoned their point of view to win the votes of us ‘morals’ voters? I guess they really didn’t believe in social liberalism after all, so why should we people of faith vote for people who are such nihilists they don’t have no beliefs” anyway). On the other hand, we need people who are not Bible thumpers but who have righty-tighty Bible thumping friends to hear the Bible thumpers say “I’ll never vote Dem. because they are the party of gay marriage and abortion, but they are right about national security and economics issues.” The GOP gets voters because “even the liberal media says the Dems. are too moonbatty about issue X”. We can get voters because “even my friend Mr. Biblethumper thinks the GOP is wrong and the Dems. are right about issue Y”.

But how are the Democrats being right about those issues? Part of the problem is the media which takes the agenda of a certain class which likes to fancy themselves as social liberals (even if they are regressive by our standards) but which is economically quite reactionary — so they don’t want to talk about economic liberalism but rather only about teh hawt sex which, frankly, is more fun to talk about.

But part of the problem is — how are Dems. really distinguishing themselves on economic issues? On national security issues? Religious nuts get annoyed at airport security lines (if anything Christian religious nuts get more frustrated than the rest of us with stupid laws and rules because they accept Paul’s criticism of legalism — c.f. supra). Religious nuts need to pay the bills. But what are the Democrats doing so that religious nuts would say “I won’t vote Dem, but they are right to try and change the stupid liquids rule”?

As to Mr. Numbnuts — it isn’t just that he’s distracted. He thinks that the Dems. don’t care about his rights but only about the rights of gay married swarthy people to have abortions. And he figures the Dems. will raise his taxes. The issue with him is to break through the noise machine and make him realize that the Dems. stand for everyone’s rights. But how to do this, I don’t know.

Yeah, it was funny and got some points across and all, but I think it sucks when people who are supposedly progressive forget about huge chunks of the population. “The Dems stand for everyone’s rights”? Some of them do. So number 11: Mrs. Antifeminist works against rights for women so men will approve of her.

Oh god, the “Frat Boy” types are everywhere here. And I hate them!
May I propose a few additions to the list? Randroid (self-explanatory), Social Studies Failure (like the douchebag who wrote this oh-so-brilliant piece of fuckwittery I came across earlier today), Potential Liberal (usually young and very naive, has spent entire life repeating what their rich, conservative parents/their church has been telling them, can’t explain for the life of them why they believe so when questioned) and, of course, the Angry White Male.

Encounter the children of Mr. Moneybags regularly from undergrad to the present. Amusing how these kids seem to think the world revolves around them and that they know more about life and the world than everyone else solely because their loaded parents are providing them with an effective handout.

As for Lazer’s “social-studies failure”….I’d modify that to “narrow-minded pre-professional mercenary”…seen too many of those among classmates in high school, workplace, and in grad school. Most common quote from them “Why should I study (insert any art/humanities/social science field/course)?!! It is of no use to my future career!!”

Frankly, I’m embarrassed that this site’s level of political discourse has sunk to seriously discussing the most (literally) cartoonish stereotypes as though they were a real political argument.

Definitely true, exholt. I find that so many of the people who accuse me of going into a “useless” field, instead of engineering, science, etc. are the types who vote Conservative.

While my experience with people who say that largely matches your own, I’ve known a fair amount of liberals and moderate/centrists who have also accused me of majoring in the “useless” field of History. What’s more funny is that some of the criticisms come from other arguably “useless” social science majors….especially poli-sci and econ majors.*

When they also find I have a strong professional competence and interest in computer technology/IT as well….the reactions I observed tend to be ones appropriate to encountering extraterrestrials from outer space. This was especially true among CS/IT people who find it quite puzzling someone who majored in a “useless field” can not only hold their own…but even outperform CS/IT majors in the workplace. A fellow undergrad classmate of mine is not only a better example of this as an IT manager….she majored in what many considered an even more “useless” field than mine….English Lit.

There is one field whose majors my CS/IT friends could agree on teasing….business majors. From my experience as a freelance academic tutor and in the workplace….they tend to require the most academic help and seem to be in constant need of rescue by everyone else to clean up their professional f%&k-ups. Did I mention that it is a very popular major for Conservatives/Republican students who don’t really have a good idea of what they really want to do “when they grow up”?

If you combine Contrarian, Mr. NRA, and Mr. Frat into one lovely cesspool of a human being, you’ve captured the essence of the Republican male population of my university.

Although, they should have added “Republican in Hiding”. Because I honestly don’t have an explanation for the amount of idiots that style themselves as liberals and like to publish sexist and/or racist trash other than they figured that Republicans aren’t cool anymore.

By “They aren’t doing anything wrong” I’m referring to the immigrants…