i appreciate fake meat (even though it’s usually not so meaty) primarily because you never run into gristle or other random grossness you might find in real meat

I like gristle. However, I admit to once buying a box of the Trader Joe’s Buffalo “chicken” nuggets and eating the whole thing when I got home. All I really need out of a food item that’s meant to carry blue cheese dressing and hot sauce is fat and crunch.
I also like fake-meat breakfast sausage patties for making breakfast sandwiches. As for fat-free cheese, I suppose I could eat it if I had to, but I would have to follow it with a glass of cream or eggs fried in butter to take the taste away.

“American” cheese is what a Canadian would call processed cheese, right? Like Kraft Singles slices? That is an abomination, the smell and sight of which make me nauseated. It’s what kids often get fed instead of proper cheese, and I find that to be alimentary abuse.

Yep…that’s the abominable “cheese” I referred to above. And yes, from first grade till high school the cafeterias would serve it in quantity. Feeding schoolkids that stuff is abuse…..though many of my classmates will dispute us on that….including one college classmate whose fondness for melted cheese sandwiches using kraft singles knew no bounds. The odor permeated his entire presence.

Also, never cared for diet sodas as they’ve always had this indescribable funky aftertaste. If one wants to drink sweet carbonated beverages….may as well go all the way.

Fake meats and tofu, however, are another matter. If done right, they are wonderful culinary delights…especially when washed down with a wonderful glass of soybean milk from an Asian supermarket and maybe accompanied with a dish of red bean or mango ice cream. :)

if you don’t want the fat/sugar, why not just drink water and eat a sandwich (or whatever) without cheese?

Because I want the caffeine, and coffee makes me queasy. And because the sugar rots your teeth. (My dentist actually told me that if I was unable to kick the soda habit, diet was better than regular. Not that it’s that much better what with the acids, but still.)

However, I do like certain kinds of fake meat. Some are really gross, granted. But Morningstar Chik’n Strips is actually among my favorite foods. I also like veggie burgers and Morningstar fake bacon. But I usually don’t think of these things as meat substitutes. I used to not understand the idea of eating fake meat when you’re a vegetarian, but I don’t like seitan and I get tired sometimes of tofu, and I found a few years ago that I wanted more protein in my diet (I’ve been vegetarian for about 17 years). Hence, fake chicken. But the veggie coldcuts are repulsive, it’s true.

Plus, it and Cheese Whiz are both packaged as ‘Processed Cheese Food’ and anything that has to specify that it is food? Isn’t.

What pisses me off today is that I’m building up an impressive cold. I’m gonna pick up my bf and his family in the airport tonight, and I can hardly see straight right now. Great, I miss him, we have a long weekend together and I feel like crap. Bloody perfect timing. Blah!

Guy behind the counter: So, what do you want, diet something?

Me: Why do you think I want diet something?

Him: Well, women are always on diets.

True story: I worked in a Cracker Barrel that fired a server because when a fat customer asked what kind of salad dressing we had, she only mentioned the fat-free options.

I loved my manager.